In a Mother’s Arms (14 page)

“He turned violent,” she said simply. “I left him for fear of our lives.”

“So Luke’s confused and angry.”

“I try, but—”

“You’re succeeding, Cassie. Believe that.”

“I wish I could.”

They’d reached the bottom of the porch steps. Instead of going up to the house, he stopped and faced Cassie, waiting in silence until she raised her face and looked into his eyes. They were silver like his hair, faded with time but bright with kindness. “Imagine where Luke would be without you.”

She thought of the trash can he’d lit on fire, the day he’d been sent home from school for fighting. Shivering with dread, she took a breath. “He’d be running wild in Chicago.”

“But he’s not, is he?”

“No.” She smiled at the irony. “He’s running wild
here
.”

“Where we can all watch him,” the reverend said. “Luke is missing his natural father’s love, but yours is strong. So is the love of the Lord for his children. That love covers everything—Luke’s sins, your mistakes. Whatever you need.”

“I want to believe that—”

“So do it,” he said with force. “God brought you home to us. He’s not going to leave you now.”

Oh, how she wanted to believe this elderly man…The thought of being home—a place where she had friends and hope, even love—made her eyes sting with unshed tears. Standing by the steps, she smelled Thelma’s lemon cake. Grass rippled in the distance and she imagined lying down in it and resting in the sun. She
longed to set down the weight on her shoulders but couldn’t. She had a store to run and a boy to raise. She’d made a mess of her life and had to live with it.

“I wish I could believe you,” she said to the reverend.

“Why can’t you?”

“Because I’ve hurt people. I don’t deserve—”

“Pshaw.”

He’d come as close to cussing as she’d ever heard a preacher come. Startled, she looked into his eyes and saw a fire she didn’t expect. “This isn’t about what
you
deserve, Cassie. If God gave
me
what
I
deserve, I’d be staked to an anthill and left to die in the sun. I’ve hated. I’ve lied. I’ve committed murder in my heart.”

When she looked shocked, he gave an impish smile. “And that’s just since this morning.”

“I don’t understand—”

“Sin is sin,” he said easily. “To God, it’s all the same. There aren’t big ones and little ones. We
all
fall short and don’t you ever forget it. We’re also God’s children. What keeps us safe is love—our heavenly Father’s love—and a mother’s love here on earth. You’re doing that for Luke.”

“Am I?” She clutched her reticule. She needed the hankie but didn’t want to acknowledge the tears.

“Absolutely,” the reverend said. “Now come sit with Thelma and me. I have a story for you about another mother, a woman in the Old Testament named Rizpah.”

“Who is she?” Cassie had never heard the name.

“She was one of Saul’s concubines.”

As Reverend Hall guided her to a chair, Cassie thought about what that meant. As a concubine, Rizpah
could have been used and abused. She wouldn’t have had a husband. “Did Rizpah have a son?”

“Two of them.” He sat at a right angle to Cassie. “But she saved five others as well as her own.”

“From what?”

The door opened and Thelma came out with a tray of refreshments. As she set it on the low table, Cassie stood and they hugged.

“I saw the window.” Thelma grimaced in sympathy. “Where’s Luke?”

“He ran off,” she replied. “Gabe’s looking for him.”

With a final squeeze, Thelma released her and they both sat, taking chairs that faced the path to town where they’d see Gabe—and hopefully Luke—returning to the parsonage.

Thelma gave an indignant sigh. “They better show up soon. Lemon cake is Gabe’s favorite.”

Cassie hadn’t known. In the days of their courtship, she’d made him an apple pie for a picnic. He’d told her it was the best he’d ever eaten.

Reverend Hall leaned forward, lifted the teapot and filled all three cups. Without a word, he added a spoonful of sugar to his wife’s cup and handed it to her. “I was about to tell Cassie about Rizpah.”

“That’s a hard story,” Thelma replied.

“Tell me.” Cassie raised the steaming cup to her lips. She didn’t think a Bible story could lift her spirits, but she needed a distraction. She wished now that she’d gone looking for Luke herself. Not with Gabe…She could still feel where he’d touched her arm. Sitting with the Halls made her think of the things she’d never
have…a husband who knew how she took her tea, someone who’d see her with gray hair.

