In This Moment (17 page)

    Cole drops his head
and laughs, soft and low against my neck. “You’re going to kill me.”

   
I press my head into the cool sand so that I can see his face. “Is that going to be a problem?”

    For a long moment he just looks at me. Then he bursts out laughing.

    With the sand at my back and the water at my feet, I relax and let the weight of Cole’s strong body pin me to the here and now.

***

“The truth is that we barely know each other.”

   
Cole looks over at me from the driver’s seat. His face is hidden by shadows, but his eyeballs catch the shine of another car’s headlights. “Are you being serious? Is this the part where you let me down gently?”

  
I laugh and slouch into the seat. “No, I’m not letting you down, but I am being at least quasi-serious.”

   
Cole leans over the console and trails his finger across my bottom lip. I have to fight back a shiver that starts at the top of my head and works its way down my body. How I physically respond to him is both ridiculous and slightly embarrassing.

   
“I get what you’re saying, but maybe that doesn’t matter so much,” he says quietly, dropping his hand and gripping the steering wheel. He expertly parks his truck in front of my townhouse. “We’ve been spending all this time together and I know what kind of face cream you put on before bed and what you look like in the morning. It’s true that I don’t know everything about you, but there’s time and…” He shrugs his powerful shoulders. “I know enough about you to realize that I want to know more.”

   
We sit in the dark for a while with the air conditioning running on high and Cole’s music playing in the background. On the other side of the tinted windows, the stars fan out limitlessly across the blue-black night sky.

   
“Does that mean that we’ll go on a few dates and see what happens?” God. What an awkward thing to ask. Maybe that’s not what he was getting at. I pull my hair over my shoulder and twist the ends around my index finger.

   
“I hope that we’ll do more than go on a few dates, Aimee.” Cole furrows his forehead and pushes back his thick hair with a hand. He looks over at me and his entire face seems to narrow a bit. “What I’m trying to say is that I’m totally in this if you are.”

   
I drop my eyes and drum my fingers against the door latch. I know that there are so many things that I should say right now but I don’t know how to get the words out. I followed my impulses earlier when I kissed him. I’d been thinking about Cole in so many different ways and when we were sitting on the sand, listening to the rhythmic sound of the water moving over the shore, everything changed. All of my excuses flew away and the only thing that made any sense to me was this idea of wanting him. “I feel like I just walked off a cliff not expecting to land on my feet…” My voice peters out.

   
“But you did.”

   
I look up and take a deep breath. “I guess I did.” He’s smiling and I can’t help but smile back. “I’m not good at
this
.” I point back and forth between us. “And I want to do everything right but I’ve been avoiding this kind of thing for over a year and now…” I shake my head. “I’m not sure where to start.”

   
“I’ve been avoiding
this,
” he points the way that I did, “for a lot longer than you have so if you’re confused then we’re completely fucked.”

   
I laugh and give a jerky shrug. “So what does that mean for us?”

    He lifts one arm
and tugs on my hair tenderly. His look is level. “It means that we start at the beginning.”

    “
I don’t know what that is.”

   
“Neither do I, but I think we can figure it out together.”

   
I’m all right with that.

Aimee

Sometime during my first class on Tuesday
, I begin to freak out and it’s like I can’t stop freaking out.

   
“I don’t see what the problem is,” Jodi says. We’re sitting on a bench in front of the tattoo shop where Kyle works and we’re sharing a bag of Skittles that Jodi dredged up from one of the interior pockets of her backpack. She got me here after class by threatening to serenade me with the first verse of
Teenage Dream
in the middle of the Union. I’ve learned that Jodi’s big into using intimidation to get her way.

    My previous
doubts are back with a vengeance. “I told you already. I just worry that dating Cole is going to mess everything up.”

   
The sun is hiding behind a wall of smoky grey clouds and the air is thick with the smell of an impending afternoon rainstorm. It’s slightly cooler than it’s been for the past few weeks which means that I’m not sweating. If Florida has a fall, this is it.

   
“You’re overthinking things again. Cole likes you. You like him. You’re going on a date with him tonight because that’s what two people do when they like each other. End of story.” She shakes out the colored sugar from the bottom of the bag into her upturned palm.

   
“I’ll admit that kissing Cole was nice,” I say slowly. Jodi gives me this are-you-kidding-me look and I amend my statement. “Okay… kissing Cole was sort of mind-blowing. But dating him is a completely different story.” I sigh. “I think I should probably just cancel. I don’t have anything to wear anyway.”

   
“You are not cancelling.” Jodi rolls her eyes. “Because I, for one, am not going to let you talk yourself out of this. I know that there’s stuff from before we met that you don’t want to tell me about and I’m okay with that, but I’ve got to be completely honest with you about something.”

