Intimate Secrets: 10 (Touched By You) (8 page)

“It’s not the money. I never needed Tanner’s money. I mean, I didn’t marry him for the money. I have my own business anyway. But it’s the motive I question.”

“But you are both happy, right?”

“I…think so.”

“Honey, you’ve been married not much longer than six months. I think you’d know if you were happy.”

“I wasn’t going to talk about this, but I know you’ll understand. I wonder if I’m enough to make Tanner happy, really. It’s no secret to you that he has dominant preferences. Heck, you knew him before I did. You knew about his tendencies.

“And how I feel about it is another discussion. I can’t get into that now. I’m just…a little confused. But how about Tanner? Can one woman, namely me, be all he needs? I don’t know, Cheryl. I fear I might not be.

“So is moving money discreetly an indication that he is planning something, in case we don’t work out?
If I don’t satisfy him enough?”

“Okay, now you are talking crazy. I’ve seen Tanner around you. The guy is smitten. Take my word for it. I know something about men, and he only has eyes for you. Whatever deficiency you think you have, I guarantee you that he doesn’t see it.”

Natalie felt a surge of hope. “You think so?”

“I’m positive.”

Natalie bit her lower lip. “I hope you are right.”

“Now, here’s what I suggest, since you are asking my opinion.
Talk to Tanner. He may be many things—dominant and possessive, and many other things. But he’s not deceitful. For as long as I’ve known him, that’s never been one of his personality traits. So, confront him with what you know, and give him a chance to explain.

“I know you don’t really think Tanner would betray you like that. It takes strength to be with a powerful man, and he is. But you have been strong. Maybe it’s a lot to have him sweep you off your feet, marry him, and well…I can only imagine what he’s like in the bedroom.

“So you feel like maybe you can’t measure up. It’s a feeling any woman could have. But he loves you. Let him help.”

Natalie dabbed at her eyes with a napkin. “I wish I had a calmer nature like you do. I just get so stirred up. I just love him so much. He means everything to me.”

“Go tell him that.”

“Yes. I will. I’ll talk to him tonight.”

That evening Tanner changed into jeans and a white T-shirt, looking impossibly sexy in the simple garb. He sat at the piano playing “
Fallin’,” a song by Alicia Keys. The emotional lyrics played in Natalie’s head along with the melancholy music.

The T-shirt fit snugly over Tanner’s chest, the sleeves just touching his rounded biceps. As he played, muscles flexed, and he closed his eyes to feel the depth of the music. His thick hair, no longer stiff with the gel he’d styled it with in the morning, was messy and touchable. Standing beside the piano, Natalie admired how nice his lean thighs looked in the faded jeans.

When the song ended, she was still looking at him. Tanner opened his eyes, and seeing her attentiveness asked, “More?”

Natalie had a case of nerves. That night she had to ask him what was going on, but she wondered if she really wanted to know. If the answer was what she feared, possibly she’d rather delay knowing. But if there was an explanation, hearing it would be the only thing to put her mind at rest. The words from Cheryl “talk to Tanner” echoed in her head like a nagging conscience.

“Actually…can we talk?”

Tanner frowned, and she knew the look. He didn’t object to talking, but from her tone it was clear there was a problem.

“Tell me what’s wrong.” Tanner guided her to the sofa and sat beside her.

Regretting her request to talk, Natalie wished for a normal evening, just wanting to be with Tanner and forget the world like she always did. But knowing until the concerns were addressed, it would never be that way again. It had gone too far.

“I have to ask you something.”

The look on Tanner’s face when she said it urged her to continue. Alarming him, Natalie had only one option—to state the issue. Otherwise he might think it was something worse.

“Ask me.” Tanner’s confident tone gave her courage.

“Well, I was looking at the accounts the other day. I have the new income from my fall line, and I met with our accountant too.”

Tanner had no reaction.

“There is a lot of money that has been moved to another account, one that is out of the country. You didn’t mention anything about it. It has me mystified.”

Tanner’s shoulders relaxed, the opposite of what she’d anticipated. “Oh, I didn’t think you’d notice that.”

Natalie’s pulse sped. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Tanner reached out and held her hand between both of his. His soft blue eyes melted her heart. “I didn’t want you to know until I got all the legal papers done. But now that you’ve found out…”

Natalie’s heart sank. She’d misunderstood the look in his eyes; this was worse than she’d thought. Pulling her hand back, she hugged her body, reluctant to hear the rest.

“You are mad at me?” Tanner looked aghast. “The money concerned you?”

Natalie shook her head. “No, it’s not the money.”

“What then?”

“Go
ahead, tell me about the legal papers.”

“I want to know what you thought first.”

Natalie could hardly keep from fainting. This couldn’t be happening. Her life was ending, without warning. She knew that as a wife she had little experience. But she’d thought she had more time. There was no way to tell Tanner what she knew, or at least suspected, because her throat locked up. No words would come out.

Her eyes watered and she clenched her jaw. Seeing Natalie’s reaction prodded Tanner to clarify.

“All right, something alarmed you. I can’t imagine. There’s no way you could have guessed what I intend.”

Natalie looked down at the carpet as if it held answers for her.

“It’s not a subject we’ve talked about.” Tanner stopped talking and reached out to touch her jaw. “Please look at me.”

Natalie looked into his blue eyes, and could only see concern. If he weren’t so darn handsome, and if Natalie didn’t love him so much, this would be a lot easier.

“We never talked about having a family…not really.”

“What?” Natalie couldn’t follow the sudden shift of subject.

“I’ve been thinking about it. I guess I should have talked with you, but lately you’ve seemed to be struggling with other issues. I didn’t think it was the right time.”

