Isle of Wysteria: The Reluctant Queen (43 page)

“B-but my Lady...”

Solanum looked at her with feral eyes. Madam Aster turned around and left, nearly running as she placed her hand over her mouth in incredulity.

Lady Orchid walked up next, unable to stop herself from pulling nervously on her beaded hair. “You called for me and I am here, my Lady,” she stammered.

Solanum raised her hands and the living wood of the palace shivered. “Send word to all of our greatest warrior families. I have a quest for them.”

“Of course my...”

Solanum linked her fingers together and breathed into them. “I want all of the snails on our island destroyed.”

“S-snails, my Lady?”

“Yes!” Solanum screamed, jumping to her feet. Lady Orchid froze in place.

“The forest has shown me that we have a traitor in our midst, and she has masked herself in the form of a snail. Do you apprehend how serious this is?”

“I...I...”

“I want that traitor killed! Destroy every snail until she is eliminated!”

The living wood beneath her feet grew into venomous barbs. Lady Orchid had to step to one side to prevent being impaled.

“GO NOW!” Solanum yelled, swatting at the air as if she were surrounded by flies.

Lady Orchid turned around and ran out of the hall, tears streaming down her face.

Solanum sat back down and looked at Dahoon critically as he stood next to the throne. “You did not shave this morning,” she observed.

“No, my Lady. The men of the household have been busy gathering shells from Zinnia Lake as trophies of war, as you ordered. I have not had time to compose myself.”

“I hate beards!” Solanum hissed, her nails digging into the arms of the throne. “They're so prickly.”

Solanum’s head jerked to one side, then the other. “Dahoon, take this down, I’m making a royal proclamation.”

“Yes, my Lady,” he affirmed, preparing parchment and quill.

“From hereon and henceforth and forthwith, beards are forbidden to any man who sets foot upon this island!”

Dahoon paused as he wrote. “My Lady, surely there are other things we should be doing. We have reports that the Navy is returning...”

“Do it, knave!” Solanum shouted, her eyes full of hate. Dahoon flinched as if she had struck him. Her countenance was truly frightening. The courtiers moved back to the edges of the room, trying to stay as far away from her as possible.

Then, Mistress Balsam was escorted up to the throne, a golden coin held tightly in her fist. “May I ask the meaning of this?” she asked, holding up the coin.

“All of the old currency is being thrown out,” Solanum stated fiercely. “All new currency will be minted in denominations of nine.”

“We've never minted our own currency before. We don’t have the facilities to...”

“Then do it by hand!” Solanum yelled, her eyes darting about as if following some insect before her. “Nine is my lucky number, and I want to panegyrize everyone inside of me with luck. I can hear them now, begging for it.”

“They beg for luck because invaders are returning to our lands, and you are spending what little time we have...”

Solanum stood up and drew her pistol, silencing her objector. For a moment, all of the courtiers held their breath in fear.

Then Solanum’s mouth fell open and she spun around as if rain were falling down on her. She giggled happily to herself as if she were a little child. “Why stop there?” she gasped. “The more luck I give to the voices, the happier they will live inside of me.”

Solanum dropped down and pointed a finger at Sister Boronia. “The ninth day of each week shall be renamed Solanumsday...”

Sister Boronia drew her cloak tightly around herself. “But, my Lady, there isn’t...”

“...and the ninth hour of each day, Solanumshour!” Solanum began scratching her arms and neck with her nails. “And the ninth day of each month...OH! And the ninth month of each year!”

Solanum scratched faster and faster, until a think trickle of amber-colored blood ran down her arm to her elbow. The forest trembled around her.

Privet loved the fourth bell of the morning watch. It was by far the most peaceful time on an airship. The hour before sunrise, when the winds are almost completely still, and the rocking of the ship becomes a steady, soothing, almost hypnotic pace. It was then that he always got his best sleep, his most deepest rest. Laying snugly in his hammock, which he preferred to a bed, it was the one time of day when he felt truly at peace.

His peaceful swinging was shattered by the clash of pans and a breaking plate. Privet’s bloodshot eyes opened up. Either through accident or by design, his quarters were right next to the ship’s galley. Unable to get back to sleep, he threw on his Navy jacket without buttoning it up, and stumbled into the galley. He found Alder and Setsuna working together in the kitchen. As he seated himself in a corner and leaned up against a wall, he noted with some displeasure that she was wearing the apron he had tossed down during their duel.

