Into the Light (The Admiral's Elite Book 2) (12 page)

Ryan had to walk past her to get a shirt out of his bag and when he did his head spun toward her. He took a minute to dig a gray long sleeved henley out and pull it over his head, giving Becca a full view of rippling muscles and an amazingly broad back. Gulping, she looked away and cursed the blood mix yet again.

He turned and leaned back against the wall, crossing his arms over his chest. “You know I’m flattered Becca, but we can’t. Even if Gabs and I
are
in a weird place.”

Jaw dropping, Becca realized he had sensed her body’s reaction and her face flamed. “Oh my God, Ryan. No. I’m not here to try to do
that.
I mean, I get what you picked up,” her face had to be tomato red, “but it isn’t what I want to do. It’s the whole vamp blood thing. I’m really sorry, I can’t control it.” She blathered on, digging herself an even deeper hole until she finally gave up and snapped her mouth shut.

Several very long heartbeats of silence later, Ryan’s face split into a wide smile and he laughed. “So what you’re saying is that you’re turned on right now, but you don’t want to be? I can live with that.”

Becca couldn’t laugh. She wanted to hit him for mocking her. “It’s not funny, Ryan.” She wished he’d stop.

That only made him laugh harder. “Are you kidding? That’s hilarious!” He roared, stopping and making a serious face for a moment. “You know it’s totally okay if you just want me for my body.” Then he broke out again sparing her from having to even make an attempt at an answer.

Humiliated, Becca turned on her heel and stalked toward the door. Ryan appeared beside her, the wolves were nearly as fast as the vampires, as her hand closed on the handle.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t be making fun of you like that.” There was genuine remorse in his voice. “Your timing just couldn’t be more perfect.”

Becca looked up to see his face, to gauge whether he was serious or not. What she saw there caught her unawares. “Ryan, are you okay?” Her mortification took a back seat to the troubled expression he wore.

Those big shoulders rolled and he frowned. “I don’t know, all these ladies wanting me for my body with no strings should have me dancing a jig. Only I’m not.” He let his eyes catch hers, failing to hide the sadness there. “I guess I wouldn’t want a chickish guy like me either if I was a girl.”

The turn in topics had Becca in a very awkward position. “You mean that’s what’s got you two in a funny place? You’re more into it than her?” Maybe she was wrong; Ryan would understand
exactly
what she was going through.

His lack of a response told her she was on the right track.

“We talked about this, didn’t we? That she’s just not the warm fuzzy type?” Becca wasn’t sure if she was talking Ryan through his troubles or hers.

“I’m not whining about her not telling me all of her deepest darkest or saying I want to talk about feelings all the time.” He gave her a look letting her know he wasn’t
that
bad.

If he didn’t look so hang dog, she would have laughed. The thought of Ryan talking feelings deep into the night was almost as funny as thinking of Michael doing it. That sobered her.

“All I’m saying is that she sees this as a long term hookup. That’s it. I mean it was hot and fun and everything at first, but come on,” passion leaked into his plea, “we’ve been at it for years. And it’s not like we’re doing it with anybody else.” He grabbed a handful of his own hair and tugged. “It’s exclusive casual sex and it’s not enough.” Ryan finished with a frustrated growl.

Giving up on playing it safe, hoping that if she could help him then at least
one
of them would be satisfied, Becca turned around and leaned her back on the door. “Have you tried talking to her?”

He started to open his mouth and she cut him off.

“Seriously talking, like we are right now? Not the usual ‘haha’ Ryan speak we all know and love.” She gave him a serious look, demanding a serious answer. If he wanted to do this now, she was going to make him do this. Funny how brave she was when it wasn’t her heart in the scope.

Ryan looked like a kid who’d gotten his hand caught forging a hall pass. “Well, not seriously. We’ve joked about it.”

“
We’ve
joked about it or
you’ve
joked about it?” she countered.

His expression began to close off. “I don’t want to talk about this anymore.”

Forcing air through pursed lips, Becca spun and opened the door. “I’m done with this, at least until I get some food in my stomach.” She walked out, throwing a, “you coming?” over her shoulder.

She was halfway through the parking lot before a door slammed shut and she heard the heavy thudding stomp of his boots behind her and she smiled. She didn’t want to eat alone and she enjoyed the big lug’s company.

Chapter 12

A belly full of toast and coffee had given Becca far more patience and when only a few crumbs remained on her plate she leaned forward, cupping her coffee between her palms.

“I think you should talk to her,” she reopened the conversation.

Ryan, having finished his eggs, hash browns, and toast, started on his pancakes. He paused in his attack to take a swig of his milk and answered over the edge of the glass. “I tried.”

“No you didn’t. You said so yourself, you joked around about it.”

“She knows me, that’s how I talk about things.”

“Then you’re not really in love with her. Not if you aren’t willing to tell her for real.” Becca reflected on the irony. She’d had to be almost passed out and blind to admit it. Who was she to make rules about the right way to profess one’s love?

Ryan dropped his fork with a clatter and the tables immediately around them grew uncomfortably quiet. He took one breath, then two before he looked up.