Natalie didn’t know what to say.

“I know we aren’t ready to have a baby.”

The mention of the word squeezed Natalie’s heart. The one time she’d thought she was pregnant had been a false alarm. She would never forget the feeling; how it was when she thought she might be carrying Tanner’s baby.

Natalie’s voice came out shaky, but at least she could talk. “What does that have to do with what we were talking about? And…you want to have a baby?’

Tanner smiled.
“Of course, when we are ready. Don’t you want a family?”

“Yes, but that doesn’t explain the money.”

“It does, actually. You know me, I’m a control freak. I was planning ahead. I’d always want our children to be secure, so I set up a trust fund. It’s outside the scope of our finances. I bank in many countries of the world; partly for business reasons and also so I don’t depend on the economy of one country. Thus, I moved the funds outside the country. I set up the trust so our children would always be taken care of, no matter what.”

“The children we don’t have…you set up a trust fund for them.”

“Yes, and there’s a legal procedure. The paperwork is almost done and then I was going to tell you. I had planned to bring up the subject of a family…at the right time.”

“You did?”

“Yes, why do you look so surprised? Am I so cold that you think I don’t want a family?”

Looking at him, Natalie saw him as anything but cold. The idea that he’d been considering a family was news to her. But it was good to hear him say it.

“Tanner, I’m sorry. I just…didn’t know. You aren’t cold. I never thought that.”

“What, then?”

Natalie sighed. She couldn’t believe what she’d thought, but then, she could really. “Tanner, I was just worried. Maybe some time you’d want to leave me. I never thought you should have had such a generous prenuptial agreement.”

“Why would I want to leave you?” Tanner looked devastated.

“I’m not sure. I just don’t know if I can be everything you need. I try. I want to. But what if I’m not?”

Tanner pulled her into his arms. “You worry about the strangest things. I don’t mean that you are strange. That came out wrong.” He stroked her hair. “You are the only woman for me. If I haven’t shown you that by now then I don’t know what I’ve been doing.

“The prenup meant nothing. All the money, the material things, would do me no good without you. I wouldn’t want it. I couldn’t live without you. You believe that, don’t you?”

The way he said it, Natalie did believe it. It felt true. It felt right. That didn’t stop her from having self-doubts sometimes. “I do believe you,” she said. “It’s me. I never waver in my love for you. It’s just that you are so perfect, and I want you so much. I don’t see how I can measure up. Or that’s what I get afraid about.”

Tanner kissed the top of her head and then her cheek. Lifting her chin so she would look at him, he said, “There is nothing to measure up to. I love you. I crave you.”

The emotion in Tanner’s voice pierced deeply. Natalie realized the irrationality of her fears. There was no way to be sure she would never wonder again. But she didn’t wonder about Tanner. He’d never given her any reason to.

Sweeping aside the feelings that had dragged her down, and falsely so, she wanted to be with Tanner. Wanting him more than ever, Natalie put her hands behind his head, pulling him to her. She kissed him hard, conveying her love, her belief, and the strength of her desire for him.

Need clawed at Natalie, deep inside. The reassurance that Tanner wanted her so much made her brave; at least for that moment. And in that moment of strength, she asked for what she wanted.

“I need you right now,” Natalie said softly.

Tanner looked into her eyes. “It’s okay, baby. You have me.”

Unsure where she found the courage, Natalie said, “I want to submit to you. I want to let go. I need to.” Holding her breath, she waited for his reaction.

Lust flared in Tanner’s eyes. Sternly, he said, “Go to the playroom and undress. I want to see you on your knees, naked, when I get in there. And keep your eyes on the floor unless I give you permission to look at me.”

Natalie trembled. She realized how badly she wanted this, and how much she needed it. Slowly, she rose to her feet and went to the playroom to comply with Tanner’s order.

Inside the intimate room, Natalie undressed, excited and nervous. Sexually, she’d done many things with Tanner—but never this, not quite like this. Naked, she dropped to her knees, feeling the cold, polished wood on her skin. Placing her hands on her thighs, she looked down, studying the grain to try to calm her stomach.

The door opened and Tanner stepped inside. She saw his bare feet and wanted to kiss them, but she dared not move. He went over to a cabinet and took out several items. She could hear a scraping noise, bu
t couldn’t tell what they were.

The sound of clothes rustling told her that Tanner was undressing. She imagined him doing so, and her clit tensed. The cool air of the room surrounded her, caressing her bare skin and making her nipples hard.

Music began to play and she noted the deep, rough beat. It sent a shudder through her. Tanner walked over to her and stood for a moment. Natalie bent a little lower and focused her eyes on her knees, lest he think she was trying to look at him.

“Get up and walk over to the bed. Do not look up unless you have my permission.”

Tanner grasped her elbow, helping her up. She could smell his masculine scent and the need for him grew in her belly. Natalie went to the bed and stood beside it, looking at her feet.

“I want you on the bed on your hands and knees.”

Natalie got up on the bed as directed. She felt Tanner’s hands on her ankles. “I’m going to attach your ankles to a spreader bar. It will keep them held apart.” He proceeded to lock her ankles into the bar, a cuff around each one. The cuffs were attached to the bar he mentioned. Natalie glanced without permission and caught sight of the flat bar, holding her ankles apart.

“Did I say you could look?”

Natalie swallowed hard.

“Answer me.”

“No.” Natalie’s voice was broken.

“If you look again, I will have to punish you.”

Tanner touched Natalie’s knee. “I am going to put this between your knees, so press them together when I do.” She felt a hard yet pliable bar, about the same width as the spreader bar, between her knees and she held it there.

“Put your head down and put your hands behind your back.”