If You Only Knew (And Then Came Love Book 1) (32 page)

“Dad would smack me in the head right now.” Julian flinched as if Dad had sent him a mental slap.

“Of course he would.” Drew laughed, his smile faded and he bent forward in his seat. “Does Liza suspect you’re drinking tonight.”

“I didn’t realize I had a keeper.” Julian folded his arms across his chest.

Drew rolled his eyes. “Fuck you, that’s not what this is about.” He pulled his cell phone of his pocket.

“What are doing?”

“Texting Liza.”

Julian’s heart pounded and his pulse raced. He shot out of the chair, caught Drew by the shirt, and dragged him to his feet.

Drew held up both hands in a gesture of surrender, he jerked his head back, and his eyes widened.

“Are you trying to ruin everything between you and Liza?”

Julian could feel the flush spreading up his face. He raised his fist.

Drew shook his head. “I’m in love with Ava.” Drew pried Julian’s hand off his shirt. “Sit down and don’t pull that jealousy thing with me, I’m your brother.”

Julian dropped into his chair, his elbows on his knees, his head resting on his hands. “Sorry,” he hiccupped.

“I would never do that to you.” Drew returned to his seat. “Now, I’m texting Liza to let her know you’re all right.”

Julian met his brother’s eyes. “But I’m not all right.”

“I know.” Drew reached out and clapped his brother on the shoulder.

“I’m falling apart and I don’t know what to do.” He threaded his fingers together on top of his head. “With Blake getting engaged yesterday, you and I are the last hold outs. But worse, I feel guilty that I can’t commit to Liza.”

“What? Speak English.”

“The whole engagement thing. We’re the last two not ready to take the plunge.”

“Don’t lump me in with you. I’d ask Ava to marry me in a heartbeat if I thought she’d go for it.” Drew shrugged. “And if you’re concerned about being the only holdout, ask her to marry you. You love her.”

“I can’t.”

Drew rolled his eyes. “Ridiculous.” He shook his head. “That was before you met the love of your life. You weren’t ready before. You thought it was the next logical step, only you were too stupid to see neither of them was right for you. Liza is. Why should she have to pay for the two other bitches mistakes? It’s not fair to her. And it’s not fair to you.”

“Whitney was different,” Julian countered. “She spent two years conning me to get married and then another year and a half to convince me to trust her. Three and a half years and not two days later she pulled her shit.”

“Liza’s stood by you through all your bullshit.”

“But how do I know?” Julian pounded his fist against his hand “How long before I drive Liza away?”

“You didn’t drive Whitney to shit. She chose to cheat on you,” Drew said. “How long has it been since you and Liza discussed marriage?”

“We talked about it before the ultrasound. Caused a rather large fight and she ended up reminding me I had a home to go to.”

“Ouch.” Drew grimaced. “What’d you say to her?”

“I pressed replay — the whole two ex-wives and not wanting a third one. And she turned my words against me and said ‘maybe I don’t want a first ex-husband.’ She floored me on that one. Pissed me off, but floored me.” Julian leaned forward again. “I don’t want to be her first ex-husband.”

Drew laughed. “Good, see, she’s her own woman. But you do want to spend your life with her right?”

“She’s getting depressed, Drew. I’m making her depressed.”

“Dude, you’re talking about a woman who’s eight months pregnant – pregnancy hormones make women all kinds of crazy. Don’t you remember when Audrey was pregnant?” Drew chuckled. “Shit, Jake thought she was going to kill him when we got home from Chicago.”

“I don’t think that had as much to do with pregnancy hormones as it did with her not knowing Jake was going to be gone all weekend.”

“Yeah – probably, but still pregnancy hormones are pretty brutal.” Drew shook his head. “If she’s depressed it may have nothing to do with you. Not only is she pregnant, but she’s been working since she got out of high school.  She's used to making her own way, supporting herself and other people, not relying on others.”

