Imprisoned at Werewolf Keep (Werewolf Keep Trilogy) (17 page)

‘Go away, Phil. I am tired.’

‘Because you were up half the night biting Jasper?’

That had Fidelia’s attention
. She sat up like a jack-in-the-box, and belatedly pulled up the bedding to cover her breasts.

‘He told you?’ A
blush burned its way up her neck to her face. ‘So much for a gentleman’s honour. He must have had a good laugh about my trollopish behaviour.’

‘Heavens above, Dee, what were you thinking? I did
not believe him when he told me!’

‘I was thinking that I like having heightened emotion
s like other people…Like you…If the only way I can get them is by being a werewolf, then I will be a werewolf.’

‘But you are feeling heightened emotions already, are you not? That is what I can infer from your behaviour. Why take his blood if you already believe you are turned?’

Fidelia frowned and shook her head, obviously trying to make sense of Phil’s argument.

‘Because he told me not to,’ she admitted sulkily, slipping back down under the covers.
‘Because he didn’t believe I was turned, but that his blood would probably do it.’

‘Because he told you not to? Who are you? Where is my friend w
ho always does what she is told, who would never go to a man’s room, and who would never sleep naked?’

Fidelia shrugged and looked away. ‘It is the werewolf in me.’

‘It is not the werewolf! You have not been turned.’

‘I have. I kissed Jasper and from then on I have experienced everything as if in lush, vibrant colour.
And I have felt Grand Passion. I never would have experienced that without the wolf. Jasper says that everything is heightened for werewolves.’

‘And a woman had a child to an infected man and was not turned, and neither was her child.’

Fidelia stared at Phil silently for several long moments, trying to take in what she was saying. ‘But if not because of the infection, what has caused me to experience Grand Passion? I would never have felt what I do with Jasper, if not for the wolf. Perhaps this mother is the exception.’

‘How do you know
you would never have experienced Grand Passion? You are a woman like any other. I did not think myself capable of the kind of feelings Byron draws from me, but I do. Why could your Grand Passion not be due to your feelings for Jasper?’

She frowned and pulled the bedding up tighter against her chin.
‘I never felt it with Howard. Or with anyone before Jasper kissed me. It must be – ’

‘Jasper! It must be
the handsome young man who appeared naked at your door, and who swept you off your feet. I imagine he has a very good body, given how well he fills out his clothes.’

Fidelia blushed. ‘Yes. Yes he does. But…’

‘But what? You are a woman with normal desires. Jasper has stoked those desires within you. Do you love him?’

‘No, of course not. I only met him a few days ago. How could I love him?’

‘I fell in love with Byron almost immediately, and he with me. And there was no wolf in either of us. I think it is this place. Everything here is heightened, more intense. Maybe that is what has happened. This place has affected you.’

‘But I was in Harrogate when we
nearly…When I felt Grand Passion for the first time.’

‘Then
it is Jasper. Clearly you feel something like love for him if he has inspired you to such heights. But it cannot be a lifetime commitment. For one thing, he would never let you get so close. His self-loathing will not let him find happiness. For another, you would be trapped here for the rest of your life.’

‘Like you are trapped?’ Fidelia sat up, s
ticking out her chin as she reacted to the challenge in Phil’s words.

When had Fidelia
become so contrary? One minute she was denying feelings for Jasper, the next, when Phil told her no, she was looking for a way to stay with him. This behaviour was childishly unbecoming, and very unlike her.

Phil tried to talk sense to her again.
‘I chose to be here because I love the people who are imprisoned here. And Byron, of course. But I took months to come to that realisation, and Byron fought me every step of the way. To be here means giving up the life you had for this pile of stones on the moorside.’

‘The life I had? You mean the mindless social existence as part of the ton, married to a disinteres
ted man who expected me to be a perfect, passionless, corseted lady? That life?’

‘You are free of Howard now
and understand what it is to feel real passion. You can find that again with someone more suitable. Someone who can give you the world, not just a room in a rundown castle keep.’

Fidelia felt the urge to argue with Phil yet again, but she fought it down. Her friend was right, of course. If this heightened emotion was not the wolf in her, then it only proved she was capable of such passion. If she could experience it with Jasper, she could experience it with someone else, away from here.

