Inferno (11 page)

Chapter Thirteen

My swollen eyes peer out the window into murky darkness.  Somewhere in the deep recesses of my brain, it registers that my friends are probably frantic with worry, but I can’t seem to muster the ability to care.  I’ve been thrown into a deep pool of despair, void of even the minuscule instinct to fight back.  A faint line of pink is climbing the horizon; dawn is approaching.  I continue to stare aimlessly at the rising sun, feeling as empty and hollow as the dilapidated buildings visible through the glass.

I spent the night drifting in and out of a clear awareness of my surroundings and current state of being.  The majority of the hours since exiting into that alley are blank.  My thoughts were overrun with how my nearly perfect life was turned upside down, beginning with the deaths of my family.  My depression’s roots sunk deeper, anchoring an unyielding embrace deep in my soul.  David’s lies and betrayal made a halfhearted attempt at surfacing, but they were quickly squashed by the more painful deceit that was Ethan’s.  I always knew my relationship with David was something to pass the time.  It started ok, but the connection two people have when hopelessly in love was absent.  Not once did he elicit even a slight fizzle of need within me.  If I’m being honest, David’s eventual cheating was more of a relief, providing me with an airtight reason to end it.   

No, it’s Ethan’s treachery aching deep within my bones.  Not only did he make me believe, he made me want.  For the first time since the accident shattering my life, I felt whole.  His gentle touch and passionate love, his pride in my achievements as well as his own, his fierce protective nature and the safety of his arms all became home to me.  The evidence that it was a hoax from the start is undeniable.  The realization that he saw me as filler, until he could reunite with her, constricted my heart making it hard to breath.  Yes, the man who tore down all of my defenses may damn well destroy me.       

I have no idea how long I’ve sat with my blind gaze locked on the world around me, but the sun now sits high in the sky.  Bright rays spill across the crumbled pavement, unable to break through my dark thoughts.  A bird sits on a broken rail, serenading me with a melancholy tune. 
How appropriate
, I think with a sad, wry smile.

With a heavy sigh, I grab the cell phone perched on the seat beside me.  It’s time to stop feeling sorry for myself.  I’ve picked myself up before, I can do it again.  After all, I have survived worse than a broken heart.

I power up my cell, ignoring the numerous missed calls and texts.  Focusing all of my energy on my task, I shoot Bella a text, noting that even that small action causes the pounding in my head to throb more.

*** u home?***

*** where the hell r u? u ok?***

***I’m fine***

*** we’re out looking for u***

***sry. can I crash at ur place?***

***meet u there sweets***

I drag myself through the condo door only to be immediately pulled into one of Bella’s hugs. “Oh honey, are you ok?  God, you had us worried.”

Shuffling like a kid in trouble, Tate said, “I called Jack and Makayla after you texted.”

“I should have let you know I was ok.  I’m sorry.  I wasn’t thinking straight last night…or I guess this morning.”

Bella released her strangle hold, but kept me at arm’s length.  She studied me for several long minutes.  Scanning my disheveled appearance and searching my bloodshot eyes.  Glancing at my poor rumpled dress, she finally spoke.  “Why don’t you go get cleaned up?  You’ll feel better after you’ve had a shower.”

Washing took more effort than usual.  My lethargic arms were difficult to move.  Physical and emotional exhaustion were wearing me down.  I continued standing under the hot water, and letting the spray loosen tense muscles, turning it off only when it cooled. 

I step out to find a spare set of clothes I kept here laying on the counter.  I slowly run the towel over my body, drying completely before shrugging on the navy, cotton shorts and yellow tee.  I run a brush through my long hair, taking the time to blow it dry on the lowest setting.  I’m avoiding the inevitable conversation that will occur as soon as I leave my bathroom sanctuary.  I don’t know why.  They are the best friends anyone could ever hope for and have my back no matter what, but I am just not ready to face them yet. 

I’m looking in the mirror at the pasty mess reflecting back.  My eyes hold a vacant expression, a clear representation of how empty I’m feeling.  I am dead on my feet, but know I can’t put this off any longer.  Taking a fortifying breath, I walk out to face reality.

