In My Head (20 page)

We sit down to eat dinner after Kay smells the food and tells us, very loudly, that her tummy is hungry.

Later that night, after dinner is cleaned up and put away. Ben and I are lying in bed. He’s absently rubbing my stomach, while his head rests on my breasts.

“Lyla, you make me so happy. I couldn’t imagine my life without you.” He kisses my belly, leans up to kiss me and we fall asleep wrapped up together.

I tell myself that it’s going to be okay one more time. If Ben loves me this much, nothing can tear us apart.

IT’S IMPORTANT TO
me to keep up my walking, even though it’s turning colder outside. My walks are my clarity. I’m going to a new park today, an actual park. Nothing that is really secluded, I’m going to one that is more open. That anyone can see what’s going on. Trying to stay on my toes with Bronson. If I run into him, which I more than likely will because it never fails, I’m trying to not have things lead right to sex.

But, if he wants it, I won’t refuse him. I’m powerless against him. It’s like I’m a puppet and he’s my master.

I stopped and got a coffee, I should really lay off the caffeine, but it’s like I crave it. I used the drive to the park to let my coffee cool, before I scalded my tongue on it. Grabbing my cup, I step out of my car and lock it up. I shove the keys in my pocket and set off. This park actually has a track so I walk over there and start making laps.

After a couple laps, I have to pee already because this coffee is just going right through me. I throw my cup away and walk into the bathroom. I’m usually disgusted by park bathrooms, but this one isn’t too bad. I still wouldn’t eat in here, but it’s better than the alternative.

I wash my hands, and walk back out towards the track. I start walking around the track again. Like clockwork, I hear the familiar rumble of a muscle car in the distance. I don’t even break my stride though, I continue my way around the track. If he wants me, he can come to me.

He pulls his car in beside mine. I watch as he opens his car door and steps out. I don’t break stride, I keep my eyes on him as he makes his way onto the track and waits for me to get close to him.

“Hey, beautiful. How are you today?” He looks at me, and the sight of his eyes always makes my heart stutter.

Turning back to look ahead of me, I tell him, “I’ve been good.”

“No, ‘how are you, Bronson’?” He smiles slyly. “I’ve been good thanks.”

I can’t help but laugh. He always is able to break a tense moment between us. “I’m sorry. I’m not in a very chatty mood today.”

I feel his arm around my neck, then he pulls me into his side. I glance up at his face. He’s wiggling his eyebrows. “I can think of other things to do since you’re not in a talking mood.”

I shove him away from me and outright laugh. “I don’t think we need to do that today.”

“On a serious note. Are you ever going to give me your phone number?” He pulls me back into his side again.

That’s the last thing I need, is for him to have more access to me than he already has. “I’m not sure that’s a great idea. You always find me anyways, it’s like you have a tracker on my car.”

“I’ll get it out of you eventually.” After that we walk in companionable silence. After a few more laps, I inform him I’m done. We walk back to our cars and he pulls me against his driver door. Pinning me against it with his hips.

“You know, anyone can see us here. This isn’t as private as other places.”

Bronson leans his head down and runs his nose down my neck, inhaling. “You always smell so sweet. Like strawberries. The random scent of strawberries has me hard instantly now, whenever I smell them.”

“That must be awkward.” I try to keep the smile off of my face. But I fail. Epically.

Leaning his head back down he bites my neck, and has me yelping. “Make fun of me again, pretty girl. You’re the reason I have this problem.”

“You don’t see me walking around getting turned on by the smell of things.” I pull my arms up from in between us and wrap them around his neck. No longer caring if we garner an audience or not.

His lips drag up my neck and start kissing me all over my face. Saving my lips for last. “I sure know what turns you on. Have you ever been one for out in the open sex? Yeah, we’ve never been inside an actual place when we’ve done it. But, I want to try out your voyeur side.”

I want to break out in hives in the prospect of having sex, right here out in the open. “No, I haven’t thought about it. And I’m not sure that we should try it now.”

This thought makes me squirm, which causes him to grow harder. I can feel the entire length of him against my front. God, I have missed him.

“What were you thinking?”

His eyes grow a darker shade of blue, looking like a storm brewing in those deep depths. “I was thinking of just right here against the side of my car.”

I feel his hips press into me a little harder, and he pulls back and starts thrusting into me. He pulls his hands down and wraps them around my thighs, easily picking me up and holding me against the car with his hips. Positioning his cock right at my core, and all he has to do is flex his hips and I feel the pressure building.

“I could just slide down your leggings, but leave one leg on. And just move your panties to the side. I could slowly fill you up with my cock. Until you can’t take anymore of me, then I’ll start thrusting. I’ll thrust so hard into you, you’ll scream my name as we rock the car. I won’t be able to hold back, your sexy little moans will make me have to pump into you harder. When we come, we’ll come together, on an explosion. It’ll be the hardest you’ll ever orgasm.”

