It's a Love Thing (20 page)

“
I’m sorry,” he gasped
again, pulling away like I had burned him.

“
What in the world
for?”

“
For that. For
this.”

“
What are you talking
about?”

“
I should have been
stronger for you, Mel. I should have been able to control
myself.”

“
I don’t want you to
control yourself. I want this,” I told him, waving my hand to
indicate the two of us, together.

“
Being with me . . . it’s
dangerous. We’re breaking all sorts of rules here and it could get
us in a lot of trouble.
Both
of us.”

“
I don’t care about any of
that, Lucas. I care about you.”

“
I care about you, too.
That’s why I can’t put you in danger. Don’t you see?”

“
No, I don’t see.” I knew I
sounded like a petulant child but I didn’t care; I was too afraid
to care. “All I see is you pulling away from something we both
want. Is that what you’re doing, Lucas, leaving me?”

“
No. Yes,” he groaned in
frustration and took my face gently in his hands again. “I don’t
want to, Mel. It’s the last thing I want to do, but it has to be
this way. I care too much about you to risk your safety just for my
own selfish happiness.”

For good glory’s sake.

“
Well, you can be as
selfless as you want, but I’m going to be selfish. I am not letting
you go. Not without a fight.”

A pained smile crossed his face and it
nearly shattered what was left of my already fractured
heart.

“
Don’t go,” I whispered,
knowing anything louder and my voice would be shaking.

I caught a quick glimpse of the
wetness in his eyes before he pulled me close, holding me
tight.

“
I’ll be close. Even if you
can’t see me, I’ll always be close, Mel.”

His voice cracked on my name and it
was too much. The tears poured down my face as he pulled away and
left me standing there alone. I watched through blurry vision as he
disappeared out my front door, my heart splintering into a thousand
irreparable pieces.

*****

The first thing I did when I had
finally composed myself again was tear that freaking ticket stub
Jason had given me into tiny shreds and dump them in the trash can.
Then I climbed the stairs and dropped into bed. My chest felt
empty, like a hollow space where a heart had once beat. I couldn’t
even come up with a single sarcastic comment to toss at my overly
dramatic self. My heart just wasn’t in it. Instead, I fell
asleep.

Without remorse the universe continued
to conspire against me and the following morning mom was home from
work. The one day I wanted nothing more than to lie in bed and
wallow in self pity, and instead I had to put on a happy face and
make nice. I couldn’t tell her what had happened. Even if it
wouldn’t land me an appointment with a shrink, I had already not
told her too much other stuff.

“
Hi, honey,” she greeted me
with a smile as I wandered listlessly into the kitchen and plopped
into a chair. “Hungry?”

The last thing I wanted to do was eat;
my stomach had been in knots all night reliving my conversation
with Lucas over and over again. It would seem that I was quite the
masochist. But my mother knew me too well and refusing food would
be a dead giveaway that something was wrong.

“
Sure, thanks.”

“
I tried to make pancakes,
but . . .”

She indicated the sink
where a pan was still steaming under the faucet, and then the trash
can where the charred remains of
something
could be seen. Oh, for the
love of mothers.

“
So . . .
toast?”

“
Sounds good,” I agreed,
taking pity on her pathetic kitchen skills.

I grabbed a couple slices of bread and
slipped them into the toaster because, knowing mom, she could
manage to ruin that too somehow. When they popped back up all
golden and crunchy I juggled them onto a couple of plates while mom
pulled the butter and jam from the fridge. I buttered my slice and
then smothered it in strawberry jam, then proceeded to break it
into pieces and push them around my plate.

“
Is something the matter,
honey?” mom asked when she got up to rinse her plate. “You’ve
barely touched your breakfast.”

Moms, why did they have to notice
everything?

“
I’m fine mom. Just tired I
guess.”

“
I hope you’re not coming
down with something. There’s this terrible stomach bug that’s been
going around the office.”

A stomach bug? That sounded like the
perfect excuse.

“
You know what, mom? I am
feeling kind of queasy. I think maybe I should go lay down for a
while.”

I felt bad about lying to her, and
even worse about wasting what little time we actually had together,
but I just couldn’t handle it today.

“
Alright, honey. You go
ahead and I’ll come and check on you in a little while. I don’t
have to be in until noon today.”

Unless Mr. Stein calls.

“
Unless Mr. Stein calls,”
she repeated my thoughts verbatim.

At least some things in my life were
still predictable. I crawled back under my covers, wishing there
was a hole somewhere I could crawl into instead.

*****

Mom didn’t leave until she was
scheduled to be in at noon. That was actually surprising. Any other
day that phone would have rung hours earlier with some emergency or
another, but oh no, not today. Today she hung around sticking her
head into my bedroom every fifteen minutes just to ‘check on me.’
For once it was a relief to hear the car back out of the driveway
and squeal down the road. She drove about as well as she cooked,
and honestly it was some kind of miracle we were both still
alive.

I napped on and off for a few more
hours, doing anything and everything in my power not to think. Not
to think about Jason, or Lucas, or angels, or demons, or souls, or
anything at all. Because if I thought about anything then I would
have to think about everything and then my head would explode. For
the moment I kind of liked my head the way it was.

I had actually managed to extract
myself from the bed and move down to the kitchen to raid the fridge
when the doorbell rang at seven o’clock. I debated ignoring it,
just waiting for him to go away, but decided it was probably best
to get this over with. I was already in a foul mood
anyway.

“
Ready?” Jason asked
cheerfully, extending his arm to me.

