If I'd Only Known (Milan Women Series Book 1) (32 page)

Perri
laughed, feeling herself cream again just from the anticipation. “Stop that
now, G-Man. Besides, I already know exactly how I'm gonna love you down.”

“Care
to give me an example?”

“Only
if you're going to reciprocate,” she said seductively.

“Got
time to take to the backseat of your car with me?”

She
chuckled. “That's very tempting. But, umm, no, I gotta go for real.”

Barrington
slightly opened the top of her blouse, leaned down and lightly blew between her
breastbone. He laughed when she trembled from pleasure. “There's more where
that came from and you're gonna get it all tonight,” he promised, sealing it
with a kiss. Then without warning he swooped her up in his arms, carrying her
the rest of the way to her car. “The sooner you get going, the sooner we can
get our late night delight started up.” He kissed her cheek, wanting to do so
much more to his beautiful wife and her delectable body. Barrington grew harder
just thinking about it. “Damn, baby, tonight can't come soon enough. I'm gonna
have to go take care of myself,” he teased.

They
laughed.

“Oh,
no you don't, Barrington.” Perri rubbed his chest, knowing how much he loved
it. “You go take a cold shower for now and tonight I'll take care of you real
good, G-Man.” She promised, licking his bottom lip before playfully biting it,
then soothing it with her tongue. “I want you so bad, Barry,” she whispered.

Barrington
grinned and winked. “We just one step away from your backseat; I'm telling you,
baby, we can catch a quickie right now?” he offered, hoping she'd give in.
“Okay,” he said when she shook her head at him, “then we'll both be equally
love starved by the time we come together tonight.” Placing her feet back on
the ground, he announced, “Here we are, baby.”

Once
she was secured in her seatbelt, Barrington leaned in and kissed his wife,
letting his tongue tease her with movements that promised of what was to come
when they met later at home. He broke the heated kiss. “I better let you go,
baby, before I hurt myself trying to keep it together.”

Perri
couldn't help laughing. “You wanna hit me, Barry?”

“Girl,
quit teasing me. I'm about to make love to you right here and now.”

“So
you say.” She took her time sliding her hand down his chest and stomach, in
between his thighs and groped his engorged manhood, which sure enough, was
ready to push through his jeans.

Barrington
groaned from pleasurable pain. His eyes darted to her backseat. “I can show
now, baby. I swear I can.”

“Promises,
promises,” she teased with a flirtatious wink.

“That's
all right, I keep my promises, woman.”

Perri
had to admit that was true. She could only think of one exception, but wisely
refused to go back there. It was the past and history wasn't going to repeat
itself; she felt sure she could trust Barrington completely this time around.
“Baby, thank you for what you did, taking time from touring to be home with us.”

“No
worries, baby girl. You're my world, and Imani and you will always come first
with me. Always, sweet Perri,” he kissed her palm, tonguing it before saying
softly, “I'll pick up right there, tonight. I love you, baby.”

Perri
smiled. “I love you more, baby boy.”

Kissing
her one last time, Barrington said, “Go on, baby. Be careful. See you later.”
He watched her pull out of his driveway and continued to watch her until she
was out of sight. On the way back to the house, he noticed Nia's car was gone.
That was odd, he thought, pulling out his cell to call her. It rang five times
before going to her voice mail. He left a message that Perri's sister was here
waiting to take Imani home, so she should get here ASAP. Satisfied, Barrington
flipped his phone shut and headed inside to let Tyler know what was up.

Perri
was so tired after leaving her boutique she didn't know what to do. Then she
thought about the lovemaking her husband had promised her and instantly she was
renewed. She smiled and sang the rest of the way home.

Perri
slowed her roll, as she got closer to their neighborhood. Noticing the crowd,
and especially the police cars that lined the road, her heart sped up. She was
flagged down to stop by a police officer.

“Ma'am,
I'm sorry, but I can't let you past this marking.”

“I
live there in that house.” She pointed just behind him.

“Sorry,
ma'am, but I'm gonna need to see some ID.”

Perri
was already handing it to him as dread filled her lungs. “What's going on here,
officer?” She blinked back the tears that all of a sudden filled her eyes.

Satisfied,
the officer returned her ID. “Ma'am, go on through. I'll let you speak with my
chief; he's posted outside your house as we speak.”

“Why
can't you just tell me?”

“I'm
not at liberty to say, ma'am. But if you just—”

Cutting
the engine, Perri didn't wait for him to finish. Instead, she jumped out of the
car and cut through her grass and sprinted to their house.

Still
dazed after hearing what Chief Morris had just informed her of, Perri was
surprised she was still able to stand on her own two feet. Her nerves were a
mess and her stomach was a mass of jelly. She came in through the back door so
she wasn't surprised that no one heard her enter the living room.

Ignoring
everyone else in the room, Perri kept her gaze glued to her husband, arresting
him with cold eyes. “Is it true?”

“Perri—”

“Is
it true?” She demanded a little louder, “Is it true, yes or no?”

Exhaling
deeply, Barrington nodded in reply this time.

