Into the Blue (A Wild Aces Romance) (13 page)

I might have given myself more credit than I deserved.

As far as the whole taking-control thing went, I figured I got an eight for effort, although the Russian judge would likely knock me down for the fact that, by the end of it, I was so far gone I could barely remember my own name. Considering Eric had appeared to suffer in the same way, I figured the whole thing was a wash.

What I had failed to account for, and what barely earned me a freaking three, was how good it would feel to have his arms wrapped around me again, or how easy it would be to sink into sleep when I was riding the wave of two of the best orgasms I’d ever had. Or that I would wake up to him in the morning and, stupidly, curl into his warmth again, because it felt so good to have him next to me that my brain apparently switched off and forgot that this was supposed to just be physical.

“I can hear you thinking,” Eric murmured, his lips brushing my hair as he pulled me tighter against his naked body.

“I should go take a shower. I need to go to work.”

I tried to keep my voice hard, as if the force of my words could push him away. I figured I would have been more successful if my arms didn’t wrap themselves around him, my lips seeking out the curve where his neck met his shoulder, my fingers brushing against the light hair covering his chest.

He looked over at the alarm clock, cradling the back of my head in his big hand.

“It’s five thirty.”

“I have a busy day.”

We were cuddling. Spooning. It would be one thing if we were having morning sex, but this? This was bad. This was on the list of not-a-good-idea. Hell, it was at the top, right after me telling him I still loved him.

He wanted me as badly as I wanted him. I could feel him hard and heavy against my hip, and yet neither one of us made a sexual move. It was as though we
preferred
to cuddle.

Fuck me.

Did he just nuzzle me?

His hand curled around my breast in a move that was more possessive and sleepy than sexual, and I felt a bit of my resolve flee.

“You feel good like this,” he whispered.

He did, too.

I stifled a groan, figuring Cupid had a sense of humor, because it was so not fair that I’d somehow careened back to where I’d started. I was smart; I should have known better, and still, I courted trouble, giving myself over to the pleasure of holding him in the palm of my hand, even as I knew it wouldn’t last.

He turned me in his arms until we were facing each other, pressing soft kisses to my face, my neck, my lips. Death by
a thousand kisses. I couldn’t fight the laughter that rose, the brush of his lips against my skin tickling me and setting off a whole other host of sensations.

And just like that, I threw in the towel.

I could spend the next week freaking out every time we were together, trying to put a wall up just for him to knock it down, but I was a big girl, and I wanted this, without guilt or fear, wanted to bask in this moment for as long as I could.

So here we were—

This wasn’t forever. It wasn’t even necessarily tomorrow. But we had today and who knew how many days after that, and I was going to enjoy the ride until it was time to get off.

A smile slid over my lips as I pulled back to look at him, my fingers tracing his cheekbones, stroking down his skin until they found his mouth, my thumb rubbing over his bottom lip—

I hissed as he sucked my thumb inside, nipping at the pad.

“I might have a couple hours before I have to go to work.”

His lips curved into a beautiful grin. “Then you’re lucky that I can get a lot done in a couple of hours.”

He rolled me over so my back sank down into the mattress, his body hovering over mine, and then his lips were at my neck, his hand between my legs, as he got to work and showed me just how productive he could be.

I took my time getting dressed, too caught up in the sight of Becca to rush.

I’d never been all that into business suits, but something
about the way she rocked them went straight to my dick. Or maybe it was the black heels she slid her feet into, the black-rimmed glasses she slipped on. She didn’t wear them all of the time, but when she did, it was like she put on a mask, giving me a different version of herself, one I wanted just as much as all of the other versions she gave me.

Becca walked over to where I sat on the edge of the bed buttoning my shirt, a gleam in her eyes. I dropped the fabric, finding her hips, wrapping my arms around her, unable to resist the urge to lay my cheek against her stomach, loving the way her fingers stroked through my hair, how she held me to her like she didn’t want to let me go.

Something had changed between us this morning. Last night had been mind-blowing, but I’d still felt that wall between us, and even sex hadn’t been able to erase the feeling that she held me at bay.

And then she’d woken up and wrapped her body around me, and I felt like I’d died and gone to heaven. The wall was down and while I had no idea how it happened—or why—I couldn’t be more grateful.

I’d never felt this way about anyone before. Wasn’t sure I’d even felt this way about her before. Maybe it took losing her to realize just how much I needed her, the contrast between my life with Becca and my life without never clearer than in this moment.

“Have dinner with me tonight.”

She grinned. “Okay.”

I’d graduated from “maybes” to “okays,” and I felt like a fucking king.

“We can go to Columbia. Go to your favorite Mexican place if you want. Do you still love chips and salsa?”

