Independence: #2 Angel (6 page)

“I don’t want to go,” she finally said when her voice became her own again. “No, Sir.”

“Do you believe you can follow rules, pet? I’m not sure you’re ready for this.” He considered things Bailey had shared with him. But then he looked into those eyes and his fingers sifted through the soft, short hair. Her heart was beating so hard against her ribs he thought she’d shake apart in his hands.

“I understand,” she said softly, staring down at her bare feet. “I can follow rules, Sir.”

“Never speak to a dom without permission,” Colin nodded to a wandering servant and leaned in to give her his request, waiting until she hurried off before turning back to Angelica. “Your eyes are on the floor unless it’s just you and me, then I prefer to have your gaze on my face. I want to see what’s going on behind those shields you have up. Is that clear?”

“Yes, Sir,” she answered instantly, working to keep her eyes on his.

“My rules are to stand straight, shoulders back and hands clasped in front of you,” he stepped toward the bench and lifted the paper he’d left there. “No health issues. You can kneel without problems.” He read through the list she’d marked of choices and nodded to himself before folding the page and sliding it into the pocket on his shirt. He stopped when a young woman appeared at his side.

“Your cuffs, Sir.”

“Thank you, Kelly,” he took the bright red cuffs from the young woman and watched her go off to wander through the scenes. He held them up for Angelica to see. “These are for my sub. Is that what you want to be for now, Angelica? When you’re here, you belong to me. What I say goes, unless you use the safe word. If you use the safe word, everything comes to a halt and we talk about what I did to make you use it.”

“I…I thought I’d have to leave…that you wouldn’t…”

He chuckled softly at the surprise in her eyes. He was fairly sure she expected to be blamed for using it. “Using the safe word does not warrant a punishment, Angel. I think for us, it’s going to mean either I misjudged something or you’ve allowed something to frighten you…whatever words you haven’t shared with me yet with regards to your father. They seem to have a very firm hold on your emotions. You’ll have no control when you’re here. If you hesitate in following orders, you receive punishment. Have you ever been spanked before?”

He was almost relieved when she shook her head before answering.

“No, Sir. I…no, Sir,” she kept her eyes on him.

“I think we need to continue our tour,” he held up one hand. Waiting until she put hers in his open palm. “Are you accepting me, Angelica or would you like me to find you another dom?”

“You…please, Sir…” but she held her breath when he opened one of the cuffs and fastened it in place. Her other hand was up when he crooked his fingers and she found herself with both cuffs on and then latched together.

Oh, god, what had she agreed to?

“You try and make me angry so I’ll give you an easy out,” Colin said softly, his fingers going beneath her chin when she looked away. “It won’t work, you know. You’re not used to talking about your family or your past…but to understand you, I have to know. And you’re definitely not accustomed to talking about yourself and what you feel or need. We’re going to work on that.”

“Yes, Sir,” she agreed, watching as he wrapped one hand around the small links between her hands and began walking among the scenes and milling people observing.

“Are you ashamed of them?”

“My family? Ashamed? No. Not particularly. You’re supposed to like your family,” she sighed. “But I don’t like them. I grew up in a school room with a nanny. It was…” she stopped to consider the right word. “Sterile. Lonely. I read a lot.”

“And your siblings?”

“I don’t really know them. They weren’t in the rooms I was given. Just myself and the nanny. My brothers were…were somewhere else. I suppose they lived with my father and step-mother in the house.” She’d learned later in her life they attended school and had activities and friends. “I could hear them. Talking…laughing…and I saw them on Sundays at church. They always dressed me up and we sat with them but they didn’t really…I guess…it was all for show,” she corrected herself firmly. “I know it was different than other people and their children.”

“Very different and very wrong, Angel,” Colin said firmly. “You went all through school without being around other kids?”

“The nanny died when I was fourteen and they tested me at the local school,” she said with a little shrug. “It put me in my junior year. So I finished eleventh and twelfth grade with others. It was like stepping onto a foreign planet. I’d read most everything and more by then from the libraries so it gave me a whole new collection of books to read.”

