Intaglio: The Snake and the Coins (23 page)

He reached out
to put his hand on the doorknob. She followed him, her anger just under the
surface, ready to explode.

“So what...
You’re playing the ‘
poor me’
card?!  Well fuck you, Cole, you don’t
get off that easily.”  She stepped directly into the space before him,
forcing him to meet her eyes.  “I’m not done!”

When he finally
glanced up, his gaze, almost made her step back...
almost
.  There
was so much grief and fury mixed in it that she didn’t even understand.

“Well, I
am.”  He ground the words out like glass under his heel.  “Now
MOVE!”  His eyes jumped over her shoulder, face gone to ice.

“I don’t think
so,” Ava snarled.  “I want to know what the hell is going on between the
two of us, and you are NOT walking out on me!”

Cole had his
gaze averted, shoulders tensed, nose flared.   Ava had a brief moment
when she realized that she’d seen Chim make this exact expression any number of
times, when he was furious and trying to control himself.

“I fucked
up.  Okay?” he growled, his eyes flicking to her, then away.  “Is
that what you want me to say?”

She could see
him starting to rise to the bait.  She could hear her father telling her
to back off, that
Cole wasn’t ready
... but she ignored the remembered
warnings.  She’d had all night to stew and she
wanted
this fight.

“
I’m sorry
is
NOT good enough!” she bit out, moving forward until they stood
toe-to-toe.  “I want to know
why. 
WHY did you sic your father
on me?  Huh?  Because that’s just wrong, Cole!”

For half a
second it seemed like he was going to push past her and then, without warning,
he reacted.  In a split second, he had his hands on her upper arms,
holding her so tight that it hurt.  Ava gasped in shock.  Cole had a
sculptor’s hands and his grip was deadly.  She twisted ineffectually
against his fingers.  He was shaking, his face white with rage.  A
flash of fear mixed into Ava’s anger, her eyes widening in surprise. 

“Because I
fucking HATE HIM!” Cole roared.  “You have NO IDEA what it was like to
grow up with him! I spent my WHOLE LIFE trying to live up to this fucked-up
idea of what I ought to be!  The top student, the best athlete, the
strongest fucking soldier!  My father loved Hanna because she tried to BE
what he WANTED, and after she died, he put all those hopes onto ME!  My
father has NEVER loved me!  Do you get that, Ava?  NEVER!  I
wanted to fucking HURT HIM in the same way!”

With that, Cole
let go of Ava’s arms and she stumbled backward, overwhelmed by the
admission.  She felt like she was caught in an undertow; her anger
disappearing in the rush of Cole’s words, dragged into the dark storm that
surrounded the Thomas family.  Ava watched while Cole reached down to pick
up his bag.

‘If he leaves,
he’s not coming back…’
her father’s voice warned.

When Cole stood,
Ava wrapped her arms around him, pinning his arms to the side, her mouth by his
ear.  Tonight’s admissions – both Cole’s and his father’s  – left her
feeling like a keeper of secrets.

“Your father
does
love you
,”
she said, fighting to keep her voice even.  “I
know that sounds crazy – but I think he actually does.... I… I think he’s even
more messed up than you are, Cole.”  She laughed harshly.  “Totally
fucked up.  But I think he still loves you under all that.... bullshit and
awful temper.”

Cole stood
motionless, letting her embrace him.  It reminded Ava of when Nina hugged
him.  He just disappeared inside himself, leaving her with a shell to
hold. 
‘Just like this house,’
Ava thought in dismay.  Unsure
what to do, she moved her arms around his shoulders, pulling him tighter. 
His arms were no longer pinned, but he didn’t move.  She realized he was
waiting
out
her attempt at reciprocation.  Ava knew that the moment she let
go, he would walk out, and he wouldn’t come back.  Seconds ticked
by...  Cole’s face was impassive, his gaze on the door, like he wasn’t
really there at all.

Waiting…

With a
frustrated hiss, Ava slid her hands up his shoulders and neck, pulling his face
forward to kiss him.  At first, it was like Cole was underwater, his body
somewhere else, and she was trying to relay one-sided emotions.  Her lips
moved against his mouth, but there was no response.  Her tongue darted out
to tease him, but his lips were sealed.  Sighing in aggravation, Ava
kissed him harder, her hands fisting his shirt, pulling him tight against her,
tongue pushing against the barrier of his lips.  There was a waver in his
posture... almost imperceptible... and then Cole came crashing back like a
tidal wave.

