In The Hay (Uninhibited in Apple Trail, Arkansas) (11 page)

Chapter Thirteen

Drew’s world turned very still.

Wind whacked the tin roof and whopped at the ends. A cow three stalls over munched on hay. Ducks quacked somewhere nearby. Loudest of all was the blood pounding in his ears.

She was one of
those
women. The build-a-fence-put-plants-in-the-ground-and-wait-to-have-kids kind of woman. The type that he just plain and simply didn’t even know what to do with and avoided at all costs. Up until her. Until she managed to slip under his skin and get past his
marriage-minded-woman
radar.

Hell, she’d been the one to remind him of what they were just last night. “Nicolette, when I said earlier…I didn’t mean...”

She sat up, pushing off him and it was like ripping the hide from his body. Her frown shot straight through his gut.

He swallowed. “It’s like I explained. I can’t right now.”

She quickly dropped her white sundress overhead and faced him, rubbing her arms. “We could. If you would let us. There has to be more here than just the physical.”

It was bitter on his tongue but he forced it out. “No.”

“Liar.” Her eyes were wet.

He pulled up his pants and reached for his shirt to keep his hands busy to stop from pulling her in. It was time to break this tie between them. It was good while it lasted, but now wasn’t the time. “That was the deal from the beginning. You know how these things go.”

“No, I don’t.”

He shoved on his boots. “Come on. It was nothing special.”

He looked at her enough to see her feet standing shoulder width apart. He couldn’t risk more. He might say something he’d later regret. But he couldn’t, he just couldn’t take on a serious relationship. Here his schedule had been relaxed, but at home he was at work early and stayed late. There was no time for more and he wouldn’t put her through that. Wouldn’t risk having her nearby like that and distracting him from what he wanted.

“It was special to me.”

“Don’t do this.”

“Do what? Admit what we both feel?”

He shook his head. God, he had to get out of here. “There’s nothing to feel. We were just some fun to each other. Nothing else.”

She shook her head. “You were supposed to be nothing, but I couldn’t do it. I tried to keep you distant, but I just couldn’t. I thought I knew what I was doing, I thought I could take a lover and be casual about it, but I couldn’t. I don’t care what you say, you didn’t either.”

“A week tops and you’ll have moved on. You know how this works,
Lette
. You’ll see another guy and I’ll be forgotten.”

“Stop saying that.”

He looked up expecting sad tears, but instead saw flushed red cheeks. “Saying what?”

“That I know how this works. I don’t. You were my first, Drew. Not just my first lover, but my
first.
What I do know is what I feel. And what I feel is real and I won’t forget. And I know how you look at me. I know how you hold me at night for hours playing with my hair and kissing me on the top of the head when you think I’m asleep. I see your face during the day and you cannot tell me I am nothing to you.”

“You.” He swallowed, remembering the way she’d stilled under him that first night. Her wide and curious eyes in every moment since then. Her hesitant words. “You were a virgin?”

She glanced away. Heat filled her cheeks. “Yes.”

A single word. That one single word whispered past her lips and he turned cold. Very, very cold. And uncomfortable. “You didn’t tell me.”

She tucked hair behind her ear and continued to stare at something just over his left shoulder. “I didn’t mean to tell you now.”

“Nicolette, I didn’t know. God, this explains so much.” His stomached clenched, as he remembered more of that first night. As he recalled the rough way he’d taken her—in a fucking hay field with only his t-shirt as a bed. “Christ, I’m so sorry.”

“You just called me Nicolette,” she whispered.

“What?”

She rubbed her arms. “You called me Nicolette. You haven’t called me that since the first night.”

His gaze slipped from hers. Had he? From that first time he hadn’t thought
Nicolette
fit. Now he saw how it worked. “If I had known, things would have been different.”

“I didn’t need some romantic set up.” Her voice was an echo of the passion she’d shown a minute ago, but hell, what was he supposed to do? She cleared her throat. “In that hay field was perfect.”

His jaws were squeezed so tight, his teeth were waiting to crack and fall out. “It wouldn’t have happened at all.”

She’d saved herself and threw it away on his ass. Oh, now he was pissed. She was something, had been special and she wasted it on him when some John Smith was just waiting on her to fall in his arms. That thought socked him in the gut. His
Lette
moaning some other guy’s name, but he ignored it and shook his head. “Why me? After all these years, you gave it up to a nobody, for nothing.”

Her gaze dropped immediately and she backed out of the hay stall. “You weren’t a nobody to me.”

“You barely knew me.”

She rubbed her arms. “You offered what I wanted. The End.”

Fuck the end. “You surely had plenty of opportunity in the past.”