“And then college?” Colin didn’t have to look to see a change, to feel the anxiety and concern in her. He held the links between her hands, but with his fingers on the pulse of one wrist. He eased her from the people around them, her back against a wide, wooden column. “You don’t let people close to you, physically or not and talking about some things bothers you.”

“Talking about things is history,” she corrected with a shake of her head. She pulled her gaze from the various scenes and mostly naked people around them. In the dim lighting, oils and sweat glistened and mixed with the scents of sex and the sounds of pleasure. Sounds and sights that seemed to make the fire inside her build all over again. “I have friends. Friends are close.”

“As close as you allow them. Do you think I’m going to start calling you names because of something in your past?” Colin could see the color drain from her face and made a note to himself about what would be said to her, in or out of scenes. “What happened in high school, Angel?”

“I got pregnant and they made me marry him,” she told him with just the smallest trace of defiance.

“You can’t stand being touched and you let a boy…” he stopped, pulling a hard breath into his lungs.

“I didn’t…didn’t let him…it was as though I wasn’t even there…”

“Was he prosecuted?”

“No, Sir. They…”

He waited a few long seconds. “Don’t stop, Angelica. They what?”

“They said it was my fault for…for being too friendly. For allowing him to touch me in class when he was showing me what lessons we were on.” Over twelve years later and the shame of all the words around her still turned her stomach to a rock. “I had missed a week because I was sick. And the teacher told him to help me. He didn’t want to. People mostly stayed away…because they knew my family…and I spent time in the library. They said it was because I allowed it, that I wanted it. That’s where…when…the librarian found me and took me to the hospital. I don’t remember most of it. It was like a bad story I was in…but it doesn’t seem to ever end,” she whispered shakily.

Colin looked around quickly, taking her to an empty chair and pressing her shoulder gently until she sat down. He dropped to his knee before her and held her face up. She wasn’t jerking away when he touched her head or face anymore, he realized as he stared into a pair of dark eyes that had fallen behind shields once more.

“I’m going for drinks. You stay right here. Anything you like?”

“Chocolate,” she said quietly. “I didn’t want to remember. I mostly don’t remember the sex part at all. I…I’ve been with another guy once…but…” she shrugged, dismissing the experience.

“If I had the power to go in and take every wrong word used on you, Angel, I would. But I don’t,” Colin gently opened one of the fists on her thigh. “So all I can do is convince you they’re all wrong and move forward. I’ll be right back.”

“Yes, Sir,” but she didn’t feel convinced and suddenly she was very tired.

Holding secrets inside was wearing her out, she realized, looking around at the people involved in various scenes; some couples; same sex couples; couples and a third…and the safety monitors who wandered by, looking casual but she could tell they were very intently watching things unfold.

How did they forget they were naked and let themselves relax enough to…to scream like that?

To scream with such pleasure and abandon. The look in their eyes told her they were far, far from this room and they never saw people watching them. They didn’t seem to notice others at all.

Chapter Five

“You have the most fascinating expressions, Angel,” Colin held out a small bottle. “Chocolate soy milk. Evidently it’s a favorite of Gabriel’s sub.”

“She forgets to eat,” Angel said with a little smile, twisting the cap and draining half of it. “Thank you, Sir.”

“What did you see when you were watching people, pet?” Colin sat back in the chair next to her, his legs stretched out before him and hands tented over his waist.

“I…” she shrugged. “People…some look like they’re off in their own little world. It’s like the rest of the room just isn’t there.”

“Is that what you’re after?”

“I thought I was,” she admitted, turning to watch an older couple on a leather swing. She was tied with knots all around her, her arms up and hands clinging in a pair of cuffs attached to the sides while he aroused her with his mouth on her pussy.

“And why did you change your mind?” He followed her gaze and found himself wondering if she’d taste like sugar and spices. He could feel the tiny grains of both on her skin when he stroked her face and neck. She didn’t seem aware that she carried some of her work on her and he really liked the scents. They belonged to her.

“Because you have to come back,” she answered instantly.

“Back to the club?”

