It's All in Your Mind (13 page)

The boys all climbed into Brendan's bed while I chose a book to read to them. It was no surprise when I picked
Misty of Chincoteague
, because I always selected a story about horses. But the boys were thrilled. They always were.

As I read the story of Paul and his sister Maureen's determination to have a pony from the herd on
Chincoteague Island, the boys were as quiet as butterflies. Soon they were nodding off. I nudged Daniel and Stephan to their own beds. All three boys were asleep by the time I turned out the light and tiptoed out of the room.

The house was clean and tidy, so I didn't feel as if I had to do any housework. I decided to watch television.
Father Knows Best
was on. I liked the show, especially the oldest daughter, Betty. I thought her brother Bud was cute, but I wished they'd let the younger sister, Kathy, grow up a little bit. She was getting too old for ponytails and smocked dresses with puffy sleeves.

A few minutes into the show, the doorbell rang. I turned off the television and hurried to the door. I knew better than to open the door to a stranger, so I peeked out a window first. It was Nolan!

I opened the door. "What on earth—"

"You told me you'd be babysitting for Mrs. Kukk. I just looked up the name in the phone book, and here I am."

"Oh!" Beyond that, I was speechless.

"Aren't you going to ask me in?" Before I could answer, he stepped inside, closed the door behind him, and put his arms around me.

"Nolan, I think—" My words were smothered by his lips.  My knees went weak from the warm sweetness of his mouth and my fear that the boys would come tumbling down the stairs and see us.

"Let's go in there and sit down," Nolan said, indicating the sofa in the living room.

"Oh. Um. Wait!"

"Why?" Nolan raised an eyebrow.

"Because ... because I have something for you in the kitchen. In my purse. My purse is in the kitchen." I was rambling, but I couldn't help it.

"How did you guess that I'd show up here?"

"I ... I didn't. I just ... put something in my purse so I'd have it the next time I saw you." I grabbed his hand and led him into the kitchen. I dug my wallet out of my purse, and pulled out my picture. "I ... I hope you like it."

"Cute. Thanks." Nolan stuck the picture in his shirt pocket. "Next time, how 'bout a sexy pose in a swimsuit?" He gathered me into his arms and held me snugly. "Now then, where were we?"

Before I could say a word, he covered my mouth with a kiss. It sent my stomach into a wild swirl, but fear twisted around my heart. What if someone caught us here? I would be grounded until the next century!

Suddenly, the doorbell rang!

Oh, no! What if it was Mrs. Kukk? Maybe she forgot her key! Or maybe a snoopy neighbor had seen Nolan come in the house. I pulled away from Nolan. "Quick! Go! Out the back door!"

Nolan shook his head. "I'm not going to run away. I went out of my way to come see you tonight."

"At least hide," I whispered, as the doorbell rang a second time. "Duck behind the kitchen counter!"

"Oh, all right," Nolan said, but his nose wrinkled up in disgust.

I tried to swallow a dry lump in my throat as I tiptoed to the front window to peek out. Oh, let it be a door-to-door salesman, someone I could easily get rid of! I peeped through the curtains. It was Elga, Mrs. Kukk's assistant at the store. What on earth could she want?

I opened the door, stepped onto the front step, and pulled the door until it was almost closed behind me. "Elga! Hi! I'm babysitting! How can I help you?" I knew I sounded frantic, but I couldn't help it.

"This is for Mrs. Kukk," Elga said, her voice showing no sign of suspicion as she handed me two ledgers. "I stayed a little late doing some bookkeeping and inventory at the store, and I know Mrs. Kukk is anxious to take a look at it. She's taking the boys into New Haven to the Peabody Museum tomorrow, so she asked me to drop these off here so she wouldn't have to stop at the store with the boys."

"Oh! Thank you! How nice of you!"
Now please leave!

"It was no trouble. It's on my way home. I would have brought
them around earlier, but I went out for a pizza after work with some friends and we got to gabbing." Elga let out a gentle laugh. "You know how that is."

