In Denial (16 page)

Adam sensed a slight narrowing of his father’s eyes and he understood why.

‘
No, although she was young and, I admit, very attractive, she was incredible because she was a minister in the Scottish Episcopal Church. How she found me sitting by the lake is another story, but find me she did and she spent the next twelve hours listening to me. ‘I told her everything. Nobody has ever spent twelve hours of their life listening to me before. Yes, I learnt a little about her as well, but she made it very obvious I was her focus and that she had one aim in mind. I told her about every moment of my life. As I was telling her all about Lucinda, you and mother, and Patrick and our lives in Hong Kong, it slowly dawned on me that taking my own life was not what Lucinda would have wanted, and it was not what the children would have wanted. Perhaps my selfishness was the easy way out. Perhaps I did have responsibilities to live up to. Perhaps there were situations I had to face head on and try to sort out. That’s why I’m here. I’m here because I’m returning to Hong Kong shortly and I may be away for a number of months, but before I go I needed to come and see you and Mother. I feel we need to talk. There are things both of you have wanted to say to me before and after Lucinda died but never have and there are things that I also need to say. It’s not just a question of clearing the air. It’s more a question of stating and discovering where I am with you.’

Adam’s legs were getting stiff so he stood up before sitting down on the grass. It was important that he was not physically above his father if and when he decided to speak. Adam took a furtive glance towards the house. He couldn’t see whether they were being watched but they undoubtedly were. It was a massive house - far too big for the two of them - and the grounds were impeccable. The Yongs had retired from the restaurant business just over a year earlier but the legacy was that they wanted for nothing. There were times when they both had implied they would have liked to return to Hong Kong but they knew such a move would be impractical.

He and Lucinda had enjoyed some very happy times at Forestgreen Lodge. The children had loved it. The house, the grounds and the surrounding countryside were perfect for young minds - and not so young minds - to explore. They had all walked for hours soaking up the beauty of the flora and fauna, learning so much from their grandfather who spent most of his time reading about the English countryside. There were picnics and barbecues, parties and formal dinners, and then when Christina and Joseph went on holiday Lucinda and the children would move to Forestgreen Lodge to look after it. For Adam it had simply meant a change in direction for his commuting and he had to admit that travelling into London from Dorset was often a lot easier than from Derbyshire.

Adam’s reverie was brought to a halt when he realised his father was no longer looking through him. His eyes were focussed on Adam’s face but other than that there was no change in his expression.

Joseph Yong then spoke. ‘I did not regard the promise I made to your father as an obligation to be filled regardless of the circumstances, because he had made the same promise to me. If your mother and I ever met with an accident then your real mother and father promised they would do the same for Patrick and Lucinda as we did for you. Of course, we did not expect either of us would ever need to discharge so soon afterwards the promises we’d made. I took you into my home as my son not as a child who needed looking after. You became my second son, I treated you as my son and therefore I expected you to behave as my son. You kept your family name because you would not have thanked me in years to come every time you had to explain why a European was called Yong. The -’

‘
I would have been proud to -’

Joseph glared at his son. ‘Adam, I allowed you to speak without interruption. Please grant me the same courtesy.’

‘
I’m sorry, Father.’

Joseph nodded curtly. ‘For over nine years Patrick, Lucinda and you made us so proud. Your mother and I were working very hard but we were so full of pride we took every opportunity to parade the three of you. Of course there were those who were jealous and who would try to stir up trouble by telling stories about you and why you were part of the family. One of the stories was that you were not adopted at all, you were the result of an affair your mother had with a white man and you’d been hidden away until we could come up with a plausible story people would believe. There were other stories but at the time they generated more amusement than concern.’

Joseph’s eyes drifted away from Adam’s as he carried on.

‘
And then you dishonoured me, and the rest of the family, by corrupting and deflowering my daughter. You took everything I had given you and threw it back in my face. There’s no need to dwell on the disgrace because you are very aware of the outcome. It breaks my heart to even mention her name but if you had adopted another son of Charlotte’s age and then when they were just fourteen you had discovered that he had taken away Charlotte’s innocence, I think you’d have felt the same rage inside you. It was your mother who stopped me from disowning you completely.’

Adam wanted to interrupt but dared not. Trying to explain that it was Lucinda who instigated the physical side of their young relationship would achieve nothing. He would not have been blaming her because the opposite was true, but he would have hoped his father would understand he was as innocent as Lucinda. Would Adam have understood if, as his father suggested, Charlotte had done the same thing? It was a question he could not answer.

‘
During your absence at school, we were able to regain some of the self-respect you’d taken away from us. The stories about why I’d sent you away to school in the UK and yet kept Patrick and Lucinda in Hong Kong were numerous and, I regret to say, very close to the truth. However, time is a great healer and during the intervening years we were able to give the family back some of its stability.

‘
Moving to the UK was a necessity. We feared our business would be taken from us and therefore we would lose so much of what we’d worked for. By the time we realised this was all a fallacy it was too late, as it was too late for so many other Hong Kong Chinese who made the exodus with us. You didn’t see Lucinda for seven years and I have no idea what she told you but during those years she learnt to understand why I had to send you away. Of course for the first few months she sulked a lot but eventually she came out of it. She worked hard at school in Hong Kong and then in the UK. As she approached the age of twenty-one, and with no mention of your name for nearly two years, she announced she was going to your graduation ceremony and if you wanted her, she was going to be with you in whatever capacity you both decided. You will understand that this announcement caused a great row but once again it was your mother who made us all see sense. As she’d seen when you were both so young that what happened was inevitable, she had also watched her daughter’s patience with understanding. It is your mother you must thank for you and Lucinda ever getting back together again. I’ll tell you now that if I’d had my way it would never have happened and if it had never happened my daughter would still be alive today. And now I’m going into the house for a shower and to get dressed. I will speak with your mother and if she agrees we will carry on this conversation, if that’s what it is, in the house.’