He moaned, deep
and raw, his arms coming up to crush her against him.  She gasped as his
mouth slanted against hers; their tongues and teeth clashed together
roughly.  He was desperate and angry.  All the emotions from the last
hours now flowed between the two of them in a riptide of needs and
desires.  Ava heard Cole’s bag drop, forgotten, onto the floor. He began
walking her backward across the room, his tongue in her mouth, hands tugging
off her clothes as they moved.

Feeling the edge
of the bed hit the back of her knees, Ava sat, watching as Cole pulled his
shirt and shorts off.  His eyes were troubled, the planes and angles of
his face harder than usual.  His mouth moved against hers, tongue pushing
past her lips to taste her.  Possess her.  Ava tipped back onto the
bed, overwhelmed by his demanding kisses, while Cole’s hands slid under her
t-shirt, shoving it out of the way.  Laying across the bed, she struggled
out of her pants and panties, moving up toward the pillows to give them room.
All the while he was kissing her, frantic and desperate.

She let go of
his mouth to pull her shirt off.  Cole straddled her as she lay back down,
leaning over to remove her bra.  His hands were forceful, tearing the bra up
away, then dropping his face down to her neck and breasts.  Ava gasped as
he pulled her nipple into his mouth, sucking hard; the fingers of his other
hand kneaded her breast, then switched.  Cole growled in the back of his
throat, harsh and urgent.  His fingers pinched roughly and Ava yelped,
squirming under him. 

He moved over
her now, kissing her hard.  Her body struggled to keep up, her fingers
running along the muscles and lines of his body, fingernails scraping across
his back.  Things were moving too fast, and she knew it wouldn’t be long
until he was inside her.  She had the absent thought that she was glad she
was on the pill now (she didn’t know how she’d slow him down long enough to
think about protection if she wasn’t).   Cole moved lower, and she
knew that it would be just seconds.  She tried to wiggle out, wanting to
climb on top, but he leaned down, face near her ear.

“No,” he
ordered, the stubble of his unshaven jaw scraping against her cheek. 

He kissed her again,
his mouth plundering hers, taking pleasure as he went.  His hands slipped
up her arms to wrap his fingers with hers, pinning their combined fists onto
the sheet of the bed, holding her still.  He was in control here. 
She could feel Cole’s thigh nudging her knees apart; moving to brush against
the wet heat of her core, poised at the entrance to her body, just barely
inside her.  Ava was still struggling with the speed with which things
were moving.  It felt like being battered by a sudden storm, but suddenly
Cole wasn’t moving at all.  He stopped altogether, his fingers still
tightly wrapped with hers as he lifted his face.  Ava’s eyes fluttered
open, catching sight of him watching her, his eyes turbulent and dark. 
She took an involuntary breath.  It was hard to see him so...
raw
...
like this.

“I love you,
Ava,” he growled, his face dropping closer to hers.  “I love you more than
I can say… and maybe I should have said it before tonight, and maybe I
shouldn’t have...”  His voice was aching, words sharp.  “But it’s
true… and I want you to
know that it’s true!”

Once, long ago,
she’d wondered what it would be like to have Cole’s intensity focused on her
alone. 
Now she knew...

She swallowed
hard, panicking under the onslaught of emotions.  He stared down at her
with such pain and honesty that she felt her eyes prickling with tears. 
The need to run had risen to a roar inside her, leaving her breathing in
shallow pants.

“I… I love you
too,” she whispered, voice breaking. 

Before the last
word had passed through her lips, Cole’s mouth was back on hers.  He
pushed into her, the impossibly tight sensation leaving Ava moaning into his
mouth, her fingers tightening against his.  He set a hard pace, pumping
against her hips roughly enough she thought she’d have bruises.  She could
feel release nearing, the drugged pleasure of her body rising in waves,
starting to chafe at her senses, removing all thought.  Her body was
flushed and overheated, her hips desperately trying to keep up with Cole’s
gruelling pace.  Each thrust left her gasping; dots of light, like a
distant harbour, flickering behind her lids.  She could hear the hiss of
rain again – memories from earlier tonight mixing with the present – like a
storm breaking around her.

