Into the Fire (7 page)

“I’m glad you told me. I’ll help the investigation any way I can.”

“Have you given any more thought to re-opening?”

She shrugged. “I want to. I’m still trying to think of ways to make it work. Not having much success.”

“Don’t give up yet. You’ll find a way.”

“You sound awfully sure of that.”

He grinned. “You did it once. You can do it again.”

“Thanks for the vote of confidence. But this whole thing has made me see that I need to move forward. I need to support myself, Chris. And here I am going to a career counsellor to see if I can find something I want. It’s like I’m right back to where I started. Like I’ve been standing in place for the last three years. I don’t like what that says about me.”

He put his hands in his pockets. Why was it clear to everyone but her? “You should be doing something with animals. That’s where your heart is. You were always saying how you wanted a cat or a dog. Even if you don’t want to become a vet, you could be a vet tech, or become a groomer, open your own pet store or start a kennel to board pets when their owners are away. I’ve heard some even have a day care so their dogs aren’t home alone. You’d be fantastic at any of those things.”

Her eyes were shining at him and she looked like she might cry. “I don’t know what to say,” she whispered.

He was starting to understand what had prompted her to run when he’d pressed for marriage. She didn’t believe in herself the way he believed in her. She didn’t see her strengths, only her weaknesses. He’d never cared that she’d dropped out of university, because it wasn’t for everyone. But she clearly saw it as a failure. And when she hadn’t known what she wanted, she saw that as a failure too. He’d always been sure, and he’d never before considered that his certainty and confidence might have undermined what little bit she had.

“You keep saying you don’t know what you want or what you’ll be good at, but you already found it. You should do what you love. And if that’s working with animals, do what will make you happy. And screw everything else.”

She laughed, but it was an emotion-filled sound. He smiled back, feeling the connection between them deepen.

“I missed you,” he murmured. “I tried not to. Didn’t really realize how much until this past week.”

“I missed you too,” she admitted. “I used to see you around and be envious. You have it all together, and I’ve barely started figuring it out.”

“You’re not on anyone’s schedule,” he replied.

“But I felt like I was. What you asked the other day…why I gave you back your ring. I felt like I had to be on your schedule and I wasn’t ready.”

That surprised him. “I really pressured you that much?”

“You had us all figured out, but I wasn’t sure I was ready to settle down yet. I felt like…like I still had things to figure out first. I loved you, but once I said yes I panicked every night. I tried to explain but it came out wrong. I just needed you to be patient with me, to hear me.”

“And I was too proud and only heard that you were turning me away.”

She nodded.

“So what about us? What about now?”

Her face was partly in shadow from the porch light. “I really don’t know. We’re still a long way from being anything, aren’t we? And I’m
still
trying to figure things out.”

“You’re shutting the door on us again?” He frowned. After all that had happened, after the proof that not only were they still sexually compatible, but that they were, more importantly, friends… Did he really want to start over? All the signs were pointing to yes. He hadn’t ever thought he’d put himself in the position to let her hurt him again, but here he was. In it up to his neck.

“I’m not doing anything,” she replied, sticking her hands in her coat pockets. “Why is it always all or nothing with you?”

Because I’m afraid you’ll slip away
, he thought, but he kept it to himself. He was always so sure about everything, but he was never sure about her. And that made him feel weak.

“It’s not,” he answered carefully. Did he really want to go down this path? Maybe it would be better if he just walked away. Just stayed away. Trouble was, he’d been doing just that and it hadn’t worked. “Let’s just say I want to keep the door open. No pressure.”

“I think I can handle that,” she whispered, and smiled shyly.

Their eyes clung for a few seconds, that in-between space in time when they weren’t quite sure what to do next. “I need to get going, and you probably should too if you’re not going to be late. Any chance of a kiss before I go?”

“Maybe.”

She was playing coy now and he loved it. Maybe he
had
pushed too hard. Maybe he needed to take it slow and not have all the answers. It wasn’t his usual style but it didn’t mean it was wrong. They could start off with a kiss goodnight and see where it led. The last thing he wanted to do was mess this up for a second time.

He took his hand out of his jacket pocket and looped it around her waist, placing it on the small of her back and drawing her close. Her heeled boots added to her height, so she only had to tilt her head slightly and her glossy lips were there waiting, slightly parted, her breath making thin clouds in the late autumn evening. He shifted them slightly so they were out of the circle of the light. Then he placed his lips on hers.

Her gloss tasted like vanilla and berries. She wound her arms around his neck, pressing herself close to him as they kissed. It was more sweet than passionate. Even though they were out of the light, they were still in her front yard after all. It didn’t stop the surge of desire at the taste and feel of her. He wanted to take her home, make love to her properly in his big bed. His memories of her only added fuel to the fire. Something had been resurrected the night he’d pleasured her on his sofa, and when she was close to him this way he was sure he wanted to finish what they’d started.

But not here, and not now, so he braced his feet and prepared himself to make do with kissing and the feel of her in his arms.

There was the sound of someone clearing their throat and then a quiet, “Allison?”

She froze in his arms.

“You’re going to be late.” Then there was just a condemning closing of the door again.

Ally pushed back and put her hands in her coat pockets again. “She’s right. It wouldn’t look good for me to be late.”

“What’s your mother got against me, anyway?”

“I have no idea. She always thought I was rather stupid to give you up in the first place.”

There was that word again. Stupid. She seemed to use that an awful lot in reference to herself. He didn’t like it.