Dropping his head, he nips at my bottom lip. “I know you crave it, let me give it you. Let me give you all of me.”

On a whisper, “Yes, I want all of you. Because you already own all of me.”

With a feral growl he rips away from and helps me out of my leggings. Then he frees himself, and he lifts me back up.

Right then and there is when I realize how in love with him I am. How no one could ever make me feel the way he does. And my entire world shatters and builds itself back up right around him. Every time we’ve been together, it was like he was stealing a piece of my heart.

And I just handed it to him on a silver platter.

I’M PACING AROUN
d the house. My cell phone is in my hand. Opening a blank text to Michelle, I type something about how we need to have lunch. Only to erase it. I need to tell her that I’m pregnant, but I also think I need to tell her about everything else. I need to tell someone.

What I’m hiding is eating me alive.

But I also can’t seem to stop it.

Typing out another text, I hurry up and press send before I can change my mind. Even if I don’t tell her about Bronson, I at least need to tell her I’m pregnant. She won’t be happy with me knowing I’ve hid it for a month already, so I need to get it out there.

Walking over to the coffee table, I set the phone down. Then proceed to clean the living room and kitchen like a maniac waiting for her to text me back. I feed Kody and change his diaper, all before I get one text back from my best friend.

When she finally does text me back, she wants to know if she can come over tonight for dinner. It is a Friday evening, she doesn’t need to be back to work tomorrow so she can sleep in our guest room.

I chew on my bottom lip, thinking about the risks of having her here. Especially if I want to tell her everything that’s going on. Kay is running around the living room, as usual, making it look like the toy store threw up in our house again.

Tapping out my reply, I tell her it’s okay to come over tonight and to bring a bag. Her instant reply of a smiley face makes me smile. I should probably not tell her unless it becomes a problem.

I’M JUST PULLING
food out of the crock pot when the front door opens. Michelle never rings a doorbell or knocks, she just barges right on in. I guess rooming together in college completely got rid of any boundaries between us.

“Hey, girl!” I hear her loud mouth coming from the living room, then the slam of the door.

“I’m in the kitchen!” I yell back. Michelle walks into the kitchen wielding a bottle of wine like amour.

“I brought reinforcements tonight.” She immediately walks over to the cupboard that holds the wine glasses, and pulls two out.

Placing my hand on her arm I stop her from opening the wine. “Put one of those back. I won’t be drinking tonight.” I smile slyly. “Or for the next six months.”

An ear piercing scream rips through the kitchen. My best friend starts jumping up and down and hugs me, forcing me to jump with her. The excitement coming from her makes me excited.

I’m growing more excited every day at the prospect of having another baby. Yeah, I’m worried with all things considered. But it’s another baby. I feel like I’ve been able to pull myself out of my funk too.

I need to be able to show Ben that I’m able to handle the house now, because when we add a third child to the mix it definitely won’t get easier.

When we finally stop jumping around the kitchen, I’m pulled in for a tight hug. “I sure hope this is something you want, I can’t sit here and watch you slide further into depression.”

I pull back from her embrace. Looking her in the eye I tell her, “I am not depressed. I just hate being here in this house all the time so I got myself in a funk. I’m totally fine now, I promise.”

“Okay, good. I missed you. It does seem like you’re happier right now. How is Ben feeling about all of this?”

“Ben is totally fine with all of this.” We both shriek from the voice. Ben is standing in the doorway to the kitchen, looking every bit the happy husband.

Michelle smirks at him. “Yeah, yeah. Super sperm and all of that. We definitely don’t need to hear your special song about your sperm again.”

Ben busts out in a small dance. Total nerd dancing. “But it’s such a great song.” He starts pumping his hips into the air and Michelle picks up a rag sitting on the counter and throws it at him. Shooing him out of the kitchen, she finally pours herself a glass of wine and then takes a seat at the table.

I’m going to direct this conversation onto her, I don’t really want to talk anymore about myself right now. “So, what’s with needing the wine tonight? Work going okay?”

She sighs and takes another sip. “Work is fine. It’s what’s happening outside of work that has me frazzled.”

Giving her a look, I ask, “What do you mean?”

“I met this guy, and we went out on a couple dates. But he hasn’t called me since.”

I wrack my brain, trying to come up with any moment in all the time I’ve known her that a guy has blown her off. Coming up with nothing, I walk over to the table and pull the chair out directly across from her.

“First, did you have sex with him?”

She folds her arms on the table and slams her head down onto her arms. But I see her nod. She just doesn’t want to look me in the eye when I asked her if she actually likes this guy, instead of just wanting to hit it and quit it.

“Michelle, do you like this guy?”

Another nod.

“How long has it been since you talked to him?” This is like pulling fucking teeth.