I glared at him.

“
I really hope you’re not
going to be this way all night. I was hoping we would all have a
good time. You still have that ticket stub I gave you?”

“
I’m not going,” I informed
him.

“
Oh, I think you really
are,” he insisted.

“
I really don’t,” I
countered.

Why was it always like this talking to
Jason, push and pull . . . and frustrating.

“
I don’t think you know . .
.”

“
I know . . . everything. I
know
what you are
,
so you can just get the hell out.”

Jason chuckled.

“
Pun intended?”

“
Get out,” I growled. “I’m
not interested in any of your temptations, so just go, and don’t
come back.”

“
So, you finally worked out
the details of our little ‘game’ have you? Well, sweetheart, you
know it doesn’t work like that, right? You can’t just banish me
like some after school special. I think I’ll stick around a
while.”

“
I’ve made my decision,
Jason, aren’t you supposed to move on to someone else
now?”

“
Supposed to . . . I’ve
always found those to be such restricting words. I hate to be
restricted, and I kind of think you’re worth the extra effort. You
are a special prize, my dear.”

Oh, lucky me.

“
Well, I won’t be
your
prize,” I informed
him.

“
We shall see about
that.”

He left and I slammed the door behind
him, somehow knowing it wouldn’t be the last I saw of him. Lucas,
however, I wasn’t so sure. He said he would be near even if I
couldn’t see him. Was he near now? Could he see me? That wasn’t
creepy at all. I was never going to be able to enjoy a shower
again.

Suddenly feeling utterly exhausted I
dragged my stubborn body upstairs to my room. I glanced over my
shoulder no less than three times while changing into my pajamas,
as if Lucas was suddenly going to manifest in my bedroom out of
nowhere. That was stupid . . . wasn’t it? Of course it was. Even if
he could, he wouldn’t. Lucas was too proper to be some kind of
supernatural peeping tom. Jason I couldn’t say the same about.
Perfect, now I was looking for Jason. Could he be near? Would Lucas
know? Awesome, this was definitely going to land me in the loony
bin.

*****

I ignored the doorbell the next night,
and the next, and the next even when it was accompanied by angry
knocking and a few choice words from Jason. My life settled into a
new sort of routine—the exact sort of routine I had been trying to
avoid since we moved here. I watched TV alone most of the day and
then ordered in dinner almost every night to share with me, myself,
and I. Mr. Stein had assigned mom a brand new project since her
last exhibit had been such a resounding success. Unfortunately, the
planning phase always took most of her time and I rarely saw her
these days.

Once, a plate of beef stroganoff
appeared out on the deck table. No note, but I knew who it was
from. It was delicious as always.

The next day I took the dish next
door, just to return it of course. It was the neighborly thing to
do after all. Ulterior motives? Who, me? The door swung open when I
knocked into an abandoned living room. The books, knickknacks,
furniture—all of it was gone. Lucas was gone.

Clutching the plate, I raced across
the joint lawns back to my house. My eyes were burning and my
throat ached from trying to hold back a sob that so desperately
wanted to escape, but who knew who was watching and I wasn’t going
to let either one of them see me cry.

*****

I woke to the sound of the doorbell.
Seven on the dot, the guy was like clockwork. I burrowed under the
blankets and waited for Jason to get it out of his system, but I
didn’t hear any banging or shouting. Not sure what to expect, I
trudged over to the window. Sure enough, Jason’s car was parked in
the driveway, but I couldn’t see the porch from this angle. What
was he up to? I moved over to my bedroom door. Then I heard the
footsteps on the stairs. Cripes, the door. In my haste to distance
myself from Lucas’ vacant house I had forgotten to lock the
door.

Apparently that oversight was enough
of an invitation for Jason to come on in. The telltale creak of the
top step drew my attention and my entire body stiffened. What did
he want? Why wouldn’t he just take the hint and go away? If there
was anything that qualified as an emergency I would think it was
this. I snatched my cell from the dresser and speed dialed Lucas’
number. Not surprisingly it went straight to his voicemail.
Figures. Deciding it better to face him in the hallway than in my
bedroom I threw open the door, hoping my face didn’t give away just
how hard my heart was pounding. That would be
embarrassing.

“
Nice to see you again,”
Jason said, like we had just run into each other at the grocery
store or something.

“
Get out.”

I wasn’t feeling particularly
hospitable at the moment, plus, you know, demon and all. Doesn’t
inspire a whole lot of friendly.

“
Now, now, Mel, is that any
way to treat a friend?”

“
We are not friends,
Jason.”

“
Oh, but we were. I had you
won fair and square.”

“
Maybe, until you tried to
trick me into doing things I wasn’t comfortable with.”

“
Oh, you seemed pretty
comfortable in my arms in the back of that club.”

“
Don’t even get me started
on the club, you jack wagon. I never would have made out with you
if
someone
hadn’t
spiked my drinks.”

“
Well, then you understand
why I had to do it. If you weren’t such a goody-goody, I wouldn’t
have had to resort to such . . . uncouth measures.”

Goody-goody
? Well, I guess I could be
called worse. In fact, coming from him it was practically a
compliment.

“
I will have your soul,
Mel,” he insisted, “One way or another.”

“
No, you won’t,” I stated
simply.

“
All of the rules have
already been thrown out the window when it comes to you. I will not
lose you. I will have your soul by force if that is what it takes.
So, will you come with me? Join me, Mel?”

“
Not in a million
years.”

Could I make this
any
clearer?