Intaglio: The Snake and the Coins (25 page)

They lay
together for a long time. He composed the words in his head before he said
them.  He felt like he was standing at the edge of a chasm, and he needed
to find a way across
because that’s where Ava was. 
The words were
the first step in that direction. 

“I’ll do
better,” Cole promised.  “I don’t know
how
to do that right now,
but I want to figure it out. I want to make this work with you, Ava...
okay?” 

He blinked
rapidly, unshed tears prickling at his eyelids.  The emotions of last
night warred with his need to fix this, guilt and grief mixing.  She
didn’t respond, but she lifted her head onto the pillow next to him.  Her
gaze was steady.

“I messed up
last night,” Cole admitted with a bitter laugh, “But I want to do this right.  
I want
us
to have a chance.  I guess I need to know.  Are you
willing to stick it out?  To… to help me figure things out?”

Ava inhaled on
the last words. 

“Are you
serious?” she asked, voice trembling.  “Because there are a lot of things
here
...”
she lay her hand against his chest, “that need to be dealt with.”  She
smiled cautiously.  “It’s not going to be easy, Cole.  I know...
I’ve gone through it
.”

Cole nodded,
moving forward until his face was a hands-breadth away from hers.  He held
her gaze as he spoke, willing her to understand how hard it was for him say
this... but how important it was that he did. 

“I know you
have... and I’m… I’m counting on you to help me through to it.” 

He placed his
hand atop hers where it lay on his chest. 

“You and me,”
Cole said quietly, “...this thing between us…
it’s real
, Ava.  It’s
important.  And we are definitely worth the effort to make it work.” 

She nodded, eyes
glittering brightly. 

“So will you
help me?” Cole asked.

She nodded again,
tears sliding down her cheeks, wetting the pillow.

“Of course I
will,” she whispered, leaning forward and pressing a kiss to his lips.

Brunch later
that morning was quiet, but far less stilted than the previous day.  Cole
set the table while Ava sat at the kitchen counter with a cup of coffee,
chattering away with his stepmother.  The two of them resumed their
conversation about Arts funding and their stream of words eased the men into a
wary truce.

Ava reached out
for Cole as he stepped past her to pick up silverware and napkins.  He
smiled shyly, pausing to touch her hand and then her back, catching her eyes.
Ava watched as Cole laid things out, folding the napkins into intricate origami
shapes that had Ava giggling. She wasn’t used to seeing Cole this quiet, but
there was a difference between this behaviour and yesterday’s.  Today he
was
present
, and trying.  It felt like a massive victory. 

Nina cooked
omelets, taking everyone's orders on the various fillings.  Frank was
introverted and withdrawn next to her, chopping up green onions, toasting
English muffins, and generally serving as Nina’s assistant.  Ava had time
to observe how weary and old he looked.  She caught Nina’s eyes on him
more than once during the preparations for the meal. 

Ava tried to
lure him into conversation, though his answers came in single words.  Nina
mentioned that Frank was a fan of classical music, so Ava told him about her
father’s tour of Australia.  That seemed to pique his interest for a
moment, though the conversation quickly dwindled. 

Still, Ava
thought, it was a start. 

Half an hour
later, they were seated at the table.  Nina insisted on Cole and Ava being
side-by-side and no one argued.  It seemed better to keep some physical
distance between Cole and his father, so instead Ava was at Cole’s side, Nina
seated across from her, Frank tucked between the two women.

The food was
delicious.  As they ate, Ava and Nina talked again, conversation topics
changing seamlessly.  They started in about university life and that
flowed into a debate about art; Cole jumped in.  He brought up
architecture, which led Nina to design aesthetics and furnishings. 

“I love it,”
Nina admitted with a grin.  “The lights and the garlands and the colours. 
Getting things set up for Christmas.  Oh my...” she said with a
sigh.  “Frank here has to tolerate my passion for decorating.”