“What I’m going to do? She’s my heart and soul, but damn it, maybe we’re not meant to be?” Julian’s chest constricted.

“You’re just scared.

He stood up and paced the floor. “All I’ve ever wanted is to have what Mom and Dad have. What Gramps and Gram have. Hell, they celebrated their seventy-first wedding anniversary this year. I’ve always wanted to find the one person to be happy with for the rest of my life. Now I’ve found her and I can’t make her happy.”

Julian stopped pacing and rubbed his forehead.

Drew was quiet as he watched him. “That’s the problem, man. You love her, you want her, and you have her, but those two bitches you married have you second guessing yourself. All you’re doing is waiting for it to happen again and sabotaging your happiness as well as hers. You can’t let them win.”

Julian growled, took one-step to the nearest lab table, and cleared it with one swoop of his hand. Glass flasks and beakers fell to the floor and shattered. He fell to his knees and leaned against the wall.

“It’s not supposed to be like this.” He covered his face with his hands and then peered up at Drew, who was now kneeling in front of him. “She doesn’t deserve the shit I put her through. The shit I’m going to continue to put her through. As much as I hate to say it, maybe this is one of those times I need to let her go.”

“Don’t be an idiot. Are you listening to yourself? In one breath you say you can’t live without her and the next, you have to dump her. That’s the booze talking. You don’t want to leave her anymore than she wants you to leave her. It’s a fact, pure and simple.” Drew touched Julian’s shoulder. “Rather than letting her go, wouldn’t it be better to spend the rest of your life, making sure she knew how much you loved her?”

“How do I do it when I fuck up every time?”

“No, only when you open your mouth and proceed to eat your foot.” Drew chuckled. “There has to be something she loves about you, she’s still with you, and think about it . . . you’ve given her plenty of reasons to leave but she doesn’t. Why? Because she loves your sorry ass.”

Julian snorted. “You’re right—”

The trill of Drew’s phone interrupted this conversation. “It’s Ava.”

“Answer it.” Julian glanced up at the clock. “It’s after midnight. She’s worried about you.”

“Worried I’m out with someone else is more like it.” Drew sent the call to voicemail and sent her a quick text “We’ve been fighting.”

“Welcome to the club. Sucks, don’t it?” Julian leaned his head against the wall. Here he was inconveniencing people again. Hell, Liza would be going out of her mind crazy.  He pushed himself off the floor to check his phone. Picking it up he stared at the blank screen.

Drew’s phone chimed again. He laughed. “Ava said to drink coffee and eat food, so she can have her toy back.”

“Toy?” A smirk spread across Julian’s face.

“She was making a joke about kids and sharing.” Drew sat down in the chair next to Julian’s desk.

“Yeah – I got that.” Julian’s smile got wider. “We could send her back the toy.”

Drew punched him in the arm. “Fuck you. Here I’ve been trying to make you feel better all night and you go say something like that.”

“I’m joking.” Julian laughed.

“Still.” Drew leaned back in his chair. “Feeling any better?”

“A little.” Julian drew his hand down his face. “I regret drinking.”

“Well, let’s head upstairs and see if we can sober you up, before you head home. I’d drop you off, but I don’t think you want her to see you drunk.”

“I’ve gone home drunk every night for the last week. I think she’s used to it by now.”

Drew stood and held his hand out for his brother. “Well, then let’s surprise her with you sober.”

Julian accepted the hand and stood up. The two brothers hugged before heading toward the steps.

Drew put his hand on Julian’s back as they headed up the steps. “I love you man.”

“I know.”

“You’re an ass.”

“I know that.” Julian stopped at the top of the steps and looked at Drew. “And I love your stupid ass too.”

*****

October 22
nd

Liza paced the apartment. She checked the clock again. 2:59 A.M. She hit the button to call his phone again. It went straight to voicemail. She tried Drew, but there was no answer there either.

The door handle shook as a key was put in it.

