It's a Guy Thing (24 page)

What Do I Have to Do to Be Feminine?

Being feminine is not a matter of reaching for something to be, feeling, “Oh my gosh, how do I do that?” It is important to remember that there is nothing outside of yourself to do. It’s simply a matter of relaxing and allowing what is already true of you to be fully expressed.

Just relax into your heart, your body and breathe. You will be surprised at how simple it is. It’s a matter of relaxing into what is
already
true of you, rather than jumping outside of yourself.

In relationship to men, for instance, the natural feminine force
is
the attractive force. There is nothing that you have to do to make it so. If you walk into a room filled with men, you will feel this charge of polarity. It doesn’t matter how many times you have been told you are unattractive. Your natural feminine radiance, your relaxed feminine happiness and your open feminine heart are expressions of universal feminine energy. The attractive force is simply true of you, if you choose to relax into your body as the feminine expression of human life.

Should I Try to Be More Feminine in Order to Attract My Man?

The more one-sidedly masculine your man is, the harder it is to draw him into life with you. If you want a man who is more masculine than you, he will be more directed, more modal, more purposeful, more one-pointed, more concentrated, and more goal-oriented than you. It all comes with the package.

For a man in his masculine, nothing is more attractive than a woman in her feminine. Therefore, just by relaxing into your own feminine your man will naturally be drawn into relationship with you. Don’t
try
to attract him. For your own sake, for your own happiness, relax into your own native sexual essence. Relax into your body as you are.

You can do this through your breathing. When you enter your man’s masculine head-world, you will notice your breath shifts. You are probably not breathing fully. You are probably breathing high in your chest rather than deep in your belly.

One way to remind yourself to relax as who you are is through your breath. Relax, and continue breathing full and round instead of short and angular. Allow your breath to flow smooth and deep. Breathe in and out of your heart with your belly acting like a bellows, drawing your breath in and then releasing it. This will help center you in your whole body instead of just in your head.

As an experiment, breathe as you imagine a man breathes, with a masculine kind of breath, whatever that means to you. Now, breathe with a feminine breath. Notice the difference. Relax into the breath that feels most at home to your heart. Feel your breath from your heart.

Instantly, your body will soften, your breath will become more round and full and your feminine force will radiate naturally from your heart. This exercise allows your whole body to express the love in your heart. Do it for your own sake, not for the sake of your man—although he will certainly feel your magnified feminine force.

Why Am I Afraid of How Feminine He Makes Me Feel?

The more masculine your man is, the more he will polarize you toward the feminine. If your previous relationships have been with less masculine men, you were polarized only slightly into your feminine.

If you are with a man who is
extremely
masculine, he will polarize you into realms of the feminine with which you may not even be familiar. It may be new territory for you and you might not know how to relax into this new realm; you might not trust your own extreme feminine energy.

There are ways to grow through this. For instance, you could tell him you would like to pretend you are a virgin. You would like him to love you, and be with you, as if you were totally inexperienced. You could feign complete unfamiliarity with what it is to be a woman sexually. He could gently “initiate” you, guiding you slowly, with great care and sensitivity.

If you have never surrendered to your own extreme feminine energy, then, in a sense, you are a virgin at the far outskirts of the feminine. Perhaps you haven’t allowed yourself to be ravished in passionate love by a man you trust. You may have no previous experience of this kind of loving. You may have never been polarized by a man to this degree. So make it a special ritual. Play as if you were a kind of “virgin.”

Tell your man, “I’d like to trust you to bring me into the deepest parts of my sexuality. But be gentle with me and go slowly, as if I’ve never experienced this before. I’d like to explore what it means to totally surrender in love as a woman. Take me to the far reaches of sexual ecstasy.” Let his masculine polarity bring you to these places.

Such ecstasy involves trusting him with your vulnerability, opening beyond your edges. This ritual is an acknowledgment of trust.

Part of the feminine aspect of sexuality is deep reception. The first step might be relinquishing your need to try to please him. Just go with him, receiving his love and responding spontaneously. Trust him to bring you into ecstasy. An aspect of feminine sexuality involves opening yourself and trusting where he wants to go in loving you passionately. Perhaps he needs to learn to be more sensitive before you can trust him sexually. Take as long as you both need in order to learn how to give and receive deep sexual love.