“Hey you, little guy, where is the cleansing powder?” Setsuna asked, shaking her good hand off.

“I’m afraid we don’t use that in the Navy, we use soap instead,” Alder explained as he worked on the morning soup.

Sersuna’s head came up and she scratched her cast. “What is soap?”

“That yellow bar in there,” he explained, pointing it out.

“What’s it made of?” she asked, eyeing it suspiciously.

“Well, it’s mostly animal fat,” Alder explained.

Setsuna’s eyes lit up. “Oh well, that sounds pretty good.” Before Alder could stop her, Setsuna had taken a big whomping bite of the bar and was chewing it thoughtfully. Her expression quickly changed and she spat the soapy contents of her mouth into the sink. “Oh bogs, that doesn’t taste nearly as good as you made it sound,” she complained.

Alder shook his head. “I was just going to say, we use it to clean our hands and dishes, not to eat.”

Setsuna regarded the bitten bar as she rotated it in her hand. “Seems like a huge waste of perfectly good animal fat if you ask me.”

Captain Evere and Mina walked in and looked around. “What the blazes is she doing out of her cell?” he asked.

“She can portal herself out of whatever we put her into,” Privet grunted, his eyes still adjusting to the light.

Setsuna noticed Privet for the first time and appeared next to him. “Sweetheart!” she gushed as she gave him as big a hug as she could manage with one arm.

Captain Evere groaned and took his seat next to his wife. “Look, lass, could you at least try and act like our prisoner?”

Setsuna appeared back in the kitchen and began putting something together. “Oh, what kind of wife would I be if I didn’t make my husband a nice, traditional breakfast?”

“A quieter one?” Privet grumbled, rubbing his forehead.

“Awww, I think that’s sweet of her,” Mina purred, her tail swishing about happily.

“I agree, make me a sandwich, woman!” Captain Evere commanded. “...Please.”

“Ooh, that’s my Alpha,” Mina squealed with delight. She slinked up to her husband and wrapped her tail around his leg while she gave him a kiss. “But don’t say please, it ruins the effect.”

“No! I’ll speak to you how I choose and I choose to say please. You’re my wife and you’ll like it!”

Mina blushed heavily and placed her hands beneath her chin. “Ooh, you send shivers down my spine when you talk like that.”

Privet rubbed his eyes. “You guys have a very strange relationship, you know that, right?”

While Mina sauntered her way back into the kitchen, Setsuna appeared next to Privet, holding a tray as best she could with one hand. Despite the early hour, her face was washed, her makeup skillfully applied, and her hair styled. In spite of the fact that she had brought no clothes with her, she was wearing a new outfit. A scandalously short plaid skirt, a cropped satin shirt, velvet bustier, and black, knee-high stockings. The white apron she wore looked totally out of place, but then again, it seemed to be the point.

Privet looked up at her. “Oh no, you're a morning person, aren’t you?”

“Of course I am.” Setsuna smiled sweetly and placed the tray down before him. It was a dish he had never seen before. A kind of brothy kale salad with little chunks of sauteed moss.

Privet looked suspiciously at the food. Senndai was famous for being one big swamp, but he never imagined that the food would actually look like a miniature swamp.

“Well, don’t just stare at it, try it,” she prodded.

“How do I know it’s not poisoned?” he asked, poking at it with his fork.

“Oh, I wouldn’t worry about that,” Alder reassured. I don’t stock any poisonous ingredients in my kitchen. Not since the custard incident.”

Just then Dr. Griffin poked his head int the galley, looking more frantic than usual. “Hey Alder, you didn’t by any chance take my supply of water hemlock, did you?”

“Of course I didn’t,” Alder answered frankly. “Water hemlock is violently toxic.”

Dr. Griffin nodded his head and left. Privet glanced up at Setsuna suspiciously.

“I didn’t poison your breakfast,” she insisted, twisting her hair innocently with her finger. “I would never try to hurt my widdle Pwivet.”

Privet cocked a cynical eyebrow.

Setsuna blew a stray strand of hair away from her face and grabbed a spoon. “Okay, fine. Here, I'll show you, it’s legit.” She took a big spoonful and placed it in her mouth and chewed it in front of him as if he were an infant. “Mmmmm, see? Yummy nummy. Now will you try it?”

