It's a Waverly Life (19 page)

Sweet holy mother of Jesus.

I had to hide.

In the darkness all I could see was an enormous tree in his neighbor’s yard, about ten feet away. I made a run for it and flattened myself against its back side. The trunk was big enough to shield my entire body.

Breathing deeply, I held my arms tightly against my chest and prayed Jake wouldn’t see me. Or hear me.

A moment later I heard footsteps. Jake was walking along the side of the house to check out the scene. Then I heard the click of high heels on the cement.

“What was it?” a female voiced asked. She sounded a bit scared.

“I’m not sure. I think maybe a raccoon.”

A raccoon!
I thought.
Yes! Please think it was a raccoon!

“What are those?” the female voice asked.

“What are what?”

“Right there, on the ground. Are those flowers?”

I looked down at my hands, one of which was holding my purse. The other was holding half of a tattered bouquet of hyacinths.

Oh no.

“Stay here,” I heard Jake say.

Then I heard footsteps on the grass.

They grew louder as he approached the tree.

“Is someone there?” he said tentatively. His voice sounded so close.

I didn’t speak and didn’t breathe. All I could bring myself to do was close my eyes.

Then I heard footsteps again, walking around the huge tree.

“Waverly?”

I opened my eyes, and there he was, standing right in front of me. The look on his face was a combination of confusion and surprise.

I tried to smile. “Surprise?” I whispered.

“What are you doing here?”

“Now
that
is a great question.”

He opened his mouth to speak, but before he could say anything, the woman’s voice called out from the side of the house. “Jake? Are you okay?”

He held a finger to his lips. “Don’t move,” he said softly.

The sound of his voice faded as he approached the side of the house, so I couldn’t tell what he was saying. A few moments later, I heard two sets of footsteps heading toward the front yard.

I didn’t know what to do, so I just stood there and waited. Was he coming back? Was he mad at me? What was going on? I was tempted to pull out my phone and call McKenna, but I knew that would only make the situation worse. I slid down the side of the tree and sat down on the ground. The grass was damp, but I didn’t care. My coat was probably ruined from my fall anyway. My knees hurt, and I wondered how badly I’d scraped them underneath my jeans.

After what seemed like a long time, I heard the sound of a car door opening and shutting, then a car driving away. A single pair of footsteps came back around the side of the house.

“Okay, Marco Polo, you can come out now,” Jake said.

I stood up and wiped the grass off my backside as I emerged from behind the tree.

“Hi there.” I waved nervously at him. “Fancy running into you here.”

“What are you doing here?” I could tell he wasn’t angry, just curious.

I looked at the remnants of my broken bouquet, the memory of my carefully prepared speech also shattered. “I came to say I’m sorry.” I held the flowers up. “Hyacinths mean I’m sorry.”

“Sorry for what?”

“For everything, I guess.” I smiled, but I could feel tears slowly forming in the corner of my eyes.

“Let’s go talk inside.” He gestured toward the house. “It’s cold out here.”

I followed him to the front door, but I couldn’t bring myself to keep quiet for long. “I got your roses, but not until the day after I was on
The Today Show
.”

He didn’t say a word. He pulled out his keys to unlock the door, then held it open for me. I took a step inside and spoke again.

“I’m so sorry for the mix-up. And I’m so sorry for your sister. I’m so sorry for…everything.”

He passed through the foyer and turned on a floor lamp, still not saying anything.

The silence was killing me. I felt a few tears trickling down my cheeks.

He turned to face me, and behind him I noticed a big suitcase in the hallway. I wondered exactly how long he’d been back in town.

“Jake? Will you please say something?”

For a moment he stood still.

And then my dreams were answered.

He hugged me.

“You came all the way to Atlanta to tell me you’re sorry?” he said softly.

I nodded through my tears. “I’m so sorry.”

He smoothed my hair and held me close. “It’s okay,” he whispered. “It’s okay.”

I closed my eyes and leaned against him, so relieved to be in his arms again. I inhaled deeply to take in the scent of his skin, but quickly stopped at the unfamiliarity of it.

He smelled like…perfume.

I stiffened.

“Jake?”

“Yes?”

“Tonight, were you…on a date?” I kept my eyes closed tight, not really wanting to know the answer.

He smoothed my hair again but didn’t say anything.

“Jake?”

“It’s complicated.”

My heart sank.

“Is she…is she the girl in the picture?”

“What picture?”

“The picture on your mantel. The one with…your whole family?”

He broke our embrace and walked toward the living room. He took off his coat, then sat on the couch and leaned forward, putting his elbows on his knees. I followed him and took a seat, next to him but not touching him.

He looked at the mantel, then at me.

“Yes,” he finally said.

“Oh.” I hoped he couldn’t see the strain in my face. “Is she…is she the girl you took to Cynthia and Dale’s wedding last year?”

“Yes.”