She saw heat in his eyes that didn’t bode well for her and she wondered if she’d crossed the line. Spot-free vision allowed Becca the courage to stand firm and she refused to back down. “I mean it. If you love her, tell her.” The voice in her head poked her to take her own advice and she poked back that their situation was different, and she
had
, nosy little voice.

There was no warning because Ryan’s attack wasn’t physical. Glowering, he leaned over his plate and spoke quietly through locked teeth. “How about you? You willing to practice what you preach?”

Seeing where this was going, Becca put her cup down and sat up straight.

He saw that he’d struck a nerve and instantly dropped the anger, switching to his usual flippant attitude. “You tell Mike you love him, and I’ll tell Gabs straight up.”

“I already did.” She pushed out her chin, hoping if she fessed up he wouldn’t ask too many questions.

He wasn’t fooled. Smiling confidently, he leaned back. “And?”

“And what? I told him,” she snapped. “That’s what we’re talking about, isn’t it?”

“And what did he say?”

The smug way he was looking at her had Becca’s paranoia on the subject flying into overdrive. Would Michael have told Ryan anything? She thought about keeping her mouth shut. “Nothing,” she mumbled.

His brows shot up. Thankfully he didn’t laugh. “Nothing?”

“No, nothing. I think I fainted before he had a chance to comment.” Her cheeks burned. Again.

Ryan’s guffaw drew more stares. Becca wished the floor would open up and she could politely roll in before she had to speak to anyone else.

“You two look like you’re having fun.”

Becca’s back went ramrod straight and Ryan wiped at his eyes. “Hey Mike. Where were you this morning? You missed breakfast.” He raised an eyebrow as Michael slid into the booth next to him, eyes trained across the table. “I take that back, it looks like you just finished.”

She gave him a long look, taking in the pinked up skin and knew that if she touched him he would feel warm.  Cutting her eyes to Ryan, she willed him to keep his trap shut or she would throw him under the bus as soon as she found Gabrielle.

“So, what did I miss?” Michael fiddled with a fork resting on the paper placemat in front of him.

“Nothing,” Becca said quickly.

Winking, Ryan grinned. “Becca’s giving me love advice.”

In her mind’s eye, Becca saw her fist landing in his mouth. “You were the one asking for it, Ryan.”

Eyes going from one to the other, Michael sought to figure out what had transpired. It was obvious it was only entertaining to one party. Becca was sure she didn’t look nearly as amused as Ryan. An elderly woman sitting on the outside of the table across from them shifted her purse to the inside. Apparently, in her head, an altercation might lead to a purse snatching.

“Well why don’t you go use some of it? Gabs’s back.”

All mirth evaporated and Ryan shifted nervously in his seat. “Guess I’d better go see what’s up then, huh?”

Nodding, Michael’s expression was troubled. “She looked tired, she must have been running all night. She barely looked at me when I said hello.” He slid out of his seat to make room for Ryan’s exit.

Getting to his feet so fast he banged the table, spilling half her coffee, Ryan said his good byes and hustled out the door.

“Don’t worry, I’ll get it,” Michael joked, reaching for the check.

Becca threw her napkin at the light brown pool spreading on the table. “I’ll catch it. You didn’t eat.” Becca snatched the white register tape from his hand, eager for something else to talk about.

“Okay, I’ll let you expense it just this once. But next time it’s mine.” He offered her a small smile.

Becca walked the check up to pay at the register, leaving the tip with the hostess when Michael joined her at the front.

As they were walking across the parking lot, Michael broke the silence. “Can I ask what sort of advice you were giving Ryan?”

“He wanted a woman’s opinion so I gave him one.” Becca’s answer was short. He was acting like nothing had changed.

“Huh.”

Wanting to confront him, afraid of what he’d say, Becca kept walking. How was love a great thing? This was excruciating. Wrestling a drunk with a knife or fending off a shifter’s teeth beat this situation hands down.

He let her pass him and every step she took she waited for his hand on her arm or shoulder, even a word to stop her. There was nothing. She stopped at the door to their room and glanced his direction. “What was our plan for today? Are we heading back to the station?” Her hand touched the key in her pocket and she pulled it out.

“I thought you could tell me what you saw yesterday. It
was
a vision, wasn’t it?” he asked her quietly.

Dropping her eyes to the key sliding into the lock, Becca blinked away the hurt she felt. It was her fault for dropping the bomb. She was the one who’d brought up the “L” word, not him. He liked her and she knew that. It wasn’t right for her to change things now that she’d thrown out the game changer. Swallowing, she straightened, though she couldn’t turn and face him. “I, I’m not sure what I saw. Give me some time to figure it out?” That wasn’t out of the ordinary for her to give it a day or two to sort out before she advised them what she’d seen. In fact, she was putting off discussing her most recent vision. There were some aspects of it she was having a hard time explaining. Like why it felt so different. It was like she was someone else, only she wasn’t. The hands she’d looked at had been female, not male so it wasn’t like she’d jumped into one of the others. The whole thing confounded her. In light of the whole vampire blood messing with her sight and body, she didn’t want to tell him until she figured it out. If she gave him yet another thing to worry about her for, she thought she’d scream. She hoped he wouldn’t push.