I reached the living room just as the front door thumps open, crashing into the wall.  Makayla rolled through the opening like a thundercloud, stomping directly to me and whacking me hard on the arm.

“WHAT THE HELL’S WRONG WITH YOU?!  YOU DO NOT TAKE OFF, UPSET, ALL ALONE, WITHOUT TELLING SOMEONE!  DID YOU FORGET THAT YOU HAVE A CREEPY ASS STALKER WATCHING YOUR EVERY MOVE!  YOU JUST DISAPPEAR!  POOF!  GONE!  NOT ONE WORD FOR OVER FOURTEEN HOURS!  I HAD NO IDEA IF YOU WERE OK, IF YOU WERE SOMEWHERE HURT, OR IF SOME ASSHOLE HAD YOU TIED TO A FUCKING CHAIR WHILE HE TORTURED YOU!”

I stood silently allowing Makayla to work out the unnecessary worry that I had caused.  There was nothing I could say in my defense because she was absolutely right.  I wasn’t thinking about anything except escape last night.  That’s still no excuse for not letting any of them know I was alive and left of my own free will.

“You pull that shit again and I’ll terminate you my own damn self!” she said shaking her finger in my face.

“Calm down She’Ra.  Give the girl some room to breathe for Christ’s sake.  She’s had a rough night,” Jack scolded, leading me to the couch. 

Bella handed me a cup of tea before asking, “where did you end up last night?”

“Honestly,” I sighed, “I have no idea.  I remember getting in Sara’s car and driving away.  Before I knew it, the sun was up, and I was parked in an empty lot under an old stone train trestle somewhere in Southtown.  I should have called one of you.  I’m really sorry.”

“Jesus Lex, could you have found a more unsafe spot to black out?” Jack stated.

“You didn’t think that maybe you should have answered one of the million or so calls and texts you were getting?” Makayla asked, clearly still irritated with me.

“I turned it off,” I said sheepishly.  Makayla’s face began to flame so I quickly continued. “Look, I know it was wrong, but I just couldn’t.  I knew Ethan would call and I didn’t want to hear his lame ass excuses.  I didn’t call any of you because I wasn’t ready to face what an unbelievable idiot I am or my brilliant track record for dating lying, cheating, rat bastards.”

“What are you talking about sweetie?” Jack asked.  “Big E went completely crazy when he found out you pulled a Houdini last night.” 

“You should have seen it,” Bella began.  “When you didn’t come back from the bathroom after about fifteen minutes, Makayla said she was going in after you.  That’s when Sara said that you had asked to borrow her car and left, and gave a rundown on what she overheard Betty Bitch say to you in the restroom.  Well, that got Sophia all fired up, and let me tell you that girl has one hell of a temper.  She wasted no time at all dragging her brother away from that harlot to give him a proper tongue lashing.  Sophia does not mince words either.  She almost had me afraid for him.  Meanwhile, we are all trying to call you, and you’re not answering, totally freaking us out.  Then Sebastian comes over to find out what the hell was going on, and then he had words with Ethan, but his were much quieter and we couldn’t hear what was being said.  Then Ethan had a very intense conversation with the tramp, unfortunately, we could not hear that one either, but neither of them looked happy.  Then we split up in teams to look for you.  Me and Tate, Makayla and Jack, Sebastian went with Ethan to keep him calm, or try to anyway.”

By the time Bella finished her rant, I was massaging my temples and praying that the throbbing in my head would subside.  With my luck, it will end up a full blown migraine soon.  “Guys, I am so sorry I put you through that.  I didn’t have my head on straight, but goddammit, I snuck out to avoid causing a scene and ruining the opening.  Now you’re telling me it happened anyway.  Fuck. My. Life…Twice.”

“Don’t sweat it honey.  By the time that shit went down, the only people still there were us and Syphillis Sally,” Jack reassured me. 

With a heavy sigh, I leaned my head against the couch and closed my eyes.  “It doesn’t matter anyway.  Ethan and I are over.”

“I think maybe you should talk to him.  Give him a chance to tell his side of the story,” Makayla said. 

“What’s the point?  Lydia was right.  I am just his latest toy.  God, I’m so fucking stupid.”

