Inside Madeleine (17 page)

Maybe it’s making you cocky.

Maddy, I’m not trying to be cocky.

You don’t own me.

I know I don’t own you. But you are my girlfriend.

I don’t know if I feel comfortable with that, she said, sliding into the front seat, let’s go. Take me home.

Well, it’s the truth, Maddy, you are my girlfriend, Mark said. He jumped into the driver’s seat and started the car, saying, when people talk all the time and fuck all the time and like each other a lot, they’re boyfriend and girlfriend.

You’re so sure of yourself, she said sarcastically and she turned the radio on and turned the volume up loud.

I’m not so sure of myself, he said, almost screaming so he could be heard over the music, I just know we’re a couple. That’s all.

Mark left town to go to a cousin’s wedding. Madeleine called up Carrie and asked her if she wanted to go ice skating. She said, let’s go to Eric’s party instead. Maddy said, I’ll go to his party. But let’s skate first just for the fuck of it. She said, I’ll pick you up … wait, don’t you got some boyfriend? Maddy said, yeah, so what, let’s go out?

Carrie picked her up in her father’s car. They sat in the parking lot and drank from a bright green bottle of peppermint schnapps which Carrie had stolen from her dad and smoked a pin joint. Carrie and Maddy didn’t really go to the rink anymore. Carrie went to parties and Maddy was always with Mark. Carrie’s hair was dyed brassy orange and pressed super straight with an iron. She said, you’re serious with this boyfriend, huh? Maddy said yeah, kind of. She said, it’s some nerd, right, and Maddy said, yeah. She started laughing. She said, how can you fuck some nerd and Maddy told her to shut up.

The schnapps hit Maddy’s head like green fire. She was drunk, huge, bigger than the world. She was sticking her tits out, she was high, feeling good. They skated around, the lights were real bright. Oz was still working there. The Zamboni pulled out on
the ice and Carrie and Maddy started heading to the bathroom to smoke another pinner. Then Oz walked up with some new rink guard and said, hey you guys want to smoke a joint with us? They said, sure.

They all went into the rink guard station. A stack of Hustlers sat on the table. The new rink guard, Jimmy, was younger than Oz, closer to Maddy and Carrie’s age. He went to the high school. He had a peach fuzz face and a squeaky nervous laugh. He kept sticking a finger in his ear and then sniffing his finger. He had a southern accent. He kept saying, in Kentucky, there’s the best weed and it’s so much cheaper and in Kentucky this or that. He spit on the floor.

They went back out to the rink, stoned. Maddy’s mouth was swollen dry and everything moved slowly. Carrie said, that new guy’s cute, right? Yeah, I guess, Maddy said, but he talks too much about Kentucky. Carrie said, should we ask them to go out after the rink closes? Maddy said, sure, why not.

The boys said, yeah, we’ll go. They said, yeah we know Eric, we were gonna go anyway.

Eric’s father didn’t live with him and his mother was a cocktail waitress who wasn’t coming home until four in the morning. Maddy’d blown him and most of his friends and she hadn’t really seen them in a long time except quickly in the hallways at school. She still looked at all the guys and they still looked at her, but she just stopped talking to them. She stopped walking up to them. They’d just glance at each other in the hallway. Occasionally somebody’d yell something like,
suck my dick, Maddy. Or, where’ve you been, Mad girl, with that dickless fag again? She never cared much what they said, but she still cared about the way they looked at her. She still cared about that.

Well, look who’s here, hey guys, check it out, Madeleine’s here, Eric said, opening the door for them. Carrie said, Hi Eric, aren’t you gonna say anything to me? No, he said, I see your face all the time.

The music was loud. There was a keg in the kitchen. The lights were low and a blue light hung in an empty back room. There were a few other girls there from the high school and about fifteen guys. Oz and Jimmy came in. Carrie pulled Maddy close and whispered, I think I’m going to go for that guy Jimmy, what do you think? Maddy said sure, go for it.

There was still some schnapps left. Maddy drank it real fast, chased it with beer. Her head spun and reeled and she gritted her teeth to balance herself. Carrie and Maddy sat on the couch next to each other. Carrie lit another joint and Oz and Jimmy came over and they smoked. Carrie said, so Jimmy, you got a girlfriend? He said, no. She said, you’re real cute. He started glancing around nervously. He was standing in front of the couch and he sat down on the armrest, next to her, his legs spread wide, his hands resting on his knees.

