It's a Guy Thing (6 page)

Why Does My Career Turn Him Off?

Few people understand the unique energy of sexual polarity. To maintain sexual polarity, masculine energy must be persistent in its direction, vision, self-discipline and steadiness
of love. The feminine energy must be full in its trust, its bodily appreciation of life, its gifts of radiant energy and its willingness to give and receive love. Most importantly, both man and woman must be willing to submit to love and make it their priority.

If you are more directional than your man, it will usually create a problem. If your career is more important to you than his is to him, you will begin to lose your trust in him and he will begin to lose sexual desire for you. This has nothing to do with “should” and “shouldn’t”: There is nothing wrong with you having a career. It is simply a law of polarity that directionality is a masculine attribute. If yours is stronger than his then the polarity will reverse. You begin to “carry” the masculine energy. This masculine energy in you may begin to repel the masculine energy in your man.

This is a tough concept for people in our culture to handle today, the sacred aspects of our intimate sexual relationships having been lost. Convenience and common financial needs have replaced love-commitment and heart-desire as the motivating forces in many relationships.

It’s great to be able to shift between masculine and feminine throughout the day. Both men and women should learn to animate masculine and feminine energy as they need them. But in moments of intimacy, one partner should carry more of the masculine and one partner more of the feminine—if they want ongoing emotional and sexual polarity. Passion neutralizes when partners are not willing to play the masculine and feminine poles in intimate relationship.

Should I Tell Him About My Day?

Does it serve love to talk about your day when both of you come home after work? Or, would it be better to maintain silence, take a bath, and give each other a short massage before saying anything? The art of intimacy involves discovering the specific ways to magnify emotional and sexual polarity and love between you and your partner, not merely as family members or close friends, but as lovers. What would you give to the man to whom you open most deeply, the man who cherishes you not only as a person, but as a woman, as his chosen love?

Why Am I Attracted to Him One Moment and Repulsed the Next

Imagine that the man is in his masculine energy and the woman is in her feminine. They are attracted to each other. They love each other. All of a sudden, the woman puts out masculine energy. For example, she may say, “Take out the garbage,” or, “Let’s go out to dinner.” These statements are directive or directional. They carry a form of masculine energy and will neutralize the passion between the woman and her man.

In some circumstances, directives are a very effective form of communication. But in a moment of intimacy, when polarity determines attraction, if she tells him what to do it will depolarize their relationship—unless the man wants to carry the feminine energy.

Because he feels her masculine energy, he may begin
treating her like another man. The way a man treats another man is usually not how a woman wants to be treated by her partner. Men challenge each other, compete, analyze and discuss. If you want to be treated as a woman in a moment of intimacy, then be sensitive to whether you are putting out masculine or feminine energy.

The other side is also true. Imagine again that the man is in his masculine energy and the woman is in her feminine. There is a strong attraction between them. They are about to embrace. Suddenly, a huge cockroach jumps out and runs across the floor. The man screams and jumps behind the woman saying, “Oh I
hate
cockroaches, ick! Please kill it, please!” This probably won’t cause the woman to be ravenously attracted to him. He has reversed his polarity, dropped his masculine, so to speak. The masculine is more dissociated from life and therefore can kill easier. She’ll feel his lack of masculine energy and therefore not be particularly sexually turned on by him.

So it works both ways. In most moments of emotional and sexual intimacy a man wants to receive his woman’s feminine energy, and a woman wants to receive her man’s masculine loving. If the man decreases his masculine energy, or the woman decreases her feminine energy, then depolarization occurs. Passion diminishes. They may still love each other, but the fullness of their attraction begins to fade.

Depolarization is like flipping one of the magnets around—you become neutralized or even repulsed by one another. During an extreme moment of depolarization you may even begin to feel hate. It’s amazing; four seconds ago you were feeling love throughout your body for this person, and now he looks ugly. He turns you off.

When we are polarized with our partner, we can’t help but
be attracted. When we are depolarized, we can’t help but be bored or even repulsed.

Aren’t Some Men Naturally More Feminine?

How much time do you spend with your man each day talking business, going over plans, discussing who is doing what and organizing things? How much time do you spend each day walking barefoot together through the grass smelling the flowers, or making love, leisurely, for hours?

Talking business and organizing plans involves masculine energy. Connecting with the earth and enjoying each other sensually involves feminine energy. In a balanced relationship these two qualities artfully combine throughout the day to magnify love and further personal growth.

The relationship becomes unbalanced, or depolarized, when both partners overemphasize the same side, masculine or feminine. Imagine the man is always saying, “I don’t know what to do. Let’s just go to the beach.” If he says this day after day, year after year, the woman loses trust in him. “Is this it? Going to the beach every day?” The relationship becomes one-sided and she becomes depolarized because he is not incarnating the masculine. The relationship has become lopsided toward the feminine pole.

It can become lopsided toward the masculine too. If the woman is stuck on her masculine energy—constantly talking about business and what has to be done—then the man becomes depolarized and less attracted because he doesn’t feel her feminine energy.

If the man prefers to be in his feminine energy, and if the
woman prefers to be in her masculine energy, then the relationship could work in this “reversed” polarity. But this situation is fairly uncommon.

This situation is more common: Many women are naturally more feminine than masculine, but because of stress or professional responsibilities they use predominantly masculine energy throughout the day. Many men are naturally more masculine than feminine, but because of social pressures or childhood experiences they fear their masculine energy. These men use more feminine energy than masculine. In this situation, they are attracted at first, but their sexual polarity decreases as time goes on. Their deep desires are never fulfilled by the compromised energy of a “hardened woman” or a “wimpy man.”

He wants to receive her full feminine loving and she wants to receive his full masculine loving. But because of their own tendencies they will not fully incarnate these sexual desires. As sexual characters, they have become compromised by the requirements of their career, the pressures of society, or the history of their childhood.

So they begin to lose trust in one another as intimate partners. They don’t receive the kind of love they most need and desire from their partner, masculine or feminine. They lose the passionate attraction to one another that they felt at the beginning. This situation involving a “wimpy man” and a “hardened woman” is much more common in our culture than the naturally feminine man and naturally masculine woman, who are happy living in a “reversed polarity” relationship and turn each other on.

Must I Always Act Feminine If I Want to Be Sexy?

There are times when using your masculine energy is completely healthy, useful and appropriate. Be aware, however, of the consequences. If you have a conversation and both of you are in your masculine energy, don’t expect him to treat you like a woman. Don’t expect him to be sexually or emotionally attracted to you. Expect him to treat you like a neutral being or like another man.

It is healthy to be as masculine or feminine as you want. This full spectrum is part of any healthy relationship. Both of you might be in your feminine energy, enjoying a luxurious bath together, or in your masculine energy, scheduling the next week. It would be a weird relationship if the woman was never allowed to say anything about plans and the man was never allowed to dance in the garden or cry. This would be another rigid role model for men and women. Just be aware the effect that your masculine or feminine energy is having on the relationship.

People are totally free to move in the full spectrum of sexual energy, masculine and feminine. But if you want passion, then remain conscious of the effect of your energy. It is polarity that creates passion between a man and a woman. You can consciously cultivate and practice sexual polarity in a relationship.

If you have a relationship that has become very businesslike, then set aside time to be together as man and woman. Be conscious of how your energy affects your partner moment-to-moment and create the relationship you want. It is only a matter of practice.