Reverend Hall set down his cup. “Rizpah gave Saul two sons. Frankly, I don’t think he was the best leader. He got into it with the Gibeonites, and it was left to King David to make things right. For retribution, the Gibeonites asked for the death of seven of Saul’s sons.”

“Oh, no.” Cassie whispered.

“That’s right,” the reverend said. “Rizpah’s boys were in the lot. So were the five sons of Merab. The Gibeonites put them to death and hung up their bodies for the buzzards. Do you know what Rizpah did?”

Cassie knew what
she’d
do. She’d have cut down the bodies and given them a decent burial, but Rizpah had lived in a different time. She’d been a concubine, a woman at the beck and call of others.

“Tell me,” she said to the reverend.

“For five months, she stayed by those seven bodies. Every minute of every day, she chased away the buzzards until David finally buried the bodies. That’s love, Cassie. Those bodies stank. They were repulsive and decaying, but that’s what a mother does…She loves her children when they’re at their most unlovable.”

Thelma spoke in a hush. “When our boy was in Laramie, I wrote him every week. Even when he didn’t write back, I sent letters.”

The couple shared a sad look, then the reverend smiled. “Those were hard days, but do you know where he is now?”

“California,” Cassie replied.

Pride lit the reverend’s eyes. “He’s in Los Angeles,
married with a couple of kids. He runs a grocery business.”

Thelma smiled. “They sent us photographs for Christmas. He’s got two little girls who look just like him.”

Cassie thought of her worries about bad seeds. Maybe the reverend had a point. “I’m happy for him,” she said.

Reverend Hall cleared his throat. “I want to say one more thing about Rizpah and it’s this…She didn’t protect just her own sons. She protected all seven of those bodies.”

He paused, giving Cassie time to think. She flashed to Billy’s smirk as he looked over his shoulder. It gave her chills. “You mean Billy.”

“That’s right,” the reverend said. “He’s on a crooked road. It looks straight to William and Maude, but it’s not. I’m hoping you’ll do something for me, Cassie.”

“What’s that?”

“While you’re fighting the buzzards for Luke, say a prayer for the Drakes.”

Why should she pray for Maude? The woman had started the untrue rumor that Cassie had never married Luke’s father. She’d also insinuated that Cassie cheated her customers. “I’ll pray for Billy,” she said diplomatically.

The reverend raised his silver brows. “
And
Maude.”

Cassie sat in silence. Thelma’s cup clinked on the saucer. A bird chirped. The breeze stirred in a low hush until she sighed. “All right, I’ll try.”

“Good,” said Reverend Hall. “Let’s eat that cake.”

As Thelma sliced into the rounded edge, Cassie
stared down the path to town. A man appeared in the distance and she recognized Gabe. Luke was nowhere to be seen, yet she still wanted to run down the path…to Gabe. She thought of what the reverend had said about love covering a multitude of sins. Thanks to Maude, Cassie’s sins were laid bare to everyone in Guthrie Corners. Until she made peace with the town, she had nothing to offer Gabe except a bad reputation, heartache and a boy who broke windows. She’d never succeed as a businesswoman. She’d be dependent on him, a thought she couldn’t abide under any circumstances.

If she loved Gabe—and she did—she’d be wise to cover up her feelings until she could stand on her own two feet. Holding back a sigh, she watched as he neared the parsonage. If it weren’t for Luke, she’d have excused herself and gone home. Instead she sat straight in her chair. For Luke, she’d do anything…even eat cake with Gabe Wyatt.

G
abe knew every inch of Guthrie Corners, but he hadn’t found Luke. A boy who didn’t want to be found could hike a mile in any direction and disappear into the land. Luke had been in town long enough to know about the cave south of town, the one by the stream where Gabe had proposed to Cassie. If he’d gone west, he’d find an abandoned house with a missing roof.

Gabe considered saddling his horse and taking a ride, but then he’d thought of Cassie and had another idea. If he borrowed the reverend’s piano buggy, they could ride together. Knowing Cassie, she’d want to hunt for Luke. The ride would also answer the question hanging in his mind. After all these years, did she still love him? Had that near-kiss been about forgiveness alone, or had it been about the future?