He said, in Kentucky, I had a girlfriend. Carrie said, yeah, what was her name? He said, Ashley. She said, that’s a pretty name—do you miss her? He said, yeah, but not so much as I did. Do you write her? Yeah, he said, I used to write her a lot.
Do you call her? Yeah, not too much. What’d she look like? Carrie asked. I got a picture of her he said, standing up.

Jimmy reached into his back pocket, standing up in front of Carrie, his jeans super tight against his crotch. He pulled out his wallet and took out a photo and sat down again on the armrest. He gave the photo to Carrie. She said, oh, she’s pretty and passed the photo to Maddy. Isn’t she pretty, Maddy?

It was a yearbook photo, with a sky blue background. The girl had dyed blond hair that was long and curly. She wore a tight yellow sweater—her bra all stiff and pointy underneath it. Her teeth were crooked. Maddy turned the photo over and on the back it said, Jimmy, I will love you forever, love, Ashley. Her handwriting was big and swirly, barely fitting on the back of the photo.

Jimmy snatched the photo back, stood up again and put it back in his wallet. Carrie, said again, she’s real pretty, Jimmy. You must miss her. She had a smirk on her face. Maddy felt her face get hot. Carrie said, did she treat you nicely, Jimmy? Did she treat you right? Yeah, he said, looking at her stiffly. You wanna marry her, don’t you? He said, yeah. Did she touch you here, Jimmy, Carrie said, and slick as butter her hand was on the bulge tightly encased in his jeans, so quickly you barely saw her hand move but she clasped on like it was always there—her palm underneath his balls, her fingers stretching over his cock.

She wasn’t a ho like you, he said, his voice thick. Maddy watched his cock grow harder under his jeans, under her friend’s thin hand and she felt herself get wet. Did she fuck you, Jimmy?
Carrie squeezed hard. I didn’t fuck her, he said, not moving, I made love to her. Ah, so she did treat you nice, Carrie said, taking her hand off his cock and sitting back on the couch. I thought I had me a nice virgin boy.

He stuck his jaw out. You slut, he said, dragging the word out long with his Kentucky drawl. But he didn’t leave.

You ever fuck anyone else besides Ashley? Carrie asked, her eyes perking upward on her forehead. Shut up, you fucking whore, Jimmy said, but still he didn’t move away from her and his cock was still hard in his pants. She ever suck your dick, huh Jimmy, she ever put your dick in her pretty little mouth? Jimmy said nothing. She said, let me take you in the back room. Carrie stood up and reached for his hand but he pulled away from her, jerked away from her. She was all little bones and sharp angles, hands on her hips. She said, I know you’re gonna follow me, and she started walking to that back room with the blue light and no one in it. He got up and followed her and shut the door behind them.

The seat of Maddy’s pants were wet, her crotch burned against her jeans. She got up and walked to the keg to pour herself a beer and fell down. Eric and some friends of his helped her up. Maddy said, I’m just trying to get to the keg. Eric said, you sit on the couch and I’ll bring you a beer. She sat back down. Eric brought her a beer and Oz came and sat down and there were others there, too. Maddy said, thanks, Eric, nice party—and drank her beer.

You’re still a whore even though you never come here anymore, Eric said.

Fuck you very much, she said.

Where’s your pussy boyfriend?

He’s at his cousin’s wedding.

Why didn’t he take you?

I don’t know.

Maybe you’re too big of a whore to take to a wedding. You probably can’t walk into a church without it burning down.

She said nothing.

You are one drunk bitch.

Fuck you very much.

Why’d you come here tonight? Felt like sucking some dick?

I came here cause Carrie wanted to come here.

Carrie’s sucking some dick right now. Ain’t that right?

Everyone started yelping and laughing.

Eric said, let’s check out Carrie’s dick sucking. You know, he said, leaning over to her, she never sucked cock as good as you did. Suck my dick Maddy, he said, breathing warmly on her. Right here. His voice was soft and his eyes looked vulnerable. He pulled his dick out of his jeans and everyone started to howl.

She said, get that away from me.

He said, you never came into my house before without sucking my dick.

She said, well, this will be a first.

Bitch! After you drink my beer. Shit, after I go and get you a beer and bring it to you like you’re some fucking princess.

I am a princess.