“I guess,” Privet gave in. Despite its strange appearance, it really did smell quite good, and having a woman cook something for him for a change was flattering in a way he couldn’t quite put his finger on. Alder handed him a fresh spoon, and he placed a bite in his mouth. Setsuna looked on anxiously, biting the corner of her apron.

Privet nodded his head in surprise. “It’s good.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, it’s really good, not what I expected. Very subtle, like an old grandma kind of flavor.”

Setsuna placed her good hand on her hip. “Could you at least try to find some other way to compliment me? I’m still young, you know.”

Privet chewed slowly, realizing that he had been careless in his choice of words.

He cleared his throat. “What I mean is; it’s the kind of nuanced flavor an old grandma would prefer, someone with a refined sense of taste. Achieving such skill at your age is admirable,” he fumbled.

Setsuna waved her hand. “You don’t even know my age.”

Privet looked her over. “Well, how old are you, then?”

Setsuna’s eyes grew wide and she held up the tray in front of her. “Don’t ask about my age!”

Mina came back and placed a sandwich before her husband. “Thank you, woman.” He praised her with a kiss. Evere broke a piece of crust off the bread and held it up for his parrot, but found it was not sitting on his shoulder.

“Where the blazes is Tim? I haven’t seen him in days.”

Suddenly, they were all distracted by two diminutive things running into the room. The first was a tiny golem made to look like a Stonemaster. It scampered underneath the tables, trying to avoid its pursuer. Bunni Bubbles followed quickly behind, wearing a custom made-safari outfit and carrying a tiny net.

“Come back here, you bad guy!” Bunni yelled as she dove, nearly catching it in her net as she hit the deck. The tiny golem scampered up onto the table, letting off a shriek of fright.

“Bah! These things are everywhere,” Captain Evere said, taking a swipe at it as it passed by.

The little golem dove off the table and ran back out into the corridor with Bunni Bubbles in hot pursuit.

“If you will excuse me, breakfast will be ready shortly,” Alder apologized as he ran out into the corridor after them to help in the capture.

Privet took another bite of food and leaned his head back. “I keep telling you, we just need to put out some mousetraps for those things.”

“We don’t have any mousetraps, lad,” Captain Evere explained, “and it’s too dangerous to make port at most places, what with the whole of creation after us and all.”

Setsuna perked up and pulled a little coin purse out of her pocket.” “I might be able to help,” she offered.

Privet looked up at the coin purse. It was barely bigger than a fist. “You've got a mouse trap in there?”

“I might, let me check.” She flipped it open and stuck her hand down into it. Searching around, they could hear bottles and vials clanking about. Sticking out her tongue, she shoved her entire arm down into the purse. Something that sounded like a sword clattered and drawers could be heard opening and closing.

Setsuna pulled her arm out and shook off some dust. “Whew! I knew I should have paid extra for the maid service.”

“How in the seas are you doing that?” Privet asked, amazed.

“Oh this? We call them pocket gates. Little doors that are permanently fixed. This one leads to a storage room I rented back on Senndai. This way, I never have to pack.” She turned the purse towards him. Inside, was a swirling gray misty portal.

“So, there’s a whole room of stuff in there?”

Setsuna nodded and stretched it wide before plunging her head in. It looked so utterly bizarre, as if her head had been removed and her neck was now wearing a coin purse. “I think I might have a mousetrap or two somewhere in here,” came her muffled voice.

Ryin and Hanner walked in and greeted everybody.

“So, ah, who cut her head off?” Ryin asked, looking at Setsuna.

“Ruttin’ rude to hold an execution and not invite us,” Hanner complained as he took Strenner and began breastfeeding him.

“Maltua’s teeth!” Ryin swore, covering his face. “Put a sheet over yourself or something when you do that!”

“Buncha’ prudes,” Hanner gruffed as he threw a sheet over himself. “A father breastfeeding his son is a beautiful and natural thing. It’s nothing to be ashamed of.”

Privet set down his spoon, having suddenly lost his appetite.

Suddenly from within the purse there was a crash and some snarling noises.

Setsuna pulled her head out, looking very surprised. “What in the realm? Flossy, is that you?”

“Flossy?”

Setsuna peeked inside again and there were more snarling noises. “Oh my bogs, it is you. Flossy! Oh, you've gotten so big! What have you been eating?”