“No,” she turned back to meet his gaze. “It’s like a vacation. No matter where you go or how good a time you had, you have to return. I don’t like vacations for that reason. I want to like where I am…not where I can escape to and I only just realized that.”

“Not everyone playing does it to escape, Angel. You learn a great deal about yourself. I think you’re much stronger than you realize.” He waited until she faced him. “But you’re wearing way too many clothes.”

That definitely had her focus, he thought, taking the plastic bottle from her and setting it on the table. He took the links between her cuffs and tugged until she stood up. Colin took a step back and crossed his arms over his chest, evaluating her appearance critically.

“Remove the jeans,” he ordered as if he were casually telling her it would rain in the morning.

She stared at him, looked down her legs and then back at his face. Implacable. And very serious, she realized, her fingers shaking when they reached for the brass button at her waist.

“Each hesitation wins you a swat, Angel. If the bare ass is as fine as the jean covered one, you’ll make a nice display on one of the spanking benches,” Colin almost unfolded and reached for her when she swayed, color filling and leaving her cheeks with amazing speed.

It’s a sex club, she kept telling herself.
You should have been prepared for this
. The zipper went down and she worked the jeans from her hips. With her hands buckled together, it was a challenge unto itself. She expected to find him smirking, maybe even leering when she looked up, but nothing betrayed itself in his expression but patience.

Colin watched and waited. He had a feeling she’d never ask for help and he’d been right. With a rash of wiggling and pushing and a lot of attention drawn to the process, she managed to get the fitted jeans down her legs.

A sigh broke free at the same time she stepped from the legs, bent over and picked them up. She folded them neatly and set them on the chair behind her with a satisfied nod. Angel looked up and swallowed hard. He didn’t look pleased. That couldn’t be good. She didn’t flinch or jerk when he reached for her hands and opened the latch in the center.

“Now the tops.”

Why didn’t she see that coming? Dark lashes closed as her hands went for the hems of the two tops she’d worn, pulling them over her head and busying herself with folding them so she could avoid looking at anyone, especially him. Now she knew what it felt like to be in a window of a shop. She set the tops on the jeans and stood up tall, hands clenched in front of her and only jumping a little when he reached for them and connected them once again.

“April,” Colin raised one hand at one of the staff girls and handed them her clothing. “There’s a bin in the shelves labeled with my name. There’s only a pair of boots and socks inside. Add those to it, please.”

“Of course, Master Colin,” she smiled at them both and disappeared carrying Angel’s clothing.

“Finish your drink and we’ll continue,” he said quietly, wandering casually around her as she did as she was told. Plain and simple black underwear. Hip clinging bikinis and a satiny bra. He definitely wanted her decked out in lace and ribbons. His gaze landed on the large bruises over her shoulders and Bailey’s story returned in a stormy rush. He made a mental note of a few tasks for Monday morning regarding both her father, her brothers and the bastard who gave her the bruises. He stopped behind her, one hand up and fingers tracing the small silver lines across her back and shoulders. “What caused these?”

“A riding crop,” she whispered shakily, her eyes squeezed closed.

“Your father?”

“And step-mother,” she shivered at the gentle touch of his fingers against her skin.

“How old were you when it began, Angel?”

“Seven,” she remembered the incident, the images playing themselves out in her mind. “I…they tried teaching me to ride…but the horse was so big,” she whispered, sounding like the little girl who had tried hiding to avoid the lessons. “I was afraid…”

Colin felt her body grow colder. “Did you believe that’s what I would do to you?”

“I saw someone…using one of them…”

“That person enjoys it; you didn’t. That person is old enough to make the choice, you weren’t, Angel,” he told her firmly. “There’s a very big difference.”

“Is this what you think you’re supposed to do?” Angel knew she was taking a step outside what he considered acceptable but pushed anyway. “Try and fix me?”

“I don’t think you’re broken,” he answered honestly. “I think you’ve been brainwashed as a child by a man who should know better. I think you can choose to step away from it, if you want, Angel. You came to the club for a reason. So I think a big part of you has come to that same conclusion. It’s time. You’re much stronger than you give yourself credit for. I don’t think it was just for the sex. You told me you have a difficult time masturbating.”