“Do not listen to that fire crotch.  She would say anything to make you doubt yourself and put a wedge between you and Ethan.  She has more plastic on her than a Lego set.  And her personality is as fake as her tits, everyone can see that,” Jack declared.

“She’s a model, Jack.  I could never compete with her.”

Makayla gave me an incredulous look, “are you serious?  You look much better than she does.  The only curves she has are surgically implanted.  No guy wants to cop a feel only to have it spring a leak.  And, according to Sebastian, the only kind of gig she could get now would be on America’s Next Excessively Used Vagina.  No dude wants to dip his stick into crotch rot that’s identifiable in a football team line up.”

A tear slipped down my cheek.  “Centered above Ethan’s headboard are three framed photographs.  These pictures depict the same naked woman in three different poses.  They are the only things he has hanging on his walls in the entire apartment.  Lydia is the woman in the pictures.”

Confessing that aloud caused the broken shards of my heart to stab a little deeper.  The others in the room were shocked into silence.  Their expressions told me that they wanted to offer comforting words, but couldn’t find any.  The stillness was shattered when the Electric Light Orchestra began singing Evil Woman from Makayla’s back pocket. 

“Hey babe…Yeah, we got her…Could be better…No, I’m not telling you where we are…She doesn’t want to talk to him…Because he’s an asshat, that’s why…No she’s not being childish, he’s a first class dick…Oh really? Then why does he have naked pictures of that snatch-a-luff-i-cuss hanging above his bed?...I don’t know…I’ll call you later…Me too.  Bye.”

“Sebastian says hi, and he’s glad you’re ok.”

“Oh really?  He have anything else to say?” Bella asked.

“Not really.  He’s going to let Ethan know Lex is ok and have a little chat with him about how he treated her.”

“No, no, no.  Call him back Makayla.  They have been friends for a long time.  I do not want this causing issues between them.  Sebastian can’t be mad just because Ethan sucks at being a boyfriend.”

“I think their friendship will be just fine.  Besides, Ethan needs to hear from a trusted authority that he’s a big tool.”

I woke curled up on Bella’s couch.  Low murmurs accompanied the smell of food wafting from the kitchen.  I stretched my protesting limbs, shaking away the prickling sensations.  I grabbed my cell to check the time and saw that I had missed a dozen more calls from Ethan.  Tossing the phone on the couch, I made my way to the kitchen.

My pals gave a valiant effort at trying to get me to eat, but my stomach was still knotted and threatening to rebel.  Instead, we devised a well laid out plan to return Sara’s car and retrieve the essentials from my place without running into Ethan.  I know eventually I’ll face him, but today is not that day, probably not tomorrow either. 

With Bella and Jack following, Makayla and I dropped Sara’s car at the address she had given me.  No one was home, and I dropped the keys through the mail slot in the front door as instructed.  We jumped into the backseat of Tate’s car and headed towards my apartment.    

We reach my apartment door and all the ramblings in my head come to a complete halt.  My posture becomes rigid.  Adrenaline is flowing at top speed, screaming at me to run away.  I’m staring at my door, hand hovering near the handle.

“What’s wrong, Lex?” Jack asks.

“My door’s not latched.  I always shut and lock my door.  I double check it.  I even shake the handle to make sure it won’t pop back open.”

“Do you think Ethan’s here?” he asked.

“Ethan’s not here.  Sebastian’s with him at his place right now.”  Makayla informed us.

We listened quietly at the door.  When we didn’t hear any noise, I cautiously pushed it open.  From my vantage point, I can see broken furniture scattered on the floor.  I flip the light switch next to the entry.  Black letters painted across my living room wall spell WHORE.  I numbly walked in.  Standing in the center of the living room, I slowly turn in a circle, taking in the entire loft.  My couch looks like Freddy Kruger stopped by for a visit.  Stuffing floated out from the wide gashes, spilling onto the floor.  SLUT is painted the length of my kitchen cabinets.  Broken dishes cover the counters, and from the stringent smell permeating the air, the liquid puddled on the hard surfaces is cleaning fluids.  My friends moved around the space, each step crunching broken glass littering the floor.  There was not a picture frame, lamp, or knick knack left intact.   

“Who would do this?” Jack asked as he turned the television on its side, revealing the broken screen.