Invaders from the Outer Rim (5 page)

“Having fun?” he asked.
 

Margo squealed, “This is the sexiest day of my life.”

“Of course,” Big Daddy hummed.

Big Daddy Rose had a single massive penis. But it grew longer until it tenderly wrapped around her shoulders. Strange cosmic currents pulsed through that cock as it gently hugged her.

“Do you feel loved?” Big Daddy Rose asked.

“I feel wonderful,” Margo gasped. “I can’t ask Scott for anything kinky. We only do the missionary position. What was I thinking when I married a pastor?”

“You’re growing up, baby doll,” Big Daddy Rose told her. “Most humans fear their fantasies, but if you don’t explore, you’ll never learn what you truly are.”

Margo felt unadulterated bliss. She looked into Big Daddy’s eyes, but when she did, all she saw was a spinning vortex of white light.
 

Margo blinked. She was back in Santa Maria, sitting in the front pew of the Grace Baptist Church. Her hands were clasped in prayer.
 

“Margo, honey?” Margo’s husband, Pastor Scott Baker, studied her with concern.
 

“I’m having a moment,” Margo groaned.

“I’m taking you to the hospital.”

“Why?” Margo asked, confused by the fear in her husband’s voice.

“You’re covered in welts. You must be having an allergy attack.”

Margo touched a hand to her skin. It was still tingling and alive with sensation. Branded by aliens. She was one of the gang now. She never felt prouder.
 

9

Grace Baptist Church looked splendid on the morning of the wedding. Erin Tanaka’s father, George, gladly paid for the best Santa Maria had to offer. The room was filled with the most beautiful floral arrangements bound in golden ribbons, while the air vibrated with the sweet sounds of a classical string quartet playing “Con Te Partiro” as the final guests arrived and sat.

“Spared no expense,” George said beaming with pride. “I only have one daughter.”
 

This perfect wedding was a long time coming. In 1905, the Tanaka clan came to California as dirt-poor tenant farmers. The family suffered the awful indignity of wartime internment camps, but after World War Two returned to farming. Now thousands of acres produced premium lettuce under the Tanaka Blue Star brand. Their lettuce was served in the best restaurants and even at White House dinners in Washington, DC.

In the anteroom of the church, Erin Tanaka took a deep breath as her bridesmaid, Suzy, adjusted the Chantilly lace wedding veil. The veil was special order from Nordstrom and very pricey, but Erin loved the way it looked.

“Goddamn perfect,” Suzy said. “It frames your face.”

Lisa Anderson appeared in the doorway. “Everybody’s here. Let’s do it. Ready to walk down the aisle?”

“I hope nobody can see I’m sweating,” Erin said.

•••

Sheriff Olsen’s patrol car was parked at the curb on the traffic circle across from the church. He hadn’t slept the night before. The metaphysical matters Pastor Baker had brought up worried him, and he’d spent hours on the Internet reading about angels, aliens, and Jesus. Particularly worrisome was the quote from John 10:16, where Jesus says: “I have sheep that are not of this sheep pen.” Some people thought the “other sheep” Jesus was referring to were aliens on other worlds. Olsen wanted to talk to Baker again and see how he interpreted John's words. But when he arrived, Olsen saw there was a damn wedding starting with bridesmaids and families streaming in. He’d wait until it was over and then talk to the pastor. Olsen tilted his hat down over his eyes and craved a nap. For now, he’d rest his eyes behind mirrored sunglasses for two minutes.

•••

Inside Grace Baptist, George Tanaka let his daughter Erin take hold of his elbow as the notes of Wagner’s “Bridal Chorus” boomed out of the church organ. Every eye was on Erin. She walked gracefully down the aisle, her bouquet clutched in a trembling hand. Her father beamed, nodding to uncles, aunts, and key lettuce business partners. Through the gauzy veil, Erin saw all her friends, college pals, and the women from book club. Most importantly, at the end of the carpet, stood her future husband, Gary Sherman. He looked damn handsome in a tuxedo, far neater than when she first met him. He was the service manager at Toyota of Santa Maria on the fateful day Erin brought her Camry in for an oil change. He was funny and asked if she wanted to go on a date. “Only if you wash your hands first,” she answered. In two months they knew it was a love that could last forever.

