It's All in Your Mind (5 page)

"I've got to get you back to your car, then I need to go to my pad, then it's an hour's drive up there."

"Fine. It was just a suggestion."

"Let's just go, okay," Nolan said. "I'm in a hurry."

"Sure." I wanted to explain, to make Nolan understand that I wasn't trying to force him to do anything. "Listen, don't be mad. All I—"

"What do you mean, mad?"

"Oh. I'm sorry, I thought you were ...." I let my voice trail off. Obviously, Nolan had misunderstood me when I mentioned the flower exhibit, and I'd misunderstood when he said he wanted to leave. He was just in a hurry. That's all. Not angry, just in a hurry. "Nothing," I said. I tried to laugh it off. "I don't know what I mean!"

To my great relief, Nolan laughed and said. "You need a keeper." He ruffled my hair. "Now let's go!" He grabbed my hand and started running.

With my bag of prizes banging against my leg, I struggled to keep up with him as we laughed and ran all the way back to the motorcycle. As we zoomed back to Nicki's, I leaned into every curve the way Nolan said I should.

When we pulled into the parking lot, Nolan hopped off the bike, took my hand as I dismounted, grabbed my bag of prizes, and put his arm around my waist as he walked me to my car. Once there, he handed me the prize bag. "Here you are."

"Thanks." I held up my hand with the huge fake diamond ring. "This is the best prize."

"Just don't try to pawn it."

"Oh! I'd never ...," I started to say, before Nolan interrupted with a dry chuckle and I realized he'd been joking. "Well ... I had a wonderful time this afternoon."

"Yeah," said Nolan. "It's been cool. Say, why don't you give me your phone number. Seems only fair, since you have mine."

He wanted my phone number! "S-sure." My hands trembled as I fumbled in my purse for a pen and a scrap of paper. I wrote down my number. "H-here you go."

"Thanks." Nolan took the piece of paper and stuffed it in his shirt pocket. Then he took my face in his hands and pressed his lips against mine. "Later."

He turned and walked away.

"Bye!" I called after him as I waved to the back of his head. My mouth was still warm from his kiss as I stood and watched him buzz away on his motorcycle.

"Well. Fancy meeting you here, Vija Skalbe."

I turned and looked up into the freckly face of Joel the Genius. His tomato-red hair looked brighter than usual in the afternoon sun. "Hi, Joel. W-what are you doing here?"

He held up a brown bag. "Meatball grinders. My mother's teaching my sister's Pollywog swim lessons this month, so my mission is to pick up supper on the way home. I'm caddying over at the Monroe Country Club, and this was an easy stop. What are you doing here?"

I wondered if he'd seen Nolan kissing me. "Oh, I, uh, I went to the Sachem Town Fair. A, um, friend drove. I just left my car here."

"Really?" Joel cocked his head to one side.

"Yes!" I held up the bag. "Look at all my prizes!"

Joel raised an eyebrow. "That's quite a haul. Nice ring, too. When's the wedding?"

"The wedding? Oh. Ha, ha! Good one, Joel!" I babbled. "Well. I'd better be going."

"Me, too. I don't want dinner to get cold." He tapped the sack of meatball grinders.

"Right! Ha, ha! Bye!" With that, I hopped in my car and shut the door before I could possibly make myself look any more hysterical. I took a few deep breaths to calm myself until Joel rattled off in his old clunker. I remembered him saying something in math class about paying twenty-five dollars for it because it wouldn't even start. A lot of the guys razzed him, saying he'd thrown his money away. Well, the car wasn't much to look at, but obviously he'd gotten it to run.

When I got home, Mama and Papa were just sitting down to dinner.

"Hi, Vija," Mama said. "How was the beach?"

"The beach? Oh, the beach! Well, um, I discovered there was a Town Fair over in Sachem, so I went there instead. Look at all my prizes!" I held the bag open so Mama and Papa could see.

"You won all that?" Papa asked.

"I ... er ... it's all mine!"

