If I Forget You (33 page)

“What’s the matter with you?” one of the other waitresses asked as Avery leaned against the wall out of sight of the dining room. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

Avery clutched her chest, her breaths quick and hard to catch. “I did,” she whispered.

* * *

With an hour left in her shift, she waited tables and tried to avoid number five as best she could. As she refilled drinks and took orders, she couldn’t stop thinking about Jordan. It had been a year. She’d thought she was over it by now, but seeing him brought it all back, all those memories she wished she could forget. She had healed, but her heart still yearned for what she’d had with him. The problem was
her
Jordan didn’t exist anymore.

When her shift was over, she stopped in the bathroom and looked at herself in the mirror as she washed her hands. She was a different person than she’d been, and she could admit that she was happy. Lonely, perhaps, but happy with who she was. It really was possible to be both, at least for a while.

“Thanks for covering for me,” Amanda said as she emerged from one of the stalls, ashen-faced.

Avery spun around. “You’re still here? I thought you would have gone home by now.”

“I’m leaving now,” Amanda answered as she stumbled to the sinks. She was in her forties and very beautiful, with a heart-shaped face and tiny nose. Her dress suit was rumpled now, and her dark hair had mostly fallen out of its French twist. “I feel like shit. I’ve just barely been able to drag myself off the floor.”

Avery rushed to put an arm around her. She felt her forehead. “You’re as cold as ice. You can’t drive home like this.”

“I think I caught my husband’s flu bug,” she moaned.

“I’ll drive you home. Just show me to your car.”

“All right, but how will you get home?” Amanda slumped a little as Avery helped her out of the bathroom.

“I’ll just call a cab from your place. Don’t worry about it.”

Avery looked up just as a figure rounded the corner, nearly bumping into them.

“Oh, excuse me,” he said.

It was Jordan, probably coming out of the men’s restroom around the corner. She looked up at him, determined to play this as casually as possible.

“Not a problem,” she said. “I’m sorry we were in your way.”

“Looks like you might need some help?” he asked, nodding at Amanda. “Is she okay?”

Avery shifted her weight as Amanda leaned heavily on her shoulder. “Not really. I’m going to drive her home.”

“Let me help you out to the car,” he said. “Please? I need some fresh air anyway.”

She tried to hide her smile. “All right.”

Taking Amanda gently by the arm, he propped her against him and helped her out to the employee parking lot, Avery on his heels.

“It’s the black Ford over there,” Amanda said as she clutched her stomach. “I’m going to puke again.” She ripped away from Jordan’s grasp and retched onto the pavement.

“Poor thing,” Jordan said, waiting until she turned back to him to take his arm again. He led her to the Ford, where she fished out her keys and unlocked the passenger door.

“Thanks,” she said, looking up at Jordan.

He helped her into the seat closed the door. “You’ll be all right?” he asked, handing Avery the keys.

She took them, trying to avoid his eyes. Even under the parking lot security lights they were beautiful. Why was she such a sucker for those eyes? They were one thing that definitely hadn’t changed about him.

“Yeah, thanks for your help.” She nodded to him and started around to the other side of the car.

“Wait, Avery.”

Stopping in her tracks, she turned to face him again. It didn’t surprise her that he remembered her name, but something in his voice sounded so desperate. It was unlike anything she’d heard from him before.

“Yeah?”

“Thanks again for all those things you gave me, and for the memories you wrote down. I’ve read them about twenty times now.”

She felt her lips rise at the corners. “Really?”

“Yeah.” He looked down at the pavement and kicked at some loose gravel. “I’ve tried so hard to remember you, but it just won’t come back. We must have had something pretty great for you to write all that for me, huh?”

She nodded. “I’ll never forget it.”

Continuing to kick at the gravel, he focused on her. “I feel like a different person now, but when I saw you tonight at our table I realized how much you must have meant to my family.”

“They were pretty desperate for me to stick around,” she said as a wave of nostalgia washed over her.

He nodded. “The truth is I’ve felt something missing in my life since the accident. For the longest time I thought it was Callie, but now I’m starting to realize it’s something else.”

She almost took a step forward, but held herself back.

“I think it’s you I’ve missed,” he said. “Isn’t that crazy? I don’t even remember you.”

She smiled. “You once told me we can’t replace the people in our lives. Everyone leaves a gap and it can’t be filled once they’re gone. I guess even if you forget someone, that gap they left is still there.”

