Irreversible Damage (Irreparable) (23 page)

His hands lower to my pajama bottoms. My hands find his jeans. We’re simultaneously trying to remove each other’s pants, our bodies wiggling and tangling as we try to keep our mouths connected. He finally breaks away, and pushes his jeans and boxers down his legs while I wiggle out of my pants and underwear. He settles back between my legs, hovering above me and watching me intently.

“What is it?”

He smiles down at me with so much love and whispers, “I’m just making sure you’re really here.” He brings his mouth to my neck and starts kissing a soft, slow line up my neck to my jaw.

The intensity I felt the last time we were together like this starts to hit me. While it’s as strong in force as it was then, the sadness is nonexistent. I’m blissfully happy and in awe of how much love I have for him.

His lips now work their way down my neck, lowering until they reach my breast. His hot breath heats my skin before his wet tongue flicks across my nipple. He lifts his head to my neck and breathes me in. His hand brushes over my breast, sending a wave of pleasure through me. With his breath hot in my ear, his hand slowly works its way down my body, circling my knee and slowly climbing the inside of my thigh. I can hear his breathing increasing. Mine isn’t so calm, either. His fingers move higher until they slide over my folds and slip through the wetness.

“Brady, please.”

“I know, baby.”

I sigh softly. “No, I need you inside me.”

He pulls back to look at me, his green eyes sparkling. “You
need
me inside you. As in, it’s required?”

I should smack him. This is no time to be funny, but I’ve missed him so much — the passionate, loving Brady, the insanely gorgeous Brady, and even the sardonic and twisted Brady. “Yes.” I smirk up at him. “It is, like, right now…immediately.”

He smiles crookedly, tilting his head. “Well, then, I won’t dare keep you waiting.” He pushes into me in one quick thrust. I wince at first, but relax instantly as my body doesn’t hesitate to accept him. It never has.  

The intensity between us has just reached its maximum. I nearly stop breathing. Brady sighs heavily as he begins to move. “You feel perfect.”

I reach up and thread my fingers through the back of his hair, lifting my head to seek out his lips. He kisses me deep and hard as he pushes forward. I bring my hips up to meet every one of his brilliant strokes. The tingling low in my spine has already started. Brady stills and looks down at me.

“Tori, I won’t live without you again.” He’s breathless, panting against my mouth. “Promise me you’ll never leave again.”

Never. “I promise.” I give his hair a pull, and yank him back down to taste his lips. I love the way he tastes, the shape of his mouth, the feel of his tongue. I have a long way to go to reassure him that I’m not going anywhere. I can’t live without him, either. I have to show him.

I rock my hips into him as he maintains his gentle rhythm. His head rises to look into my eyes. His green eyes, heavy with lust, look more cloudy gray as he smiles down on me. His lips cover mine again as he increases his tempo until his hips thrust forward so hard I’m sliding up the bed. He pushes again, and my head hits the headboard. He yanks me back down, while at the same time his hips surge forward on a powerful thrust. I feel the prickling run up my spine. My thighs clench tight. My toes curl, and I come completely unraveled. My entire body jerks with wild pleasure as I try to catch my breath and calm the convulsions wreaking havoc on my limbs. I feel Brady shudder slightly before he bucks his hips for a final time, flooding me with his hot release. His body crumbles as he relaxes onto me, mumbling incoherently into my neck.

“Can’t…breathe….squishing…me.” I push against his chest with my palm.

He laughs, pulling out of me and falling onto his back. “That was incredible.”

I roll over and nestle in close to him, my cheek enjoying the warmth of his chest. “It was perfect.”

His fingers lazily skim the length of my arm. “So, what do you want to do now?”

I love the sound of the laugh that follows. I’ve made him happy.

I look up at him. “Well, we do have the house to ourselves for a few more hours.

I’m suddenly jerked beneath him again. He groans. “I’ve missed my greedy girl.”

His playful grin makes me smile.

He shifts his weight so the bulk of his body is on the bed with one of his legs draped over mine. His head rests next to my shoulder as his fingers trace circles on my stomach. My hand slips into his hair. I massage his scalp with my nails. Our mood is content.

How could I have been so blind? For months I felt like my life wasn’t worth living, when the person I needed to fulfill me was right in front of me, waiting for me to reach out to him.