But here was where
her best friend, her sister in-all-but-blood lived. There were few things she valued in her life. Phil was one of them, this intensity of feeling was another, and…Jasper was another.

There
, she had admitted it, if only to herself.

She couldn’t imagine being anywhere but by his side. Maybe it was true that she didn’t know him yet. But she wanted to. More than anything
, she wanted to know the handsome, troubled lord who had taken her to the heights of passion.

And marriag
es were made on far less acquaintance than they had shared so far. Chaperoned, restricted to socially polite topics of conversation for a few short hours at most, men decided on their match, offered for her and married. She had known less about Howard before marriage, and after several years of her marriage, than she knew of Jasper after a few short days. And what she knew, she loved.

He was a gentleman, in the true sense of the wo
rd. He was gentle and caring, considerate of her needs, even when the wildness was on him. Even when he wanted to devour her like the beast he was, he held himself in check. And when he lost control, as he did when he came after Rathgart, it was for her. Keeping her from harm was his priority, even in wolf form, even when it seemed liked he was doing things that only put her in harm’s way.

Fidelia remembered that first morning when he’d dragged her into the Keep. He had been driven mad by her scent, and
yet he had stopped when Phil told him to, and been horrified by his behaviour when he realised what he was doing. And even though he castigated himself for his treatment of her, he had done nothing more than bruise her arm, something that was easily done because of her thin, pale skin.

That he could yell at her and order her around like he had done last night, treating her like a silly woman who didn’t know her own mind, was just typical of men. And he had been driven by his need to protect her from himself.

Yes, she knew a lot about Jasper Horton. Maybe not the superficial things, like his favourite food or interests, but the important things, the deep things, she knew them well enough.

‘What are you thinking, Dee?’

Fidelia shook herself, and came back to the moment and to Phil.

‘I am thinking that a life here would be more life than I have ever known. And I have a month, or a little less, to prove to myself and Jasper that we are meant to be together.’

‘And how do you intend to do that?’ Phil crossed her arms over her breasts and frowned.

‘By
spending as much time as I can with him, getting to know the outer man, and letting him get to know the inner woman. Maybe I will get to know her for the first time, too, during that process.’ She threw back the bedclothes and climbed out of the big bed, trying not to feel self-conscious about her unclothed state.

After throwing on her robe, she turned back to her friend and smiled. ‘What do you think of my plan?’

‘I think you have your work cut out for you. But this new you may just be up to it.’

But Fidelia’s plan was not as easily put into practise as she thought. For one thing, Jasper was determined to keep his distance, making the getting to know him far more difficult. When she hadn’t seen hide-nor-hair of him for three days, she asked Byron what had become of him.

‘He has gone to visit his parents for a short time,’ the big man told her stiffly
, as he looked up from the papers he was reading at his desk in the study.

‘I am so terrible he has to try to escape me?’ She tried to hide the hurt that rushed like a raging tide into her heart.

Byron sighed heavily and pushed aside the papers. He had risen briefly at her entrance, but sat down when she’d bid him do so. Now he rose and came to her side, shepherding her over to the chaise-longe against the wall.

‘
Phil tells me your plan is to get to know him better in the hope of forming a more permanent bond.’

‘That is so. I do not quite trust how I feel about him. It is all rather intense and emotional. Not the way I usually react to situations. I thought that if I be
came better acquainted with him, found we had things in common, it might balance out the other.’

‘With the thought that you would marry him and remain here for the rest of your life?’

‘You and Phil make it sound like a death sentence. You live in luxurious accommodation, for the most part, and are surrounded by people you care about. What is so terrible about that?’

‘Those people we care about are monsters. They would tear your throat out at the first opportunity.’

‘Not Jasper. Jasper’s monster looked after me better than any man. He told me that was uncharacteristic of the beasts, but it was true enough of him. Anyway, they are only monster for three nights a month. And they do not even remember what happens while in wolf form. Not properly. It is like a dream. I do not understand why you all make so much out of this. There are worse afflictions. As long as they are safeguarded…’

Byron looked at her properly for the first time, from his position by the window. The respect she saw in his eyes warmed her heart.

‘Few feel as you do. Certainly not those with the affliction.’

