It's a Guy Thing (33 page)

How Can I Connect with My Intuitive Wisdom About My Relationship?

Sit quietly for a few minutes and center yourself. You can close your eyes or leave them open, whichever is more relaxing. Take several deep breaths and relax any tensions in your body or emotions.

Feel into the deepest part of yourself, deep into your heart rather than the words that are going on in your head. Rather than any particular emotional quality you may be feeling now, feel into your deepest self.

There is a fundamental undertone there, a constant sense of being. Allow yourself to feel into that most directly right now.

Visualize your intimate partner. If you don’t have an intimate partner, visualize your potential or imaginary intimate partner. If you don’t like to visualize, think about your partner, feel your partner or hear your partner’s words. Contact your partner, or potential partner, through whatever way you can really sense him, through imagination, vision, touch, feeling, emotion or sound.

Feel what happens in your body as you imagine him or sense him. Is there tension? Do certain parts of your body open and certain parts close? Be sensitive to the texture of the different parts of your body as you hold the imagination of your partner approaching you and being with you.

What comes up in your mind? Are there thoughts about what he might do? If he wants you or likes you? Do you want him? Are there doubts? Just allow whatever happens to happen.

Allow your imagination or thought to continue, letting it go free form. Maybe you will begin arguing. Maybe you will
begin making love. Maybe you will touch each other and talk. Find out what happens.

Then, from the very deepest part of you, your most knowing, intuitive place, allow a message to emerge to your consciousness. It can be a message telling you what to do, with respect to this actual or potential relationship, or perhaps a message that is a question about the relationship.

Allow your deepest self to communicate directly with your conscious, verbal mind about the relationship. Whatever spontaneously comes, let it come. And if nothing comes, that’s fine.

Whatever spontaneously comes about the relationship, let it come.

Honor whatever part of you gave you that question or message. Do the same if no question or message was given. Honor the part of you that you call your partner, or your potential partner. Accept anything you felt or thought and release it, like the breath, inhaled and exhaled.

Open your eyes when you are ready. Practice relaxing and staying sensitive to the intuitive wisdom of your deep self, even when your eyes are open.

Is Discrimination or Surrender More Important for Real Commitment?

True commitment is to love. If your commitment is to another person instead of to love, then you will suffer. First of all, that person is going to die, sooner or later. And while alive, that person will change continually. So there really is no fixed or unchanging person that you can commit to forever, only the eternal love you share with that person.

The form of the relationship may change, too. Sometimes love is most increased by separation, temporary or long-term. By committing to love, you are not only being committed to the love in yourself but also the love in the other and the love that both of you bring into the world. You are committing to whatever serves the magnification of love.

The masculine aspect of love is the question, “What increases love—this option, or this option or this option?” The feminine aspect of love is trusting and opening, rather than weighing consequences and thereby guiding behavior. It is important that each of us exercise both our masculine and feminine aspects so that our intimate relationships are balanced.

The masculine aspect of intimacy involves the discrimination of what steps are best to take next to maximize the incarnation of love in our lives. The feminine aspect of intimacy involves a remembrance of love in the present; it is a relaxation, a surrender, into love now.

It is your gift as a feminine incarnation of the Divine to attract your man from his head into his heart and to invite him into love. It gives him tacit permission to feel, sexually as well as every other way, from his heart, rather than from just his head or his genitals. This gift is your embodiment of the feminine principle, of the goddess. The feminine is far superior sexually to the masculine. Gift your man with your superior energy and sensitivity and invite him into the realm of the feminine.

It is your gift to incarnate feminine love without fearful inhibition. You don’t have to withdraw your energy, feeling,
He’d rather be working now so I shouldn’t gift him
. You don’t want to interfere with his path of truth, but there are many times when his path veers away from the truth of his heart into the needs of his head or genitals. In these moments,
allow yourself to be free, to be wild and radiant in your unique way. Invite him into love, don’t just accept where he wants to go. This is your gift to him as a woman, because the power of love is as inherent as your breath.

How Can I Clarify Whether I Really Want to Stay with My Man?

