Ice Burns (22 page)

“The water runs down from mountains in the frozen North,” Matta’s old voice croaked. Chandra jerked her head up to look at the old woman who was sitting on a large, flat bolder at the bank. From her posture and expression, Matta looked like she had been there a long time, though Chandra had walked past that very boulder and placed her clothing behind it.

“This is as warm as it gets,” Matta said as she lifted a mug of something to her lips and took a deep draft.

Chandra said nothing but continued to rub at her skin with the soap and cloth. She scrubbed hard, not just to get the stink flower off, but to try to keep her blood circulating. She looked up at Matta, drinking her hot tea, and made a rude face.

“Maturity is something you need to learn, Chandra. Pouting and being arrogant may have been your life before, but look how much help it got you,” Matta said after an extended silence.

Chandra walked from the creek. She fought the urge to snatch up her clothes to cover herself or crouch behind whatever cover her hands could give. She had to remind herself that Matta could not see her, but it didn't make the desire to hide go away.

Her limbs were white and pink from a combination of frozen water and rough scrubbing. The parts of Chandra that had been wholly submerged had a bluish tinge like fine white marble. She had scrubbed at her hands but still the line of red that filled the quick of all her nails remained, like a giant flag of guilt to mark for all to see. It had been at least a week and her hands still showed her former Master's blood on her hands. She shook her head and moved past the woman and gathered up her clothing. After wrapping herself in the thin blanket, she carried the garments to the water and submerged them.

“You will need new clothing." Matta's milky gaze was on the sky where the stars had just begun to show their light. Chandra wondered if the old woman even remembered she was there with the way she drank from her mug and stared at the blue-black heavens.

“I cannot go into a village,” Chandra rung her clothing and continued to scrub. “Not yet.”

“Who said anything about going to a village? You will sew your own, starting with the holes you made from today’s exploits. If luck is with you, the forest may grant you some skins from its lost children to leatherwork. I will teach you, but it will be hard work.”

Chandra cringed at the thought of sewing clothes or being turned into a tanner, but she did not say so. Clothing was a necessity and hers had never been intended for rough use. Chandra she thought about it for a moment before saying, “Thank you, Matta.”

“After you finish taking the stink out of your garments, please come to the cottage.”

Before Chandra had more than a chance to nod and raise her head, Matta was gone and Frostwhite sat in her place on the stone. The great hawk’s steel gaze was locked on her. Not a feather rustled nor did the bird seem to breathe in its statuesque pose. Chandra allowed her friend to look down his beak at her for several heartbeats before she turned her attention back to rubbing at her tunic.

“I’m sorry you’re disappointed in me,” she began. “My only excuse for my behavior is that my life has been turned inside out. I also don’t find it easy to be in another’s company after having been alone so long.”

She lifted spring eyes to meet winter and did not allow herself to look away from Frostwhite.

“I don’t ask for your pity, just your patience,” she said softly.

Frostwhite blinked once before hopping into the air for a moment and then landing closer beside her on the shore of the creek. He grabbed some shallow-water fish and snacked. Chandra said nothing, but watched his antics as one fish escaped his grasp and he pounced on it in a very un-hawklike manner.

When Chandra returned to the tiny house, Matta was waiting with a slightly heavier blanket and a robe-like garment that had several moth holes in it. It seemed clean and was much warmer than her cold flesh. She took them gratefully.

“I placed some pegs near the hearth so you could hang your clothes to dry. There is soup in the pot, hearth bread, and honey if you would like some.”

Chandra did not know how to react to all the kind gestures. She stood at the closed door and donned the rough gown. She felt embarrassed for her behavior to the woman and her lack of patience toward what felt like punishment but was less than what she deserved. Chandra stood unmoving for several heartbeats before speaking.

“Thank you,” Chandra spoke the words haltingly. It took more effort to speak than she would have expected. She took advantage of each offering.

Frostwhite flew to land beside the chair. The great hawk tended to hunt his dinner as they ate theirs; Matta only made foods that didn't come from animals. While she was sitting near the hearth eating bread and honey, she felt the smooth heat of a cup against the side of her hand before she saw Matta. For a blind woman, she moved with stealth.

“It's tea,” Matta said.

Chandra placed the small plate near her on the floor and took the cup. Tea would be welcome after the frozen water bath. As she raised it to her lips, Matta placed her hand over the mouth of the cup to stop her.

“Before you drink, I need to tell you something,” Matta began. “That noxious flower I had you gather today has been ground and placed in the cup you are about to drink from.”

Chandra pushed mug and hand away and gave the woman a sharp look.

"Settle down, it isn't poison, but it may bring your visions.”

“Visions of what?” Chandra looked in the swirling depths of the steaming mug but didn't have enough direct light to see anything.

“That depends on the person,” Matta told her. “My hope is that it will teach you some portion of your path so I can understand how to best instruct you. The flower essence will call to the magic inside you and help it speak to you, in a way."

"So, I'm going to have a conversation in my head with magic? Don't they send people away who hear things in their heads?" Chandra tried to tilt the cup enough to let the fire show her the contents. Matta cuffed her on the back of the head, but it was a gentle smack that made her yelp and laugh.

"I might wish to go there after I spend too much time with you," the old woman shook her head and settled in her chair. "What I need you to be aware of is that some of what you see will be confusing or frightening. It is a vision though, something created by your mind to decipher what the magic is trying to say. When it's over, we'll discuss it and figure it out together.”

