In Search of the Alter Dom (21 page)

And so it went on, each alien speaking in turn to Blodwyn. She was starving, the food smelt delicious. Blodwyn grabbed a goblet of something and took a delicate sip – it was lovely, she took a great quaff; spilling some on her dress, just like Grunwalde. The drink went straight to her head. The very last alien to speak was the strangest looking being at the table; it was totally covered by white crawl, only two massive compound eyes and two sets of arms were visible, it also wore a kind of apron. It had an enormous head. ‘Welcome Queen of the Lings,’ says this alien in a buzzing kind of voice. My species used to visit the Lings on Venus to trade pollen toffee – for honey. Of course only when their first Queen Nemesis was away hunting - for she was partial to the flesh of my species.

‘How charming,’ replies Blodwyn, ‘I love giving my Lings toffee – it shuts the little buggers up for ages! What species is he?’ Blodwyn asks the friendly Cilla.

‘A Festus Noope,’ answers the Cilla, ‘you call them
bluebottles
– they are famous for their…’

Karak interrupts the Cilla. ‘Now gentleman,’ announces the Cold-blood, ‘before we eat, the purpose of this meeting…’

‘What!’ exclaims Blodwyn, ‘I say eat first – talk later, the Cilla’s guts are rumbling like a volcano – and mine are joining in.’

‘I agree,’ adds the Cilla, ‘I am so hungry I could eat… a whole whale’s tail with Tallian seaweed.’

Blodwyn was not to be outdone. ‘I am so hungry,’ she announces, ‘I could eat… a whole…a whole…. elephant’s bottom!’ (All she could think of at the time). All the aliens looked at Blodwyn in surprise. Blodwyn felt she had to say something else. ‘Well – washed first of course – and with garlic butter and parsley.’ The Cilla nodded approvingly and the feast began.

Blodwyn grabbed two drumsticks: one in each hand, and after a bite from each; threw them over her shoulder: (the kind of thing Grunwalde would do). Koga, the jolly Cilla had a massive mouth: cod eyes and the bulging stomach of a Chinese goldfish. ‘We Cilla, your Majesty, are true gourmets you know,’ Koga adds.

‘Call me Grunwalde,’ answers Blodwyn. ‘But I would say you Cilla are more like gannets than gourmets.’

Koga laughed. ‘Try a turtle’s egg,’ he recommends. Blodwyn picked up two large turtles eggs and stuffed both into her mouth!

‘Bravo,’ shouts the Cilla, ‘I can see what I have heard about you is true.’ ‘You mean my extraordinary beauty?’ Blodwyn asks.

‘Of course your beauty,’ answers Koga, ‘but also your delightful table manners. We Cilla come to the table to feast, not to practice etiquette – it is wonderful to meet likeminded Royalty.’

‘Thank you,’ added Blodwyn, and let out a great burp that echoed around the banquet hall! Blodwyn: though greatly embarrassed, studied the reaction of her fellow diners. The Cilla belly laughed; the nervous Semmi Tal jumped at the sudden noise. Karak cleared his throat in embarrassment; and the Dandy-Indra flashed his eyebrows and teeth at her, with approval. The suspicious Jal Mar held a handkerchief over his mouth as if he was in danger of catching some dangerous disease from her.

‘Pass that leg of whatever – over here,’ Blodwyn shouts across the table with a mouthful of food!

The eating habits of the aliens were interesting. Karak the Cold-blood Malis Afar ate with the decorum of nobility. Blodwyn was curious to see how the Shi-Larriss would eat – she did not have long to wait.

From the grinning mouth of the gold mask that the Shi-Larriss was hiding behind, came an extremely long prehensile tongue: at least two feet in length; delicately it entered a small bowl.

‘What’s that you are eating?’ she enquires.

‘Pellian – ants!’ the Shi-Larriss answers.

‘
Ants
,’ repeats Blodwyn, ‘don’t you also eat
uncles
?’

‘Yes,’ answers the Shi-Larriss, his flexible golden mask breaking into a smile, ‘but only the uncles of ants.’

‘Ha, ha,’ laughs Blodwyn. ‘I must remember that fine joke.’ The Jal Mar while eating inspected every morsel suspiciously as if expecting to be poisoned. The Ka-Sarr ate like a hungry cannibal: helping himself from the plates of other diners!

The Dandy Mandrill-faced Indra, seemed to forage over the table; turning items of food over and looking under them – as if some delicate morsel had been hidden. The Cilla on the other hand threw whole items of food into his cavernous mouth.

Blodwyn stuffed herself unashamedly – it was expected of her. She threw food on the floor and at other diners. Taking her chance she threw a large roasted drumstick (of some alien creature,) at the sly-looking Jal Mar, hitting him on the side of the head while he was deep in conversation with the wild looking Ka-Sarr. Blodwyn giggles.

