Inside Madeleine (16 page)

So she walked around that high school with a shadow about her but hardly anyone there was anyone she’d fucked. People looked at her, curious, having heard some thing or another, but they hadn’t experienced her. She picked and chose. She wore red high heels and tight jeans and backcombed her hair. She scared them all. She chewed gum loudly in class, she got great grades and she knew she could fuck whoever she wanted and knew she’d fuck them better than they’d ever been fucked before. So she fucked the ones she chose to fuck. She fucked the ones who deserved her shit. And then she fucked Mark.

He smiled at her in the hallway. His lips together, looking straight into her eyes, which very few people did. Most everyone looked at her sideways, including her teachers. Then he walked up to her while she was at her locker, so quietly she didn’t hear him and tapped her on the shoulder. He was taller than he appeared, narrow and slightly slouched. He asked her if she wanted to get coffee after school and she smiled at him wryly. Why wasn’t he fidgeting? Why wasn’t he looking away, embarrassed? She said no and laughed in his face, but she watched him walk away, noticing his long limbs and his loping gate.

A week later he came up to her again.

Well, look who’s here again, she said sarcastically.

You should have coffee with me.

I don’t drink coffee.

You can order something else.

Coffee doesn’t get me in the mood.

He looked down at her breasts, tightly encased in an AC/DC T-shirt. He looked up at her and smiled.

I’ll buy you a beer, then.

Oooh, think you can handle that, she said and cocked her hips out.

Sure. I’ll pick you up here after classes, he said, pushing his hands in his pockets.

Madeleine shut her locker, saying, sure thing, big boy.

He waved to her like a child as he sauntered off down the crowded hallway.

After school, Maddy packed her books and started off to the side entrance. Mark came running after her.

Hey, wait up. You said I could buy you a beer.

Don’t believe everything you hear.

Ah, come on. Let me buy you a beer. Please.

He put his hand on her shoulder and gripped it tightly.

Get your fucking hand off me.

Okay, okay Mark said, waving his hands in surrender, I’m sorry.

What kind of beer are you going to buy?

Any kind you want.

Do you have any weed?

Sure. I’ve got great weed.

You’ve got great weed? I find that hard to believe.

I’ve got the best weed. California Sensemilia.

No shit? I’m there, she said, pulling him toward the exit, I want to see this great weed.

The weed
was
great. He pulled a plastic bag of light green, red-haired, sticky buds out of the glove compartment of his Chevy Nova. They both sat in the front seat and locked the doors and cracked their windows open. Madeleine was impressed.

I didn’t know smart guys like you smoked killer pot.

What do you mean?

You hang out in the computer room all the time. I didn’t know you computer nerds smoked weed.

We smoke the best weed there is. All your freak friends smoke shitty stuff.

Fuck you man, they smoke good stuff.

Mark expertly rolled a tight joint, licking the paper with flicks of his tongue.

Bullshit. They smoke homegrown, leafy stuff that gives you a headache.

How do you fucking know what they smoke?

I’ve gotten stoned with them before. With that crowd.

She laughed at him, saying, I doubt that.

I have.

He lit the joint and took a huge drag and passed it to her.

They’d kick your ass before they’d let you get stoned with them.

Not true, he said, his voice muffled from holding in the pot smoke. The car filled up with a sweet, strong odor as he slowly exhaled. He smiled and coughed a little and said, you’re just too busy giving head so you don’t notice anything.

I keep my eyes open when I give head. I notice everything.

Well, I’ve gotten stoned with your stupid freak friends and their pot sucks, he said, smiling confidently at her, and you’ve never noticed that.

The pot made them giggly. Madeleine felt especially giggly because she was with a nerd. His hair was short and he wore brown loafers. They drove to a liquor store and Mark went in and bought a six pack of Budweiser. They drove to Howard Park and sat parked facing the St. Joe River, drinking beer. She worried that they would run into someone she knew and she didn’t want to be seen with him. After they finished the six pack, she put her hand on his crotch. He wasn’t hard.

Stop that.

Why?