Chandra nodded. The tea smelled nothing like the flowers had; the scent was delicate and slightly sweet as though it were closer to a honeysuckle or apple blossom. She breathed it in and thought about "talking" to her magic. She wished she could somehow ask questions or direct the conversation to help her understand anything that had happened.

“This is when I have to ask for your trust because the tea will put you out for a good while as the power forms inside you to direct you. You have my word that I'll watch over you, as will your unfettered friend.”

Chandra inhaled the sweet scent and made eye contact with Frostwhite who seemed unconcerned. Even if she wasn't sure if she could trust Matta, she had no such concerns about her companion. Chandra crawled down to the blankets and thin mattress beside the hearth that served as her bed. She looked at Matta and reached out to touch one gnarled hand with her newly calloused and blistered one.

“Bottoms up then,” she said softly.

Matta smiled and Chandra raised her cup. The tea had cooled enough not to scald but was still hot enough to send a warm flood down her throat and pool in her stomach. The liquid felt comfortable in her belly. It was warm and soothing like a beam of sunlight had formed inside her. Chandra closed her eyes and felt a moment of pure comfort as she lay down. She felt the air come and go from her body at a languid pace. When she drew in air, it swelled within before gliding back out like a fleeting memory. She found herself warm and the aches in her body melted into the floor and blankets beneath her. Her last thought was that the hearth itself seemed to breathe and its hot breath tickled across her face.

Chandra knew she was falling behind. She couldn't seem to make her legs move fast enough to catch up, but she had to keep trying. If she stayed, it would all be over; the deaths would have been for nothing and she would be nothing.

The light was just ahead of her now as she caught her second wind and pushed across the rain-slicked ground with greater speed. The light danced as though it were waving her on; calling to her.

Then, there was a second light that began to bob and dance with the first and she was getting closer. Both of her hands itched and Chandra looked down to see that one had turned into a block of ice and the other was twisted and burning. Neither one hurt and though some part of her was afraid, more of her just accepted it as fact and she continued to run.

The two lights grew bigger still. They must be waiting for her to catch up and she would very soon. Chandra reached out with her right hand and the fire that was there licked up her arm and turned the skin black but did not hurt. She knew it should hurt, but it felt good instead.

The lights glowed and she knew they weren't lanterns. The light shifted from a golden glow to a white-blue like the center of a flame and she knew they were eyes and they were waiting for her.

Chandra lifted her frozen hand and saw lines of blue climb her arm but it did hurt and her blackened limb began to blister as the azure in her veins bled into it. She screamed and pushed both arms out, palms open, as though to stop the eyes or stop herself; she wasn't sure which. The eyes started to come into view and she knew them. She knew eyes like that.

Chandra saw a wall of pale blue. The eyes were gone, but the wall of blue reflected the same icy-hot shade. It was like looking through a wall of water with rainbows flickering across the surface and light sparkling as though alive.

Because it was ice. She remembered seeing it and knew that she had been here before. The wall was not a waterfall, but solid ice. And on the other side of that ice was something that waited for her.

As before, the shadow beckoned to her. Chandra could not stop her dream self as it reached out to run her hand above the surface, and the shadow parodied her movement. She stopped short of touching the surface; the uncertainty was fear this time. The shadow pressed against the surface and scrabbled on the surface. This time, Chandra heard a scraping sound against the ice. She didn't want to touch it.

The dark form moved and slammed a second hand of shadow on the ice wall and a crack spread from the base. There was a wrenching sound that boomed and scraped at her eardrums like a terrified scream. Or an angry one.

As quickly as it began, it stopped. Chandra found herself again in a dark corridor behind a young woman. She recognized the back of the woman's head and felt the familiarity of her dream self. They were looking for something.

The cave was like walking in a starless sky. Chandra let her hand trail along the wall to feel the cold rock walls. She somehow felt that the walls, too were black and shiny like black glass.

The woman said something, and dream-Chandra replied. It felt different though and she seemed to sense that she was trying to tell the other woman something very important.

The weight of the cave pressed down on her painfully and she felt her breath in her chest as though it had turned into massive bubbles that took up all of the room inside her. Chandra kept trying to pull in air, but there was simply no room for it. She was being squeezed to death by the air in her body.

She felt herself try again to tell the woman who froze in front of her. The woman became a statue locked in place just as the light flared up to blind Chandra. Painful light stabbed at her eyes and was agony on her skin. When she was blinded, she remembered what came next and began to whimper because she didn't want to see it.

Sharp features of teeth, angled face, and horns leered at her. It was a smile formed of dark intent and nightmares. Chandra shook as she watched the jaw work and felt the bass tone shake her chest painfully. She could not decipher the words, but they were painful on her frail human form.

Chandra hit the floor again and flames crawled across her. She didn't fight it this time. She knew there was no reason to try to get away because it was already too late for her. Chandra lifted her arms and watched the skin go scaled and her nails turned to bloodred talons. She moved her fingers, watching the tendons and skin shift with interest. She knew it was time for her to wake, but she didn't.

Instead, the angled face of the creature came forward again and leaned in close to her. He, it was a he, watched her for a moment as she lay there in her changed form. When his voice came again, she found that it didn't hurt her and she could understand him.

"Until we meet again, little one."

19

Dream and real Chandra screamed.

The dream disappeared and Chandra sat upright to find Matta pressing a wet cloth to her face. Chandra could see that the edges of her face were tight with worry and fear.

“I must say I don’t remember seeing anyone have such a reaction to the dream tea,” Matta patted the cloth on her skin, put it in a bucket, wrung it out and placed the fresh rag on her forehead.

“Sleep now, child, and we will discuss this after the sun is up.”