"Congratulations," said Mama. "Now wash your hands. We were just getting ready to start dinner without you."

"Oh. Dinner. Gee. I'm not all that hungry."

"Not hungry?" Dad's eyebrows shot up. "But it's sausage and sauerkraut night!"

"I had a lot to eat at the fair."

"I see," Mama said.

I couldn't quite read the look on her face. Was she suspicious? Did she somehow know I'd been with a guy, that'd we'd kissed? How could she know!

"Well, I hope you didn't waste a lot of money. It's hard enough to come by."

I gulped. I certainly couldn't tell her I hadn't spent anything at all, that Nolan had paid for everything. Then she'd want to ask about Nolan, and, though I knew all I needed to know for now, I wouldn't have all the answers. "I didn't spend much. Really. Um, I'm kind of ... sweaty. I'm going to take a shower."

"We'll save you some sausage for tomorrow," Papa said. "You can have a sausage sandwich!"

"Thanks, Papa." I had to smile at his concern that I get a share of the sausage. Up in my room, I tried to decide where to put all the prizes Nolan had won for me. I wasn't going to take down any of my ceramic horses from the shelf. I'd worked hard to save up to buy them, and I cherished each one. I'd started collecting them once I'd reached the point where I realized I'd never get the real horse that I wanted. I eventually understood that not only could we not afford to buy or feed a horse, but that we had no place to keep one.

I decided, finally, to put some of the prizes on my window sill. The stuffed animals I placed on my bed. I took off the diamond ring and put it in a small wood
en box for special belongings that I kept in my dresser. The old coins, pretty rocks, preserved flowers and such suddenly didn't look so special next to the ring. I picked up the "diamond" and slipped it on my finger for a moment, then placed it back in the box.

It was still early after I showered. I thought about calling Nolan, but then I remembered he was singing up in
Hartford. I wished he had invited me to go with him, even  though I would have had to say no.  Hartford was just too far away. I'd get home much too late. But he ... he probably thought I'd be lonely just sitting by myself in the audience while he was performing.

I decided to call Caprice and tell her all about my day with Nolan. When her mother answered the phone, I could hear music and laughter in the background. Mrs. Moreau was always having parties. Caprice's home life was so much more colorful than mine.

"Hi, Mrs. Moreau. This is Vija, may I speak to Caprice?"

"Oh, hello, Vija, how are you? I'm sorry, Caprice is working tonight." The party noise grew louder, and Mrs. Moreau raised her voice. "She doesn't get off until nine! Shall I have her call you?"

"No, that's okay," I said. "Thanks, anyway."

"
Au revoir
!" said Mrs. Moreau, and then there was a click.

I checked my watch. I figured Caprice would have a break soon, so I hurriedly dressed, slipped the diamond ring on my finger and rushed downstairs.  Mama and Papa were in the living room. Mama was crocheting a sweater for a neighbor's baby and Papa was rewiring the floor lamp next to his favorite chair.  Many times they'd told me,
"
Idle hands are the devil's playground
," and they lived by that motto. I hid my hands behind my back to hide my ring. "I'm going over to Shopsave to see Caprice."

Dad glanced up from his rewiring job. "Okay. Say hello to her for us."

"Just don't stay out too late," Mama said.

I let out a loud sigh. "Yes,
Mama."

Mom shot me a
don't-give-me-that-tone-of-voice
look, but she didn't say anything. I flashed a big smile as I left. Once, in rare moment of brotherly advice that was actually useful, Karl told me that a smile went a long way with Mama. Of course, I think his boyishly charming smile worked better than my tight-lipped version, and he knew better than to let out a sigh of exasperation in the first place. But my smile worked reasonably well for me when I remembered to use it.

It was such a sultry evening that I decided to walk to Shopsave. As I walked, a few questions started to nag at me about Nolan. Nothing major, and more about me, I suppose, than
him. I was so ignorant about relationships with guys, since I'd never really had one. I just needed Caprice to ... reassure me that ... that everything was okay, that I really shouldn't be bothered by stuff like Nolan talking about old girlfriends, for example. I mean, I was sure there was really no reason to worry. As Nolan said, I probably was just too sensitive.