Without waiting for a reaction Joseph stood up and made his way towards the house. Adam watched him walk slowly across the lawn.

If it had never happened then my daughter would still be alive today
.

Nothing was ever going to change his father’s mind.

‘
This is most unusual, my child,’ Bishop Archibald Stephenson said as he sat back in his ornate cherry-wood chair and steepled his fingers. ‘I could understand if it was for some form of justifiable cause but when you won’t even tell me what it’s for ...’

‘
It’s a very personal matter, Your Grace.’

‘
But not one you can sort out or solve or whatever you have to do with it while still filling your other responsibilities?’

‘
That makes me feel very guilty for even asking.’

‘
I’m sorry, my child, but you must see that if I were to agree then it’s not just a question of filling the gap for a few days.’ The Bishop stood up and went over to the window. It was a gloomy day but even so he never ceased to admire the beauty that existed in much of the Edinburgh architecture. He put his hands behind his back and began rocking on his toes, a mannerism that those close to him would have read as a good sign. ‘If I were to say no, what would you do?’

‘
There is nothing I could do, Your Grace, other than miss out on an opportunity that may come along only once in a lifetime.’

Gabrielle Brooks lowered her head. It was nearly a week since Adam Harrison had left Loch Lomond and she had not been able to think of anything or anybody else. It was as though he had taken over her very soul. When she woke in the morning he was the first person she thought about; her thoughts during the day were centred round him, and then as she settled down for the night she prayed she would dream about him.

She could not tell the Bishop the way she felt. She could not tell anybody about the way she felt. If her request for three months unpaid leave was refused, maybe in time she would learn to cope but while she was in her current state her work was suffering. Nobody had commented although she had caught Doris watching her a couple of times. She had not believed there was anybody on this planet who could have this affect on her but to all intents and purposes he had consumed her.

What if she found him and he didn’t want her? That was a risk she would have to take. Anyway they weren’t at that stage yet. She wasn’t going to throw herself at him. That would be silly and immature, but she did want to get to know him properly. It had not taken only twelve hours of his company for her to be totally besotted because it had happened the moment she saw him. He had become an obsession and unless she did something about it she knew she would not be able to carry on fulfilling her responsibilities. It was a silly, very silly, attitude to adopt but she had no choice.

‘
Is he worth it?’

Gabrielle jerked her head up. ‘I ... I’m sorry, Your Grace?’

The Bishop had turned round and was facing her, his hands clasped in front of him. ‘I asked whether he was worth it?’ he repeated, smiling.

‘
How did ...? I don’t know, Your Grace, but I have to find out.’

The Bishop went back behind his desk. ‘It just so happens I have somebody who I believe is ready to be sent to the front line and this would be an ideal opportunity for me to put him to the test. When would you want this special unpaid leave to start, my child?’

‘
As soon as possible?’ Gabrielle could feel her heart thumping in her chest.

‘
You’ll need to advise your parishioners of your absence so may I suggest I send your temporary replacement to you on Monday next?’

‘
Thank you, Your Grace.’

‘
Don’t thank me, my child. I remember the conversation we had three years ago and I’ve been expecting something like this ever since. It has been to my advantage and certainly to the advantage of your parishioners that it has taken so long for this knight in shining armour to come into your life. I don’t know why you need three months to pursue this person - is it not normally the man who pursues the woman? - but I know you well enough to understand that your reasons will be well thought out and if you were able to put your parishioners first then you would. Go my child, go and seek out what you need to find. When you have found it then you know there is always a place for you here.’ The Bishop stood up and went round to the front of his desk.

Gabrielle sat for a moment wondering if she had done the right thing. She had not expected the Bishop to acquiesce so easily and that made her wonder even more. She had not told him about the facts surrounding Adam Harrison; there had been no reason to tell him.

She stood and then went down on one knee as she kissed the Bishop’s ring. ‘Thank you, Your Grace.’

‘
As I said, don’t thank me, my child. It is providence that you should thank.’

*  *  *

Adam felt the delicateness of the porcelain cup between his fingers.

They were sitting in the dining room having finished the scrambled eggs on toast that Lolita had prepared for them.

Joseph was at the head of the table with Adam on his right and Christina on his left. The dining room was furnished with dark rosewood furniture. Simple silk pink curtains were draped either side of the two high sash-windows and the white walls were brought to life with some of the finest pieces of Chinese art money could buy.

It had been Lucinda’s favourite room as it brought back so many memories. The rest of the house was more traditionally furnished in European styles but the dining room was elegant, almost regal, in its
décor.

Adam thought his mother looked very tired but as beautiful as ever. She was now in her late fifties but her elegance seemed to increase as the years passed. There had always been, or so Adam thought, a special bond between him and his mother and he wondered whether it was because she and Lucinda were so alike - had been so alike - in looks as well as disposition.