Looking at her as he neared the parsonage, Gabe took in the tightness of her mouth and tried to read her thoughts. He couldn’t discern them with his eyes, but
he knew that a kiss would tell him what he wanted to know. He’d never stopped loving Cassie, but he’d tried. For a while he’d gone to socials and church picnics. He’d kissed his share of women and had courted one with thoughts of marriage. He’d ended it when they’d kissed and he’d found himself aching for Cassie.

His lips hadn’t touched hers in Reverend Hall’s office, but Gabe had felt the wanting. Did he want to risk the heartache? What would she do if he invited her to supper?

He had the engagement ring she’d left at the house.

He had a kitchen table big enough for eight.

He still had the dreams of a man in love. What he didn’t have was a lick of common sense. Crazy or not, he wanted Cassie for his wife. Fourteen years was long enough to wait for the only woman he’d ever loved. As he climbed the porch steps, his pulse rushed at the sight of her stiff shoulders. In the reverend’s office, she’d gone soft in his arms. The woman looking at him now had turned hard again. It made him love her all the more.

“You didn’t find Luke,” she said.

“No, but I have a few more places to look.” He dropped down on the chair at a right angle to hers and looked at the reverend. “I’d like to check out the cave south of town. Would you mind if Cassie and I borrowed your buggy?”

“Not at all,” he replied.

She let out a sharp breath, a sign that she recalled that spot as well as he did. He’d proposed to her by the rushing water on a day as bright as this one. It seemed like a fitting place to test the waters.

Thelma shoved a plate of lemon cake into his hand.
Gabe accepted it but left it untouched. Instead he turned his head to Cassie. “What do you say?”

She twisted her fingers into a knot. “When Luke comes home I should be there.”

Gabe saw her point, but he wanted an answer to his question. He also thought it would do Luke good to be locked out for a while. Being hungry and alone inspired a boy—and a man—to ask himself the questions that made a difference.

“We’ll be gone an hour,” he said to her.

Their gazes met in an understanding that put them back in the reverend’s office. Gabe had made his move by asking her to go for a ride with him. The next step belonged to Cassie. With the aroma of lemon cake tickling his nose, he waited for her to speak. As the seconds ticked by, he counted to fourteen and knew the waiting had just begun.

How long would it take him to win her heart? A lot longer than fourteen seconds or fourteen minutes. Not even fourteen hours would be enough…Fourteen days might do the trick, but it didn’t matter. If she kissed him at the creek, he’d wait fourteen months for Cassie to trust him, even fourteen more years. But first she had to say yes to the buggy ride.

Cassie couldn’t stand the sight of Gabe holding the plate of uneaten cake. Did he cook his own supper in the house he’d built for her? Or did he take all of his meals at Millie’s? Watching him with his favorite dessert, denying himself for her sake, sent fresh waves of guilt from her heart to the tips of her fingers.

It broke her heart to think of that spot by the stream, yet it seemed like a fitting place to address unfinished business. Fourteen years ago she’d left Gabe with a wedding kiss hanging between them. She’d never leave him hanging again. When they reached the stream, she’d tell him the near-kiss had been a mistake. She hoped they could be friends for Luke’s sake, but the future held nothing more.

“Eat,” she said. “We’ll go when you finish.”

“I’m done.” He set down the plate and stood.

Cassie rose and hugged Thelma. “I should help with the dishes.”

“Nonsense.”

The older woman released her with a nudge that sent her following the men to the stable. In minutes they’d hitched the reverend’s gray mare to the buggy and Gabe had handed her up to the seat.

Neither spoke as they drove down the road behind the church. As they passed the poplar tree, she thought of Rizpah chasing away buzzards from the bodies of her sons. Cassie had the same passion for protecting Luke. Without it, she’d have never accepted Gabe’s offer to return to the spot where he’d proposed. Did he really believe Luke would hide in the cave, or had he picked it today for another purpose?

When they reached the bend that put Guthrie Corners out of view, Gabe spoke in a low tone. “Try not to worry, Cassie.”