She hurried to the door and threw it open before he could. “Where have you been?”

“At the lab, Drew texted you.” Julian closed the door behind him.

“That was four hours ago, he said you were okay and he was with you. That’s all it said.” Liza paced the floor. “Ava called me at midnight and said something about a toy and sobering up?”

Julian chuckled.

“It’s not funny. I’ve been worried.” Liza spun around and fixed him with a glare. He’d be gone all day and well into the night and now he was laughing like it was a joke. “No.” Her lips parted and she was about to say something, but shook her head. She went over and dropped onto the couch. “I—” She stopped again. Didn’t he know she was worried sick about him?

He came around the couch and sat down beside her.

She scooted away from him and clenched her jaw. She wasn’t giving in this time.

“I got drunk again, but had my car, so I had to wait until I sobered up.”

“You and Drew went out for a good time and didn’t bother to tell anyone.”

“No, I was drinking alone and then Drew came over. To check on me, I suppose.”

“I texted him to see if he knew where you were,” Liza admitted.

“Are you attracted to my brother?”

“Are you serious, because that’s not even funny.” Liza shook her head. “Don’t start that shit with me?”

“If you are, attracted to him or anyone else for that matter, I’ll step aside. I want you to be happy.” He reached out for her hand.

“You’re an asshole.” She interlocked her fingers with his and ran her hand down his face. “But you’re my asshole. Got it? I love you I don’t want to be with anyone else.”

Julian brought her hand to his lips and kissed it. “I assume you heard Blake and Lindsay got engaged.”

“Yeah – I was there,” Liza said. “Kind of funny, he tossed the ring on the table and then asked her.”

“Everyone else was making grand gestures and he went for the straight and easy.”

“Something like that.” She bit her bottom lip before meeting his eyes. “Is there . . .” she stopped when his gaze dropped to the floor. Every time the subject came up before they’d ended up fighting. She didn’t want that.

“I don’t want to fight about this, Liza.”

“Fine.” She stood and dropped his hand. “I’m going to bed. Maybe you should have stayed at home since you don’t want to talk.” She walked toward the bedroom.

“Damn it, Liza.” Julian followed her and caught her hand, spinning her around to face him. He pressed a kiss to her lips.

She brought her hands up to his chest and shoved him off her. “You’re not going to distract me or convince me I’m not mad at you. You didn’t even have the common courtesy to call me or text me and tell me you were going to be late. I was worried sick.”

“I’m sorry.” He reached for her once again.

“I’m sick of hearing that.” She sidestepped his hand. “Damn it, Julian, I’m eight months pregnant with your baby. And here I sit alone, waiting for you while you’re getting drunk. Why? What about us? Do I even count?”

“Of course you do. We’re together aren’t we?” His shoulders hunched forward and his brow furrowed. “We’re going to raise our baby together.”

“That’s not what I’m talking about. I want a commitment, Julian. I want to know I’m not going to wake up one day and you’ve disappeared.”

“How’s a piece of paper supposed to stop that from happening? It didn’t stop Jake.” He stalked toward the door and then turned to face her. “You think a license is going to stop me if I feel I need to leave?”

“I—I—”

Julian slammed the side of his hand into the door. The light from the lamp in the living room glinted off the ring on his right hand. Gramps’ ring. He glanced at Liza. “I’m sorry.” He took a step closer to her.

She backed into the bedroom door.

“I can’t give you what you want. Not yet.”

Her gaze fell to the floor. “I’m tired—”

He strode across the room to stand in front of her. “Let me finish. I can’t give you what you want, but I’m hoping this is better than nothing.” He took Gramps’ ring off his finger and held it in front of her.

She brought her eyes up to stare at the ring in his hand. “What—”

“It belonged to Gramps.” He caught her left hand and slipped the ring on her middle finger. “It’s not a diamond, you can’t wear it on the right finger, and it doesn’t come with a proposal, but it’s yours.”