Inconceivable (17 page)

Of all the family members there, the one Carolyn was most concerned about was JoAnn. My brother Kevin, her husband, was out of town, so she was taking this in alone. She was also the only person who knew Carolyn was pregnant because she was the one who had watched MK the day of our embryo transfer. Therefore, she was the person we felt the worst about, because we’d let her believe we were pregnant with our child. She and Kevin are MK’s godparents. JoAnn had been ecstatic about the pregnancy and told us how she couldn’t wait to get her hands on our next baby so she could cuddle and spoil him or her the way any good aunt would.

“Carolyn and I really appreciate you dropping everything to come here tonight,” I said. “On February 6, Carolyn underwent a frozen embryo transfer. On February 16, the doctor called to inform me that they mistakenly transferred another couple’s embryos and that Carolyn was pregnant with someone else’s genetic child.”

I looked up at JoAnn, who was as pale as a ghost. My sister Kelly, who is just a year older than Carolyn, held her hands over her eyes and slid a little lower in her chair with every sentence I spoke. I was glad when I was almost done because I thought she might fall on the floor. I looked at my brother Scott, who was sitting directly across the room from us gripping his forehead. My oldest brother John looked like he might get sick.

I noticed Carolyn was beginning to shake when she started her remarks. She did fine until she got to the sentence “We have been devastated by this.” She got as far as “devastated” and started to cry. JoAnn practically hurdled the couch in an attempt to get her Kleenex. My mom started sobbing when she saw Carolyn begin to cry. My mom is the consummate caretaker and matriarch of the family, and I am certain she internalized our pain at that moment. The word “devastated” hung in the room for what seemed an eternity.

“We are going to be telling the boys tomorrow afternoon and a group of friends tomorrow evening. We ask that you not tell a soul, including your children, for twenty-four hours. Thank you again for being here with us. Are there any questions?”

“I don’t know how something like this could happen,” said my brother Brian, a highly regarded physician. He and his wife Beth were shaking their heads. “Doctors and nurses spend the better part of their days preventing tragedies like this.”

“This is like an episode of
Dateline
,” my brother Jeff said. His wife Carol looked like she wanted to punch him.

After Jeff’s remark, Carolyn and I stood up and everyone else did the same.

Generally my family doesn’t like to discuss tough topics, so I knew there would be very little talk after we were done. One by one, my siblings approached us as though we were standing next to a casket to offer their condolences, prayers, and support. I was very touched by my brother Aaron, my best man and the brother
closest to me in age. He gripped me and said, “I am so proud of both of you.” Each sibling left silently. After a few minutes the only three remaining were my mom and Carolyn and me. I embraced my mom. She was still shaken, but I knew my sisters Kelly and Patti would help her.

On the way home we were relieved and even laughed a little. My family’s Irish Catholic heritage gives us special talents when it comes to bottling things up. We are there to support each other, but we avoid hugs and expressions of emotion.

“I bet when I started sobbing, everyone wanted to run from the room,” Carolyn said.

“The support was tremendous, but seeing the family leave their emotional comfort zone was just so painful. We would rather do
anything
than have to share feelings,” I said.

When we got home that evening, Carolyn’s parents had waited up for us to make sure everything had gone all right. I doubt that anyone really slept well that night. We had a big day ahead. There would be Drew’s race, and then we would have to tell the boys, and finally our friends.

After a restless night of sleep, we headed to Drew’s school for a slight reprieve from the stress that was threatening to overwhelm this forty-eight-hour period. Before the race, 1,000 cheering alumni, students, and their families gathered near the starting line. I took a deep breath and inhaled the fresh spring air on a beautiful day. The doors of the school opened, and the 180 seventh-and eighth graders, wearing their neon-green race T-shirts, poured out onto the sidewalk, high-fiving and smiling as they jogged to the starting line. I caught Drew’s eye and nodded to him. I knew he had been waiting years for this moment. I saw determination in him, and confidence. The horn sounded, and a herd of pumped-up teenagers took off. As Drew went by, I was so glad we had not broken the news to him and Ryan the night before. The run was tough enough.