‘Excellent shot your majesty,’ laughs the fish head Cilla. All the other guests wait for a reaction from the feared Jal Mar. Wiping the side of his face, the Jal Mar gives the Queen of the Lings a thin smile; the Ka-Saar grins. ‘I will wager you will not throw a dish at the Cold-blood,’ suggests the fat fish-head, ‘they lack a sense of humour, you know.’ Blodwyn picks up a large pie. Standing up to get leverage, she threw it with all her might. But Karak was ready and ducked; but as he sat upright again a large coconut hit him on the head! ‘Ouch!’ exclaims the Cold-blood. Only the fat Cilla laughed, all the other aliens remained discreetly silent. Karak rose to his feet, ‘gentlemen a toast to the fearless Queen of the Lings.’ All the aliens toasted Blodwyn. ‘However,’ continues Karak, ‘in the future, if your majesty wishes to salute me with a volley of edibles – I would prefer non-vegetable matter for my only fare is meat.’ The Festus Noope suddenly spat out a mass of blue sticky substance over his food!

‘Please excuse me your Majesty – it is the only way my species can digest their sustenance!’

‘Don’t worry about it,’ replies Blodwyn, ‘I sometimes gob on food.’

‘What did you say the Festus Noopes are famous for?’ she asks the Cilla. ‘Their culinary expertise. Festus Noops love being around food. Our chef
Rottengob
cooked all this lovely food we are eating!’

Blodwyn felt like throwing up – she had just eaten a meal prepared and cooked by a giant bluebottle. “I hope he has not gobbed on my grub!”

Blodwyn took several tentative bites from the leg passed to her, but not before checking for blue sticky stuff. She then shoved it into the Cilla’s gaping mouth – nearly choking him, and giggled. (A favourite trick of Grunwalde).

The Cilla took it in good humor and managed to swallow the whole leg, his eyes bulging. Time for some outrageous behaviour: typical of Grunwalde. Lifting her bare painted foot onto the table, she says to the Cilla. ‘Don’t you think my toes are the longest and prettiest toes you have ever seen?’ ‘Delightful,’ answers the Cilla, ‘now if only they were webbed and green!’ Then Blodwyn got a most pleasant surprise. A handsome youth appeared in the seat of the Shi-Larriss! This was the exact image of a dark eyed handsome boy she had once glimpsed; while picking flowers in a wild meadow. Their eyes met: smiles were exchanged; he then disappeared into the dappled shade! ‘Will you marry me?’ Blodwyn asked the image of the dark handsome boy. ‘And do you have lots of money? Answer the second question first.’

The Cilla roared with laughter; the image of the youth disappeared, an illusion created by the Shi-Larriss. Were these illusions an attempt to please her – or test her: Blodwyn wondered?

‘Of course,’ announces Karak standing up, ‘we will give the Queen Angharad concessions – when the Malis Afar return to Earth – to which we have a right.’

‘We agree to the Malis’s Afars return to Earth,’ says the sly Jal mar, Earth is only suitable for a particular species only for a particular time – the Terasil’s time is at an end – they have been protected for too long by the Alter Dom

‘I hope the concessions are fair?’ the large aquatic alien Cilla shouts.

Before Karak could answer, Blodwyn pipes up. ‘All of Wales, in fact the whole of the British Isles – and Europe! A twenty-mile limit of sea measured from high tide, around Britain. And no fishing in those waters you naughty boy,’ Blodwyn says to the Cilla, tapping him on his large frog-like head.

‘Are you sure that’s all you want your Majesty,’ comments Karak sarcastically, ‘what about North America?’

‘Take it,’ the Cilla urges, ‘the seafood there is excellent.’

‘No,’ replies Blodwyn, ‘I am content.’

‘The Malis Afar,’ says Karak ‘will occupy two of the hottest regions on Earth, the Sahara and Sarhell. The Na Idriss will return to the plains of Africa. The rest of Earth except the two southern and northern Ice caps which the Galid-Ice-e-Kia wish to occupy. The rest is open to license.’

‘What!’ exclaims the sly Jal Mar, ‘those Galid-Ice-e-Kia; anti-freeze blooded krill-eaters will try to return Earth to another Ice Age.’

‘Earths Ice caps have only a life-span of only twenty years before they melt,’ answers the Cold-Blood.

‘All the more water for us Aquatics to fish in,’ says the Cilla fish-head. ‘Gentlemen,’ continues Karak, ‘the seventy five thousand year window, ideal for the Terasils on Earth, is about to close – a massive eruption is now overdue – Terasils will not survive. This fact also justifies our return to Earth… Terasils will soon be extinct!’

