Into the Void (The Godhunter, Book 10) (30 page)

“
It would probably be best,” he nodded. “I'm sorry you've had to participate in the killing of so many humans lately. You do know that you have my sympathies?”

“
Thank you, Teharon,” I watched Pan carry a young woman outside, holding her gently, respectfully. “But I think I've been a bit foolish. Life is life, whether it be the life of a human, a god, or a faerie. One is not more important than another, no matter what they've done. All life should be valued. I used to know that, used to take great pains in remembering to practice it, but somewhere in this war, I guess I forgot.”

“
I don't believe for one second that you forgot out of malice,” he squeezed a clean area of my arm. “We all have our ways of coping with death. You don't have to take it all into your heart to remain a good person. It's okay to let some of it go.”

I went outside to find a line of bodies laid out in the middle of the parking lot. Flashes of other bodies were superimposed over them for a second, bodies with oddly shaped faces and strangely colored skin. I'd been covered in blood then too but I had gloried in it. Up until I realized what I'd done, what kind of monster I'd become.

I swallowed back the acid rising in my throat, realizing the real reason I hadn't wanted anymore blood on my hands. Teharon may be right, maybe I didn't need to keep all of that death inside my heart, but I did need to remember. I fell back on my old technique of setting to memory the people that I killed. Starting with Brighid, I looked on their faces and burned their images into my mind before I set fire to the bodies and burned them away forever. I wouldn't torment myself with the images but I would remember and hopefully that memory would keep the monster at bay.

“
It's all over now,” Trevor's hand slid onto my back as he stepped up beside me.

“
Yes,” I kept my eyes on the fire.

“
But you're still troubled,” he looked over at me.

“
Vervain?” Thor was watching me with a discerning look. “What is it?”

“
I think I've lost my ability to take god magic,” my voice sounded hollow and I realized that I was afraid. I was scared that the loss of this ability would jeopardize our efforts to look after humanity. It could cost us the entire war.

“
What?” Trevor edged forward to face me better. “Why do you think that?”

“
Because she tried to drain Brighid and it didn't work,” Thor was standing before me, a strange expression on his face. “Isn't that right?”

“
Yes,” I admitted as the God Squad pulled in closer around us. “I tried and I couldn't touch it. I forgot my emerald in the Faerie Realm so I couldn't...” I stopped as something occurred to me. Had what I'd done in Faerie somehow weakened my ability? Odin had said that great magic came with a price but I'd never found that to be true in Faerie. Maybe I was wrong.

“
Vervain?” Trevor gave me a squeeze.

“
I'm sorry,” I stumbled over the words. “I forgot my emerald in the Faerie Realm, so I couldn't use it to filter Brighid's magic. I decided to just pull enough out that it would weaken her but it didn't work. I reached and reached and felt nothing.”

“
Every vessel has a limit,” Karni Mata said into the silence and we all turned to look at her. She looked magical, her white hair becoming a part of the smoke that drifted around us, her dark eyes staring straight into mine.

“
You're saying I'm full,” I felt an overwhelming relief as I understood her words. “Of course, I should have realized it sooner.”

“
You have three types of magic,” Teharon nodded as he put an arm around Karni's waist and pulled her in against him. “They make up a part of your triple trinity and with them, you're complete. You can't add any more.”

“
It makes perfect sense,” I agreed. “I just hope it doesn't cost us in the long run.”

“
I'm sure being complete has its own rewards,” Mrs E. came up beside me and gave me a serene smile.

“
Yes, I'm sure it does,” I felt a wave of peace wash over me as we all stood before the fires of flesh and bones, and watched them burn to ashes.

There were four white pallets laying in the center of the stone floor. Three of them already had occupants and the fourth would soon be hosting me.

We were in the topmost room of the Southern tower, where the element of Fire was the strongest. Griffin was laid out on the pallet next to mine and then beyond him laid Mrs. E, and then Luke. Around us, I'd drawn a circle of salt for protection but just in case that all went to hell, Trevor, Kirill, Azrael, and Teharon were standing guard right outside the boundary. Though Teharon was mainly there so he could monitor and release his hold on Griffin's body when Odin's soul returned.