He released her
hands to touch her; his thumb worked its way between them, caressing her
roughly.  Ava moaned and Cole’s mouth dropped back to her neck, nipping
and sucking while her cries grow louder and more frantic.  Her legs
twitched with sharp jabs of pleasure, orgasm hovering just out of reach. 
He moved back to her mouth, kissing her deeply, his thrusts moving in time to
his tongue as the sensation dragged her under, waves of pleasure crashing over
her, dragging her down.

“Cole, oh God,
Cole...” she cried, her body going limp. Behind her closed lids, the storm
reached its peak.  Cole shouted in pleasure, shuddering, and then slid
off. Things were suddenly quiet; Cole’s arms wrapped around her, his mouth
against her ear.

“I love you,” he
repeated, his voice ragged and broken.  “I have always,
always,
loved
you, Ava.”

She blinked back
tears, her chest aching with
something
.

“I know…”

Ava Brooks was
dreaming (but, of course, she didn’t know that).

She was walking
down a cobbled road, arm in arm with a man.  Her threadbare grey cloak,
simple woollen dress and thin linen undergarments, were serviceable and clean,
but did little to keep the chill out of her bones.  The muddy street was
busy with dirty-faced people coming and going, water soaking through her boot
soles, leaving her feet numb. 

She glanced
over, expecting to see Cole. 

‘Kip…?’

Ava blinked in
confusion.  This was Jon. 
She knew it was Jon
, just as she
knew that they’d just married this morning.  His brown hair was combed
severely back from his face, the white minister’s collar peeking out from
beneath his topcoat. 
‘Yes,
’ Ava thought,
‘that’s right…
Jon.  My husband.
’  He’d wanted the marriage performed before
they’d left; today was her wedding day. 
“So we start out together,”
he’d told her.  She smiled nervously, glancing around as they
walked.  They were headed somewhere important. 

‘A new
beginning,’
her mind whispered.

“Please, sir,”
an elderly woman in rags called.  “Whatev’r you can spare.”

She stepped in
front of them, stopping their progress.  Her fingers were blue with cold,
her aged body hunched against the wind.  Ava realized that if she was cold
with her dress and cape, this woman must be freezing.  She reached
guiltily for the fob at her throat, but Jon was faster.  He pressed a coin
into the woman’s hand, then pulled Ava away before the older woman could ask
for more.

“Thank
y’kindly!” the woman called, her voice thready on the wind. “God bless ye
both!”

“Just a bit
further,” Jon said, turning to smile encouragingly, “just past this next
street, my dear.”

He had, Ava saw,
a blackened eye. 
‘The fight yesterday,’
her mind whispered. 
Yes, that was right.  It wasn’t
just
the journey… Thomas had been
part of the reason for Jon’s insistence on the wedding.  Remembering it
now – the two of them bloodied and roaring – her heart began to thud.  She
hated that it had come to this.  Hated that she was tangled in the middle
of it all.

“We all used to
be friends,” she muttered, the words hidden the wind.  Her tears wicked
away before they could pool in her eyes.

Up ahead, the
crowds were growing thicker.  If she’d had a purse, she would have had to
hide it – pickpockets and thieves were thick here – but Ava’d come to her
marriage without dower.  (
‘Only myself to sell…
’)  Amid the
din of people, the busy port was audible, and above that, the faint rush of the
sea.  Ava blinked back tears, a feeling of heartsick longing wrapping
tight around her.  This was the right choice. 
A woman’s choice.
 
To make the best of what God had given her. 

In her case, it
hadn’t been much. 

Childhood
fancies had died quickly.  She and Thomas might love  each other, but
he was, as her mother had reminded her, as poor as the church mice in Jon’s
parsonage.  Jon’s hand was tight and possessive as he dragged her
forward.  The two of them side by side, heading to the new land. 
(Thomas had
also
acquired passage on the second boat, she knew, but
didn’t say.  Her sister had told her this morning as she’d pressed the
small carved bird into her hand.)