I wasn’t just rooting for Drew, though. I had coached many of these kids, and I wanted them all to do well. I jumped in my car and drove to a point about a mile into the route where I could cheer the runners on. Drew’s stride was smooth and in control. This appeared to be Drew’s day.

“Drew, looking strong! Keep it going! I’ll see you at the finish line!”

At the finish line, I focused my video camera at the place where the kids would take the final turn. I was still worried about Drew. What if he cramped? What if he turned an ankle? He was running so well. I didn’t want something like that to ruin this spectacular performance.

The lead bike came around the corner, and right behind him, I recognized Drew’s stride. As Drew came more into focus, I pictured him running with me back in kindergarten. Nine years before, I’d had to slow down to run with him. Now I couldn’t keep up with him. Drew was about 150 meters away. Then, before I knew it, he was upon me. I realized I needed to sprint to film him crossing the finish line.

As Drew broke the tape and the crowd cheered, a chill went up my spine. He had done it! I watched him working to catch his breath as he poured water on his head. I placed my arm on his shoulder.

“Drew, fantastic run. You earned this. Enjoy it.”

For sixteen minutes I had put aside the pregnancy and reveled in Drew’s run, but my reprieve was over. I was a proud dad. I had been robbed of a great deal of normal time with Drew, Ryan, and Mary Kate during the previous ninety days and would continue, it seemed, to miss a lot into the foreseeable future. I would be a fool to think this had not already hurt them. However, what was going to win this moment was a family celebration for Drew’s huge accomplishment. The period after the race, when the kids were taking pictures of each other and congratulating one another, capped off a big week when everyone had done their best. It was a perfect moment to set aside the stresses of life, and that’s what we did.

As the event was winding down, I walked to the car with Drew by my side and saw a young man who was coming into his own. Although he hated getting hugs, I gave one to him anyway and then made the drive back to work and reality. When the boys got home, it would be time to tell them the news.

We needed to keep ourselves as even-keeled as possible to make this go well for the boys. As a principal, Carolyn had seen many times how children suffering through a tragedy follow the emotional lead of their parents. If a mom ends up in the fetal position in the corner, her children mimic that response. But if a parent is rational, his or her children remain rational. We decided to be straightforward about what had happened, explain why we had decided to do what we were going to do, and then assure them that, although the whole thing was difficult, everything would be okay. Unlike the way we approached our other meetings, we didn’t hold our outline as we spoke. This was parent to child, and we wanted to be open to what they had to say, not restricted by a list.

Both Drew and Ryan were in a great mood when they got home and looking forward to the weekend. Carolyn and I were waiting in the family room.

“Drew and Ryan, we need to talk to you about something. Please take a seat.”

Their smiles faded as they sat down.

“We have some news to share with you,” I said. “It is not good news, but we don’t want you to worry. No one is sick or anything like that.”

“You know how there are eleven years between Ryan and Mary Kate?” Carolyn said.

They nodded.

“Well, we didn’t plan it that way. We love you guys so much, and we always wanted more kids, so after you were born, Ryan, we kept trying and trying to have more, but it never seemed to work out. We finally found a doctor who helped us get pregnant with your sister. Have you ever heard of in vitro fertilization?”

“Yup. That’s what that lady did who got eight babies,” Drew said, with a serious look of concern on his face.

“Well, that is what we did to get Mary Kate. During that process, we made more embryos than we could use. So we had them frozen so we could try again. We tried again a few months ago, but the doctor made a big mistake and put someone else’s embryos inside of me.”

From the look on the boys’ faces, it wasn’t clear that they really comprehended what had happened. I remembered how the disclosure had gone the day before: the news was so shocking that everyone we told needed to hear it twice.

“Mom is pregnant, but the baby doesn’t belong to us,” I said. “It belongs to another family, and they want him.”

The boys were speechless.

