Infinite Sacrifice (33 page)

“The quicker we work through all of
this, the sooner you’ll be reunited.” He stops the rain; the clouds
begin to part as the sun shines through in thick rays.

“At this point am I supposed to
review my lives and talk about what I did wrong?”

Finn.

“No need for
that. There is no ‘wrong.’ Everything happens for a reason. Life’s
not about staying on a path but about
surviving the detours. It’s the wrongs that sometimes teach
you the most.”

Zachariah continues, “You’re the
only one to judge, but if you mistreated someone in a previous
life, your soul’s evolution will require reconciling it in the
next.”

Finn.

I see Erna’s bright little face and
then see the image of her lying in Thora’s arms.

“Why did Erna die so
young?”

“Because that is what Erna
planned.”

“Well, not why did she die so
young, but why do babies and little children die before they even
really get to live?”

“It teaches the soul a lesson about
dying young, but more importantly, it teaches those around them
critical lessons about loss and the miracle of life.”

“Does a small child or baby feel
the pain?”

“We’re careful to take the child
gently.”

I roll my window down and inhale
the thick, sweet memory of rain.

“Will a life always go the way it’s
planned?”

“Souls may plan a certain goal or
situation with their soul group. However, once you actually get in
a life and lose your full consciousness, it can be very hard to
stay on track.”

“What happens when a soul goes off
track?”

“Their guides will try to get them
back on, if possible, but sometimes it will have to be reviewed and
tried again in another life. This can happen many times before a
soul can learn an especially hard lesson.”

Did I stay on track? There’s no
way I stayed on track.

“Are you saying there’s no
destiny?”

Zachariah pauses a moment before
answering, “I would say it’s better understood by saying some
things are quite unavoidable.”

I hated philosophy classes. The way
endless questions made my head spin. “What do you mean?”

“For instance,” he says slowly,
trying to break it down for me, “if for some reason two soul-group
individuals are supposed to meet somewhere but they don’t because
one party changes their minds and can’t hear the push from their
spirit guide, then meeting after meeting will be attempted until
they connect. It’s not necessarily destined they meet at a certain
time but destined in that they will meet at some point.”

“I understand.” Happy it doesn’t
lead me to more questions. “Is the same true for situations, then?
That you might miss the opportunity for a certain lesson, so the
spirit guide will make it so the same lesson will be confronted
again?”

“Right. The only thing that can get
in the way of this is a suicide.”

Suicide.

He shifts in his seat, causing the
worn leather to squeak, and adds quickly, “But we’ll talk about
that later.”

I try to think of something to
distract the last thought. “Are all the lives this
difficult?”

“Oh, they’re all
difficult.” He laughs at my reactive expression—spirit guides do
laugh after all. He continues, “
And
great in their own ways. Every life has necessary
value. Simply relax and take it all in.”

“I don’t know if I want to see any
more.”

“You need a little
break.”

He starts up the Chevy, and I fold
my arms on the window frame and rest my chin. He slowly drives out
onto the wet sand and speeds up as he veers into the shallow surf,
the Chevy chugging loudly in protest. I let the air flow through my
hair as I reach my arm out so that my hand coasts like an eagle on
the wind. Time dissolves away as the sun dips lower on the horizon,
yet the beach never ends. He leaves the steady shore to climb the
bumpy sand dunes. Revving over the crest, he stops the car
overlooking a quiet bay, where the tangerine sun seems to pause on
the horizon, leaving us in an everlasting sunset.

Thinking of the last life I viewed,
I break the silence. “I had to die of the plague.”

“There were not many good deaths in
the medieval ages, you know,” Zachariah says with his eyebrows
raised.

“What was the lesson I learned in
this life?”

“You have to find the answers for
yourself.”

“Was it to sacrifice for
Rowan?”

“That was part of your plan, but
can you see it even more broadly?”

“I sacrificed for many
people?”

He nods. “Do you see the
progression of sacrifices you made?”

“Well, when I was Sokaris I
sacrificed others for my own purpose. When I was Alcina, I
sacrificed my life in my son’s defense. When I was Liam, I
sacrificed by choice. And when I was Elizabeth”—I pause now, trying
to analyze—“I sacrificed myself for anyone. Even people I didn’t
know.”

“Great observation. That’s the
first big lesson of incarnating, and to do so in only four lives is
exceptional.” He turns to congratulate me with his hand on my
shoulder. “It takes some twelve lives just to get that
far.”

“If that was it, then why do I have
more lives?”

He drops his arm
and puts his other hand out to bring me back to reality. “I
said
first
big
lesson. There are a few more still.”

“If I keep up this rate, I’ll be
done soon. You must be honored to be my spirit guide.” I pat my
hand on his shoulder a few times.

“Well, don’t get too confident
there. Some can get it all in their first life.”

“Complete evolution in one
life?”

“Jesus, Buddha, Mohammed, Isaiah,
Martin Luther, Black Elk, Gandhi, Mother Theresa, and many of the
saints; all examples of individuals taking on great hardship and
learning the big lessons at an accelerated speed.”

“All religions are the
same?”

“Most religious figures have the
same core beliefs. They are perfect examples to people of their
times to illustrate what our main purpose is. It’s incredibly
unique that these souls remain so close to their paths and endure
such hardship without giving into the negative compulsions that
usually get in the way of the big lessons. It is extremely
difficult to do that in one life and is the reason why these souls
are followed and remembered throughout time.”