‘You and Phil
do not write them off, so why should I? It is important for me to understand what I feel when I am with Jasper. It is all new and confusing. The only way I can come to some kind of decision is to know Jasper better.’

‘And he is determined that you will not have that opportunity.’

‘Send a message to him and say I am sick unto death,’ she said, as the idea blossomed fully formed in her mind.

Byron drew back and frowned. ‘I beg your pardon?’

‘Tell him I’m sick and may be dying. If he comes back, he cares for me, and I will have the opportunity to get to know him. If he does not…Well, I will have the answer I need.’

‘You want me to lie to my friend?’

‘Yes. For his own good.’

‘Have you always been this devious?’ He was smiling now, cautiously.

‘No, I do not believe I have. This is a new side of myself I am coming to know. I thought it was the wolf in me, but Phil is sure I have not been infected. So this must be aspects of my own personality I have never expressed. It is quite shocking, is it not?’ She smiled triumphantly, not in the least disgusted by her own machinations.

‘Quite shocking. I will send word immediately. You will need to take to your bed so the others do not tel
l Jasper you are perfectly well when he arrives.’

‘Certainly. I will stay in my room where only Maude and Phil wil
l visit me. How long before he could get back?’

‘A week? Possibly less.’

‘Good. I will find a few books to read for my incapacitation. I will tell Phil and Maude of my plan.’

‘I hope this idea of yours works. I do not like seeing Jas in the state he has been in for the last week.’

‘It will work,’ Fidelia said with more determination than she actually felt. But a ray of hope now filled her dark world. Somehow, she would get to Jasper Horton, whether he liked it or not.

‘How is she?’ Jasper demanded of the first person he saw on entering the front door of the Keep. It was Mary, her arms overflowing with fresh linen.

‘I’m not sure. Maude says she’s poorly, but won’t give no details. Her ladyship hasn’t been out of her room for four or five days.’

Cursing under his breath, Jasper turned and began taking the stone stairs that led to the upper floors two at a time. When he reached the door of Fidelia’s room, he paused, drawing in painful breaths, trying to still his shaking hands as they reached for the doorknob.

Jasper had been beside himself since the messenger arrived with the news. The man had barely handed over his missive and Jasper was gone, yelling back to his father that an emergency had called him away. He took no time to pack, simply rushing out to the stables an
d saddling up his mount himself before the stable hands had a chance to do his bidding.

He’d changed horses at relay stations along the road so that he could reach his destination as quickly as possible. And now
that he was here, the exhaustion of two nights without sleep was counteracted by the spike of fear he felt at what lay beyond the door. If she were dying, he would not stand it. This little woman had become the pivotal point of his life, and without her, he would spin out of control. His life would spin out of control.

With a sharp rap on the door, he sought entrance. Then, without waiting, he pushed the door open. He found
what he needed sitting up in bed, a lace-trimmed night gown covering her up to her chin, her blonde hair braided and twined around her head in a crown. She looked like a fairy princess, even though her face was flushed red and she was having trouble catching her breath.

Obviously, whatever her condition, it was affecting her lungs and possibly her heart. He raced to her side, dropped to one knee and grabbed up her pale, limp hand, bringing it to his lips so he could cover it with kisses.

‘I came as soon as I heard. How are you?’

Her other hand came to rest on his cold, wind-blown hair. With gentle fingers, she stroked his hair back from his over-heated face.

‘Much better for seeing you. Why did you leave me?’ Her voice was so soft, he could barely make out the words, but the look in her storm-cloud coloured eyes was tortured.

How could he have left her? Every day apart had felt like a year. Instead of getting over this little woman, the separation had only made his feelings more intense.

‘For your good. I left to safeguard you from my weak nature. But tell me, what has brought you so low? What does the doctor say?’

‘I… I have not seen a doctor. I did not want to bring the man out here for my womanly hysterics. I am well enough. Just weak and… ‘

‘You are struggling to breathe. I saw that as I came in. You must see a doctor. It may be consumption! Pleurisy!’

‘No…N
o, it is not consumption. Phil nursed her mother through that terrible disease, and she says it is not that. The other, I do not know. I do struggle a little to breathe, but it is not bad. I will be well again soon, now that you are here, I am sure.’