“I can’t help it.”

“I know,” he said easily. “But mark my words. Luke’ll show up for supper.”

She wanted to believe him, but Luke—like his father, like her—had an impetuous streak. “How can you be so sure?”

“Because he’s a growing boy. They get hungry.”

So did grown men…hungry for lemon cake and home-cooked meals. Hungry for companionship and the things she’d taken from Gabe when she’d fled to Chicago. In the distance she saw the outcropping of rocks that marked the cave. In spite of rain and snow, ice storms and hot summer days, the spot hadn’t changed a bit. Neither had the man sitting next to her, staring straight ahead with a quiet strength she envied.

She could almost believe they were kids again, untouched by mistakes…except she had a wayward son, a heart full of guilt and a tarnished reputation. The buggy rattled over dry earth. The horse snorted and she heard the rippling of the stream as it came into view. Craning her neck, she searched for a sign of Luke but saw nothing.

“Let’s check the cave,” Gabe said.

He stopped the buggy on a patch of grass that sloped down to the stream, then came around and helped her down from the seat. Side by side, they walked along the rushing water until they reached the pile of boulders that formed a cave of sorts. As she peeked into the shadows, Cassie saw ashes, a whiskey bottle and cigarette butts, but no sign of her son. She didn’t know whether to be relieved or dismayed.

She stood straight and looked back down the stream. “He’s not here.”

Gabe touched her arm. “We’ll keep looking.”

His touch shot her back in time to the day he proposed. She’d packed a picnic, but he’d been too nervous to eat. Like today, he’d left his dessert untouched. Instead he’d taken her hand and pulled her to her feet. He’d led her to the edge of the rushing stream where she’d perched on a rock. As she’d looked up, Gabe had dropped to one knee. A ring with a milky white opal, her birthstone, had gleamed between his fingers.

I love you, Cassie. Will you marry me?

Yes!

She’d wept as he’d slid the ring on her finger. He’d pulled her to her feet and kissed her until she’d been blind to everything but him. Over the next few months, she’d gotten her sight back and been afraid of what she’d seen. A future like her mother’s…forgotten dreams and silent meals.

Cassie was afraid again—not of being hurt or feeling stifled—she feared for Gabe. The Drakes would make his life miserable. People would shun him as they’d shunned her. She knew how much it hurt to be a pariah. She also knew that Gabe valued his badge and the respect it earned. She couldn’t take it away from him, so she faced him with the intention of never kissing him again. As his brown eyes searched her face, she almost lost her will. He looked both lazy and bold, as if he could read her confused thoughts and loved her anyway. For the first time in years, she felt beautiful and loved. He touched her arm and she felt weak all over. She didn’t deserve this man’s devotion, but she wanted it.

When he angled his head above hers, watching her to see what she’d do, she came to her senses. “We can’t.”

“Can’t what?” he said lazily.

“You know
what
.” She stepped back to put air between them. “What happened in Reverend Hall’s office, it was a mistake.”

“Who says?”

“I do.” Using all her strength, she raised her chin. “We were caught up in the past.”

“I wasn’t.”

They were two feet apart, nowhere close to touching but she felt pinned in place by his eyes alone. This was the man she’d left fourteen years ago, the one who scared her with his determination. The one who could break her will with a look alone. Not now, she told herself. Not anymore. Ryan O’Rourke had given her both bruises and a backbone.

“I mean it, Gabe. We can’t.”

“Can’t what?” he repeated.

We can’t be in love.

Except she’d already fallen for him. She couldn’t deny her feelings any more than she could stop being Luke’s mother. The stream rushed in the distance. She felt the heat of the sun on her back. She had to stay strong. “My mind’s made up. I hope we can be friends, but it would be a mistake to pick up where we left off.”

His eyes took on a hard shine. “How do you know?”

“I just do.”

The stream chortled over the rocks. She heard the chirp of a bird, then the scuff of Gabe’s boot on the dirt as he put his hands on his hips. Dressed in his Sunday best—a dark suit, a starched collar—he reminded her of a picture she’d seen of a gunfighter. He had the same
glint in his eye and the same unmoving lips. To stop herself from talking, she turned her back.