‘I speak for all the aquatic races of the third Quadrant: the Selles-Wels, the Slimy-Slidds and the Naarish,’ says the Cilla. ‘We collectively wish to buy the sole rights, to take fish from all the major oceans: and to crop the giant mussel beds in the abysmal depths of the Mariana Trench. We are not interested in buying Terasils,’ continues the Cilla, ‘their skins wrinkle working in water – they complain and eat too much and have disgusting wind!’

The other aliens then declared their interests regarding Earth. ‘I think Her Majesty asks for too much land!’ the sly Jal Mar says.

‘We do not agree,’ says the Cilla, standing up – he is soon joined by the Shi-Larriss and Semmi Tal. All eyes were now on the Jinnd. The sparkling light rose. The evil looking Jal Mar glared at the standing aliens.

Karak looked uncomfortable; he had no intention of granting the Queen of Lings anything!

‘The Semmi Tal wishes the rights to mine Zircon and Tellium, vital to our arms industry – we will need a million Terasil slaves!’

‘Agreed – we can discuss terms later,’ answers Karak.

‘I speak only for the Indra,’ says the Mandrill-faced dandy, ‘we need all the silver mines, plus a large Terasil workforce.’

Blodwyn listened sadly as Earth and its inhabitants were being divided up.

‘And what will the Shi-Larriss and the Jinnd want?’ Karak asks.

‘We seek nothing from Earth – we are content. Besides, the Alter Dom could return – remember what he did to the Sann-Nabeed – the mud-swimmers, from Cygnus Major – when they challenged his authority!’

‘This time is different,’ argues Karak, ‘the Alter Dom entered an Event Horizon of a feeding black hole – there is no return – if he is not dead, he will be lost a billion galaxies away!’ Some aliens nodded in agreement. ‘We will need a billion Terasils,’ says the sly Jal Mar, ‘for our complex on Sirus four.’

‘Come gentlemen,’ coaxes Karak, ‘we can discuss those points after we have won the battle – there will be plenty of Terasils to go round – they breed like Tarrisean mice. My next point,’ continues the Malis-Afar, ‘is: who will join us against the Galla Qualls and the Ida Jaade?’

‘We are not as brave as the Malis Afar, to challenge the Galla Qualls,’ says the Semmi Tal.

‘There will never be a better time!’ the Cold-blood answers.

‘Or a worst time!’ the Jal Mar retorts.

‘Explain!’ the Cold-blood demands.

‘The Galla Qualls are building a new War Hawk battleship they call the Poseidon; in the depths of their lake, that is capable of travelling at warp seventeen.’ There is a groan of surprise, from the other aliens.

‘Come to the point!’ snaps Karak.

‘Warp sixteen is the speed of time!’ continues the evil looking Jal Mar. ‘The speed of time – is a hundred times faster than the speed of light.’

‘Time is indeed the ultimate speed,’ confirms the Shi-Larriss, ‘travelling at warp seventeen will make the Galla Qualls
time lords
!’

‘Supposition,’ answers Karak, ‘the Jinnd are time lords – so what?’ ‘That is true,’ replies the Shi-Larriss, ‘but the Jinnd do not go back in time; in a battleship, armed with Hydra-Nytron torpedoes and Orion cannons.’

The shocked Dandy-Indra responds. ‘The Galla Qualls have it in their power to change the course of present history – by going back into the past! We Indra once intended to join forces with the Malis Afar – the Ida Jaade are our traditional enemies. But now we must reconsider. Just one Hydra Nytron torpedo could wipe out our distant ancestors – and the Dandy-Indra would not exist today!’

The fat Cilla speaks next. ‘We have no quarrel with the Galla Qualls, and the Ida Jaade – we are both gill and filter breathing aquatic species. But we accept that power changes are inevitable, the Malis Afar has to win the war first – prove their superiority!’

‘Only then,’ says the Jal Mar, ‘will we help the Cold-Bloods fight the new species from Stellar space, such as the Serpentils, Yarbies and the Jed- Bela.’

‘And what opinion do the Jinnd have?’ Karak asks the Shi-Larriss.

‘The Jinnd left – some time ago!’ ‘Impossible,’ argues the Cold-blood Karak, ‘all the security doors are closed – our scanners showed nothing!’

‘The Jinnd was never here in body, only in spirit – the Jinnd will not help you in your war!’

‘Gentlemen,’ Karak concludes, ‘we the Malis Afar are confident we will not lose the coming battle. But hear this – we will not forget treachery!’

After the banquet Karak was pleased with Blodwyn’s performance. ‘I am glad that you are not the
r
eal Queen of Lings,’ Karak tells Blodwyn, ‘you drove a hard bargain.’ “Praise indeed from a Cold-blood.”

Does heaven dwell somewhere in Quilla Prime?

And hell’s fire burns eternal in Golgin Hade?

Do tormented Taarbs suffer for infinite time?

For grievous sins already made.