   
She’s clearly waiting on me so I roll my hands. “What?”

   
“You’re missing out.”

   
I sigh. “Well, that’s not exactly news to me. I just…” I glance down at the two Skittles left in my hands. “I don’t want to screw with what I’ve got if it’s working just fine.”

    “Look, Aimee. F
rom everything you’ve told me so far, going out with Cole is a good thing and you are an idiot if you think otherwise.”

   
“Then maybe I’m an idiot.”

    “I
t’s going to be okay. Dating is simple because men are very basic. Rule number one is to always keep a guy on his toes. Rule number two is to avoid ordering anything messy like chicken wings or lobster on a first date. Other than that, it’s easy. And don’t stress out about your clothes because all you have to do is wear something that’s either short enough that he can’t stop staring at your legs or dips down low enough that he can’t stop staring at another one of your assets.”

    I sneak a peek at my low-profile chest and snort. “Assets?”

    Jodi licks the sugar off her hand and keeps going. “Yes, your list of assets is long. In addition to the obvious, I’ve discovered that you listen to really decent music, you’re clever and uninterested in the whole college popularity game, and… well, you know your shit when it comes to Pokémon.”

   
I never should have let it slip that I still have my collection of Pokémon cards. Jodi keeps finding ways to throw it in my face.

   
“It’s true that if we stumble across a battle with another trainer, I’ll be ready.”

   
“See.”

   
“Hardy-har-har.”

   
“Aimee, I know that you think I’m just blowing smoke up your ass, but it’s the truth. I see all those things and Cole sees them too. Hell, getting him to take you
out
before he takes you
in
is a major coup.”

   
“Umm… thanks?”

   
Jodi laughs. “You know what I mean… Cole Everly comes across to the rest of the world as your typical arrogant, athletic ass-monkey. It’s enlightening to discover that he’s not.”

   
We look at each other in silence for a minute and start cracking up. I don’t even know why we’re both laughing and maybe that’s the best part. We just are. And it’s… it’s new.

   
I know that I’m not ever going to be able to replace what I had with Jillian, but it feels good to be like this with someone else. And then it dawns on me that even my thoughts are a kind of betrayal. What am I doing? Jillian Kearns isn’t going to hear about my upcoming date. She’s not going to share a bag of Skittles with me or anyone else. She’s gone and she’s never coming back.
Ever.
Just thinking about “replacing” her is—

   
A male voice distracts me from the dangerous path my mind is taking. “What’s so funny?”

   
I turn around and see Kyle standing in the doorway next to the bench that Jodi and I are sitting on. His black hair is spiked up and messy and the sleeves of his t-shirt are ripped, showing off the swirling pattern of colorful tattoos that climb up both of his arms. A long metal chain is attached to the belt loop of his skinny black jeans. To say that this guy intimidates me would be putting it mildly.

   
“You’re done!” Jodi jumps up, brushes past me so quickly that I can practically smell her lust, and sinks into Kyle’s chest. He stumbles back and laughs.

   
“I would hug you back, but…” He holds up two cans of diet coke.

   
Jodi leans away from him and her forehead buckles. “What’s this?”

  
“Earlier you said that you were thirsty and—”

   
“But why
diet
? Are you implying that I’m fat and need to be on a diet or something?” She steps backward. “Oh my God, Kyle. Are you saying that Aimee is fat too? ”

   
Kyle’s expression changes—his dark eyes go wide and his lips tighten. He looks horrified. “No. I didn’t mean anything by it. I thought that’s what was in your fridge at home so that’s what I got from the machine. Shit. I swear that I think you’re perfect.”

    After a handful of tense secon
ds Jodi breaks into loud laughter. She takes both of the cans away from Kyle and hands one to me. “I’m just fucking with you, babe. This is great. Thanks.”

    Shaking his head and grumbling under his breath, Kyle
grabs her and pulls her back into his body. He loops his long arms around her neck and ducks his face low so that he can whisper something in her ear. Jodi’s so tiny that I can barely see her when she’s all wrapped up like this, but I can hear her laughter and for the first time in a long time, I want
it
. I want all of it.

   
“See,” she says, freeing her head from Kyle’s grasp and glancing over at me. “Always keep them on their toes.”

Cole

“So…” I scratch the back of my neck.

   
She sets down her fork and glances up at me. Her hair is pulled into a loose braid that drips over her right shoulder. She’s wearing a light blue dress. She’s got on silver earrings that dangle against her jaw when she moves her head. If she tilts just right, I can see the silky strap of her bra peeking out from under the dress. It’s pink and for the past hour I’ve been wondering if she’s one of those girls who does the whole matching bra and underwear thing.