“You probably should go. And maybe reapply your lipstick before you leave.” He ran a thumb over her lips. They looked plump and deliciously kissed. “Let me know how you make out. And come see Moose sometime. He’s fetching now and bringing it back without prompting. Of course, he’s figured out that he gets a treat and sticks his nose in my pocket.”

“I’d like that. I’ll call you.”

“Okay.”

“Okay.”

He didn’t want to leave but she had to get on the road. “You sure your car will start?”

She grinned. “I gave it a tune-up. Changed the oil, plugs, everything. She’s got to get me through the winter, you know.”

“You did that?”

She nodded. “I can do some things on my own,” she replied.

“You,” he said, touching her nose with a finger, “are constantly full of surprises.”

“I hope so,” she answered. “Now get going. And thanks for stopping by.”

She slipped by him into the house and he went back to his truck. His footsteps felt lighter than they had in ages. If she wanted time, he’d give it to her. But not too much time. There were some things he was eager to get moving. Like making love to her again—properly.

Did he really want to go down this road? If he were brutally honest, he did. His pain had been real when she’d given him back the ring, but she’d explained her reasons. And he
had
been impatient. Maybe he could have given her more time, but he’d pushed, made it all or nothing. She wasn’t the only one to blame.

Maybe they could get it right this time.

He started the engine but waited until she’d come back outside and started her car without incident. Only then did he put the truck in gear and head home.

Ally pulled a pair of gloves off her hands and shoved them into her jacket pockets. There’d been a frost this morning and the chill had stayed in the air long after the October sun had burned away the delicate crystals. The valley was an area rich in agriculture, and right now was the height of the harvest. Pumpkins were piled everywhere, the apple U-Picks were going full swing and there was never any parking near the corn maze, which brought families from far and wide.

It was Ally’s favourite time of year. She loved the fall colors, loved the fresh fruit and late-harvest vegetables. She loved the sunshine and the particular blue of the sky and how she got to wear cozy soft sweaters and gloves.

But she wasn’t quite enjoying it as much today. Her mother and father had insisted she join them for the annual tea and sale at the Greenwich Fire Department.

Normally she loved these sorts of community events. The food was always top-notch, the conversation predictably local and gossipy, and the good-will contagious. But not today. Today she had too much on her mind. The career counsellor had been helpful, but it had been Chris’s suggestions that had set off a chain reaction of possibilities in her head. He was right. She should work with animals and she didn’t truly know why she hadn’t thought of it before. Perhaps it had been the constant references to a
real
job that had held her back. A real job didn’t sound like fun. Work wasn’t supposed to be
fun
.

Except there was no reason why it couldn’t be. The question was figuring out exactly what she wanted to do. And how to make it happen. Tea, pumpkin pie and apple crisp were all well and good, but she’d rather be home on the computer doing research.

And then there was the fact that being ordered to go by her parents when she was twenty-five years old—well, that just chafed.

The place was hopping when they arrived just before one in the afternoon. One area was roped off and art displays by local artisans were showcased. Another area was set up for the tea, and there were no empty seats. The hall smelled of urns of strong coffee and the spicy tang of cinnamon and nutmeg. Before Ally could say anything, her mother grabbed her arm and led her through the throng.

“You didn’t eat lunch. Have some tea and pie,” Judy ordered.

Setting her teeth, Ally smiled at the woman behind the table and asked for coffee…and apple crisp. It was probably childish, but she was growing more and more restless lately. She could pick her own snack, for heaven’s sake. It was hardly all her mom’s fault. Ally was the one who’d put herself in the rut to begin with. Ally had been the one to stay at home because it was easy.

She was balancing the cup in one hand and the plate and fork on another when the back of her neck started tingling. She turned around and saw Chris in the line-up, smiling down at a woman who was old enough to be his grandmother. Ally noticed that he got a piece of crisp
and
a generous slice of pie. Not that she blamed the old girl. When Chris turned on his smile, it was hard to say no.

His gaze caught hers and his eyes warmed, sending a flush from her head straight down to her toes. He wore his uniform today, the blue shirt bringing out his eyes and the tie knotted precisely at his throat. His long legs were emphasized by the trim cut of the dark pants. Legs that were, right now, making their way over to her, weaving around chairs while he held his cup up high so as not to spill.

“Fancy meeting you here,” he said, sliding up beside her.

Suddenly the afternoon out didn’t feel like such a burden. “Indeed.” Her lips curved up and she lifted her chin. “Look at you, sweet talking the ladies into giving you double.”

“No sweet talking at all. Just my natural charm. Most ladies can’t resist it.”

“Really.”

“There is one. I keep trying and trying, but she’s a tough cookie.”

“Oh, that’s too bad.”

“Not really.” His eyes twinkled at her. “I find I’m enjoying the challenge.”

Their gazes held for several seconds until he grinned, showing his stupidly white teeth for just a second before lifting his cup for a drink of coffee.

“I wish there was a place to sit. We should have come later, after things slow down.”

“You came with your parents?”

She raised her eyebrows, then nodded.

“Here, put your cup down here so you can eat.” He slid over to a wall and put his cup down on the ledge. She put hers beside it and let out a breath. There was slightly more room to breathe just here, and she dipped her fork into the baked apples and oatmeal topping.

“How’d the career counsellor go?” He popped a gigantic piece of pumpkin pie into his mouth.

She shrugged. “Okay. I answered a bunch of questions, only for her to tell me after an hour what it took you all of two minutes to say.”

He smiled. “I’ve known you longer. So, any decisions?”