He smiled
tiredly, putting his hand onto hers on the table.  Ava could see the deep
love between them as he smiled at her.

“No, I like it,
Nina... it’s very nice.  Very festive and happy.  You bring a lot of
joy to the house.  I know we all appreciate it.  I certainly do.”

Ava knew before
she said it that she probably shouldn’t have, but the meal had gone better than
she’d expected... and tact had never been her strong suit.  (Her father
liked to remind her of that on occasion.)

“Can I ask
something?” Ava said, turning to Cole’s father.  “If you really feel like
that... about the joy in the house.  Why don’t you put the flag back
up?  I mean, it’s at half-mast for a reason.  Are you going to keep
it that way forever?”

Ava heard Cole
gasp.  She waited, realizing she stepped over the invisible line that
everyone else seemed to be watching out for, but no one had shown her.  Ava's
anxiety rose as she watched Frank struggle, his gaze on his plate.  When
he finally lifted his eyes, she felt something shift in her perception. 

He wasn’t
furious with her as she expected... he was in terrible pain.

“The flag’s at
half-mast because
I’m not done mourning,”
he uttered, dropping his eyes
again. He picked up his fork and took another bite.

There was a
long, awful silence. Ava fought the urge to fidget.  She glanced to Nina
and then Cole.  Both of them had their eyes on their food, eating without
speaking, as if worried that a landmine would go off.

‘Well, that was
the wrong fucking thing to say…’

Unable to
tolerate the uncomfortable silence, she began filling up the space with
words. 

“You know what’s
interesting,” Ava said, her words tumbling out in rapid succession, “Queen
Victoria went into mourning for forty years after her husband Albert
died.  I mean she had black curtains and black jewellery... and only wore
black...” 

She glanced over
to see Cole staring at her, an appalled expression on his face.  Ava
recognized that it would have been funny if it weren’t so unpleasant right
now. 
‘Oh shit!’
she thought, scrambling out of the new hole she’d
just dug.

“And uh...” she
fumbled, “she just never really came out of mourning, no matter what anyone
said... just kind of stayed that way forever...  like you, she wasn’t done
yet...”

Her words faded
out uneasily.  There was a purpose to this story, but in her panic, Ava
had forgotten it.

“You don’t say,”
Frank grumbled. Ava flinched.  He put down his fork, eyebrows low over his
eyes as he watched her.

Then Ava
remembered...

“Yes,” she said,
picking up tempo again. “It’s true!  She just wouldn’t end her mourning
period.  There was this great story about Benjamin Disraeli – he was her
Prime Minister – when he was on his deathbed, she offered to come visit
him.” 

She smiled
nervously.  Frank was staring at her as if she’d grown a second
head.    She pressed on, recklessness leaving her lightheaded.

“That was…
well...  kind of a big deal.  To have the Queen offer to come hang
out with you.  But do you know what Disraeli said?”

Ava stared
straight at Cole’s father. 

“No, Ava, I
don’t,” he growled, “but I have a feeling you’re going to tell me whether I
want to hear or not.”

She giggled and leaned
forward.

“Disraeli told
her not to bother, turned her away –
the Queen herself!
  
Basically told her to ‘fuck off’ instead of letting her visit.  He
said...” Ava’s voice took on a thick English accent, “ ‘No, it is better not.
She would only ask me to take a message to Albert.’”

For a second
there was nothing. Then Cole’s father chuckled deep in his throat, shaking his
head in disbelief.  Ava grinned.  On the other side of the table Nina
began tittering nervously, though it rose in intensity into laughter.  At
that point, Ava couldn’t hold it in and let out a loud cackle.  Cole
joined in, the room echoing with shared mirth.

When it finally
receded, everyone was sighing, the light tone suddenly restored.  Frank
shook his head, pulling off his glasses and wiping his eyes with his
napkin. 

“My god, girl,
but you’ve got some balls,” he said in admiration.

