Illicit (7 page)

Chapter 7

All the way back I couldn’t shake the feeling of being watched, which spooked me, since most of the drive was on another deserted stretch of road, with nothing but tall trees on either side, and there was no car behind me this time.

Now what was I supposed to do with the rest of my day? There really wasn’t much to do. I could go to the local library I guess, but there wasn’t much there that I didn’t already own.

That had been my one comfort over the years; scrounging yard sales and thrift shops for second hand books. It’s where I learnt my love for the classics, since that’s mostly what I found in those places.

They had helped fuel my overactive imagination, sent me on adventures to far off places.

Kind of like my dreams. Always after one of those dreams, I would feel as if I’d crossed the ocean, or walked in a strange land.

I didn’t want to think about those dreams. If I did that, then I’d have to think of ‘him’, and I refuse to anymore.

In order not to die of boredom, and to keep myself from dwelling on the nameless one, I have to come up with something to do.

But I didn’t really feel like going to the library. Truth is, I didn’t want to be around people.

Just go home and lick your wounds Jazz. Or try to figure out how Thorn Azarov had ran you off that beach without even stepping foot on the sand. Because I had no doubt that he had been in the wind. That’s it, I’ve finally lost my mind.

***

The house felt empty once I got home, and I busied myself tidying up. There wasn’t much to do, since the lady who comes once a week had already been here.

I kept hearing things, but put that down to an old house resting, or whatever they say it meant.

The wind outside did sound kind of wild for this time of day with no storm warnings. A peek out the window was no help. The sky was a weird mix of almost clear, to pewter grey, almost black in some.

I got a chill down my back and stepped away from the window, looking around furtively. There was something out there; I could feel it.

Maybe I should lay off the horror flicks, and ghost stories. I’d never really had much time alone before; mom was always near, which was strange come to think of it.

For someone who was always in flight, she seemed to always be there when it was time for me to come home. Sometimes I think she was afraid to be alone herself. Funny, I never thought of that before now.

Now I had all this time on my hands and nothing to do with myself but mope around the house and think of you know who.

When that only made me more miserable, I tried watching TV, but there was nothing there to hold my interest.

The house was making those strange noises again and outside the wind had picked up. I went to the window and was just in time to see headlights turning the corner at the end of the street.

My heart kicked up its pace and I had no doubt as to who it had been. Had he been sitting out there watching the house?

But why would he do that? Why didn’t he just come to the door like a normal person? Maybe because he’s not normal? I stood there for far too long before turning back into the room.

My stupid heart did feel a little warm that he’d been here watching after me. It struck me as odd that I wasn’t afraid, that my first instinct was to trust him.

Somehow along the way, my mother’s blatant distrust of everything and everyone had given me a healthy dose of the same.

But even when he was being the big bad wolf, I didn’t feel fear; what I felt was more like a knowing.

I must’ve dosed off, because when next I opened my eyes, it was almost dusk outside. ‘Wow Jasmine, you must’ve been real tired, you slept the whole day away.’ I muttered to myself as I left the couch.

Dad was staying with Barney overnight, so I was on my lonesome for the rest of the evening.

I warmed up some leftovers and vegged out in front of the TV, before heading off to bed later that night.

The day hadn’t been so bad, but now I wish I hadn’t gone after all. I couldn’t shake the feeling that I’d messed up somehow, but each time I felt it, I pushed it aside.

I hadn’t done anything wrong and I refuse to feel guilty for disobeying a cryptic order from a complete stranger, who’d obviously moved on. But why had he been sitting outside? Or had that even been him?

No one had mentioned a girlfriend, but it wouldn’t be a stretch for someone like him to have one, probably one in every town between here and Connecticut.

With that lowering thought, I slapped my pillow into submission and tried to fall asleep.

Again the wind was doing its thing outside and the trees seemed to be having a party, swaying and rocking, with branches knocking against my window.

The sound soon soothed me into slumber, and I fell off into a deep sleep, with his beautiful eyes following after me.