Jasper wished he could believe her.
Now that he looked more closely, he could see that she was flushed red and overheated, and yet her hands were cold. Deathly cold. He tried to warm the one he held by rubbing it with both of his own.

‘I cannot believe Phil did not get a doctor, whether you wanted one or not. What kind of friend is she?’

‘One that pays attention to her friend’s wishes. Please do not continue treating me like a child who does not know any better. Have you eaten? You look exhausted.’ He saw worry cloud her eyes, and her fingers closed around his.‘I did not mean for you to cause yourself harm.’

‘Harm? I am not harmed. I have just ridden two nights without sleep. It is nothing. I could eat
, and something warm to drink would go down well enough. But just seeing you is all I need.’ He kissed her hand again and buried his head in her lap, so overcome with desperation, he didn’t know what else to do. For the last few days, his only thought had been to get to Fidelia’s side, but now that he was here, he felt helpless to do anything to save her.

If she was dying….

Her hands held him to her, and he heard her little sob. When he looked up, he saw that tears were streaming down her cheeks. She bit at her lip fiercely.

‘Do not cry, my love
. I will find a way to make you well. Even if I have to turn you.’

She sobbed even louder. Had she now come to hate the thought that she might be a werewolf? The last time he’d seen her
, she was determined to be one. If she was sick unto death, the only way to save her was to infect her with the werewolf contagion. She would regain her health.

‘
You do not wish to become one of us? You would rather die?’ he demanded.

‘Oh
, Jasper, please do not take on so. I did not mean for you to be so upset by this. I just…I just wanted you here.’

‘Of course I am upset. I risked everythin
g to get you away from Rathgart. You think I would not be upset by your illness now? I cannot go a moment without thinking of you, without wanting to be at your side. If you die, I do not know what I will do. You cannot die, Dee. You cannot!’

Fidelia covered her face with her hands and sobbed even louder. He sat up next to her and drew her into his arms, feeling her fragile body shaking with the enormity of her emotion
s.

‘Please stop crying
, Dee. You will make yourself even sicker. Please tell me you will let me turn you if the doctor tells us the prognosis is bad. I know it might not seem like a good life, but it is better than no life. And I will be with you. I will care for you. My wolf will care for you…’

‘Stop! O
h please stop, Jasper. You are making it worse. I feel awful. I should never have started this. I did not think you would be so badly affected.’

‘I will get the doctor now
if you are feeling worse. I have upset you. I am sorry.’

She gave a little cry of exasperation and struggled out of his arms, and before he could stop her, she’d clambered out of the bed and was stan
ding in front of him in her long night gown that revealed every curve. It wasn’t meant to be a provocative piece of clothing, but knowing what lay beneath made it so for him. And he hated that his arousal was instant.

‘Dee, get back into bed,
’ he said desperately, reaching for her before she fell.

‘No! Listen to me
, Jasper. I am not sick. I am perfectly well. I let everyone think I was sick so that you would come back. I could not let you run away from what is between us.’

He drew back as if burned. Her meaning came slowly. Not sick? She had caused him to ride like a maniac to be at her side, thinking she was dying, when she was not sick at all?

Swearing furiously, he jumped to his feet and headed for the door.

‘Jasper, I am sorry. Please…
I just…’

‘Manipulated me! Will you do anything to get what you want? I could
have killed one of those mounts trying to get here as fast as I did? Did you even think about that?’

‘No. No, I thought you would come back,
but not in such a rush. I did not consider you cared that much.’

‘Cared that much?! Woman
, you have become the air that I breathe! It takes everything I am to stay away from you. Everything!’

‘Then do not! Do not stay away from
me! I know I was wrong to trick you, but your stubborn refusal to give us a chance required it. If you feel anything for me, Jasper, please let us try to work this out. I do not care if you are a werewolf. I do not care if I am one now, too. I do not care if I have to be imprisoned here, as long as you are with me. Please…’

But he had heard enough. Her deviousness knew no bounds. This was not the woman he had given his heart to. That woman was an illusion. She didn’t exist. This manipulative, selfish witch was not her!

He tried not to hear her sobs as he stormed from the room and slammed the door after him.