I have no idea what obstacles life has waiting for us, but I’m positive we can hurdle anything thrown our way as long as we’re together.

Chapter 23

Tori

Once we shower off the whipped cream and syrup, we climb back into bed and cuddle close. I’m thinking about everything I have to take care of before I can move back to Mexico. The thought of spending any time away from Brady hurts. “When do you have to go back?”

He shifts his weight to his back. His arm rises to cover his forehead. “Our flight leaves at seven-thirty tomorrow morning.”

“
Our
flight?” I sit up, resting against the headboard.

His head lifts to look at me. “Yes, our flight.”

I’m filled with joyful emotions knowing he came here with the intention of taking me home. “What if I say no?”

He quirks a brow before sliding his arm over my waist and bringing me close. He lands a kiss to my hip. “Then I will carry you out of this house.”

I laugh, but I know he’s serious. “I don’t think they’ll let you past airport security.”

He looks up with a devilish grin. “Oh, trust me. It won’t be a problem.”

As much as I want to go with him, I have to talk to the school and make sure I won’t leave my job hanging. “I have a couple of things I need to take care of. Can we wait a few days?”

His eyebrows come together as he props himself up on his elbow, looking up at me. “No.”

He offers nothing in explanation. I can’t go with him until I settle things. I wish he didn’t have to leave so soon. “Then you go, and I’ll fly out when I’m done here,” I offer in compromise.

With no trace of a smile he says, “I’m not leaving without you.” His gaze falls. “We’re flying tomorrow morning.”

I reach under his chin, lifting it up. “Why the rush?”

His worried crease digs deeper. “I have to be back for Andrew.”

I smile down at him reassuringly. I don’t want him to think he can’t talk about his son. “Can’t you just tell Annabelle you’ll be a few days?”

“He’s not with Annabelle.” The melancholy frown across his lips puts me on edge. “Liv and Harrison are watching him.”

“Why is that?”

He looks up at me. I want to die. He looks incredibly sad. His eyes shine with unshed tears. “She left.”

“She what?”

Brady sighs heavily as his fingers toy with the sheet. “She came to pick Andrew up one night. She had been drinking.” He shakes his head. “I wouldn’t let her take him. She spent the night, and I woke up to a letter the next morning.” His gaze meets mine. “She terminated her parental rights. She’s no longer his mother, and the thought of explaining any of it to Andrew is fucking killing me.”

My heart bleeds for him. He thinks Andrew is going to experience the same heartache he did. Brady’s felt the pain of knowing a parent doesn’t want you, and I know Brady’s terrified to put Andrew through that.

“What the hell am I supposed to tell him? How am I going to explain that his mother is a selfish bitch who would prefer to party than to mother him? It’s not fair.”

I have no idea how to answer, or if he actually wants me to. “I don’t think you should tell him anything right away.”

He sighs, dropping his gaze to the mattress again. “He’s going to want to know where she is.”

I pull his face back up. “So we’ll take it day by day.”

He smiles. “‘We’ll’?”

“Yes, we’ll do it together.” I smile back.

“You have no idea how happy it makes me to hear you say that. I can’t do this without you.”

Just when I thought I was rid of all my insecurities, they rear their ugly heads. Is this why he came to get me? He needs a mother for Andrew?

“Brady, why did you come here?”

Without a word, he reaches over the side of the bed and scoops up his jeans from the floor. His hand dips into the back pocket and removes a folded piece of paper. He hands it to me.

My fingers begin to shake as I unfold the square. While I read it, an array of emotions come over me, everything from mild fear to extreme sadness. I feel Brady’s eyes studying me. It’s when I get to the paragraph about me that anger surges. Not just at her, but at myself. I never once tried to fight. It’s something I will never forgive myself for.

When I finish, I fold the letter back up and hand it to him.

He tosses it to the floor. “That’s why you left, isn’t it? You saw us?”

I nod. I feel so ashamed. I should have known. 

“I never should have let it get that far.”

I shake my head, not wanting to hear him. “It doesn’t matter.”

He continues, “She drank a lot with dinner.”

I put my hand on his chest and look right into his eyes. “You don’t have to tell me.”

“I want to explain what you did see.”