My dreams that night were...oh boy. They started out like all the others, but then suddenly, they shifted and became more, so much more.

Instead of being followed on a long stretch of deserted road, I found myself in a darkened room, with barely a sliver of moonlight swathed across a wooden floor.

I was alone on a bed, laying on sheets of silk and my body felt warm. I could sense someone in the room, watching, but instead of fear I felt, hopeful.

There was the barest sound of a breath coming from the corner. My heart was racing in my chest, but not in total fear. It was as if I were anticipating...something.

I sat up and looked towards the corner, making out the shape that stood there. My heart thumped and my skin burned hotter as my body, of its own volition, moved and slid across the sheets wantonly.

Before he moved into the sparse light, I knew it was him. I watched him with bated breath as he moved, his feet seeming to glide across the floor.

The first touch of his hand against my cheek brought such pleasure. I closed my eyes as I snuggled into his palm; so familiar, I felt like crying.

His thumb moved across my lips until they fell open, then it drifted inside, past my teeth, until it rested on my tongue. Without being told, I sucked.

I reveled in the hiss of his indrawn breath and teasingly bit down. He withdrew his finger and bent over me, laying me back gently against the pillow.

There were no words passed between us, just our eyes looking into each other, as he lowered his head and licked the skin between my breasts.

I felt a slight sting from his teeth, as he took my flesh between them and sucked hard enough, that I felt it between my thighs.

My body writhed and I wanted to beg him to touch me there, it hurt so good. And though no one had ever explored my flesh, somehow I knew, that his fingers would ease the ache.

I felt the blush cover my body at my lascivious thoughts, but this was a dream, I could do or want anything in the privacy of my dreams.

“Not yet lyubov moya.” Even his voice touched something deep inside me, as I felt heat unfurl in my tummy and run down to my secret places, adding to the fire already raging there.

I wanted his mouth, needed it like I needed my next breath. But he evaded my every attempt to get him to kiss me.

Instead he took soft nibbles around my lips, and up to my ears. His chest felt hard and strong as he pulled me in close.

“You disobeyed me today, that’s a no-no. I’ll let you off the hook this time, but if you should do so again, you will be punished. Do you understand me?”

How could a threat make my pulse race, and my blood grow feverish? Before I could answer him one way or another, I felt his fingers caress my nipple, before he squeezed down ever so gently, sending shock waves through my body.

“Ohhh...” I couldn’t hold back the wanton cry as he changed nipples. My legs were moving sensually against each other, as I tried to ease the ache that seemed to have taken on a life of its own.

He looked down into my eyes and something teased the edges of my mind fleetingly, but then drifted away.

“My beautiful Jasmine; ya lyublyu tebya.”

“What...what does it mean?” My voice was barely above a whisper and I could hardly breathe, as I tried to get him to cover me, to put out this heat between my thighs.

He just smiled and traced his finger from my nipple to the pulse that beat out of control in my throat.

Then, finally, he covered my body with his. My hips cradled his as his hard warmth pressed into the junction of my thighs.

“Oh, Thorn...” I couldn’t help the movement of my hips as I ground myself into what had to be a very big, and very hard penis.

“It’s okay love.” How did he know? I had just begun to feel fear at the strange feelings that were unfurling rapidly in my tummy and especially between my heated thighs.

He ground himself into me harder and I saw stars as my body sought to keep up with his. I knew what we were doing was a pantomime of the sex act, but somehow I couldn’t bring myself to stop.

He rubbed himself back and forth along that most sensitive place between my thighs as his hands caressed my breasts almost aggressively.

It was too much, and when he held my head back, and sucked the flesh of my neck between his teeth, I lost consciousness.

Sunday morning I woke to the ringing phone, after a restless night of tossing and turning from disturbing dreams.

Dreams in which, the deep green of a jaguar’s eyes followed me on a dark deserted road that seemed to have no end.

I felt him and searched the room with sleepy eyes, already knowing he wouldn’t be there. With a heavy heart and a permeating sadness, I answered the phone.

“Hello.”

