In the After (37 page)

“Not yet, but you may one day,” Rice reminded him.

Surprisingly that made Marcus pause. “Talk to Dr. Reynolds. He gave me strict orders.”
Marcus dragged me toward the door.

“Rice!” I screamed as my hand slipped out of his.

Baby tried to follow but I signed,
Stay with Rice. He will keep you safe
. The last thing I saw was Rice’s horrified face as he clutched a crying Baby.

In the hall, they shoved me into a large body bag, and Marcus hefted me to his shoulder,
carrying me like I was a sack of laundry. I wanted to fight, to lash out, but I knew
I couldn’t take on Marcus plus two of his muscle-bound cronies. I was shoved onto
a hard surface and heard a motor start.

After a short ride, they carried me somewhere inside a building—I could hear doors
opening and closing as I was moved around. They dropped me and untied the top of the
bag before they left, locking the door. I wriggled out of the bag onto a cold linoleum
floor. The small room was dark but I could make out a bed, a sink, a toilet. I lay
still and miserable, unable to bring myself to move. Hopeless, I closed my eyes and
wrapped my arms around my head, hoping to drown out the world.

“You seem different, Amy.” Dr. Reynolds is sitting across from me again, in my room
in the Ward. This is my latest psyche-eval, the one my mother orchestrated. “Perhaps
your treatments have been more effective than we anticipated.”

“I am different.” I smile. They haven’t given me medication in days so I’d be clear
enough to talk to Dr. Reynolds, not knowing that I’d neutralized the pills weeks ago.
“I understand now what you’re trying to do here.”

“And what’s that?” he asks, curious.

“Maintain humanity.”

“Not just maintain, Amy. Improve.”

I have to concentrate hard not to laugh. “Improve, yes, I see that.”

“Your mother seems to think that you’ve handled certain information quite well.”

“Such as?” I don’t want to give anything away.

“That there are Floraes in New Hope. That we perform tests on them.”

“Yes. I’ve adjusted my way of thinking. I know it’s for the good of the community.”
I’m keeping my responses short so I don’t mess up. I just have to convince him. I
just have to get out of the Ward. I can squirrel away supplies, learn how to fly a
hover-copter. One night I’ll sneak Baby out. We can live like we did before we came
here.

“Do you know why you were placed here, Amy?”

Because your first murder attempt failed
. “Because I needed help. This is where citizens go to receive the help they need.”

He flips through his notebook. “When we first spoke . . . I flagged you as possibly
subversive,” he says, surprisingly blunt.

“I was just interested in learning about New Hope,” I try to explain.

“Yes, I noted that as well.” He reads from his book. “A. Harris has an extremely curious
disposition, prying into matters that are beyond her clearance level as a new citizen
of New Hope.”

“What else?” I ask, unsure why he’s telling me this.

“A. Harris has an unnatural attachment to a post-ap she calls Baby. This child has
a chance to live a happy, fulfilled life as a citizen, unless unduly influenced by
A. Harris. She also has severe PTSD, causing many anger issues and an irrational resentment
toward the structured society that defines New Hope. She should be monitored closely
for violent behavior and rebellious conduct.” He snaps his notebook shut.

“And now, because of my treatments, I’m much better,” I tell him.

He looks at me pointedly. “No. You’re not.”

I try to stay calm. “I don’t understand.”

“Amy, your mother is very important to us. Her research is invaluable. If we are to
take back the world from the Floraes, we need people like her: smart, dedicated, and
loyal. Since you arrived six months ago, your mother has lost some of her focused
commitment to New Hope. Now she worries about you . . . for your well-being.”

“But now I can fit in,” I plead. “Especially if I’m a Guardian. I can devote myself
to New Hope. I can defend it.” My voice is strained.

Dr. Reynolds shakes his head. “Amy, you and I both know there is only one thing to
which you are devoted.” I swallow. He means Baby.

“I’m not getting out of here, am I? This was all for show, to placate my mother.”

“It’s a shame really, Amy. You’re so smart. You have so much to offer us, but you
just can’t be trusted. I know you think that one day, maybe not too far off, you’ll
escape from the Ward and leave New Hope behind with Baby at your side.”

Shaking, I refuse to look at him.

“I have scheduled a small neurosurgical procedure for you next week.”

“Neurosurgical?”

“I have decided we must go in and perform a minor lobotomy.”

A lobotomy?
This can’t be happening. “I am not psychotic,” I whisper.

“You are extremely violent. Even on your medication, you killed a nurse in an attempt
to escape.”

“What?! I never . . . Is that what you’ll tell my mother?” It suddenly hits me that
Dr. Reynolds is, at heart, a sadist. Nothing more, nothing less. He’s only telling
me his plans because he wants to revel in my helplessness and my terror. Despite my
chill, I feel a warmth rush to my face. I can barely contain my rage.

He nods. “Yes, and we’ve already told a different story to all of New Hope. That you
were wounded while on a mission and are recovering in the Ward from severe injuries.
People are inspired by you: the director’s daughter willing to sacrifice life and
limb for New Hope. You’ve helped to strengthen our cohesive community, Amy.” His smug
smile is sickening.

“You’ve turned me into a phony martyr,” I hiss. “Why are you telling me all this?”

“Because I’ve been gauging your reaction.”

My head snaps up.

“This was part of your evaluation, and it’s fair to say you have not responded positively.”

“That was part of my psyche-eval?” I ask. “And the procedure?”

“That’s entirely up to you, Amy.” He stands to leave. “We’ll see how well you behave.”

