Indignation
Authors: Celinda Santillan
Table of Contents
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INDIGNATION
By Celinda Santillan
For My Angelic Brother
“Never show weakness.”
-Julian
Prologue
My heart is aching. It’s beating faster and faster as I let myself fall, drowning in tears. Nothing can save me from the torture I’m consumed in. Nothing at all.
I said, ‘Let me live’. Yet my message wasn’t clear enough.
Now I stand here alone, with the rain coating me wet. I hear the sound of thunder, I see lighting, but nothing will move me. I want to die and let this drive me to the point of no return. It is a simple wish that I want. I close my eyes to feel the darkness engulf me with the moon shining upon me.
“Alyssa!”
I don’t turn around. I completely ignore the familiar voice that once brought my sense back. I can’t move my limbs that are paralyzed. The voice has no effect on my heart or mind. I take a step forward. The ground beneath me vanishes into thin air. I feel myself fall. I open eyes to acknowledge what I just done. What have I done? Someone! Help me! My cries are silent.
I didn’t want to do this. I promise I didn’t. What happened to me? I repeat the same question over and over again.
My mind is spinning as I wonder what made me jump off the bridge. What made me end up in the ER between life and death?
What drove me to the insanity to commit suicide? I was never this weak, this broken. How could my life turn upside down when I had control? It doesn’t make sense, but it happened to me just like other victims. Every year hundreds of thousands experience what I did. They feel alone, weak, disgusted with themselves. Ashamed, they feel ashamed. This is what I feel.
I leave my eyes open as I hear nothing, feel nothing. I only see a bright radiant light that blinds me.
Then I see a figure before I hit the bottom. Someone familiar. I know exactly who it is. I know who was my downfall, who led me to this helpless person I never was. Just one word. One word that I will never forget.
Julian .
Four years later…
“Oh, you can do better than that.” Brandon Vinson whines.
Alyssa Pike just smiles. “What do you want me to say?” She says to her best friend who’s behind the camera.
“Let me think… It’s our senior year. You won Nationals first place for DECA on the community service project. You’re head of Prom committee. And you got accepted to Yale! You can do better than ‘it’s been a good year.’ C’mon this is going to be in the year book video. Add some excitement.” He winks at her.
“Fine, Brady.” Alyssa passes her fingers through her long, light brown hair. She puts on a big smile for the camera like she always does. “I’m so excited! This has been the greatest year of my life. I’m going to treasure all these memories and take them to Yale with me. I’m a Viking forever!” She cheers a stereotypical ‘V’ from cheerleading and pretends to have pom-poms in her hands. Brandon turns off the camera and Alyssa slams her locker shut. She can’t pretend to be happy when all she can think about is how much work she needs to get done for prom. “Was that better?” She sarcastically asks.
“Much. Although I think you overdid it with the mini cheer routine.” They both laugh at the image of her as a cheerleader. “Hey, want to grab a bite before hitting the road?” He asks her with a slim smile.
“Yeah, let’s go to the diner, no Mexican food for you.” She grabs her small BFMV bag and walks alongside him.
“But those are the best.”
“Not when I have to share a hotel room with you.”
“You have no taste in food. You eat like a fish.”
“Are you sure you’re not from a Spanish heritage?”
“Nope. I’m all Irish.”
“Let me know when you find that pot of gold, okay?”
“I found it.” He throws his arm around her. “It’s called lucky charms.”
“Whatever. Do you have the tickets?” She waves to a few students that seek her attention. Her smile never falters.
“In the car.”
“What car did you rent?”
“A Chevy truck. I had to because you like to travel with big suitcases filled with rocks.”
“I do not!” She punches him lightly on his arm. “I just have a lot of work to do.”
“Forget everything that’s going on and have fun this weekend, will you? You’re starting to act like my Mom.”
“Well she is a Victoria Secret model. She must be busy all year long. By the way, where is she now?”