"Yes! Yes! I know how that is! Thank you! For the
ledgers!" I took a step back, hoping she would take the hint.

"Well, you must have your hands full with the boys," Elga said. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight!" Waves of acid crashed in my stomach. I placed the ledgers on the hall table so I'd be sure to mention them to Mrs. Kukk, and I hurried into the kitchen. "Nolan?"

"Boo!" He popped up from behind the counter.

"Eeek!" I almost jumped out of my clothes. "Nolan, don't scare me like that."

"I didn't scare you." Nolan walked out from behind the counter. "I have better things in mind." He put his arm firmly around my waist and wound a hand in my hair. "Let's see, before that doorbell rang, we were headed for the sofa."

I drew back and leaned against the kitchen wall. "Nolan. Please. You must go."

He shot a cold look at me. "It's bad enough you wanted me to hide behind the counter. Now you want me to leave? You should know I was careful. You should know I wouldn't do anything to hurt you."

"I-I-I ...." I tried to control my confused emotions. "Nolan. Please." I reached out and touched his arm. He didn't pull it away. "If I got caught with you here, I'd be in
so
much trouble. I wouldn't be able to see you for the longest time."

Nolan rolled his eyes. But then he smiled and patted my shoulder. "I wouldn't want to get my woman in trouble." He pulled me close, and I let myself rest my cheek against his chest. For just that moment I didn't care what happened. Nolan brushed a gentle kiss across my forehead, then brought his lips down to my mouth. He slid one hand down my shoulder and ran it lightly over my breast. I felt a warm, scary glow.

Nolan pulled away. "I'd better go."

I couldn't move. I knew he should go. I wanted him to go. And yet, I didn't want him to.

Nolan pushed a tendril of hair off my face. "I'll call."

He kissed me again. The warmth of his lips lingered on mine as I whispered, "Goodbye."

He slipped out the back door, into the shadows. A minute or so later, I heard the sound of his motorcycle. I realized now I hadn't heard it when he arrived, and hadn't seen it in the street. He must have parked a block or so away. It made my heart sing to know he
had
been careful.

I tried to watch television, but I couldn't sit still. Though the house was clean and tidy, I did a little dusting anyway, humming as I worked. I realized now that Nolan had wanted so much to see me that he had actually gone to the trouble of tracking me down. He couldn't have known that his presence here would be a problem for me. It's no wonder he didn't understand when I asked him to hide. But he
did
hide, even though doing so embarrassed him. He did it for
me
.

Mrs. Kukk got home a little before ten. She was happy to see the
ledgers that Elga had brought over. "Oh, good, I can look at them tonight."

She paid me and, and then the phone rang. "It's for you, Vija." Mrs. Kukk's brow wrinkled with concern.

Was it Nolan? I would have to careful what I said. "Hello?"

"Vija, it's Karl. We're at the hospital. Papa had a heart attack."

Chapter Eight

I stared at the wall. "Papa?"

"I didn't want you to come home to an empty house and not know what was happening."

"Oh, no! Is he—?"

"We haven't heard anything yet. I'll call you again when there's some news."

"I-I'll be home in a few minutes. You can call me there."

"Okay. I have to go be with Mama."

The instant I hung up Mrs. Kukk asked what was wrong. I quickly explained.

"I'll drive you to the hospital!"

"No, no, you can't leave the boys, and it would be too much to take them. I ... I'll just run home."

I stepped out into the purple dusk and hurried down the front walk.

"I'll say a prayer," Mrs. Kukk called after me.

I started running. Just like in a nightmare my legs pumped up and down like pistons, but I felt as if I were not getting anywhere. What was a short stroll on the way over seemed like miles now. I decided not to go all the way to the end of the block. If I crossed now, I could cut through Mr. Yacko's yard. Just as I dashed into the street, a car whizzed around the corner. It screeched to a halt just a few inches from me.

