I Won't Give Up (2 page)

“She’s gone.” He said, tears streaming down his face.

I felt so sad, hurt, angry… Why her? He pulled me into a hug as I felt tears start to sting my eyes. I wasn’t even eighteen yet; this isn’t fair. I’d made her a promise
on her deathbed
and I was going to try and keep it, it was going to be the hardest thing I’d ever have to do
especially now with all these emotions stirring around in my head looking to get out
.

“I’ve phoned t
he medics, they’re on their way. We’ll have to go to the funeral home later today and make arrangements.” He said pulling me in tighter
, I did the same
. “We’re going to get through this.
It’s just me and you now Coop.
” He stood and walked out the door probably downstairs to the bedroom where my mother was now dead
at the age of thirty-nine
.

I
reluctantly
got out of bed to head towards the shower, damn my ribs still hurt from that fight last week, I winced at the memory.
I looked down at the still angry bruise that took up most of my left side.
I grabbed some clean clothes
from my closet and headed into the bathroom. I stood in the shower until the water ran cold
then I stayed in a few minutes longer until I couldn’t stand there for another minute. I managed to get dressed in a daze.

After my shower I walked downstairs where my dad was sitting at the table drinking a cup of coffee, I wal
ked over a poured myself a cup and taking as seat next to him at the kitchen table.

“Coop we need to talk.” He said looking at me intently.

“What’s up?”
I asked, I knew this look.

“I know this is still very fresh but your mom and I were talking recently and we decided that it would be good for a change of scenery.” Wait, what?

“Change of scenery
Like a vacation or something
?” I said.

“No not a vacation.
Actually it’s already been taken care of.”

“
Dad.
What are you talking about, I’m so confused.”

“We decided it would be good to have a fresh start somewhere without the constant reminders.
” He waved his hand around gesturing the house, the kitchen island where my mom was always standing with her funky aprons and making delicious treats. “
Plus the other thing that was going on…
I took care of it he agreed to leave you alone but I still think it’s best that we start with a clean slate.
” He was hinting at all the fighting I’d been doing lately. “
About a
month ago we put the house on the market
.
It
sold
in
two days but the
couple buying the place already knew we couldn’t do anythi
ng until after… So we’re moving. W
e need to stick together through this okay.” I nodded
I was
confused
but
even
more than that I was angry. This was my home.

“She would have been so pissed at me this morning for crying like a baby.” I knew that was true and it made me smile a little.
We sat in silence while we finished our coffee neither of us wanting to address the elephant in the room. Finally he broke the silence.

“Well I guess we should go make the arrangements.” He
walked to the sink and put
his cup the dishwasher.
We got into his Mustang Shelby and drove
across town
to the fu
neral home where my mother
is most likely being prepped for her viewing
,
the thought made me sick to my stomach. My dad gave me a reassuring pat on the back and we headed in.

“Kurt pleasure to see you again. I’m sorry it has to be under these circumstances.” The funeral director said
holding his hand
to my dad.
He was a nice man and I knew he was the one that did the services for my grandparents too but today I wanted to punch him in the face.

“
Cooper you’ve grown, how tall are you now 6’2”?” I nodded.
He turned his attention back to my dad. “We
ll as you know Holly and I made most of the arrangements already
. Today you can go over everything and
change anything
. O
r
you can
add anything
we might have left out
.” He led us to his office and pushed a
manila
folder over. My dad
scanned through the contents before he
pushed over the obituary.
I felt a lump form in my throat
as I read it over
.

Holly Michelle Kinley
(Fontaine)

3/16/1973 to 5/7
/2012

Holly Kinley
, 39,
passed away peacefully at her home, Saturday, May 7
th
, 2012.

Mrs. Kinley was born in Delaney, Tennessee to Mr. & Mrs. Dayton Fontaine where she’s resided her whole life.

She’s survived by her husband of twenty years, Kurt
, as well as her
son Cooper
Dayton
, 17.

She’s predeceased by her parents Dayton and Charlotte Fontaine
also from Delaney, TN. Grandparents Noah and Evangeline Fontaine and Charles and Ivy Emerson.

Viewing will be held on May 8
th
from 6-8 at the Locust Hill Funeral Home.

In lieu of flowers please send donations to the breast cancer research foundation of your choice.  
 

I went from having a lump in my
throat
to feeling like it was
closing up, I felt like I was being suffocated. I closed my eyes and rubbed my temples wishing more than anything that this was just a horrible nightmare and I would wake up. The next two days were going to be pure hell. I drowned out the rest of the day
,
when we finally got home I went straight to bed.