Walking down the aisle, Erin blushed wildly, enjoying every second. Then her father left her standing beside her husband-to-be. The church grew quiet, and Pastor Baker came to stand before them.

“Everyone please be seated, and let’s pray,” Pastor Baker said. “Father, we thank you so much for the opportunity to celebrate this exciting event, the marriage of Erin and Gary. Please bless us, in Jesus’s name. Amen.”

•••

A flash of light woke Sheriff Olsen, and he felt his heart start to race. What was that? Then he heard the distant rumble of thunder roll across the valley. Lightning in a clear sky? Very odd weather. He craned his neck to peer out the window, scanning for clouds. His sphincter tensed in raw animal fear at what he saw. He opened the car door and stood, tearing off his sunglasses for a better look at the strange optical phenomena growing in the sky. He’d seen rainbows before, but never four simultaneous rainbows and certainly never four rainbows of such deep rich color moving across the sky, each one arcing down to intersect upon Grace Baptist Church. Now the whole building glowed with bizarre rippling color, like center stage at a rock concert.

•••

Standing at the pulpit, Pastor Baker faltered in his prayer and stopped speaking. Everyone looked around, trying to understand the crazy cosmic light show. Surfaces glittered and beamed with every hue, and the air held pulsing strobes of pure white.

And then, the visitors were among them. In the blink of an eye, a row of a dozen men appeared on the altar. A pirate. A centaur. Kurt Cobain. An Italian prince. Big Daddy Rose. A knight in shining armor. And more. Each one was an alien figure representing an ultimate sexual fantasy.

The crowd gasped in unison; a few women screamed orgasmically, as if they were teenagers at a Beatles concert. But no one moved. Whatever else the strange lights were doing, they also paralyzed the congregation.
 

A brighter spot of light focused on one of the strange men, singling him out. He was tanned and handsome, in the crisp uniform of a commercial airline pilot, with gold captain’s bars on his shoulders. He wasn’t too young or too old. He looked a lot like a famous Hollywood actor. His voice, when he spoke, was mellow, with bell-like clarity.

“We come in peace,” the captain said.

Among the packed church congregation, selected women now rose to their feet. Lisa, Suzy, Caroline, Jennifer, Margo, Nancy, Gisele from the nail salon, and other contactees. The women seemed hypnotized, lost in a dreamy state.

•••

Sheriff Olsen pulled on the front doors of the church with all his strength but they were shut tighter than a bank vault. A eerie warbling sounded from inside the building followed by squeals of ecstasy—or pain. Olsen couldn’t tell which. He cursed under his breath and scrambled along the side of the building in search of a window to break. When he found one, he pulled his service revolver and banged on it with the butt of the pistol to no avail. The window was made of thick safety glass with a wire mesh. He thought about blasting a hole in it but reconsidered firing the weapon into a crowded church. He holstered his gun, and continued looking for a way in. The next two windows were just as impenetrable as the first. Coming to the fourth window, Sheriff Olsen grabbed his radio from his belt. He’d call the fire department. They’d be able to break in. But then Olsen glanced through the window, into the church. He was so shocked at what he saw, the radio dropped from his hand.

•••

Inside Grace Baptist Church, each of the contactee women was slowly stripping. Sunday best clothes and bridesmaids’s dresses piled up on the hardwood floor. The women then walked to stand before the altar, each as naked as the day she was born. The women displayed their alien imprints to the crowd, each showing strange pink-red welts, livid rosy tattoos, or extraterrestrial stigmata. One by one, each of the alien visitors raised a hand and pointed at a single woman, then spoke aloud.

The pirate said: “Lisa Anderson, you are loved.”

Kurt Cobain said: “Jennifer Waters, you are loved.”

Prince Antonio said: “Suzy Maurer, you are loved.”

Big Daddy Rose said: “Margo Baker, you are loved.”

It went on until each alien had testified. It was all so crazy Erin felt like she might faint, but she was euphoric, too. Her skin tingled with excitement. Then the airline captain stood before her and stared deep into her soul.

“Erin Tanaka,” he said.

“Yes?” She was trembling under her veil.

“You will be loved.”
 

10

The sudden hailstorm was the most severe ever to hit the Santa Maria Valley. Farmer Arnie Wright hid in his barn as balls of purple ice rained down from the sky. The grapefruit-sized hail destroyed Wright’s fields, completely obliterating the crop circles.