At each directional point I lit a white pillar candle, everything had to be white for the spell. We were all dressed in white and a white cloth was laid between Griffin's pallet and the one I would be using. On the cloth was a white candle for spirit, an incense burner, a bowl of cinquefoil, mugwort, and dittany of crete, and Odin's braid.

Once the circle was cast, I took Odin's braid and wrapped Griffin's hands around it. Someone had trimmed his beard, probably Teharon, and I was glad he hadn't shaved it all. The beard would seem more familiar to Odin and hopefully help with the transition. I touched Griffin lightly, a small thank you sent to the soul that had once lived inside the shell.

Then I went to the cloth between our pallets and lit the candle there. The charcoal in the incense burner was next and once that was glowing hot, I took a pinch of the herb mixture and sprinkled it on top. I had been surprised when I'd read the components for the spell. Most god magic didn't include herbs, it was the power of the word that created the desired result and that was one of the things that had made practicing it so desirable for me. Knowing god magic had meant that I got to bypass all of this.

But soul magic was evidently different. Words wouldn't even be spoken until I actually reached Odin. Until then, it was all preparation. I watched the smoke drift around the circle and gather above Griffin. I put another pinch of herbs over the coal and another, watching smoke drift over both Luke and Mrs. E. Both of them were waiting for me in their meditative states. Once more I added a pinch of herbs to the coal and then I laid myself down on the empty pallet.

As the smoke gathered above me, I went through Luke's list for astral projection and sank into a deep meditative state. I welcomed the vibrations and when I saw the golden cord, I used it to pull myself out of my body. When I was fully out, I looked over and saw Luke and Mrs. E waiting for me. I reached down and took a firm hold of Odin's braid. When I pulled my hand away, I brought a white cord with me, leaving the braid behind. I pulled back and it extended, a glowing line between Griffin and I. I drifted over to Luke, casting one last glance at the grim faces of my men standing guard around the circle, before taking the hand Luke offered me. Mrs. E took Luke's other hand and together, we drifted upward.

Luke led us up into the sky of the God Realm and then we plummeted down into the Aether. We didn't exit the Aether into either the Human or the Faerie Realm. Instead, Luke led us to a third option. Darker than the darkness that was the backdrop of the Aether, the entrance to the Void was hard to see but once found, you wouldn't forget it. It pulsed with power, sparking darkly with magic, and we flowed right into it.

As soon as we were beyond it's borders, Luke let both me and Mrs. E go. We'd planned on this, Luke had only come along to lead us here, he had no business in the Void and no wish to tarry within it. He'd be heading back immediately. Mrs. E and I both wished to find our husbands but we couldn't do that together, so we had to navigate the Void on our own.

Luke was right, finding my way through the Void was a lot like manipulating my territory. I sent out a request into the darkness and it granted it. The dark lightened, brightened, until it became a full landscape, one familiar to me. There were mountains in the distance but I stood on an open field covered in wildflowers. Walking up to me across the field, smiling in greeting, was Odin.

I ran forward and launched myself into his arms. This time, unlike my dreams, he caught me and the smell of crisp mountain air enveloped me, the scent of Odin. I pulled back after long moments and looked into his eyes, his beautiful peacock colored eyes. The deep blue shifted to purple as I watched and then the light caught them and green sparkled through the purple. There was a reason I called them peacock eyes, they glowed and changed like a peacock feather, and there was a reason Mimir thought no one should have two eyes so beautiful, they were heart-stoppingly stunning.

“Vervain,” he smiled and shook his head. “I told you I was content here. Look,” he waved a hand out. “The Void is anything I wish it to be. I can even relive memories of our lives together.”

To our left a scene came to life, Sabine playing with Vidar and Vali.

“I thought you were alone in the dark,” I gaped at us, the memory of Sabine and our children, that is.

“
It only looks that way to the living,” Odin brushed a hand down my hair. “I couldn't show you this in your dreams but I admit, I've missed you. It's good to see you, to see that you're well.”