“So there isn’t one right
religion?”

“There is one God. It’s the total
absence of negativity, an all-positive energy in the form of pure
light; the essence of every living thing; the unseen ‘life force.’
We incarnate or guide to evolve our life force to a higher state or
higher vibration, freeing it from negativity and becoming pure
light, a part of God.”

“Will I ever get to see this
force?”

“You already have.”

“When?”

“Many times; when you went through
the light; when I touched you to calm you; what you see all around
you; and what we are even made up of right now.”

I actually like believing this is
God. One has only to feel this light to know how amazing it is. It
warms you and calms you, taking all fear and anger away. Once it
touches you, you have no worries or wants. When you are embraced
within it, nothing else matters.

“So a Jew, a Christian, or a Muslim
will all become part of the same God?”

“It does not
matter
what
someone believes but the
way
someone lives. But yes, once anyone reaches that
vibration, they all become part of the same
thing.”

“You speak of all of the negative
things we must experience in order to move on. Looking back on the
lives I’ve seen so far, how else have I progressed?”

“Well…” He pauses a moment. It’s
refreshing, since he usually has answers so fast. “Your first life,
you got sidetracked by lust. The lust you felt for Bastet made all
that you believed in and were devoted to disappear. You didn’t
overcome it; instead you let it take you to a dark place. Then in
the next life, you struggled with envy. You couldn’t allow Ophira
to take credit for the son you gave her. You wanted recognition for
him since you felt the son in your care had failed you. As Liam,
you couldn’t endure and assisted in a murder to fix your
circumstance.”

“But there were other things that I
learned, right? It’s not just a focus on one thing?”

“Each life can have a little of
everything, but it’s the thing you set out to overcome that’s most
important to that life. The small things that you either succeed or
fail at along the way, are of minor importance.”

I pull the handle to my seat and it
falls back jarringly. I put my hands under my head.

“Speaking of negativity, why is
Ulric so horrible in every life? First, he was the vizier who let
me sacrifice Nun without giving him a fair trial. Second, he was
the ephor who took Kali away. Third, he was that disgusting sexton
who robbed the dead and had no compassion.”

“Yes, but what’s your
question?”

“Is he evil?”

“You’re forgetting when he was your
father. Did you think he was evil then?”

I inhale sharply. I hadn’t realized
he was the same person. “Well, he might have been worse had I’d
known him longer. He did kill women and innocent people and
would’ve killed me had Thora not distracted him. I could still see
evil in his eyes.”

“Evil? No, there’s much worse evil
out there.” He crosses his legs in front of him. “Sometimes a soul
functions to bring negativity to a group; the vessel in which great
progress can occur. He may not show signs of much improvement
himself, but his soul is learning, nonetheless, from watching how
negativity affects people. We call them facilitators up here: those
that choose to bring about hardships. They too choose an incarnate
group and continue to assist the evolution of the whole
group.”

“What a minute, a facilitator is
supposed to make things easier?”

“You’re looking
at it backwards. Yes, he makes your
life
harder, but he makes
your
advancement
easier.”

I can’t stand him.

“Then he’s doing a great job.
You’re supposed to dislike him.”

My mouth drops open. “You can read
my thoughts?”

He smiles. “Of course I can. I’m
your spirit guide. I know everything about you. Your thoughts, your
actions, your dreams; I see it all.”

I glance at him. “It’s so strange
that you know me like that.”

“It takes some time to get used
to.”

I feel self-conscious for a moment,
imagining all the things he hears or sees, but then he smiles, and
I realize my inner thoughts are pointless.

Putting his hands up in surrender,
he says, “I don’t think either one of us wants to think about those
things.”

Why speak at all? I might as well
just talk like this to you.

“But you’re not
in
my head,
so I
must talk.”

“No fair! That doesn’t seem
right.”

“They’re not my
rules. Plus, if you knew what I knew, you’d be too overwhelmed with
all
my advanced
knowledge
.”

Scoffing, I put my legs up on the
dashboard but decide to bring us back to the subject. “So you were
saying… before you started to pick my brain?”

“Oh right, your facilator’s
incredibly important, though.”

“I cringe when I see him, father
once or not.”

“Then maybe you should focus on
some of the good things he does. Such as by condemning Nun, you and
Bastet were freed and Aapep got to get his revenge.”

“I thought revenge would be a bad
thing?”

“It’s a vice that Aapep had to work
through. You learned you couldn’t get away with such lies, and
Bastet learned she was not in control.”

“I see.”

“When he was the ephor he delivered
the message to conceive Kali. He came to collect Kali and hesitated
long enough for you both to prepare her. When Kali was sent away,
it taught her many things.”

“I wish I could see others’ lives.
I’d love to see what happened after my death.”

“Later, much later. Let’s stick to
yours right now.” He continues, “When he was your father, he left
for work and fled when he saw the Vikings, taking his ship to the
farther side of the beach and reaching safety in the same cave you
hid in later. He didn’t go to help you and your mother, and when he
returned to find your mother slain and you gone, he never forgave
himself. He devoted his whole life to fighting so he would be ready
when the Vikings returned. He lived and breathed revenge, and
little did he know he attempted to murder the very son he was
avenging. Yet both moments were critical for you to become a slave
and choose to die for Thora.”