She grabbed harder.

Seriously, stop that.

Oooh, you’re shy, she laughed, no one’s ever touched you before.

That’s not true.

Then why are you scared, stud boy?

I’m not scared.

Why can’t I touch you?

Because I want to kiss you first.

Madeleine laughed.

You want to kiss me?

Yeah.

Okay.

He leaned toward her, his eyes closed and he placed his lips gently on hers. She began to laugh again.

Stop laughing, he said, pulling back.

I’m sorry, I can’t help it. I’ve still got the giggles.

He pulled her close to him, saying, you shouldn’t wear so much make-up.

I like wearing a lot of make-up.

But you’re pretty and without make-up, I could see you better.

Maddy, very stoned, thought this was funny and began giggling again. It was dark out. Other cars with other teenagers sat parked around them. He began kissing her, more firmly, licking the corners of her mouth and sucking gently on her tongue. She felt herself relax. She had never kissed anyone before, not there on the mouth, not really kissed.

The first time Mark gave Maddy head they were in his bedroom and his parents were out to dinner at his aunt’s house. His sisters were out God knows where. Maddy and he had been going out, fucking in his Chevy Nova, for a few months. It was a special
occasion having the house, doing it in a bed. They were naked and the only light was from a streetlight outside and it lit up her large bones nicely. He could see the riverlike stretchmarks on her breasts and stomach, how the inside of her thighs sagged delicately. She lay on her back, her strong arms stretched above her head and he kissed her breasts and put his tongue in her navel and then, using both hands, spread her thighs apart, spread her cunt apart and he could feel her muscles tighten and was about to put his face in it when she sat up, looking confused and said, wait.

What, he said. She huffed and looked away and put fingers in her mouth. He said, don’t you want me to and she said nothing. He put his face there and licked gently and she moaned and pulled away again. He said, what’s wrong. She said, I’m embarrassed, really quietly, not like herself.

Whenever Maddy and he fucked she grunted lustily. She swore at him and sneered almost cruelly when she gave him head. She sucked his dick with a passion. She was a slut, a sex specialist, a high school whore. She wore the tightest jeans and the brightest make-up. She never smiled and no one scared her. Other kids made fun of him for fucking her, saying, you’re going to get a disease, that girl’s pussy is rank, she fucks everybody, she’s a skanky ho. But he didn’t care and now he knew he was waiting for that moment when her face would light up all scared and all her hardness melted away and her voice became so little and she had never had anybody eat her out or make her come.

He gave her head that night and he had her smeared all over his face and his nose burned from breathing out of it, his
teeth were numb and his lips swollen and he made her come so hard that she cried. Big scary sobs, wordless words, whole sentences that made no sense. Her pussy swelled and shook and she grabbed his back and tore holes in his skin and screamed so loud he knew the neighbors heard her.

He had her. He had the girl no one else could have and no one wanted because she was such used trash but he had her in a way no one had ever had her. He broke her shell and what was inside was so pink and so vulnerable it scared him at first. Then he liked it. Then he loved it. Then he knew what it was he had. He had her.

When they fucked she still slit her eyes and made noises and sometimes she’d still curse but it was different. She lost her meanness. They’d go to drive-in movies and instead of grabbing his cock with her teeth gritted, she’d smile all shyly at him and sometimes she’d put his hand between her legs and give him this pleading look. All she ever wanted was head. She perfumed her cunt with peach-flavored lotion and powdered it with honey-tasting powder and shaved it and wore silky underwear with little bows on them. Pink panties and a black garter or a red G-string that went right up the crack of her ass like a strand of licorice. She spread her legs so wide and said Mark, give it to me, that’s it, don’t stop, oh God don’t stop. He watched her change so quickly and she changed just for him because she still walked around that school with her eyes all hard and her make-up too bright and the thick seam of her jeans rudely splaying her cunt lips apart, her hips jutted foreward. But she’d take one
look at his skinny ass in the hallway and all that hardness melted away like butter. She stumbled over her words and blushed and fidgeted and would whisper and giggle in Mark’s ear like a virgin. People said what are you doing with that disgusting ho bag but he never listened to them because he knew her soft side and it was so soft it seemed it could disappear.