She looked away. “It wasn’t the first chance for sex but it was the first chance for it without having been wined and dined.” She turned away and leaned her forehead on the wooden wall. Her back to him. Her toe tapped the ground. “Or being told I was loved and if I really,
really
loved him back, I’d let him.”

He saw red. The whole fucking barn turned the color red hearing those shitty ass lines had been used on
Lette
.

She turned in a circle and leaned on the wall, tipping her head back. “Thank god the first time that line was tossed out he wasn’t asking for anything beyond a quick feel up. A few hours later I found him with another girl pinned against a wall. “Ridiculous, isn’t it? I was a teenager and catching a glimpse of him with another girl has haunted me . Every guy, I always wondered—was I being taken to this fancy restaurant with the expectation of more? I didn’t want it to be expected. I shouldn’t have had to feel like having sex and intimacy was payment for a great evening. I wanted to give it away with no attachments or expectations. Because I wanted to. And you came along and offered me that chance.”

Damn it. More locks were clicking, things were turning and all he wanted to do was grab her and say
mine
. He stroked his fingers through his hair and tugged at the roots.

She looked up at him, her eyes wet. “You offered me freedom that night and then gave me so much more than I ever imagined. Everything I wanted to do, you helped me. You made my silly adventures, that no one else got, exciting.”

He shook his head and turned away from her. No tears. Dear God, no fucking tears, please. “I gave you nothing. We were nothing. You did that all on your own.”

A squeak escaped her, but he refused to look back. He wouldn’t be drawn into her eyes, her gaze. “Maybe not to you, but it was to me.”

“
Lette
.” He turned back, to clear up that they were nothing more than physical. His fingers curled into fists. “Nothing more. I—”

She put her hand up and walked out the door.

They were over.

He was finished with this fencing thing and he was about to head home. Looked like sooner than he was planning. His dad would be surprised and glad to see him home early. After a few more days, she’d be leaving this town. She’d go back to college and do something with her life. He would be forgotten.

He leaned against the barn door and watched her walk out of his life. An itch to call her back crawled up his throat, but he swallowed it down. There was no room for a woman like her in his life now and she deserved what he couldn’t give.

She stopped at her car and looked toward the house. He followed her gaze to see Shellie coming down the front steps. Riley remained on the porch. His cousin stared at the woman. Pussy-whipped. Drew shook his head and looked back one last time to
Lette
. She was staring at him. The wind tossed her red curls highlighted in the sun and waved the skirt of her white dress. Her head was up, shoulders rolled back. Seeing her standing there like that, he was so fucking proud of her but he had no idea why. Still, it was there. The moment their gazes met, she turned away and nodded something to Shellie.

Chapter Fourteen

Three weeks. It had been three weeks since Nicolette had last seen Drew.

The raw ripping in her chest was as fresh as if it were an hour ago. She flipped through the packages of seeds in front of her, checking light and growth space.

She returned to her hand sketch of the garden she would soon be planting with Shellie. Not just a garden, but a nursery of flowers to grow and sell to florists. It was a huge project. An unimaginable one when Shellie first pitched the idea.

Shellie was going to fund it if Nicolette would help her with growing it. They’d be partners. She’d taken all of two minutes before agreeing. It was perfect for her. Each plant required slightly different tending. Each season allotted for new plants outside which depended entirely on the weather. What wasn’t outside was controlled in a greenhouse. It offered just enough risk to keep things exciting, just enough excitement when each flower would bloom perfectly, and just enough stability in this small town to keep her happy.

The only thing it didn’t give her was Drew and nothing ever would. She had their precious few days to remember and she held them close to her heart. Looking back, she had no regrets. There was nothing she could have done to stop herself from falling for him and craving him. She could see that now.

It had all been worth the heartbreak.

Shellie leaned over her shoulder and studied the plans. “Looks good.”

Nicolette sat back. “I’m happy with it. As soon as the first greenhouse is finished, we’ll get these in there and they’ll be ready by the end of the year.”

“Riley wants to know if we can plant some apple trees.”

Nicolette swallowed. “I’m really not overly familiar with growing fruits. I could look them up and learn though. I just want you aware.”

Shellie patted her shoulder. “No rush. You know, this whole town was founded by a man planning to grow a huge orchard, but he died before he did. No one ever came behind him and did that. Riley thought it’d be nice to grow a few and then have them in the fall during the festival in town.”

Nicolette nodded. She had come to learn Riley was pretty cool and giving like that. Shellie was lucky. Riley adored her. As Drew’s face filled her mind, Nicolette swiped eraser bits from the table. “I’ll look into it. I do know it takes a couple of years after you plant a tree before they bear fruit, unless we buy them already a few seasons in, but then I’m not certain of the replanting and how well it would take.”