The smile she gave me nearly took my breath away. I hadn’t seen her smile since I’d been back—not like this. Not
the kind of smile that transformed her face, that made it impossible for me not to smile in return.

“Yeah, I do.”

“What time do you finish up work?”

“I can probably be ready to leave about six thirty. Does that work for you?”

“Sounds perfect.”

She moved out of my grasp, grabbing her purse and shoving her keys and cell inside. Her glasses slid down the bridge of her nose and she pushed them back up. My dick twitched.

“What do you have planned today?” she asked.

“Probably go to the gym and lift. Maybe go for a run. My grandmother wants to paint her kitchen so I told her I’d go pick up some paint and get started on that.” I grinned. “I’m sort of a gentleman of leisure right now.”

My vacation back home had been pretty low-key, but given how much I’d been working, low-key was exactly what I needed. I spent time with my grandmother every day, worked out for a few hours. I’d run into a few people I’d grown up with and caught up with them, surprised to see that nearly everyone was married with kids. The whole thing made me feel old and out of place, as though I’d missed a crucial stage in life somewhere along the way.

I stood up, fastening the last buttons of my shirt, sliding my feet into my shoes as I followed her out of the apartment. I walked her to her car, admiring the view as I went. One day I was going to have her like that, bent over a desk, her skirt hauled up, ass bare.

Becca stopped in front of her car and I wrapped my arms around her waist, pulling her close, nuzzling her neck, inhaling the scent of her perfume. I kissed her and she made that little noise in her throat that she did when she was turned on, kissing me back, her arms sliding around my neck.

“Have a good day at work,” I whispered against her lips.

She grinned. “I’ll see you tonight.”

I stood in the parking lot watching her drive away, and then I opened the door and slid into the Mustang.

My cell rang as I put the key in the ignition. I stared down at the screen, surprised by the strange country code.

“Hello?”

“Hey, man, it’s Burn.”

Burn and I had been stationed together in the Wild Aces before he PCSed to a squadron in South Korea with his now-wife, Jordan, a few months ago. We still talked occasionally, but we hadn’t caught up in a couple of months. I always felt better when I talked to Burn; he had his shit together more than most, and he’d been in the formation the night that Joker died so he got it in a way that no one else besides Easy did.

“Hey, how’s it going? How’s Korea?”

“Complicated.”

“What’s wrong?”

“The amazing thing is that Jordan’s pregnant.”

“That’s awesome, dude. Congrats.”

“Thanks.”

He and Jordan had one of those relationships that seemed completely rock solid. I’d known him before he met her, had been there in Vegas the weekend they’d gotten together, and I’d never seen him as happy as he was with her. I didn’t doubt they’d both be great parents or that Burn was thrilled.

“So what’s the bad thing?”

“She’s fine and the baby’s fine, but it’s looking like the pregnancy might be bumpy. The medical situation here isn’t great and I’d really feel more comfortable if she was back home to have the baby. The Air Force won’t move her to Florida and she feels weird about staying at her parents’, so
she’s planning on going back to my house in Oklahoma. I already talked to Easy and he’s moving out so she’ll just stay there, and I’ll take my mid-tour so I can be with her when the baby’s born.”

I felt bad for the guy. No man wanted to be separated from his wife, especially when she was pregnant and a newlywed, but I also didn’t blame him for his concerns about her staying overseas.

“Can I do anything to help?”

“Yeah, can you pick her up from the airport? I’d ask Easy, but he’s going TDY to Hill.”

“I’m in South Carolina right now, but I’ll be back in Oklahoma soon. When will she be flying in?”

“We haven’t booked it yet, but two weeks should work. We’re trying to finalize everything before she goes back.”

He sounded tired and beyond stressed.

“You know if there’s anything I can do to help while she’s in Oklahoma, I’m happy to.”

Burn and Easy had been roommates before he left for Korea, and Easy and Jordan had a friendship of sorts, but it had to be hard for Burn to know his wife would be so far away and it would be easier if she had a big support network in place.

“Thanks, man. I really appreciate it. Her family and her best friend are planning to come out and visit her, and I’ll be there for my mid-tour, but it’ll be nice to have the guys in the squadron to look after her. I really appreciate it.”

“No problem.”

This is what we all did for one another—we stepped up and filled the gaps when it was needed. That was one of the things that had drawn me to military life in the beginning; for a guy who hadn’t grown up with much of a family, having a group of people who always had my back meant the world.

“Did you hear about Dani?” Burn asked.

I felt a twinge at the sound of her name. Even though Dani, Joker’s widow, was around my age, she had been the unofficial “mom” to our rowdy group. I’d spent several holidays at their home; when she’d found out that people in the squadron didn’t have anywhere to go, she’d opened the doors to all of us, making us feel like we really were a part of their family.