He’d make her beg for it say please Mark, say pretty please and she’d say it with her voice quivering, her cheeks all hot and red. He’d say, what are you going to do for me and she’d say anything, anything. He said let me fuck you in the ass and she’d say okay, okay. And she’d roll onto her stomach and lift her hips into the air, her pink, crinkly holes right out in the open and say, get the KY, her head pressed into the pillow, her voice all muffled.

That’s when she started to show him her tricks. She put her fingers inside herself for him and she said, I can do more. If I show you will you eat me? She said, I used to do it alone at home. She said, now I’ll do it for you, don’t you want to see it? She put her fingers in there and then her hand, concentrating, eyes wide and her mouth stretched open like her cunt. He said let me do it, Maddy, and she’d say do it and he put his fingers in her and then his hand. He put all sorts of things inside of her. Her breathing would become deep and regular, so rhythmic and steady, like a swimmer or something and her eyes became focused inward, wide open, glazed, never blinking. He tied her legs apart, her knees bent up and he put a fist or a shoe in her and she’d exhale so so slowly and close her eyes.

And she’d say now will you give it to me, now will you eat
me Mark, yeah, yeah, now give it to me, looking up at me, her eyes begging, her mouth shaking, a Coke bottle in her cunt and a vibrator in her ass. So then he gave it to her—He’d give her head and she’d grab his hair, move him around until he sucked just that right spot and she’d scream unearthly things, their bodies turned around again and again until he lay underneath her cunt, her soft thighs grabbing his cheeks.

But how long can you eat a girl out? How long can you taste her thick and wet metal skin that’s so soft it’s almost not there? She still cried occasionally. She still came hard. But not always. Sometimes there’d be the littlest shake and peep out of her and she’d get off his face or pull him up and say that’s it, Mark, that’s it. How many things can you stick inside of a girl? How long can you look at her, her pussy slick and misshapen, stretching this way and that around every godforsaken object in the house? How long does it takes before all of those special moments, those wet eyes, those weak lips, the line of sweat between the breasts, all those things stop coming? How long before she yawns and watches TV later than you, before she’d rather talk on the phone? How long before it all ends and Madeleine, although she tries and tries, stops being what she used to be, starts being just another person, just another wife with a job, eating potato chips on the couch?

Madeleine and Mark lay in the backseat of his Nova after having fucked. The windows were steamed. They were naked, except
Maddy had kept on her black garter belt and fishnet stockings. She absentmindedly tucked her fleshy thighs into the tops of her stockings.

Why are you so nice to me? Maddy asked.

Because I like you.

I’m the kind of girl your mother tells you to stay away from, she said, sitting up and putting on a light blue tank top.

Who listens to their mothers, said Mark, grabbing her playfully, while he tried to pull down her top. She pushed his hand away.

I know people at school make fun of you.

Jesus, Maddy. You think I care?

Well, I’d just hate to see you regret acting this way with me.

I’m not acting, Maddy. I like you a lot. You’re special.

You don’t even know how special I am, she said, grinning.

Well, I think I know but I’m sure there are things I don’t know. And I want to know everything about you. Anyway, I know people say shit to you about hanging out with me.

I don’t listen to anybody.

You do. All your freak loser friends.

Fuck you, I do not.

Then why don’t you kiss me in the hallway at school?

I don’t know, she said, turning her head to face out the foggy window.

You don’t let me touch you in public.

I will if you want.

I do. I want that.

Mark’s face was eager and he tried turning her head away from the window.

Stop staring out the window. You can’t see out it. You’re just avoiding me.

Maddy turned to face him.

You just like fucking me.

I like fucking you and I like you. You’re not fucking anyone else anymore, either.

How do you know, she said icily, her teeth closed against each other.

I would know if you were fucking someone else. We talk or see each other constantly.

Well maybe we should change that.

I don’t want to change that. I like always knowing what you’re doing.