I swallowed.

“Her name is Holly. Our families were friends growing up.”

“But you dated her?”

“On and off.”

“And…now?”

He sighed. “She’s been a good friend to me, especially lately, with everything that’s been going on with my sister, because she knows my family so well. So we’ve been…talking.”

I could feel a lump forming in my throat.

“She lives in Atlanta?”

“She does now.”

“Oh.”

I probably didn’t have the right to ask the next question, but I did anyway.

“Are you…getting back together?”

He looked at the ceiling.

“That isn’t something we’ve talked about.”

“Do you think she wants to?”

He hesitated a moment before answering.

“Yes.”

“Do…you want to?” I whispered.

“I don’t want to have this conversation right now. It’s late, and I have a lot to do tonight.”

I tried to smile. “I guess I don’t have very good timing.”

“I’ll give you that,” he said, sort of laughing.

I reached over and put my hand on his arm. “What I said on
The Today Show
wasn’t true.”

He didn’t respond.

“About those dates I’d been on? It wasn’t true.”

He still didn’t respond, so I removed my hand and looked away.

My voice began to crack. “I mean…I went on the dates, but a long time ago. I don’t know why I blurted them out like that, or didn’t explain it better. I…I guess I sort of choked.”

“It’s okay, you don’t owe me anything.”

“But I…I
want
to owe you something. I
do
want to be your Valentine, Jake. I hope it’s not too late for that.” I searched his eyes, hoping they would tell me I hadn’t ruined everything. I wanted to throw my arms around him, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. Regardless of what my heart was feeling, my body was literally frozen by fear.

He sighed, then stood up and went into the kitchen, returning a few moments later with two glasses of water. He handed me one, then took a sip of his and put it on the coffee table. “I need to ask you something,” he said.

“Sure, Jake, anything.”

He paused for a moment, then looked at me.

“Did you take a pregnancy test?”

I felt like the wind had been knocked out of me.

“What?”

“Did you take a pregnancy test?”

“How did you know that?”

He didn’t respond.

“How did you know that?” I said again.

“Shane said you told Kristina about it when you were in New York.”

I looked at the glass in my hands.

He scratched his eyebrow and sighed. “Were you planning to tell me?”

I opened my mouth to speak, but I couldn’t think of the right words. He stood up and smoothed his hands down the front of his jeans, then picked up his glass and returned to the kitchen.

I put my water down and followed him. “I was going to tell you. But then your sister lost her baby, and I…I couldn’t do it. I didn’t want to upset you more.”

He emptied his glass into the sink and leaned again the counter. “Kristina said you were really scared. Is that true?”

A few tears trickled down my cheeks, and I used both hands to wipe them away. “Yes.”

He put his hands on my shoulders. “You were scared and didn’t feel you could tell me?”

“I just…didn’t want to burden you, that’s all.”

He removed his hands and put them on his head. For a second I thought he might pull his hair out. Then he walked back into the living room.

I followed him again, determined to make things right. He picked up the big suitcase in the hall and went into his room.

“What are you doing?”

He put the suitcase on the floor by his bed and opened it. It was empty. “I’m packing.”

“Packing? Are you leaving with the team again?”

He stood up and looked at me.

“I took the job.”

“What job?”

“The one in Argentina, in Buenos Aires.”

“What? When are you leaving?”

“The day after tomorrow.”

“For how long?”

“Three or four months, maybe more.”

“You’re just going to leave?”

He nodded.

“Just like that?”

“I need to go, Waverly.”

“But why?”

He didn’t respond.

“Can you at least tell me what you’re thinking?”

More silence.

“I…I know I don’t have the right to expect anything, but I’ve come all this way. Will you please…talk to me?” The words came out as a whisper.

He gestured to himself and then to me. “This
thing
we have, whatever you want to call it, it isn’t working.”

“But I explained why I didn’t tell you about the test. I said I was sorry.”

He sighed. “It’s not that you didn’t
tell
me, Waverly. It’s that you were
scared
but didn’t tell me. Don’t you see the difference?”

I didn’t say anything.

“Besides, it’s not just the pregnancy thing. And it’s not just the
Today Show
thing. It’s
everything
. You’ve been resisting
everything
from the beginning.”

I still didn’t say anything.

“I want someone who needs me, Waverly, not someone who’s afraid of me. You’re not ready to need anyone other than your girlfriends.”

I looked at the floor and thought about the times I’d leaned on Mackie or Andie instead of him, how I was afraid to trust him…even though I adored everything about him.

He was right.

“But…I don’t want to be afraid anymore. I want it to work.”

“I did too. I really did.”

I looked up at him. “You
did
? Not you
do
?”

“You’re not ready, Waverly.”

“But I want to be ready,” I whispered. I felt a lump in my throat again.

“I wish I could believe you.”

“Then believe me, Jake. Please believe me.”