: : : : : : : :
: :

It was an
exhausting four days, but Cole and his father took tentative steps toward one
another.  Not fighting was the first one, speaking was the second. 
They only had surface interactions at this point – the weather, events of the
day – but it was still movement.  Ava wanted to suggest professional help,
but she wasn’t quite sure Cole was ready to hear that yet.  So she let it
sit and wait.

She and Cole
headed back to campus early on the twenty-sixth.  Ava’s father would be
home in a couple days and she had to admit she was homesick, and wanted a
release from the stress of the Thomases. 
‘Too much fucking angst,’
she thought as they loaded her truck with their backpacks.

In the front
foyer, Frank and Cole embraced in farewell, much as they had a few days earlier
in welcome. Ava noticed how, for the first time, Cole’s hands rested on his
father’s back.  His hands weren’t moving, but they were there.

Another
step. 

Cole’s father
hugged Ava next, grumbling goodbye, then stepped back, waiting for them to
go.  Nina was last.  She hugged Cole first, whispering into his ear,
then stepped over to Ava and pulled her into a tight embrace.

“Thank you for
staying with us, dear,” she said happily.  “This has been a much more
exciting Christmas than I’d expected.”  She shook her head and Cole
laughed.  “But it was
good...
really, really good to have you
here.”  She paused, nodding to Cole.  “Cole’s promised to come back
more often... and I would like to invite you along with him... if you’d like to
come, that is.”

Ava’s eyes
flickered to Cole’s.  This was the first she’d heard of it, and she wasn’t
quite sure what to make of the offer.

“Uh... okay.” Ava
answered.  “I mean, I’ll try to work it in... but thanks for the
invitation.  You have a beautiful home.”

Nina smiled
warmly.

“It’s even nicer
as we head into Spring,” she said, pulling Ava into another hug, “I promise.”

After final
goodbyes, Cole and Ava headed down the steps, hand in hand, walking back to the
truck.  As they climbed in, Ava asked a question that had been bothering
her.

“Why’re you
coming back more often?”  It wasn’t that she necessarily thought it was a
bad thing.  It was just...
unexpected
.

Cole glanced at
her across the seats.

“When I came
home in the Fall, it was because there’d been a car accident.  Dad was
fine, but Nina was pretty shaken up.”

“Whoa,” Ava
breathed.  “What happened?”

Cole gave a
one-shouldered shrug.

“Just one of
those fluke things,” he answered.  “First frost.  Black ice on the
road.  They were on the way back from town and Dad took a curve too hard
and rolled their SUV.” 

“Shit...”

“That’s why I
came back,” he confessed.  “Nina was pretty banged up.  She had a bit
of trouble readjusting afterward… couldn’t sleep.  Had panic
attacks.  Just couldn’t get past it.”  He laughed.  “She told me
it was her ‘moment of clarity’… when she realized what was important.”

Ava smiled.

“And that was…?”

“Family,” he admitted. 
“She wants my father and I to learn how to… get along.”  Cole’s lips
twisted as he said it and Ava smothered a giggle.  “Nina never had kids of
her own, so I’m kind of it.  She wants her family around as she gets
older.  So, uh...” He dropped his eyes for a second, then glanced back
up.  He looked younger than his years… like he was a teen again. “So I
guess I’ll have some time to start dealing with my dad.  Maybe get a
professional to help us with... talking.”

Ava leaned
toward him, pulling him into a tight hug. She could hear him breathing sharp
and fast against her ear.  This scared him more than he wanted her to
know.

“That’s good to
hear.”

The drive back
to the city felt like it went by in minutes.  The end to the tension and
family dysfunction was a physical release; Ava and Cole were giddy with newly
found freedom. 
Alone again
.  Cole’s hands kept straying to
Ava’s thighs, and she teased him about speeding tickets, and exactly what she
was going to tell the police if she got pulled over.  He laughed, dropping
his lids to half mast so he could watch her drive.