I don’t want to hear it, but I let him speak, thinking maybe he needs to say it.

“She stormed into the studio naked and climbed on top of me. I knew she was drunk. I was afraid if I lost it on her, you’d hear and walk in on us. That you’d take it wrong. Ironic, right? So I carried her to the spare room. When I tried to set her down on the bed, she pulled me down with her. She begged me to have sex. I stood up and walked out.”

“I saw it all,” I admit sadly. “Except you walking out.”

He takes my face in his hands, his eyes traveling over my features. “Tori, I would never cheat on you.”

I hear what he means to say. He can’t believe I ever thought he would cheat on me. I’m riddled with guilt. “I’m sorry. It looked like so much more. I was in such a bad place. You said I was a distraction.”

His hands leave my face. He looks shocked. “What?”

I can tell he doesn’t remember. “You had Andrew and your music. I thought I was in the way.”

“I’m so sorry. I never meant to make you feel that way. I’ll quit the band right now if you want me to.”

I snap my head to look at him. He’s serious. He’d walk away from all of it. He’d leave the band and the recording deal behind for me. “Brady, no. I would never ask you to do that.”

He holds my hands to his chest. “But you need me.”

I smile. I do need him. “Brady, I need you to be happy.”

He lets go of my hands. “It doesn’t mean anything to me if you’re unhappy.”

 “I’m in a better place than I was then.” I take in a deep breath, seeking the strength I need to tell him. “I was lost. I felt hopeless. I wanted to die.” He growls in his throat when I say it. “I don’t anymore. When I first got to Minnesota, I went to the doctor. I found out I have postpartum depression. It was bad, Brady. It’s the worst kind of hopelessness. I felt worthless. I was so angry, like my soul was ice and I couldn’t get warm enough to melt it. I should have seen a doctor sooner. I would have been able to deal with everything better.” I reach up and cup his cheek. “I love you. I won’t let you give up your dream for me.”

He pulls me close, his hand massaging the back of my neck. “I’m a fucking idiot. I had no idea you were feeling so alone. You have to talk to me if you ever feel like I’m not giving you enough time. I have to know.”

I nod against his chest. “I will.”

We lie there for a long while, caressing each other’s bodies. I love him so much it hurts. I also need to tell him everything. I can’t go home with him until I do. The problem is summoning the courage. I’m terrified he’ll walk out on me and never look back. It doesn’t matter that we weren’t together. Like he said, my heart belonged to him. I still betrayed him.

I sit up in the bed. My teeth dig into my bottom lip until I think it might bleed. He sits up next me. Concern sweeps over his face. His soft gaze searches my eyes.

“I slept with someone else.” I don’t dare say it was Tug. It would kill him.

His eyes don’t leave me. He just stares at me for what starts to feel like hours. I feel sick. My eyes glance to his jaw, looking for any signs of anger. There are none. His regular breathing gives nothing away, either. Only the deepening green of his eyes alerts me that he’s even heard what I said.

I press my lips together and swallow. “Brady, please say something.”

“Why?” His voice is laced with anger.

I gaze at him sadly, not wanting to admit to him my reasons. I’ve tried hard to forget about that night. I’d been spiraling out of control for so long. That night I finally hit rock bottom. “I don’t know why.”

“Yes, you do.” He looks past me, his eyes sad and knowing. He wants to hear me say it. I can’t.

“I had too much to drink.” It’s not a complete lie. The truth is so much worse.

He turns his head back to me with an icy glare. “You didn’t answer the question.”

He’s not about to let me out of this. “I love you,” I cry out, hoping he’ll give up and not take this there.

“Goddamn it, Victoria, answer me. Why?”

No longer able to stomach the pressure, I cave, shouting out everything I should have said to him before I left. All the things I felt but never had the courage to say.

“Because I missed you…. Because I couldn’t have you…. Because it felt so incredibly good to have someone touch me again…to be wanted…and because more than anything I wanted it to be you.”

The words come in a fit of irrational bawling. I expect comfort. He gives me none. Instead, his eyes narrow as his head dips close.

“Bullshit!”

I cringe and look up at his paling face. I feel small. “No, God…Brady.” Why can’t he just leave it alone?

“Just fucking say it!” His voice booms and bounces off the walls.