In Search of a Memory (Truly Yours Digital Editions) (10 page)

Angel winced. “But some leave, don’t they?” Her question seemed far from casual. “Some leave this carnival world and go on to lead normal lives?”

Chester scratched his head. “I suppose so.”

“Do you know anyone from this carnival who did?”

“Can’t say as I do. But I’ve only been with Mahoney & Pearson a little over a year.”

“I’d like to meet them… the ones who work inside that tent.”

Chester raised his brows in surprise. Even Roland looked at Angel oddly upon hearing the resolve that strengthened her melancholy words. Cassie’s gaze went elsewhere, past the tent to the stationary Ferris wheel; she seemed to have detached herself from the conversation.

“I’m not sure that’s possible,” Chester said. “You’d need to talk to Tucker, the man in charge, and he’s not a nice sort. Another thing, they might take offense to your asking them questions. For the act, they do as they’re told, but for the most part, they keep to themselves and don’t trust others. Can’t say I blame ‘em.”

“I’d still like to try,” Angel insisted softly.

“Just why are you so interested?” Chester asked.

Angel shrugged, but Roland sensed she was hiding something. “If they don’t want me there, I’ll go. I’d just like the chance to meet and talk with them. Not to… observe them.”

“Tell you what I can do,” Chester relented. “After my act some night, assuming you can find someone to man your ticket booth, I’ll take you to the last show. Afterward, I’ll talk with Tucker and pass along your request.”

“Thank you, Chester. I’d appreciate that.”

Roland felt Chester could be trusted but didn’t like the idea of Angel going anywhere alone with the man. Judging by Cassie’s slight frown, neither did she.

“We should be going,” she urged. “There’s more to see and do, and I have to get to work soon. I need plenty of practice if I want to try out my new act this weekend.”

“Not the backward flip?” Chester didn’t sound pleased.

“Exactly that.”

“You almost got yourself killed last time!”

“I’ve been working on it. I have the timing down now.”

The two moved toward the midway, quietly arguing.

Roland wondered what existed in women that their entire gender seemed to think they could face any risk and get away with it, as if supposing they could exercise complete control over its outcome. He’d never been dense enough to assume he had control over his life; his father and grandfather wielded supreme authority and rarely gave him the chance to think for himself. His little sister, on the other hand, possessed a streak of confident carelessness; Cassie obviously thought herself indestructible, and Angel foolishly entertained the same theory.

But it wasn’t her string of reckless acts that concerned him at the moment. She continued to stare at the banner, her eyes full of horrified pity mingled with grief and… tears?

“Angel?” he quietly prodded.

She looked his way as if just coming out of a trance.

“Maybe we should catch up with the others?”

“Okay.” She whisked away the moisture that beaded her lower lashes.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” He hadn’t expected the low blow to his gut that the sight of her tears caused him.

She shook her head as if she wouldn’t answer then did.

“Do you ever wonder where they come from?” she asked sadly. “About their families, and if they, if they… miss them?”

“Homesick?” he asked gently. “Wish now you’d never taken the train? You can still go back, you know.”

“No.” She gave one last somber glance to the banner. “I can never go back.” Turning from him, she walked away.

Curious at her hollow words, Roland watched her a moment before moving to catch up to her. “Then it looks like there’s nothing left but to make the best with the hand you’ve been dealt.”

A slight grin tilted her mouth. “That sounds like something Nettie would say. Except for the gambling part. She abhorred it. Said it was the devil’s game.”

“Nettie?”

“My aunt’s cook and a very dear friend. If she were here right now, she’d probably tell me that, in order to stay strong, I must face the day so that the shadows are behind me.” At the puzzled lift of his brows, she clarified, “When you face the sunlight, shadows fall behind you. It was her way of saying not to live in the past or dwell on where you’ve been.”

“Smart lady, your cook. Wish it were so simple.”

“It’s really not, is it? Sometimes the past leaves questions that need to be answered—”

“Hey, you two,” Chester called back. “Are we talking to ourselves up here? I thought you wanted a tour.”

“We’re coming.” Angel quickened her pace. Roland regretted that she’d had no chance to continue and hoped they might resume their conversation later.

The rest of the tour proved more peaceful. Angel didn’t talk much, but she relaxed, laughing at Chester’s jokes and giving Roland more than one of her pretty smiles in reply to something he said. He felt relieved that she obviously no longer resented or feared being in his company. The four parted ways at Chester’s tent, with an invitation and promise to come view his act soon.

“Maybe we can talk again later?” Roland suggested to Angel once Cassie headed for the back of the lot, where the biggest attractions stood, and Chester disappeared inside his tent.

Peering up at him, she squinted, as if thinking it over. “Maybe we can.” She gave him an easy smile and walked in the direction opposite where the animals lodged.

Roland watched her go. And maybe… joining up with the carnival would offer bonuses he’d never dreamed of. He couldn’t say if he desired Angel as a potential girlfriend, even as a date. That was thinking too far ahead, and his state of affairs was shaky at best, disastrous at worst. But he would like to know her better, and it seemed, for once, she agreed.

He found it a frightening prospect, but freeing as well, not having to answer to the immoral traditions of the Piccoli way of life. And this time he was determined to make it last.