If you are trying to decide whether to stay with your present partner, you could use a daily contract as a tool. Every morning when you wake up you could sign a contract with your partner. It is either a marriage contract, a separation contract or a divorce contract. Every morning you select a contract for that day.

If you wake up and you feel divorced, you would sign a divorce contract for that day and live that day as if you were divorced. The next morning, you may feel married. So you sign a marriage contract for that day. Both of you then act as if you were married for that day. Each day is a new choice. Sometimes by shifting the energy and assuming, “Today we are divorced,” the relationship is clarified. Relationship is not a given form. We often think that once we are married, that’s that. But really, relationship is an ongoing decision.

18
Surrendering into Ecstasy

Can a Bad Relationship Prevent Me from Discovering God or Divine Love?

You don’t have to go anywhere to discover God or Divine Love. The divine is inherent in this moment, in this place, wherever you are, now. Anytime you feel that another individual or a circumstance is somehow preventing your connection to God or Love, then you can be certain you are not being fully responsible for locating your connection to God or Love in the present moment.

Nothing and no one outside of you can prevent you from feeling God or Love in this moment. If you blame your intimate relationship for limiting your spiritual life, you are mistaken. You can refuse to feel Love, but it cannot be taken away from you by your partner.

Once we understand this, we can look clearly at ourselves. “What am I doing that is preventing me from feeling God or Love in my intimate relationship?” Then it becomes a workable situation. We are no longer acting as if it were another person’s fault. We are actively taking responsibility for our moment to moment awareness of God or Love.

How Can I Experience Ecstasy in My Intimate Relationship?

When you take the word
ecstasy
apart into its root forms and look at what they mean, you find that the word literally means “to stand outside” yourself.

You are limited by the boundaries you assert in your daily interactions with others and the world. To be ecstatic is to
allow your boundaries to dissolve so you are standing outside your usual, limited, sense of self. When your boundaries dissolve, you can relax into deep communion in love. This requires that you relax the actions which create your boundaries in the first place. Ecstasy requires you to surrender control. Communion with your partner in love requires that you feel through and beyond your limited sense of self.

Ecstatic love with an intimate partner requires feeling beyond your personal boundaries. If there is a part of you that resists giving up control, you will have difficulty releasing into ecstasy in your intimate relationship. If you think giving up control is somehow negative or weak, then you will not be able to surrender in ecstatic love with your man. To love means to trust. To love ecstatically means to trust so deeply that you allow your boundaries to melt in the force of love.

The intimate man-woman relationship involves two equals, of course, but man and woman are not equivalent. That is, the feeling of being a woman in love and the feeling of being a man in love are very different bodily feelings. Being a woman in love involves feeling your body open in more and more complete trust.

Trust doesn’t mean being foolish. It doesn’t mean doing something stupid. Remain intelligent in your trust. However, trust does require letting go of control with your intimate partner and abandoning yourself in love. Then the force of love is magnified by the natural energy of sexual polarity and you are released from your limited sense of self into the bliss of ecstatic communion in love, a love that has no boundaries.

How Can I Love Without Getting Hurt?

The boundaries that obstruct you from ecstasy are put in place by your ego to protect you from hurt. In fact, your ego
is
the process of forming these boundaries. Surrendering yourself beyond these boundaries necessarily involves surrendering yourself to the possibility of being hurt. This is the nature of vulnerability or openness in love. It involves facing your biggest fears, and relaxing through them.

Love, or love-ecstasy, requires vulnerability. You are required to be open to the possibility of being hurt. If you want love, if you want ecstasy, you must submit yourself to the possibility of being hurt. Eventually, you must let down all of your guards and trust that love will always result in growth, whether the process is temporarily painful or pleasurable.

This doesn’t mean you blindly surrender yourself completely to the first man who walks by. Maintain your intelligence about it. Try your best to pick a man who is also committed to this practice of mutual vulnerability and growth through love. Once you have found such a man, your practice is to actively love. This means letting down your guard, feeling through your fear, and remaining open at the heart, connected with your partner. Allow yourself to be hurt in love. Allow love to wash through the hurt.