Putting a hand to his forehead, he tightened his jaw and nodded. “It sure feels like that,” he said, sounding almost angry.

She cleared her throat. “Do you remember everything else?”

“For the most part,” he answered, lowering his hand. “It was just those few weeks before the accident that are gone. Go figure.”

She laughed and then felt her shoulders fall. “Yeah, but maybe it wasn’t meant to be.”

One of the lights above them flickered on and off and then back on. Jordan looked up at it, blinking. Silence stretched between them. Avery knew she should get into the car and drive away, but she couldn’t seem to move.

“So, are you okay?” he asked, breaking the silence. “All that stuff with Kent? You didn’t have to tell me about that, but I’m glad you did. It’s better that I know the truth about him.” He reached out as if to touch her, then lowered his hand. “How are you doing … with that?”

She looked down at her feet, her cheeks growing hot. She shouldn’t feel nervous, but she did. “It’s going okay,” she sighed. “I pressed charges against him, and I’ve seen a counselor on campus about it. That has helped.”

“Oh, good.”

More silence. Avery didn’t know what to say or how to react. Everything seemed to hinge on what might happen in the future. Would they continue this strange relationship or go their separate ways again?

“I’m leaving for Chicago in the morning with my dad,” Jordan announced after clearing his throat.

“Oh.” She blinked a few times. “I hope you have a safe flight.”

“Is your shift over?” he asked, taking a step forward.

“Yeah, that’s why I’m free to drive her home.” She waved a hand at Amanda, now falling asleep in the front seat.

“Ah, gotcha.”

Avery’s heart felt like it might charge right out of her body. Finally, she took a step forward and raised her chin. “I may forget a lot of things,” she said as she looked straight into his eyes, “but I will never forget a true friend. You got in that accident because you were helping me. I’ve learned how to forgive myself for a lot of things, but that has been the hardest one.”

He grimaced just as the faulty light above flickered off for good. His face bathed in dark shadow, he said, “I hope you don’t blame yourself for the accident. The reports said it was raining and I was speeding. It was my own fault, trust me.”

She nodded and took another step closer. “I’ve also learned not to rush into things when it can hurt other people.” She thought of racing across her lawn to kiss Ryan. “But I was wondering if you’d let me kiss you just one last time?”

A grin broke out across his face. His teeth were bright in the moonlight. “You think a kiss will break the spell of my forgetfulness?”

She grinned in response. “Hey, you never know. Are you willing to give it a try?”

He looked around the parking lot and then at the sleeping Amanda.

“You know,” he finally said, “I think I might be.” He took another step forward, bringing himself close enough to touch her. He tentatively wrapped an arm around her, trembling. “This will be like my first kiss with you,” he said, “and you say it will be your last?”

She glanced down at his arm around her. Being this close to him again felt right.

“Will it be my last?” she asked, trying not to wince. She would be okay with whatever happened. She had to be. She’d been okay up to this point. It was seeing him that had made her slip into wanting him all over again. She hadn’t realized just how lonely she’d been the past year, how big the gap he’d left really was.

Sadness filled his eyes, but she caught a glimmer of hope too.

“I guess we’ll see,” he whispered as he bent closer to her mouth and drew her into a kiss that sent sparks all the way down her spine. She felt him smile against her lips, his arms pulling her closer just as the broken light above winked on.

THANK YOU FOR READING!

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Michelle lives and writes in Utah, surrounded by the Rocky Mountains. She adores cheese, chocolate, sushi, and lots of ethnic food, and loves to read and write books in the time she grabs between her sword-wielding husband and energetic daughter. She believes a simple life is the best life.

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

No story is ever written alone. Many friends have made this story possible on many levels. Like Avery, I’ve made friends and lost them because of mistakes I’ve made—some of which are not things easily fixed nor blamed on any one person. Avery’s story has been a way for me to explore all the emotions that come with such experiences. It has been easier to find a resting place for these experiences by writing this novel.

Thank you to every person who has laughed and understood my forgetfulness, even if it creates problems. Mom and Dad, you’ve put up with it longer than anyone, so thank you.

To current and future friends and acquaintances, if I look at you all squinty-eyed and confused, know that I realize I’m supposed to remember something about you—probably your name or where I saw you last. But don’t worry. The most important things will always stick. I hope.