“Hello Jazz how are you?”

“Mom?” I couldn’t hide the excitement in my voice. No matter how much she ticked me off no end, or how her immaturity, and less than wise decision-making had messed up my young life, I loved my mom.

When she was being a mom, which in all honesty was rare and almost nonexistent, she was the neatest person in the world.

“What’s doing baby, you settling in, making new friends okay?”

“Yes mom stop worrying, everything’s fine.”

“It’s a mother’s prerogative to worry honey, now tell me what’s been going on?”

I told her about settling in and having yet to go around the town on an exploration as yet, to which she made me swear an oath that I wouldn’t go anywhere out of the way on my own.

I got quiet during her little meltdown and the stillness from my end stopped her in her tracks.

I could feel her trying to pull it together and I felt bad for her; that this was all she knew.

I wish someone would tell me what had happened to my mom to make her this way, but there was no one to ask.

I had no real family to speak of, and dad was as apt to tell me what I needed to know as she was, which was not at all. That’s if he even knew, sometimes I got the feeling that he was as in the dark as I was.

“I’m so sorry Jazz.”

“Mom...”

“No Jazz let me just say this okay; I never stopped to think, not once what this lifestyle was doing to you.

I just always thought you enjoyed it you know, the new places, and new experiences, kinda like a fantasy world.

I mean how many kids can boast that they’ve lived in almost all of the Continental United states huh?”

She laughed it off but I could hear the regret in her voice; regret and something else, what that was I couldn’t say.

“It’s okay mommy, I learned a lot ya know, I just needed to stop for a while, put all that knowledge to good use.”

“You always were the smartest, the brightest the most beautiful child ever.”

“Yeah right mom.” She could still make me laugh.

“So tell me, any new friends maybe a boyfriend?”

I blushed at her words as his face flashed into my head.

“Wellll, I did meet someone.”

“Ooh, do tell, is he handsome, I bet he is. What is he like? Is he one of those smart book types? Somehow I always pictured you with that type.”

Hah, if only. “Mom slow down, I don’t know any of those things.” Come to think of it I didn’t, and wasn’t that strange? I didn’t even know what classes he took, nothing.

I got that lonely feeling again and soon pushed it aside so I could concentrate. If mom senses one hint of sadness in my voice she’d start her campaign to get me to come back again.

“What’s wrong baby, this boy not returning your affections, you need me to come out there and kick him in the shins?”

I giggle snorted at the picture that formed in my head.

“Thanks mom you’re the best, but no.” Then I told her a little bit about my meeting with him. Of course I left out the strangest of the occurrences, no sense in both of us being spooked.

I didn’t tell her his name either for some strange reason, though I convinced myself that it was easier that way, just in case nothing ever came of us.

I did tell her that I felt out of my depth though, and hadn’t the slightest clue how to hold the attention of a boy like him.

Her sage advice was to wear lipstick and a short skirt, typical Anna. Then the conversation took a turn for the weird.

“Um nothing else has happened right, like no one’s been giving you a hard time or anything?” I could imagine her biting into her fingers the way I used to. Her voice had changed from the upbeat tone of a few minutes ago to one of worry.

“Who would bother me mom? Stop worrying I’m almost eighteen remember? I can take care of myself.”

“I know you can baby I just...never mind about that now, I’m sure your father won’t let anything happen to you. You’re staying close right?”

What a strange question, but then again that was mom for you. She could be perfectly fine one moment and then the next, it was as if she were hearing and seeing things that weren’t there, things that usually sent us running in the middle of the night.

I felt a pang of regret for a second at leaving her behind. Would she really be okay on her own, or had I been selfish to desert her?

I was beginning to worry, but like always she changed her tune again and was back to being light and fun.

She wanted to know every single thing from the minute I landed until now. I listened closely to her voice. Growing up it was the only way to gauge her true emotions, to know what was really going on in her head.

***

We stayed on the phone for a little while longer, before I had to go do the week’s laundry. Dad had insisted that I didn’t need to do this stuff, but it was no big deal for me to take care of it. Besides he had the cleaning lady doing everything else.