Lowering
her gaze to the floor she saw pure fire and ice and she was about two seconds
from raining down brimstone. “You see,” Perri said to the floor. “Do you
finally see?” She screamed at Barrington. “I knew it was a mistake to let you
back into my life! This—” she had to stop herself from choking on her own spit,
took a deep breath, and accused, “This is your fault. One of your lunatic
obsessed fans stole my baby!”

“She’s
not a fan, she’s my housekeeper,” he said in his defense.

“Who
happens to be certifiable, Barrington,” Perri said, shaking her head. “Is it
supposed to make me feel better that you thought she was someone you could and
did
trust to leave my child alone with when you knew I didn’t trust the woman? Was
your so-called housekeeper really worth betraying your wife for?”

Barrington
tossed her an agitated glare. “Look, Perri, I had no idea Nia was capable of
something like this. Hell, if I'd . . . I didn’t even know she had a crush on
me until we went upstairs and I saw the shrine she’d made of me in her
bedroom.” He searched her eyes for compassion. “I’m just as surprised and upset
about this as you are, Perri, and, like you, all I want is Imani’s safe
return.” He stretched his hand toward her. “You have to believe that, baby.”

Slapping
his hand away, Perri remarked hotly, “I don’t have to believe a damn word that
comes out of your mouth. And from this day forward, I won’t.”

Barrington
couldn’t hide the hurt in his eyes or the dejection in his voice, “I didn’t
know,” he said to no one in particular. “If I’d only known but I swear, I
didn’t know.”

“If
you’d only known?” she repeated his theme phrase. “Now, that seems to be the
story of your life, doesn’t it?”

“Perri—”

“Just
shut up, Barrington, I don’t wanna hear anything else you have to say. Right
now, I’m having trouble even looking at you, let alone occupying the same stinking
space with you. You don’t talk to me. Just leave me alone!”

“That’s
enough, Perri,” Mattie’s strong and firm voice came across the otherwise
silent, but tension thick filled room, loud and clear.

“It’s
all right, Ms. Mattie—”

“No
it’s not,” Mattie insisted. “Imani is your daughter, too; you love her just as
much as my granddaughter.” She turned her attention to Perri. “And she knows
you’d never intentionally put her life or her well-being in danger. Don’t you,
Sugarplum?”

“It
doesn’t matter what his so-called good intentions were, because almost doesn’t
count! His intentions may have started off pure. But almost won’t bring my
daughter back to me. He may have intended to protect her with his life. But
that doesn’t change the fact that some overly obsessed woman walked out of his
house with my baby in tow . . .” her voice broke.

Mattie
had tears in her eyes when she spoke this time, “Sugarplum, I know you’re
hurting. But you’re not the only one who’s feeling this loss. Stop being
selfish and look around you, Perri. There’s a room full of people with hearts
overflowing with love for Imani. You’re her mother, Perri, but does that mean
the rest of us aren’t supposed to feel pain just because you gave birth to her?
I know that’s not what you think, Sugarplum, because in my heart, I know you
know better than that. Everyone who loves Imani took a hard hit today. And it
hit Barrington every bit as much as you. Baby . . . he’s got feelings, too.”

“I
don’t give two shakes of a rat’s butt what he’s feeling. My child is missing; I
don’t care nothing about his feelings right now.” Perri sobbed, feeling the
little composure she had snap. “I’m sick of everyone always taking his side
against me. He just joined the family. I’ve always been here playing my role in
this family. When Barrington walked out on me I felt like crawling in a hole
somewhere and just dying, but I didn’t skip town never to be heard from again;
I stayed right here and I have stuck by this family through thick and thin. And
now when my thin needs to grow thick skin all of you wanna take up lobbying for
Barrington’s cause. And it hurts to know that my blood family would take his
side over mine.”

“Baby,
I’m sure I speak for all of us when I say no one in here is taking sides. It's
not a contest, and it’s not about you by yourself, Perri,” Mattie tried to
explain.

“Madear,
my baby’s gone! I don’t know where she is! His feelings won’t bring her home to
me. I can’t bring her home to us. I don’t know where she is.” Perri slid to the
floor rocking back and forth. “Oh God, oh God . . . I can smell her scent . . .
I can still feel her nursing at my breast, where she's supposed to be able to
rest. I want my baby and I don’t know where she is . . . .” Struggling for air,
into a puddle of tears, she dissolved and each sniff hurt the hollow of her
throat. Perri felt the pain and loss of her daughter in her soul.

Everyone
in the room reacted simultaneously.

“Sugarplum
. . .” Mattie went toward her.

“Perri
. . .” Tyler went toward her.

“Oh,
honey . . .” Hunter went toward her.

However,
it was Barrington who reached her first, gathering her helpless and limp body
in his arms and bringing her to his chest where she clung to him for dear life
and cried uncontrollably as she tried to empty her soul of all the raw pain.
Not one person in that room had ever heard a cry like that, as if it were being
ripped from another human being’s body, heart, mind, soul and spirit.