“
I'm not well, you dork. I don't have you,” I huffed. “I've come to bring you back. I've got the spell in motion and a body for you to inhabit. You're coming home, baby.”

“
Vervain, I told you to let me go,” he looked so peaceful that I wanted to smack his face right off his face. “You have others to think about, other loves to help you get over me. I know that you were right now, when you said that all things must travel the circle. I'll return to life again but for now, I'm content. Go home and stop wasting your time worrying about me.”

“
Are you out of your damn mind?” I pushed him hard in the chest. “What, have you been drinking the Kool-Aid or something? Yes, I have other men that I love but I love each of you completely and that means I can't live without any of you, not a single one.”

“
Vervain-,”

“
No,” I waved him into silence. “If you cut a piece of a heart away, will it still beat? Of course not because no matter how much of that heart is left, the whole cannot function without the missing piece. You are a part of my heart, Odin, and it will not beat without you.”

“
You selfish, wonderful, stubborn woman,” his face changed and I saw that the peace he'd been showing me was a façade. “I've missed you every second of every day that I've been away.”

“
You stupid, ignorant man,” I shook my head. Even beyond death he was trying to martyr himself for me.

“
Wait,” he frowned. “You didn't say anything nice there to mitigate the insult.”

“
I know,” I smirked at him.

“
Sabine, is that you?” A voice cut into our conversation.

I turned slowly, my face falling slack as it recognized the voice. No, it couldn't be, she couldn't be there. Not in the Void, this wasn't where she would have gone. But as I turned fully, I saw that it was her, my hazy memories of her sharpened and came into focus upon seeing her. My dragon-sidhe mother, Aednat.

“Mother?” I was suddenly a child once more, in the alps of France. The air held the bite of the higher altitude, harder to breathe but worth the effort. I'd never known the difference as a child though. It had just been home.

“
It
is
you,” she wrapped her strong arms around me and I inhaled her scent, dark and floral like embers and roses. That was all it took for the memories to come rushing back.

I saw her walking beside me, holding my hand and smiling to me. Heard her whisper to me in the dark, telling me that I was special, more special than I could ever imagine, and that someday she would show me the magical world where I truly belonged. Her face was so beautiful, pale skin surrounded by fiery red hair, but what made her truly wonderful to me was the love that filled her eyes every time she looked at me.. I hadn't realized how much I'd missed her until I had her standing right in front of me.

“Vervain!” Odin's voice came from behind me. “Fight it! She isn't really there. Your mother was absorbed back into Faerie, she's not here, she can't be. The Void is showing you what you want to see. It's goal is to keep those within it happy. You must send her away, let her go, Vervain. Control the Void.”

“
Let her go?” I looked up into my mother's face and knew I couldn't. I'd been cheated out of our time together. We should have had forever but instead, she was murdered, speared by some idiot human. I had been cheated out of her love but now she stood before me. A second chance.

“
Vervain!” Odin's hand was on my arm. “Your name is
Vervain
, not Sabine. Do you love me enough to let go of this false happiness?”

I turned, finally sensing the truth in his words.

“Sabine,” another voice now, a man's voice.

“
Father?” I saw my fey father standing beside Aednat. He looked amazing beside her, so regal and handsome.

“
Stay with us,” Finnian said. “We never had the chance to raise you, to see you grow, but now we can all be together.”

“
It's not real, Vervain,” Odin's grip was growing tighter. “Remember our life together. Focus on our children, Vidar and Vali. They still live and they need their mother. Focus, Vervain. These aren't your parents, it's just the matter of the Void, it can be changed, shaped with your will.”

“
My will,” I blinked and suddenly came out of the daze. “This is why Luke told me I needed to manipulate matter, not just to find you but to find my way out.”

I focused on the images of my parents and though it hurt my heart to do so, I made them disappear. The landscape changed back to what it had been for Odin and I turned to him with a sad smile.

“I came here to save you and instead, you saved me.”

“
We'll save each other,” he whispered, his strong hands sliding around my face as he kissed me.

“
Come on, let's go home.” I held up the end of the white cord.