He put his arms around me and held me tight, but only for a moment. Then he backed away and put his hands on my shoulders.

“You need to believe it before I can.” He wiped a tear from my cheek and slowly shook his head. “I’m sorry.”

I picked at the paint on my pint glass. “I can’t believe I made such a fool of myself.” I was sitting on a stool next to Andie at the Kilkenny the following evening.

“Hey now, you did
not
make a fool of yourself. Far from it.”

“You are a total liar, but thanks.”

“Waverly, that was a big step for you, going all the way to Atlanta to tell Jake how you feel. You wouldn’t have been able to even
think
about doing something like that a couple years ago.”

I took a sip of my beer and remembered how crushed I’d been after Aaron had broken off our engagement. At the time I thought I’d never leave my
apartment
for a guy again, much less California. “This is true.”

“Maybe it’s just not the right time for you two.”

“Bad timing is right. My timing couldn’t have been worse. From day one, I’ve messed it up.”

“Come on, you’re being way too hard on yourself.”

“No, I’m not. This one’s all on me. He’s amazing, and I blew it.”

She shrugged. “Okay, maybe you’re right. What are you going to do about it?”

“I don’t know.”

“What would you tell your readers to do?”

I looked at her. “Are we really going there again?”

“I guess we are. What would you tell them?”

“I think I’d tell them to stop asking me for advice, because clearly I don’t know anything.”

“Please. Know what
I
think you’d say?”

“I have a feeling I will soon.”

“I think you’d say to get on with your life, maybe throw yourself into your work, try to figure out if you even
want
to be in a relationship right now. I mean, do you?”

“You sound like Jake.”

“Well, do you?” She raised her eyebrows.

I drooped my shoulders. “I thought I did, but now I honestly don’t know. I mean, just look at how I acted. First, I didn’t sleep with him. Then, I did sleep with him. Then, I basically ignored him. Then, when he decided to break things off, I flew to Atlanta and showed up uninvited at his house. What is wrong with me? Who does that?”

“A lot of people. They call it playing games.”

“But I don’t want to be one of those people. I don’t like those people.”

“Hey now, I’m one of those people.”

“Except you, of course. You know I love
you
.”

“So he’s really gone off to Buenos Aires?”

“Yep.”

“For how long?”

“Three or four months, but maybe longer.”

“Ouch. Talk about crying for me, Argentina.”

I lightly pushed her shoulder. “Thanks.”

She laughed. “I’m sorry. I couldn’t resist.”

“The midnight plane to Georgia one was much better.”

“Agreed. So do you think you’ll hear from him ever again?”

I pointed at her. “Now
that
is a good question. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to use the restroom.” I stood up and weaved through the crowd to the back of the bar, then pushed open the ladies’ room door. The two stalls were full, so I waited against the wall. Two pretty blondes in their early twenties were washing their hands.

“No way,” the first one said. “He showed up for the date in a black turtleneck sweater?”

The second one nodded. “With a gold chain on the outside.”

“Ugh,
gross
,” the first one said.

“
So
gross,” the second one said. “I wanted to ninja out of there right then, but I just couldn’t be that mean.”

I half chuckled, even though the other half of me felt like crying.
I’ve been there
, I wanted to say.
And I’ll probably be there again soon
, I thought as I looked at the floor.

“You should totally e-mail that story to Honey on Your Mind,” the first girl said. “Maybe they’d print it.”

I looked up.
What? What?

The second girl laughed. “Maybe I will.”

“You guys read Honey on Your Mind?” I said.

They both turned around.

“Always,” the first one said.

I smiled. “I write it.”

Their eyes got big. “No way, really?” the second one said. “You’re Waverly?”

I nodded.

“That’s awesome,” the first girl said. “I love that column.”

“Me too,” the second girl said. “It makes me feel like no matter how much my life might suck, I’m not alone.”

I smiled but hoped they couldn’t see how sad I really was. That would be so, well,
sad
.

They opened the door to leave. “Keep up the good work,
honey
,” the first girl said, laughing.

As the door shut behind them, I didn’t feel quite so alone either.

And then it hit me.

That’s exactly it.

I hurried back to the bar. “I know what I’m doing next,” I said to Andie as I sat down.

She narrowed her eyes. “What happened in the restroom?”

I smiled. “I’m serious. I think I just figured it out. I’m ready to move forward with my career, with my life, with everything.”

“Care to share?”

“I will soon.”

“Does this next step involve Jake?”

“We’ll see. If it doesn’t, it doesn’t, no matter how much it hurts.”

She looked at me sideways.

“For now, I’m going to stop talking about him all the time, or at least I’m going to try,” I said.

“Seriously, Waverly, what happened in there?”

“I guess you could call it a new kind of Waverly moment.”

“I’ll drink to that.” She stood up and raised her hand toward Jack to order more beers, then dashed off to the restroom herself.