The next day at the funeral it seemed like the whole town showed up.
The service
was beautiful and light hearted, exactly what she would have wanted. When we arrived home I took my suit jacket off tossing it on the hand railing
. My
dad came in
behind me, he reached in his suit pocket and handed me a letter. It was in my mom’s handwriting.

“Take it to your room.” He said pulling me into a hug.
“I love you Coop.”
I dragged myself up the stairs, shutting the door behind me
.
I climbed into my bed and carefully pulled out the letter. Something fell on the floor, I’d worry about that later.

Cooper,

I know that since you’re reading this I am gone. I’m sure that dad has t
old you the plan for the future. I’m sorry we didn’t ask for your opinion but I truly think it’s for the best. P
lease don’t give him a hard time he needs to heal too
.
L
o
rd knows part of
me always wanted out of Delaney (insert eye roll)
.
I want you to take this and find what makes you happy. Go on an adventure, be a free s
pirit, take risks (not too many and please
nothing dangerous!) but you
only have one life, so live it!
Be happy, fall in love, and know
I will always be watching over you
.
Everything’s going to be okay.

I Lo
ve you so much my sweet boy, you will always be the best part of me.

xoxo
,

Mom

I reached down and picked up what had fallen. It was a check. A check for twenty-fi
ve thousand dollars.

Our last conversation was still fresh on my mind
. I was getting ready for bed.

“Cooper honey can you come here for a minute.” She called from the guest room that was
set up
downstairs. My dad moved her down there because she was getting too weak to do the stairs anymore. Before she got sick she looked like Audrey Hepburn and people told her that all the time. She was petite and had dark brown hair that
almost could have passed for being
black. Holly Kinley was the best mom I could imagine, she was strong and energetic. She had such a passion for life, always taking care of those around her. She was
always cooking and baking for my dad and I
. Her smile was my favorite. I walked into the guest room and she patted the bed next to her. Even though she was dying she was still beautiful.

“Honey, is everything okay with you?” She asked sweetly. I wanted so badly to tell her
no
but I couldn’t bring myself to do that to her since she was trying so hard to be strong.

“Yeah mom I’m fine, why?”

“You just seem like you’re not like yourself anymore. I know this is really hard for you but it’s going to be okay, I promise.”

“I can’t imagine life without you mom, it’s too hard.” I felt my eyes start to fill. She rubbed my arm soothingly.

“You know there’s a quote that I really like by Galileo ‘I’ve loved the stars to fondly to be afraid of the dark.’ I’m not afraid honey. I’ll get to be with Granny and Pawpaw and I’ll watch over you always. I know it’s hard because it’s unknown but life goes on and you have a lot of life to live yet, you’re going to make me proud.” She looked at me with a sad smile and I could tell she was thinking about all the things she would be missing out on, graduations, my wedding,
and grandchildren
. “I love you Cooper, you’re a part of me, the best part.”

“I love you too mom, so much.” We hugged and we cried. That was our good-bye.

The morning
after the funeral
I
made up my mind on what I wanted to do. I
went to the Ducati dealership and bought my motorcycle. I packed a backpack
said bye to my dad
and hea
ded on a road trip to anywhere.

CHAPTER ONE

All-American Nightmare

“Fio
na wake up!” My brother Luke yelled,
banging on my bedroom door.

I pulled my comforter over my face.
I was so exhausted there was no way in hell I was opening my eyes
yet
. I felt like a freight train hit
me and a marching band was
parading around my head
. I didn’t remember much of last night
, or the night before..
.
My d
rinking too much had been a recurring thing lately
.
I like
d the being
numb,
not having to feel
.
I know it’s not going to matter in the long run but
it’s good enough
for now
.
For
me t
oday was just a
nother day waking up only to realize my nightmare was still a reality
too bad school doesn’t feel the same way
.

It all started
at the beginning of this summer. T
hings in my family had always been
stor
ybook like, w
e
had the nice house, fancy cars; we were a
prestigious, well-respected family
.
My parents Levi and Gabby Prescott were high school sweethearts. The prom king and queen of Prescott, Tennessee, the captain of the football team and captain of the cheer squad as about American pie as you can get. Yes, the town is named after my dad’s family and
unfortunately
everyone
around here
knows it
and treats us like celebrities
. I
h
ad always been a daddy’s girl, h
e was
always around,
spent time with us
and doted on my mom’s every wish.
E
verything was perfect
up
until two
month
s
ago…
Then
she
came along and it changed everything. This is when my path of self destruction started.