“Something for the future.” Shellie flipped through a stack of seeds. “Riley spoke with Drew yesterday.”

Nicolette stilled, her stomach squeezed as she eased to the edge of her chair for news. She hated her reaction. That desperate lost-in-love-girl effect anytime his name was mentioned. As much as she hated it, it didn’t stop her from needing to know more. “Oh?”

“His dad is leaving him in the accounting department and only wants to hear about that department.”

Nicolette wanted to gnash her teeth, but she wouldn’t show Shellie that. She’d come to learn Drew’s dad was a Grade-A-asshole. It was likely branded into the man’s ass. From what she’d gathered, Drew had returned home, his task completed and his dad sat him in the accounting chair to handle paperwork.

It so happened while Drew was gone, the secretary had walked out. By completing the fencing, Drew showed a bit of responsibility. Enough to handle paperwork. He’d made basically a lateral move. Nicolette burned up inside because she knew he was worth so much more and she just hoped he’d realize it sooner rather than later before he wasted himself on trying to gain the attention of a man which would never come.

Shellie placed the packages down. “Well, Riley and I are heading into town to grab a bite to eat for lunch. Want to join us?”

Nicolette smiled and shook her head. “You two go on.”

Shellie walked out of the small office. Riley stood in the doorway, a ball cap dangled from his hands. “Ready?”

“Waiting on you.” Shellie lifted on her toes and left a kiss on Riley’s cheek.

Nicolette had never seen such a loving couple. Her parents interacted nothing like these two. When they were in the room together, they constantly touched and gravitated toward one another. A week ago Riley had come to her and asked if she’d help set up a picnic dinner by the only section of fencing left of his old wooden fence. She didn’t know why there, didn’t know why Riley had torn down and burned the entire fence but that one link in the middle of the pasture. She just knew when the two came back from the pasture the next morning, there was an engagement ring on a very happy Shellie.

Sadness coated within Nicolette as she watched the two leave. It’s what she could have had with Drew but lost.

Nicolette returned to her sketches and grabbed a fresh sheet of paper to line out the outdoor plants they’d soon need to be getting in the ground. She worked for twenty minutes or so when a truck pulled up into the drive.

That was fast eating. Usually they were gone for an hour at least.

She pulled in a breath and hurried to finish the row she was on before she lost her train of thought. She finished just as the engine turned off. She pushed away from her desk, ready to walk and stretch her legs. She’d like to walk the grounds where the garden would be too, just to recheck things and then take both Shellie and Riley through her plans.

She stepped outside. “How was
lun
…” Her words died on her tongue. Her design in her hands fell from her fingertips.

“
Lette
,” Drew whispered. His eyes searched her. “What are you doing here?”

She swallowed, trying to find some composure, worked like hell to keep her knees locked so she wouldn’t fall over. “What are
you
doing here?”

Had he come to find her? She shook that wishful thought loose. He'd been just as surprised, hadn’t even known she’d been here, obviously.

“Riley called. Said Shellie was opening a nursery and she needed someone to help her run it.”

Nicolette straightened. “That’s what I’m doing.” She bent and lifted the paper from the porch and shook it. “I’m lining out the plants and am going to grow them for her.”

He shook his head. “Riley asked me to do other things. The books, hiring people for delivery trucks, rounding up supplies, and finding buyers.”

The papers crinkled and cracked in her tightening fist. “What happened to working for your dad?”

He shrugged, looking a little lost, a little bit helpless and some of that ice flaked off her heart. Not much, but just a tiny piece. She knew that couldn’t have been easy for him.

By the sag of his shoulders, he was still feeling it. “I figured out I’d never be the kind of man he needed.”

“And what kind of man does he need?”

“Damned if I know.” He kicked at the dirt clinging to his truck tire. “Riley offered me this job. I went to my dad and asked him to listen to me and trust in me. He said I wasn’t ready and doubted I ever would be to run his company. So I turned in my notice.”

She refused to let his words sink in and affect her, as they were trying to do. He was here, but not for her. He apparently, hadn’t even looked for her or tried to find her. She’d made her feelings clear. He evidently, still felt the same. Head held high, she walked down the steps and toward the small greenhouse seeding a few plants as test runs to showcase what they could grow.

“Well, good luck. I know you’ll do a good job.”

“
Lette
.”

“It doesn’t sound like our paths will cross very often since I’ll mostly be in the field. Just here and there.”

“
Lette
.”

She couldn’t answer the plea in his tone. “I’ll see you around, Drew.”

“
Lette
,” he said her name stronger this time and it stopped her.

She waited, only daring a glance over her shoulder. If she faced him fully, she might run into his arms. “Yes?”

His gaze slipped away. “Good to see you again.”

She swallowed, but damn, it hurt to force it down. “You, too.”