"Vija?" I heard the driver say. It was Joel.

"In hurry
... my Papa ... I have to—"

"Hop in!" Joel opened the passenger door.

I jumped inside and quickly told Joel about Papa. We were almost to my house when Joel said, "Why don't I just take you to the hospital?"

"Oh, Joel I couldn't ask you to
—would you?"

"We're on our way." He turned around in our driveway and headed for
Central Hospital. Though it took only minutes, it felt like hours. Joel kept telling me everything would be all right, everything would be all right. I tried to believe him, as I clasped and unclasped my hands. When we got there he pulled up to the door. "You go on in. I'll park the car and find you."

"Thanks!" I rushed inside to the front desk. "My Papa. Aivars Skable. I must see him!"

"Just a moment," the woman in a green and white smock said with crisp authority. She checked a clipboard. "He's in CCU. Third floor west." She pointed down the hall. "Take the second elevator and stop at the desk on that floor."

"Thank you!" I flew down the hall and pressed the elevator button. I could see the hand above the door moving from the fourth floor to the third to the second, and, finally, to the first. There was a delay, and finally the door opened. One person got off. I dashed in and pressed 3. The door closed, ever-so-slowly. I grasped the rail on the back wall. I hated elevators. I was always sure they would get stuck and I would be trapped. I checked
for an alarm button and a phone box. They were there, right where they were supposed to be.

The elevator slid past the second floor. When it finally rose to the third floor there was a
ding
and what seemed like an interminable wait before the doors opened. I zipped out into the hall and looked for the desk. It was just to my left.

"Hello, I'm looking for Aivars Skable!" I tried to shake the fearful images forming in my mind.

The nurse at the desk looked through some files. "The doctors are with him. It will be a while. You may take a seat over there." She pointed to a grouping of chairs around a small table, and there were Mama and Karl—and Caprice.

I hurried over. "How is Papa?"

"Vija!" Mama flew out of her chair and hugged me. "We don't know. We've heard nothing!" She trembled. Her face was pale.

"Let's sit, Mama.
" I guided her back to her seat and took one across from her. Though I wasn't sure I could sit still, I thought it would be better for Mama if we all tried to stay calm.

"How did you get here so quickly?" Karl asked.

"Joel drove me." I'd almost forgotten about Joel. "He-he's parking his car."

"Everything will be okay, Vija." Caprice reached over and patted my hand. "You'll see. Your father will be fine."

"Yes. Thank you. Of course he will." I hoped for Mama's sake that I sounded more confident than I felt.

After that, we waited in silence until Joel showed up, the rims of two cups in each hand pinched between his thumbs and index fingers. He held them out for us to take. "Here, I thought you might need something to drink, so I got some soda from a machine I found on the first floor."

I took a cup and gulped at it. I hadn't realized how dry my throat was. When I was done with the soda, I sucked on some of the ice. It was then I noticed that Joel hadn't gotten any soda for himself. Maybe he didn't want any. Or maybe he hadn't counted on Caprice being there any more than I had. But seeing the darts of worry in her eyes for Mama and Karl and me, I understood that she was part of the family now. Maybe she always had been, from the first day I brought her to our house. I guess I would get used to that.

Off and on, we made attempts at small talk. But mostly there was a disquieting silence. Without anyone asking, Joel made several trips to the soda machine. The soda not only soothed our dry lips, it gave us something to do.

Finally, I saw a doctor coming down the hall. He headed straight to Mama. She stood, her back straight and stiff as a rake, bracing herself for the news.

The doctor's voice sounded calm, reassuring. I didn't understand everything he said, but he did indicate that the heart attack was not severe or prolonged. Mama flinched when the doctor said that many patients died within the first few minutes after the onset of symptoms. The doctor took her hand and explained that thereafter each hour, each day the chances for a good recovery increased. He squeezed Mama's hand. "That's good news for your husband."