“We met the other mom and dad last week, and they seemed very nice and were very grateful that we decided not to have an abortion,” Carolyn continued. “They really want their baby.”

“So, Mom is going to have the baby, and then we have to give him to his parents,” I said again. “Do you understand?”

They both nodded. Ryan was looking straight ahead, but Drew was looking right at me.

“Do you have any questions?” I asked them.

They both hesitated, and then the firing began with Ryan.

“Do you have to give him back? I mean, wouldn’t he like it here with our family?”

His question broke our hearts.

“Yes. I’m sure he would love it here with our family. But his genetic parents want him. It wouldn’t be right for us to keep him.”

“Are they nice people?” Drew asked. “Were they nice to you when you met them?”

“Yes. They were nice to us,” I said. “They already have two kids, and they really want this one too.”

“Does the other family go to church?” Ryan asked.

“Do they smoke?” Drew wanted to know. “What do they do for a living? Where do they live?”

I could see where their minds were going. We had it pretty good. We were a close-knit family. Wouldn’t this baby just want to stay here?

“Who else knows?” Drew asked.

“Well, we told Grandma Kate, Grandma Linda, and Papa yesterday, and we told all of my family last night,” I said. “We didn’t want to tell you until after the 5K was over with. We knew it was going to be a big day for you, and we didn’t want to distract you from your goals today.”

Drew shook his head. He got it.

“At five this afternoon,” I said, “we are leaving to go up to church. We called a meeting with all of our friends in one of the meeting rooms. We are going to tell them then.”

Drew wanted to know who was going to be at that meeting. We reviewed the list with him, and he suggested a few additions, all parents of friends of his. This surprised us, but we made a few quick phone calls and got the parents he requested to agree to come.

“I knew you were pregnant,” Drew confessed.

“You did? How?” Carolyn asked.

“You left that heartbeat thing on the floor next to the bed a couple of times. I figured you must be listening to the baby like you did with Mary Kate. I’ve known for three weeks.”

“Oh, Drew, I feel so bad about that,” Carolyn said. “You thought for weeks that you were going to get a little brother or sister. We probably shocked you more than we ever could have realized. Are you okay?”

He nodded his head yes. But I am not sure there was much conviction behind that answer. This would be tough for Drew, since he had already planned on another sibling.

“Are you going to sue?” Drew asked.

I didn’t expect to get that kind of question from the boys.

“We have attorneys who are taking care of that part. Don’t worry about that,” I said.

“Well, I think you should sue. They shouldn’t be allowed to make these kinds of mistakes. They should get in trouble for this.”

I told him I agreed with him.

I looked at Ryan and saw sadness in his eyes as he looked out the window. He has a gift for compassion and loved being a great big brother and protector of Mary Kate, and I am sure he was seeing that opportunity vanish for this next child.

“Drew and Ryan, this is a difficult situation, and we are handling it the best we know how,” I said. “There will be tough days ahead, but we will get through this as a family. If you have any questions at any time, please let us know. We love you very much, and trust me when I say we will be just fine.”

We were so proud of our sons. They handled this news with a kind of maturity that was way beyond their years.

We shifted our attention to the last meeting in this series: with our friends. I hoped this would be the easiest. We were now pretty practiced at discussing the situation. Prior to departing for church, I went for a run to clear my head. For the first time in months the run helped me find release. Letting the secret go was like having shackles removed from my feet. The double life we had been leading was now coming to an end.

CAROLYN

To give the Sylvania grapevine as little time as possible to buzz, we didn’t notify our friends about the five o’clock meeting until around noon. Sean again reassured everyone that no one was sick or dying, but that was about all he said.

Even though we gave them as little lead time as possible to talk among themselves, one of my dear friends became quite frantic upon learning of the get-together. Amny has been my friend for thirteen
years, and she has always been in my loop of top-secret pregnancy information. The idea that something could be happening to me that she didn’t know about made her panic. She called to insist that she was coming over immediately.

“You can’t come over. I can’t tell you anything yet.”