Similar bizarre weather struck Ted Brown’s property. A tornado funnel appeared, reaching down from the sky like a dark finger made of whirling smoke. It flattened his metal shed and ripped through the barn. The damage was considerable, but the oddest thing was how accurately the tornado plucked his weird cattle up and sucked them away into the sky.
 

At Grace Baptist, Sheriff Olsen was waiting for the fire department to arrive, when glowing pink hail started pounding down. He ran and hid inside his patrol cruiser for protection against the intense storm.

Inside the church, the hail created a terrifying racket banging on the roof. Everyone looked up as a ten-foot-wide section of roof vaporized and dazzling rainbow light shone through the gap. The wind howled across the hole, a low sound more thrilling than any church organ.

Pastor Baker raised his hands and pronounced, “Praise the Lord! The Rapture is upon us!”

Standing at the altar, Erin Tanaka glanced at her father. He was mesmerized. Everyone at the wedding stood frozen, gawking at unexpected nudity or otherworldly events.
 

Then a bolt from the sky struck the bride. It was a gelatinous glob of energy and it oozed over her, a pearly liquid rippling down her entire body, dissolving away her wedding dress to nothing. Erin Tanaka was completely naked, covered in a shimmering clear substance that glowed a full spectrum of rainbow colors.

When Erin blinked open her eyes, she was standing naked in the aisle of a private jet flying high among the clouds. But she was not alone. Her hands were clasped with Gary, so handsome in his groom’s tuxedo, as their alien captain said, “I now pronounce you husband and wife.”

The captain traced a glowing symbol in the air with his fingertip and her heart raced madly. Gary kissed Erin tenderly. After they broke apart, the cute stewardess behind them clapped her hands and said, “Complimentary champagne from France.” She passed Swarovski Crystalline Toasting Flutes to Erin and Gary, each glass carried an alien monogram etched in it.

Erin sipped the delicious bubbly, then looked around curiously. “Where are we?”
 

Gary said, “Honey, they won’t tell us. It’s part of the surprise.”

“What surprise?”

“Our honeymoon package. Our destination could be Maui or Paris. We don’t know.”
 

“You arranged this?” Erin asked.
 

“Not him,” the stewardess interrupted. “But you’re about to have the best wedding surprise ever.”
 

The stewardess grinned and sauntered away to join the captain.

“This is so overwhelming,” Erin said, taking a seat. The expensive leather chair felt cozily warm beneath her naked body.

Erin felt a finger tap her on the shoulder. She turned to see porn star Mia Khalifa standing behind her. Mia was wearing a traditional Muslim headscarf wrapped around her face, but otherwise she was totally naked with her spectacular breasts jutting inches from Erin’s nose. Erin recognized those celebrated Lebanese-American breasts immediately.

“Oh my God!” Erin shrieked. “I can’t believe this. Gary and I both follow you on Instagram.”

“I love meeting my fans.” Mia cupped her ample breasts and displayed them for Erin. “Do you want to feel my boobies?”

“Can I?” Erin asked breathless. “I’ve never touched another woman’s boobs before.”

“I like being your first.”
 

Erin put down her champagne, then reached out and caressed Mia’s tits. “I can’t believe this is happening. You have no idea how excited I am.”

“Me as well. Would you like to make out?”

“Can we?” Erin’s heart was racing so fast she could barely speak.

“I love mashing with other beautiful women.” Mia pulled aside her hijab, unveiling her face. But instead of pearly white teeth, her mouth was a lusciously shaved vagina. She leaned over and pressed that vagina against Erin’s lips. Erin responded by French kissing Mia’s mouth-clit. Both women moaned and groped each other.

In the seat across the aisle, Gary Sherman was exploding with excitement. This was even better than the perverse Japanese
hentai
porn that he and Erin sometimes enjoyed together. He opened his tuxedo pants and started stroking his cock. When his favorite porn star climbed on top of Erin and shoved her tits in Erin’s face, Gary got so excited he stood up and dropped his pants entirely. He spanked his dong until the throbbing cock head felt ready to explode.

“Sweet Jesus,” he groaned. “I can’t believe Mia Khalifa is with my wife.”

Mia glanced over just as Gary was about to spray a heavy load. “Don’t just watch, join in. I’m here for you, too.”

“You are?” Gary stammered.
 

“It’s your wedding. I’m here to accommodate your pleasure.”