When he is sensitive, you will find that where he wants to
go is also where you want to go. Later on, you may want to reserve a night for
you
to lead and him to receive and respond. But for now, allow him to polarize you into your unexplored feminine extremes of spontaneously expressed ecstasy and completely abandoned surrender into love.

Why Do I Feel Incompetent When I Relax in My Feminine?

Notice when your inner voice comes up and says, “I am incompetent when I am relaxed in my feminine energy.” Your masculine energy may be competent in organizing your schedule and achieving your goals, but your feminine energy is competent in sharing energy, nurturing and radiating the force of life, sensing others, connecting with subtle energy and accessing intuitive knowledge and an immensity of bodily wisdom.

You could begin to re-own this kind of competency, a feeling competency, an intuitive competency, a competency in the flow of unseen energies and elemental forces of nature, and a competency in serving life on Earth with your unique gifts of love.

As you reclaim your power you will encounter resistance to the feminine force in society, in your partner and in yourself. Your man also may devalue the feminine energy, calling it incompetent or irrational. You may encounter dark, shadowy parts of yourself that neither you nor he wants to look at. You will also be evoking parts of himself he may have never fully experienced in relationship.

You may be expressing your feelings and he may say,
“What the hell are you talking about!? You make no sense at all. Just calm down and tell me what you want to do and stop being so emotional about it.” You may feel really hurt, but he may not be at home with your style of expression and feeling. He may be more comfortable with your more masculine expression of thoughts and wants.

Your man may become more critical of you as you allow more of your feminine force to express itself. As he learns to trust your spontaneous feminine expression as much as your more organized and controlled masculine expression you will both experience growth in your relationship. But first, learn to trust your own feminine—it is not incompetent, though it expresses itself much differently than your masculine.

Why Is He Afraid of My Emotional Force?

It is difficult enough for a man to embrace his own emotions. Since your emotions are probably much broader and more intense, it is especially difficult for him to embrace yours.

One negative quality of the masculine is its tendency to dissociate from the raw force of life. Avoiding your emotions is one of the ways he dissociates. For most men, it is a crucifixion to enter into life, and that which attracts them into life is the feminine.

Part of your feminine that attracts a man into life is your gift of feeling. But unless a man is very stable in his own practice of love, this gift will pull him off track. Especially in your wilder moods, he is afraid to enter into the chaos of your storm. He may even become disgusted by the more wild aspects of your feminine energy.

Your man is probably not rejecting your emotions,
per se
. Men do not want to be constrained by life—
and your emotions are raw life
. If you are continually expressive of your emotions, you invite your man to embrace one of the most difficult aspects of experience for him to embrace: raw life.

The more you relax in your feminine energy, the more attractive you will be to a man
and
the more you will test his ability to embrace raw life. You become the epitome of everything that is attractive to him in life and everything that repels him from life.

Since men essentially stand outside of life, it confounds them that you are awash in a sea of emotion while they float in a blue sky. It is a challenge for them to leave their blue sky of mind and embrace your rip tide of raw feminine force. A man must become strong in his ability to remain centered and also feel the strong flow of your emotional force.

You are always free to express everything that comes up in you, free to be the wild bitch as well as the radiant goddess. If your man learns to remain centered in his heart, he can learn to remain in relationship with you even in your wildness.

As a woman, you are probably familiar with emotional roller-coaster rides. To most men, these rides may seem like irrational outbreaks of energy or chaotic storms. You may even seem insane to your man. Sometimes your “wild vibe” is so strong you can just walk into the room and your man will suddenly feel,
Uh-oh. Here it comes
. To him, such emotional drama seems unnecessary. He wonders, “Why do you have to do this?”

He is weak if your wild energy makes him leave. He must learn to penetrate your storm with steady love. That’s his gift to you. But your responsibility is to stay in your feeling and
remain in relationship with him. Don’t withdraw. Practice remaining connected with him and with your own core, your own heart, a heart that knows love even in the midst of chaos.