I bite my lip, trying to appear resigned. “How long will I have to behave, to prove
myself?”

“Indefinitely.” He smiles as if I should be pleased by this.

“Will I ever . . . Can I see Baby?” I ask desperately.

“No,” he says, enjoying my misery.

He thinks he’s won. He thinks he knows me, but he has no idea what I am capable of.
If I can survive the After, I can survive the Ward.

I’m not surprised that he comes. Even if Dr. Samuels didn’t relay my message, I knew
Rice would be back. I sit quietly, pretending to be medicated.

“Amy.” He takes my hand. I act as if I’m oblivious, focusing in the general direction
of the television.

I know we’re being watched. It’s a constant thought at the back of my mind, as is
Dr. Reynolds’s threat of the lobotomy. Amber’s blank, uncomprehending face flashes
through my thoughts and I shiver.

I give Rice’s hand a tentative squeeze.
Rice. I can’t stay here. Reynolds wants me gone. It’s not safe. Help me
.

I will
, he signs into my hand.
I want to do more, but I’m being watched too. We all are. We have someone on the inside
now
.

In the Ward? Dr. Samuels? A glance tells me he’s talked to Rice; he’s on our side.

We can do this
, Rice signs. Our eyes meet and I have to look away before I start to cry.
Kay has a plan
.

Yes
, I sign.
I’m prepared. I’m awake and ready
.

“I should go,” Rice tells me, trying to let go of my hand, but I squeeze it tighter.

Promise me you’ll look after Baby
, I sign. I know she’s found her real name but I’ll never stop thinking of her as
Baby, the toddler I found in the After.

I will
, Rice assures me. He pauses and studies the ground. He looks like he has a decision
to make and I wait, tense and desperate.

Rice reaches up to his hair, rubs the back of his neck. He turns slightly and then
I see it: a small, diamond scar at the nape of his neck. That’s why he wears his hair
so shaggy, to cover the mark. I gasp, then catch myself and try to look drugged and
uninterested.

Then he’s gone and I have to pretend that I have no feelings. All I can do now is
wait. Wait and hope.

I don’t know what time it is when they come for me. It’s after lights-out, and I’m
already in bed when two Guardians appear. These are my colleagues. I’d trained with
them for four months.

“How did you get in?” I whisper.

“Look, sunshine, we don’t have a lot of time.” Kay looks around the sparse room. “Grab
what you want to take, quickly.”

“There’s nothing.”

I mentally prepare myself for what is to come. If we’re successful, I’ll never see
this place again.

“I’ve disabled the cameras,” Gareth tells me from the door. “We have five minutes
to get out.”

“I’m ready.”

We make our way silently from the building. Kay uses a key card to open doors and
run the elevator. I smile when I see Dr. Reynolds’s name on the side. When they check
the system, it will look like Dr. Reynolds himself broke me out of the Ward.
How did she manage to get it?
Then I grin.
Dr. Samuels
.

When we’re out of the building, I head toward the dorms, but Kay stops me. “No, Amy.
You can’t take her with you.”

“I can’t just leave her here.” I can’t abandon Baby.

Kay gives me a hard look. “Would you really endanger her like that? You have no choice.
She does. Which do you think she’ll choose?”

I know Baby would choose me. She would willingly leave New Hope and go back to the
After, just to stay by my side. But with a realization that almost destroys me, I
know I can’t do that to her. She’s no longer Baby. She’s Hannah now. I think of her
smiling face. She loves it here. She’s happy. She fits into New Hope better than I
ever could. She has her own past and her own future, and someone who will look after
her. Unlike me, she is safe here. She has Rice.

I silently nod as the tears stream down my face. Before I can change my mind, I turn
away and run to the grove of trees where Gareth is waiting.

The three of us quickly make our way to the outskirts of New Hope. “The hover-copter
is by the lake,” Kay whispers. “Marcus has taken to patrolling the perimeter with
the Elite Eight, so keep silent until then.”

I nod, feeling the heaviness lift and the exhilaration of the night air on my skin.
I am no longer in the Ward.

We soon reach the hover-copter, and Kay and Gareth climb inside. I stop at the door,
suddenly choked up again.
Baby. Can I really leave her behind?
I need to find another home, another place we can live in safety, then I’ll come
back.

“Good-bye, Baby,” I shout at the top of my lungs as we take off. I desperately want
her to know that I love her, that I’m not leaving without thinking of her. “I’ll come
back for you!” I yell. I know she will hear me. No matter what lies they make up,
even if they tell her I am dead, she’ll know the truth.

Soon we are in the silent night sky, surrounded by stars with the dark world below
us. We are all quiet on our journey and I am grateful. I know that Kay and Gareth—and
Rice—have risked everything for me. It’s a debt I can never repay.

The hover-copter trip takes hours and I fall in and out of a fitful sleep. When we
land, I am jerked awake. The door opens and I step out into the new day. Kay and I
stand together in the warm morning sun. I smile when I think of our last ride, so
many months ago.

“Thank you, Kay, for getting me out of there. How did you manage to get the hover-copter?”

“We were ordered to head south and find fresh Floraes for the director.” Kay reaches
into the back and starts pulling out supplies. “So that’s what we’re doing. Orders
are orders.”

“And you always follow orders.”

“Always.” She throws me a large, black pack.

I place the bag on the ground and rummage through it. It has everything I need: a
synth-suit, a Guardian gun with extra ammunition, a small bow with arrows, and a water
filter. There are also dehydrated food packs used for camping and a bunch of rechargeable
batteries with a solar-powered charger.