I slowed my steps when I saw the red neon glow of the Shopsave sign. Tiny pellets of sweat trickled down my forehead. I took a deep breath and wiped off the sweat with the back of my hand. Just because I'd never talked to Caprice about a guy before was no reason to be nervous.

I marched inside. The sudden hit of air-conditioning turned my arms to shafts of goosebumps. I affected a casual manner as I scanned the check-out counters searching for Caprice. I spotted her at number five. I wondered if I should buy something and go through her line as an excuse to talk to her, or just go to the end of her counter. I decided to go to her counter. If it looked as if she couldn't talk, I could always find something to buy.

I got there just as Caprice was counting out change to Mrs. Kowalsky, our sixth grade teacher. Mrs. Kowalsky saw me and said, "Well, hello, Vija. Two former students in one night!"

"Hi, Mrs. Kowalsky." It amazed me that she recognized us.

"You girls, take care now!"

Caprice and I nodded. "Goodbye." It was the perfect opportunity for me to say something to Caprice. "I'd like to talk to you."

She looked at her watch. "Perfect timing. My break's in ten minutes. Meet me around by the back door."

"Great. Thanks!" I went to the magazine aisle and browsed through Photoplay for a few minutes. I gazed at a color picture of James Garner in his "Maverick" outfit. He was
so
handsome. I quickly flipped past the photos from
Some Like It Hot
of Marilyn Monroe sitting on the edge of a train berth in nothing but a black negligee. By then it was almost time to meet Caprice.

I went outside and walked around back. When I got there, Caprice was leaning against the wall sneaking a smoke.

"I thought you were trying to quit smoking," I said.

"I was. But the manager's been a complete
crab tonight. I need to cool it before I explode."

Having never smoked I was not sure how lighting something and sticking in your mouth relieved stress, but that was none of my business. I wanted to talk about Nolan, if I could just get up my nerve.

"So, what happened with you and Nolan?" Caprice asked. "Are you gonna go out with him?" She exhaled and blew three smoke rings into the air.

I watched them drift, expand, and disappear. "Actually," I said as the last smoke ring vanished, "I already did."

"You did?"
Caprice's eyebrows inched up, as if she didn't believe me.

"Yes. We had coffee at Nicki's, then went to the Sachem Town Fair," I said nonchalantly. "We spent the entire afternoon together."

"Really?" Caprice tried to sound skeptical, but I detected a trace of envy in her voice.

All my doubts and nagging questions flew right out of my head. Caprice, jealous of
me
. Imagine! "Yes. Really."

"So how come you're not with him now?" Caprice's eyes narrowed to slits.

"He's
performing
up in Hartford tonight." Then, before Caprice could ask any more questions, it occurred to me to hold out my hand and flash the big "diamond" ring under Caprice's nose. "By the way, Nolan gave me this."

"A toy ring?" Caprice snorted, trying to dismiss the significance. "Cute."

"Of course, at this point Nolan can't afford a real diamond. It's sort of a ... friendship ring." I tossed off a small laugh, amazed at my sudden ability to think on my feet. "Kind of a private thing just between the two of us."

"You sly thing. I didn't realize you were such a fast mover." Caprice was being sarcastic, but there was a touch of admiration mixed in there too.

I feigned a modest look, then blew on my nails and rubbed them on my shirt, the way we did in sixth grade when we did something we thought was great.

Caprice laughed. "Well, time's up. Thanks for stopping by with your big news. It was a nice break from work."

"Glad I could be of service," I joked. I could see that Caprice was trying to act as if my news really was nothing more than just "a nice break from work." But she was impressed!

Whatever tiny doubts and questions I might have had about Nolan no longer mattered. Caprice was envious, I could tell, and she knew a lot about guys. Besides, the magic of my emotions with him, how he made me feel excited and nervous and goosebumpy
—things I'd always wanted to feel—that's what counted.