You’re a pig, he said, putting his dick back in his pants and he
grabbed her face, squeezing her cheeks so hard it hurt and her lips stuck out. She tried pulling back but he held on tight. He said, you’re a ho and a big-assed pig.

They were all around her. She saw some of the other girls from the high school, watching on, being jealous. They were sluts and they weren’t getting the attention they were used to. She was getting it all. She knew it was just because she hadn’t been around in a long time. So she seemed special.

Some guy said, hey let’s go see how Carrie’s doing, and he walked over and opened the door to the back room. The blue light was still on. Everyone turned toward the room. Maddy got up and stumbled and almost fell but steadied herself on some guy. She pushed past some guys to see because the door to the back room was surrounded now.

She saw Carrie laying spread eagle on the floor and Jimmy straddling her head, his bare ass tightened up and facing everybody. Carrie had all her clothes on. She had his cock in her mouth. Everyone hooted. Jimmy stood up, shoving his pants over his hard dick. Carrie propped herself up on her elbows and started to laugh, her chin wet and shiny. Eric walked in and then another and another and Oz was in there too and Maddy walked away and watched Jimmy go out the front door, his face bright red and lips puffy. Maddy walked over to the couch and lay down for a while and tried to rest her eyes but the noise of them wouldn’t let her and then she went in the bathroom and threw up.

Eric was standing outside of the bathroom when she got out.

You puke? he asked. She didn’t say anything—she just tried to get by him. You should go help your friend out. The ho can’t take them all by herself. Yes she can, Maddy said. Carrie’s taken a party twice this size and there are other girls here, too. He said, you’ve taken parties bigger than this. Maddy said, I don’t anymore. He said, what’s wrong with you? You don’t like dick anymore? She said, shut up Eric. He smiled, a chipped tooth and hard lips and his eyes like mud. He said you did it better. You’re made for hoing. Your big roomy mouth and ass. But you’ve lost some weight. I bet it’s because you don’t get enough.

Let me go by, I’m going home.

How’re you getting home? Carrie’s not driving you anywhere.

I can walk. It’s not far.

Let me drive you home.

You’re drunk as shit.

I’ll walk you home.

I’m not sucking your dick.

Fine let me just walk you home.

He moved around, from one foot to another.

I don’t want you to walk me home, Eric.

What if I said I wanted you to be my girlfriend?

I’d say you were lying.

Really, Maddy.

I’ve got a boyfriend.

That fag you hang out with?

I’m on my way home, get out of my way.

She pushed him aside and he started yelling after her. Whore, cocksucker, fuck socket, hobag. VD-having, stinking, rotting cunt. Don’t come back to my house ever again.

She walked home and it took a while. She threw up again in some bushes on the way. She wanted Mark to come back and to smell him and feel him and she wanted to tell him that they still beg for it from her, they still want her and what do you think about that Mark? I’m yours and I’m the slut of all sluts. She wanted to say, Markie you haven’t taken it away from me I still have it. I still have what it takes. She thought, I could show you my insides, I could turn myself inside out for you, me, me, who everybody wants, me, who can swallow the whole world. But when he came back she didn’t say anything. They kissed, they held each other, they made love. Maddy said let’s move in together and he said okay. He said let’s get married when we graduate.

They told her parents first, standing side by side and then they drove over to his parents’ house, side by side, and told them. Afterwards Maddy straddled him in the car, pushing the full weight of herself against him. He felt crushed, suffocated, overwhelmed. She fucked him like that, sitting on top of him. She said, do you love me. Yes, he said. Oh, I love you she said, oh,
contracting her muscles around his cock, moving forward and back again, saying does this feel good? Yeah, Maddy. Yeah. He came inside of her and then he pushed her off, quickly, aggressively, and laying her against the seat, he pulled her hips up to his face and ate her until she begged him to stop. His own come dripping down his chin, he dropped her off at her house and went home and went to bed.

The next day they went to City Hall. Maddy wore a short white dress and had her hair combed down demurely instead of frizzed out. She wore hardly any make-up. His parents talked awkwardly with hers. Mark and Maddy were married. It didn’t take long. Everybody signed a piece of paper. They planned on saving money and going on a honeymoon when they could afford to go somewhere special. That night, they rented a room at the Marriot Hotel, the nicest hotel in South Bend. They ordered a bottle of champagne and then another and then another. They fucked and fucked again and by the third bottle of champagne and the third time he entered her, they were laughing. They started laughing so hard and Mark’s cock went limp and fell out of her.