   
“So…” she parrots back.

   
Maybe I shouldn’t have worn a suit. It’s so fucking uncomfortable and hot. If there’s a hell, I’m guessing that the fucktards that end up there have to wear suits.

  
I clear my throat and wipe my mouth with the starch white linen napkin from my lap. “Uh—how’s your food?”

   
Aimee looks at me for a long time. Her lips twitch and my stomach clenches tight. She moves her eyes over to where our waiter is stationed against the wall. When she speaks, her voice comes out as a low whisper that only I can hear. “Is it me, or is this really awkward?”

   
I think about the question.

   
Shifting in my straight back chair, I look around the ridiculously fancy waterfront restaurant with the white tablecloths and the crystal water glasses and the extra forks that I have no idea what to do with. There’s a gaudy chandelier dropping from the ceiling above us and the walls are draped in heavy fabric the color of dried-up blood. The sound that’s filtering in through hidden speakers can only be described as a hybrid between elevator music and a funeral dirge.

   
I’m trying too hard. I squint and feel my mouth creeping up. “Maybe a little?”

   
Aimee lets out a held breath and half-smiles. It’s one of my favorite smiles. “Okay,” she says like she’s deciding something. “I thought it was just me and I was starting to get a little panicked. Cole, I seriously think that we’re the youngest people here by at least fifteen years.”

   
She’s probably right. The guy at the table next to me has been messing with his dentures since the hostess walked us over here. “It’s Florida. Everyone is old.”

   
Aimee’s eyes widen. “Not like
this.
This is geriatric.”

   
Shit. I feel sweat beading at my hairline and I push my hands back through my hair, pulling on the ends. It’s not like it should come as a surprise that she’s having a terrible time. I haven’t taken a girl on a date in… well… ever. It was almost a given that I was going to fuck it up colossally. “I thought that this is the kind of thing that all girls want. You know—the nice restaurant near the water and the debonair guy in the suit,” I gesture to my tie.

    “The debonair guy—yes.
The other stuff?”

    I don’t reply right away and
Aimee’s brow creases. Her fingers wrap around the edge of the table. “I’m sorry,” she says quickly. “Was it bad for me to say something? I just wanted you to know that you didn’t have to go all out. I would have been fine with Skee-Ball and a corndog.”

   
I cock my head to the side. “You can’t play Skee-Ball worth a shit. Remember?”

   
“I don’t think you’re allowed to say ‘shit’ in a place like this, Cole. The waiter is in a tux.”

   
“You’re probably right,” I agree, easing back into my seat. “So the restaurant was a stupid choice. Does this mean that you’re having an awful time? I’m hoping that dates are like everything else and they get better with practice.”

   
“I’m not having an awful time.” Her voice is soft but strong and it unglues me instantly. She gnaws on her bottom lip. “I didn’t mean what I said in the way that you’re thinking. I just don’t want us to pretend to be something that we’re not, you know? I faked my way through all of last year. It’s not… it’s not good and I’m trying to be done with all of the fake crap because I know that eventually it catches up to you.”

   
Her expression is fractured and I get the sense that her words are hinting at something else. She’s allowing me a rare peek inside, but I don’t want it right now. Not in this stuffy-ass restaurant.

   
“Got it,” I say lightly, rubbing my finger over the bump in my nose. “No fakeness and you’re not into the flowers and romance stuff.”

   
“Well, I don’t remember saying that I wasn’t into flowers…”

   
I chuckle and let my body relax. “Okay. I can work with this. Flowers you like. Corndogs and donuts you like.”

   
“All true. Did I tell you that there’s this famous donut place out in Portland called Voodoo that makes a maple syrup donut topped with bacon?”

    “That sounds disgusting
.”

    “Don’t knock it until you try it.”

    “Fair enough.” I arch my shoulders. “In addition to flowers and bacon-flavored donuts, I’ve peeked at your kindle so I know that you like books and
Harry Potter
in particular
.
Even though I’ve never read the books or seen any of the movies, I think—”

   
Aimee interrupts me. “You’re kidding me, right?
You,
of all people, haven’t seen the
Harry Potter
movies?”

   
I shake my head, enjoying the look on her face. “I know the basic plot and it didn’t really seem like my thing.”

    “Didn’t seem like your thing? It’s
Harry Potter
! Did you grow up under a rock or something?”

    I chuckle. “
Turnaround is fair play so maybe we can watch them sometime.”

   
“Well, I think you should read the books first, but that’s just my humble opinion. Though I should warn you about something.” She places her elbows on the table and that pink bra strap winks at me. I can feel blood drumming in my ears, sliding down through my body. Maybe this date isn’t fucked after all. “I have this theory that the world is broken up into two kinds of people.”