After hours of standing on her feet, Angel made her painful walk to the car she shared with Cassie. In the narrow ticket booth by the Ferris wheel, there hadn’t been a stool on which to sit, though there was room for one. She enjoyed the lively music that rang through the evening, hour upon hour, and the children’s happy laughter and squeals, but she envied those customers who sat in the little hanging cars. She would have been content to sit on the ground by the time she closed. At least the living lot wasn’t far.

Once inside her railcar, she slipped off her pumps and wiggled her toes, lifting hot, swollen feet to the mattress where she half reclined. Cassie wasn’t there yet, and she took the opportunity to pull her valise from beneath the bunk, rummage for the album, and bring it to rest on her pillow. She found the photograph and ran inquisitive fingers over the faded image of the veiled face.

“Who were you, Mother?” she wistfully asked. “What did you feel… think? Why’d you give me away? Because of your face? Or did you even want me to begin with?”

A swift thump against the outside wall of the railcar startled her. She shut the book and sat up, almost banging her head on the bunk above. When the door didn’t swing open, revealing Cassie, she grew curious and went to investigate.

Outside, a man with wild sandy brown hair leaned with one fist against their car. He looked her way, his hazel eyes snapping in anger.

“Whatta you want?” He pulled his hand from where he’d slammed it, making a clear effort to try to regain control over whatever upset him.

“I’m Angel. I live here.” She hesitated then stepped down. “I heard a noise.”

“Angel, is it? Yeah, I heard about you.” He ignored her reference to his action. “I’m one of them who runs the gaming booths—Harvey’s the name. My car’s behind yours.”

“Oh.” She smiled politely. She knew the car ahead of theirs belonged to Cassie’s parents, briefly wondered where Roland slept, then wondered why she should care.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you,” she said quickly, to cover up her flustered state over the thought of Roland so suddenly entering her mind.

Harvey’s brows sailed up. “You might change your tune in time. I’m told I’m not easy to get along with.” He shook his hand a bit. She noticed the knuckles were red and scraped.

“We all have our moments. Is your hand all right?”

He slipped the offended member into his jacket pocket. “Not a thing wrong with it.”

His tone suggested she was prying, and she prepared to tell him good night, when the crunch of footsteps made her look behind. After all she had experienced with her rescuer rogue, it didn’t surprise her to see her visitor.

Roland looked from Harvey to Angel. “Am I interrupting?”

“Just meeting my neighbor.” Angel grew irritated. She’d thought after their last conversation he would stop snooping into her affairs, that they were on their way to relating on good terms. But he obviously hadn’t quit his self-assigned role as her guard.

Roland looked the man up and down as if he’d like to eliminate him. “Name’s Roland.”

Harvey crossed his arms over his chest and narrowed his eyes. “You’re the new fellow they got to look after the animals.”

“I am.” It sounded like a challenge.

“Don’t like animals.”

“How was your first day?” Angel asked quickly, hoping to defuse a potentially volatile situation.

Roland’s taut features relaxed a bit as he looked her way. “For someone just learning the ropes, good, I suppose. Mama Philena was a big help. Have you met her yet?”

“I’ve heard about her.”

“You’ll like her. She’s a character.” He gave Harvey another once-over before again directing his attention to Angel. “How was your day?”

“Long, exhausting. I managed.”

“Well, I’ll just let you two get on with your little chitchat,” Harvey said snidely. “I haven’t the time.” He moved toward his railcar without waiting for a reply.

“Nice fellow,” Roland said dryly. “A new friend?”

His tone exasperated her. “What if he is? Are you going to disapprove and tell me I should stay away from him? That he’s too dangerous?”

“Just asking.”

She doubted it and tilted her head with suspicion. “Just why are you here, Roland?”

“Excuse me?”

“You must have come for some reason other than to reveal your displeasure with the company I keep.” She wasn’t really keeping Harvey’s company but didn’t bother to tell him that.

“Actually, I was heading to my car.” He moved past her.

“Your car?”

Her stunned words stopped Roland in his tracks, and he turned to look. “You didn’t think I was bedding down with the animals, did you? As a matter of fact, we’re neighbors, too. My living quarters are next door to your new friend’s.” He tipped his hat. “Good night, Angel. I’ll see you at breakfast.”

She stood speechless, stunned that her curiosity had been so promptly satisfied. The train wasn’t the longest she’d seen, but she didn’t think he would be so close. It didn’t irritate her, exactly, but it did unsettle her, making her stomach take a sudden sharp dip.

“Hi, Angel,” Cassie’s voice broke through her thoughts as Angel watched Roland retreat into the second car down from theirs. “What are you doing out here?”

“Talking to the neighbors.” She noticed Cassie’s puzzled scan of the now-empty area. “Did your stunt work?”

Cassie scowled. “Papa’s being stubborn and won’t let me try it out on the crowds yet. But I have half a mind to anyway. How was your first day?”

“Busy. Hardly got a chance to breathe.”

“Not surprising. The rides are a huge draw.” Cassie grew excited. “Say, I can ask Mahoney to let you work the ticket booth by our tent. That way you could slip in and watch me perform sometime.”

“That would be great, only…”

“What?”

“Can I have a stool in the booth?”