She’d sent care packages on deployments, made cupcakes on birthdays, basically did everything she could to make our lives better and our jobs just a little bit easier. Joker had been one of the best guys I’d known and he’d been like an older brother to me; his wife was equally beloved.

When he died, we all stepped up as best we could to help out Dani. She went home to Georgia to spend time with her family, but we still occasionally traded e-mails. I didn’t know what to say to her, didn’t know how you helped someone through the magnitude of her loss, but I did the best I could to be there for her.

“Is she okay?”

“Yeah, she is. She and Jordan talked the other day and she mentioned that she’s coming back to Oklahoma.”

“Seriously?”

It had been several months since Joker died and she’d left right after the memorial service we’d had for him at Bryer.

“Yeah. She wants to get their house ready to go on the market and figure out her next step. She’s planning on arriving right before Thanksgiving.”

It would be good to see her again, and at the same time, there was always a tightness in my chest that appeared when I saw Dani, a guilt I couldn’t help but feel that I’d come home when her husband hadn’t. But whatever feelings I had about
Dani’s return paled in comparison to the ones Easy would have.

“Does he know?”

There was no point in saying who “he” was. Easy had done a decent job of covering his feelings for Dani when Joker was alive, but considering everything we’d been through together, I could read Easy pretty fucking well.

“I haven’t told him.” Burn was silent for a beat. “How is he?”

“I don’t know. The same, I guess? We don’t talk about it or anything.”

“How are you?”

We were fighter pilots; we typically did not talk about emotional shit. So I had a pretty good feeling that someone had told him about my freak-out in the air.

“Let me guess, you talked to Loco?”

“He’s worried.”

“I have it under control.”

“Do you?”

No.

“Do
you
?” I countered.

He sighed. “I miss him. I still occasionally have dreams. But when I’m in the air, I keep that shit out. I have a wife, a baby on the way. I can’t risk getting fucked when I’m in the jet. It’s too dangerous for me and every single person in my formation.”

That was the worst part. It wasn’t just that my PTSD, or whatever the hell it was, was dangerous to me. It was the fact that I was putting the guys in my formation in danger, too.

“You going to talk to someone?” he asked.

“Come on. How well do you think that’s going to go over for my career?”

It was hard enough to get to the top; once you were there, you had to bust your ass to stay there, to keep a fighter spot, a Viper spot, when more guys were getting pulled out of the cockpit and sent to bullshit assignments. Something like this was an easy way to weed me out.

“I know, but think about how much worse it could be. You have to get your shit straight on your own or else you have to get help. You can’t just leave it and hope it’ll go away. It won’t.”

“I know.”

“How is it being back home?”

I grimaced. “Is there anything you and Loco didn’t talk about?”

“He didn’t know about the girl you left behind there.”

I’d totally forgotten about the night I’d told Burn about Becca. I’d been drunk and missing her, and it had all just tumbled out.

“Have you seen her yet?”

I groaned. “Are you trying to play matchmaker now that you’re married?”

He laughed. “Maybe. I’m just saying—it’s a hell of a lot easier to fight when you have something you’re fighting for.”

“Let’s just say I’m working on it, although I’m not sure how this one is going to play out. She hates my job and there’s a fuckload of baggage there.”

“Trust me, Jordan wasn’t wild about it, either, but you find a way to make it work.”

If only it were that easy.

“I gotta go, early brief, but if you ever need to talk, I’m here.”

“Thanks, man.”

He was one of those guys who’d definitely been tapped early on by the Air Force brass to go far. He was a patch—a
graduate of the prestigious USAF Weapons School—and I didn’t doubt that he’d be a squadron commander someday in the not too distant future. He was also one of the best guys I knew.

“Thanks for the help with Jord. I’ll let you know when I have her flight info.”

“Sounds good.”

Burn was quiet for a beat.

“You’re there. I’m not. How badly is he going to take this Dani business?”

He and Easy had always been more brothers than friends.

“I honestly don’t know. He doesn’t talk about what happened—about her—at all really. He’s up to his usual routine; I’ve been out with him three times and he went home with two different girls. He could be totally fine and over it, or he could freak the fuck out.”

Burn sighed. “If he goes off the rails, let me know.”

“Copy.”

“Sometimes I feel like everyone’s fucking dad,” he grumbled.

I grinned. “It’s good practice. Stay safe.”

The call disconnected, but the smile lingered on my face, and I realized that as much as I’d enjoyed being home, as amazing as it had been to be with Becca, there had been a part of me that missed this, missed talking to my bros, to the guys I would give my life to protect. Ours was a small brotherhood, the bonds forged through a life spent on the edge, but more than anything, it was a
family.