It kept me busy and took my mind off my worries. Of course I thought of ‘him’ all that day and into the night as well.

Would he be there tomorrow? My stupid heart raced at the thought of seeing him again in the flesh. My dreams were pretty much taken care of, because I’ve been meeting him there, more and more since coming here.

I wish he could be more like his dream self in real life. In my dreams he’s always there, like a protector and shield, keeping everyone and everything away.

In my dreams, though there’s a sense of dread, I always know he’ll keep me safe. In my dreams, that sense of knowing is stronger too, and I feel closer to him there, than I do with most people in the flesh.

I still wonder at the anomaly of meeting him in the flesh after seeing his face so often in my sleep.

There was nothing to explain the strange phenomena, except that maybe it was some kind of premonition, but of what?

I knew I wouldn’t get any answers unless he told me and somehow I was sure that he had all the answers.

The dream of the night before came crashing back to memory and I had to hold onto the wall as I almost fell to my knees.

How had I forgotten that? I felt my body heat up with the memory of his lips on my flesh, and ran to the mirror in the bathroom.

I pulled back the top of my nightshirt, my breath held in anticipation.

Sure enough there was a mark between my breasts. But how could a dream do that? Then I felt liquid heat gush into my panties at the memory of his hands and fingers on me, in me.

When I caught my breath again, I went back to my inspection of my body.

I could barely make out the mark on the side of my neck from this angle, but I knew it was there and so did my body.

I touched it with the tip of a finger and felt that strange wind against my nape, right before my knees went weak and my body betrayed me, with a sudden quivering between my thighs.

My body twitched and I held onto the sink for support with one hand, while the other went to my crotch. I think I lost consciousness, because I awakened on the floor of the bathroom, drenched in sweat.

What was happening to me? Was I losing my mind? Was I like Anna? I felt traitorous at the thought, but I had long suspected that mom was a little not quite there.

There were times in the past when she’d acted or said things that didn’t quite make any sense. Like when she’d wake up in the middle of the night screaming about the monster that was going to get me.

Always after one of those dreams we’d move, and she’d keep me locked away in a motel room somewhere with the blinds drawn and the lights off.

Those were the times when my dreams were their most comforting. As if he always knew when I needed him most.

Something about that tickled at the edges of my mind, but whatever it was eluded me. I got up off the floor and closed my nightshirt after one last look as his passion.

I washed my face off to cool myself down, and went back to what I had been doing, my mind now in turmoil.

I had so many questions, but nowhere to seek the answers. I’d stopped telling mom about my dreams years ago since they seemed to freak her out so much.

And there was no way I could bring them up to Thorn; he’d probably think I was more of a freak than I already am.

But there was definitely something going on. How else could I explain the marks on my body, or the lingering feelings whenever I touched one of them?

The more I prodded the surer I became that there was some sort of connection between us, had to be, but what? I had no knowledge of him outside of my dreams, until now.

A quick Google search on dad’s old computer didn’t turn up much. I couldn’t find anything that explained me seeing my dream walk in the flesh. The closest thing was Déjà vu and I was sure that wasn’t it.

Whatever was going on between me, and Thorn Azarov was real. It wasn’t a figment of my imagination I didn’t conjure him out of thin air. He was real.

I felt him so strong now, like he was all around me, in me. I wanted to reach out and touch him.

“I want to see you, why won’t you come to me instead of playing in the wind?” Were those my words? Wow, that was so not like me; I sounded almost, commanding.

I felt breath against my nape and a hand on my nipple. “Ohhh.” My body started to move, pushing against the hand, trying to get more of that feeling.

I’m not sure, but I think he was avoiding touching my skin. Suddenly I noticed that everything we did was above our clothes and he still had yet to kiss me.

I tried that now and he was gone, just gone. I flopped around for the rest of the day, until it was time for bed. There was no sign of him all that day, just the overwhelming sense of his presence, so I went to bed feeling needy and lonely.