Barrington
knew he'd die for this woman in his arms; he prayed she knew it, too. “Baby,
I’m sorry. I promise you we’re gonna find our baby, Perri . . . .” Barrington’s
voice broke and he gave way to his flood of tears as he and Perri cried
together, feeling the same hurt, sharing the same loss, going through the same
pain.

***

For
days, Perri just laid there in the bed, staring at the wall. One day, she
finally picked up her Bible and opened it at random. Reading the story of
Bathsheba and David and the baby they lost, she saw herself in that plot, and
without hesitation, silently wept for every bit of pain and heartache she was
feeling and had been feeling since she learned of Imani's kidnapping.

“Father
God,” she prayed or maybe it was more like she questioned, she was not sure
which. “How did it get to this? Is it something I did . . . didn't do? What,
Lord? Because I just don't understand the reasons behind this dilemma, or what
exactly it means other than my baby's gone, seemingly without a trace—at least
not one that can be traced.” She inhaled a deep breath and exhaled just as
deeply.

“Lord
God, if it had to be, if it had to come down to a choice, why couldn't it be
Barrington missing?” Perri was immediately sorry she'd thought such a thing,
even before she felt the chastisement of the Lord. Her eyes widened when she
looked up seeing Barrington standing in the doorway of their bedroom. She knew
he'd heard her, the look in his beautiful eyes, she couldn't describe—no words
had yet been invented.

Barrington
staggered like a drunk until his back was against the wall simply for support.
Had he just heard his wife right? Did she just tell God, the Heavenly Father
that she wished it'd been him missing instead of Imani? Surely he'd heard
wrong. Even as this last question dashed across his mind, Barrington knew he'd
indeed heard his wife correctly, and it took something out of him that he knew
he needed to survive.

Yet
here Perri was ripping his soul out and burying it beneath the rubble of his
broken heart. Didn't she know she was his life? Why didn't she know he'd have
given up his own life in a red-hot second to save the lives of both his wife
and child? She was his wife, and Perri was supposed to know how far he'd go to
protect his family. But she apparently did not know. Why? Why didn't she know
he'd more than go the distance with and for her, for them?

Ashamed,
Perri couldn't say anything, nor could she lower her gaze. It was like God was
giving her no choice but to watch the hurt and pain she was causing the man
He'd graciously bestowed upon her. Perri probably hurt more now than when she'd
found out about her daughter's disappearance.

Unable
to stomach looking at his wife now, Barrington turned and left the house
altogether.

***

“So,
where you headed?” Kane asked his cousin point blank.

“Don't
know. I'm thinking I'll just get in the Escalade, pick a direction and drive
'till I end up someplace where I don't feel no more pain,” Barrington said,
though he wouldn't tell even if he did know of such a place. Not because he
didn't trust his cousin; he did. But he knew Kane well enough to know he'd make
it his mission to let Perri know his whereabouts and Barrington wasn't ready to
deal with anymore heartache from his wife right now.

Still,
knowing how Kane felt about family, he just offered, “I need to get as far from
this place as I can, man.”

“No,
man,” Kane disagreed. “What you need to do is get back home and take care of
your wife, because she still is, you know.”

“Kane,”
Barrington shook his head, traces of sadness appearing in his eyes, “my wife
doesn't want me around right now. I need to respect that, at least for the moment.”

“Your
wife is hurting, so really, she can't judge soundly right now. You're her
covering, B, so protect her from herself.” He shrugged. “Take it for what it's
worth, man. But know and understand this: If you don't take care of home, cousin,
someone else will.”

“The
hell you say!” Barrington scooped up his keys. Just the thought of another man
trying to move in on his wife set his teeth on edge. “I'm out, Kane.”

Crush,
who'd been standing in the doorway, laughed out loud when his brother was gone.
“I gotta hand it to you, man. You know how to get next to Barrington's soft
spot.” He laughed again. “Now how you think God feel about you playing the
master puppeteer and pulling my brother's strings?”

Kane
grinned. “I'm not trying play God, if that's what you insinuating; all I did
was bring to B's attention what he already knew in his heart to be true.”

Crush
shrugged, knowing his cousin would never admit he overstepped his boundaries,
“If you say so.” He laughed again.

Kane
sighed tiredly. “Let's just hope and pray it worked, Crush.”

***

Sometime
later, Barrington had returned from wherever it was he'd gone to get away from
his wife and the constant hostility, not to mention tense silence that lingered
between them. It used to be she only resented him. Now, he wasn't so sure he
liked her much right now either. He decided to sleep on the couch tonight,
maybe Imani's room. No. Rebuking that last thought, he decided the couch was
best . . . just in case Perri wandered into their daughter's room. Not that Barrington
minded, but judging from Perri's earlier prayer or statement or whatever it is
you wanna call it, the last thing he wanted was to make either one of them
uncomfortable. After making his decision, he immediately executed it, grabbing
his pillow and his Bible—he knew he was going to have to do some heavy
repenting followed by reading to drift off to sleep on this here particular
night. As Barrington lifted his Bible from the night stand, something strange
happened causing him to feel even stranger, at the same time, commanding him to
be still and take notice.