An instant later, she felt his hands on her shoulders. Their shadows blended into a gray puddle, but she felt no pressure from his grip to turn around. She could smell his shaving soap and the sun’s warmth on his coat. Every fiber in her being cried out for this man. She wanted to rest in his strong arms, but at what cost? She’d lose her independence and he’d suffer the shame of loving a pariah. Eventually he’d resent her. Blinking, she thought of Rizpah chasing away the buzzards from people she loved. Cassie had to chase the town crows away from Gabe, and she had to look him in the eye to do it. In a single motion, she pivoted and stepped back.

“I’m not worth it, Gabe.”

His eyes hardened. “Who says?”

“
I
say.”

She braced herself for a harsh retort, but the lines around his mouth softened. As his expression shifted from hard to wise, he let his hands fall loose at his side. “You made that decision for us once before. I didn’t like it then, and I don’t like it now.”

“We don’t have a future.” She had to be firm, but the words had a tender ring.

“Is that what you want?”

“It is.”

She’d lied and she’d done it boldly. Guilt flapped its ugly wings. Her neck hurt and she felt heavy all over. Gabe didn’t budge. If he’d crowded her, she could have stepped back. If he’d touched her, she could have acted indignant. Instead he stood like an unmovable rock,
one that held the heat of the sun and offered shelter from storms. She wanted to weep for all she’d given up and for what they couldn’t have. Instead she raised her chin. “What do you want from me?” she said in a hush.

“I think you know.”

As much as she hated silence, Cassie hated the truth even more. She knew exactly what Gabe wanted from her. Love. Trust. A future. She still loved him and she always would, but at what cost? After enduring Ryan’s abuse, she’d never lean on anyone again. She wouldn’t give up her independence for anything…or anyone. The silence spoke for her. What he wanted, she couldn’t give.

Gabe let out a long sigh. “I guess that’s my answer.”

The stream rippled behind her. She felt like a rock buried in the mud, doomed to endure years of drought and flood. She couldn’t move her feet.

His eyes faded with disappointment, but he still held out his hand. “Come on,” he said gently. “I’ll take you home.”

Looking at his outstretched arm, she longed for a different future. Today he’d shown her nothing but goodness. He’d defended her son and forgiven her for the past. He’d offered her a future and accepted her rejection without a hint of pressure. Looking at him now, she felt like a sparrow being tempted by bread crumbs. A home…Love…A father for Luke. She’d never known such generosity, but her longing had to be denied. Ignoring Gabe’s outstretched hand, she led the way to the buggy where she gathered her skirts to climb in. Gabe touched her elbow, lifting her with an easy
strength. Cassie settled on to the leather, then faced him. “Thank you, Gabe. For everything.”

“You’re welcome.”

Their eyes stayed locked. Her breath caught and he gripped her hand for one last time. Warmth seeped into her fingers and flowed all the way to her middle. Gratitude flooded to her heart and she wanted him to know how much he meant to her. With her heart overflowing, Cassie leaned to the side and sweetly kissed his cheek.

She’d kissed him. Eight hours had passed, but Gabe could still feel the tickle of her lips, the brush of silk against his cheek. The spot she’d kissed had grown stubbled as he’d walked around town searching for Luke in the places a boy would hide. Gabe had walked for hours. He wanted to find Luke for Cassie’s sake, but mostly he’d needed to sort his thoughts. Just when he’d given up hope for their future, she’d kissed him. It hadn’t been the kiss they’d started in Reverend Hall’s office, but Gabe had the answer to his question. Cassie still loved him.

So why had she turned cold again? As he checked alleys for Luke, he’d thought about Ryan O’Rourke. The man should have been horsewhipped for beating his wife. He hadn’t broken Cassie’s spirit, but he’d left scars that ran deep. It made sense that she wouldn’t trust easily. He’d have to work to earn it and that meant going slow and respecting her worries. While walking around town, he’d passed William Drake’s bank. He’d been reminded of Maude and the ugly rumors she’d spread. If Cassie couldn’t make a living, she’d be forced to leave Guthrie Corners…and him.