“She’s in the Caribbean somewhere. It’s her last shoot. She’s leaving to modeling for fashion design.”
“That means that she will be spending more time at home?”
“More time with my Dad.” He scrunches his nose in disgust. “They still go at it. They’re too old for it. I had to crash at your place last night because they were being too loud.”
“Oh, so that’s why I found you under my bed this morning.”
“No, you found me under the bed because you decided to kick me off the bed.”
“I don’t remember that.”
“I do. I hit my arm on the edge of your bed stand. I even have the bruise for it.” He steps back and slowly lifts the cuffs of his light green, long sleeve shirt that matches his eyes. She can see the edges of the mark are a faded green while the actual mark is a pale purple.
“That’s looks bad, Brady.”
“I see I won’t be getting a sorry from you.”
She rolls her eyes at him. “You being a baby. It’s not my fault you fell. I gave you a copy of my keys for emergencies. Not so you can sleep over to avoid your parent’s sex life.”
He pinches the bridge of his nose. “Don’t say sex and parents in the same sentence.”
“Why not? Your Dad is handsome. Last year he was voted fifty-six on the world’s sexist man chart. No wonder your Mom-”
“Stop. Please, no more.” He looks like he’s in physical pain.
Brandon was never one to brag. That’s why she loves him. His father was a well-known baseball player who retired two years ago while his mother is a Victoria secret model, who apparently is retiring this year. He comes from a very successful family, but it never got to his head. The Vinsons moved to Wisconsin in order to live a normal life outside of Hollywood, but it’s hard to live a normal life when you’re a celebrity. Brandon still has his fair share of dealing with paparazzi, although they sometimes give up since he doesn’t give them what they crave for, a story.
“Earth to Alyssa?”
“What? Sorry. What was that?”
“Let’s move faster so we can get there on time.”
“I’m not forgetting anything, am I?” They walk through student parking the lot. The sun is shining high and the clouds are nowhere in sight. It seems like the perfect day. No, it is a perfect day. She’s going to a concert and then spending the weekend away with her best friend. Prom and graduation is coming soon. It’s all going the way it should be. She’s living her life the way it was always meant to be.
“Hey, Brandon?” They both turn around to the red head that’s in several of their classes.
“Yeah?” He questions with a frown.
“Hey, Marissa.” Alyssa steps back from his grip to hug the gentle girl.
“Hey, Alyssa. Um… am I-?”
She just shakes her head. “Not at all. Is there something you need to tell me? Never mind you called for Brandon, right?”
“Yeah, I-I mean no. I mean I-I don’t know.” The shy girl stumbles through her words.
“Do I know you?” He asks with a confuse frown.
“No?”
“Brady, this is Marissa. She’s the one who won a full scholarship to Princeton to become a Marine Biologist.”
“Oh, the nerdy one.” Alyssa slaps his stomach almost instantaneously. “The hot one?” She repeats the punishment. “The very smart one?” He groans from the impact of her hits. She just shakes her head in defeat.
“You really know how to make a girl feel special.”
He cockily grins. “I know.”
She ignores him and turns to the girl who is exactly what someone would call a Texas woman. Her hair is orange-red that highlights the freckles on her skin. Her eyes are always gentle and innocent. She’s really shy, but sweet at the same time.
“Marissa, excuse him. He’s not a friendly person when he’s not feed.”
“You make me sound like a dog, Aly.”
“No, I’m not. They have better manners.” She points out to him. “Anyways, what do you want with this rude man?”
“Oh, I- never mind. It was nothing. I’ll just go.”
“No, come one tell us.”
“Well, you know it’s traditional for a guy to ask a girl to the prom, but there’s this list. I’m on the list of girls who have to ask a guy instead. I was wondering-”
“I’m going with Alyssa to the prom.” Brandon states proudly.
Alyssa’s mouth drops. “I- Oh, well, sorry then.” Marissa turns around and walks away, but not before showing the redness on her cheeks from embrassement.