I Unlove You (55 page)

Read I Unlove You Online

Authors: Matthew Turner

Tags: #coming of age, #love story, #literary fiction, #contemporary romance, #new adult, #mature young adult

BOOK: I Unlove You
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I pushed it down and pretended
it didn

t exist, you know? I

ve just hurt
people and thought about myself, as if the world owes me
something.

He looks at me, tears glistening through his stare.

The world
doesn

t owe me. I can

t use my past to
make excuses for the present. I don

t want to do it
anymore, and I

m not sure if
Harriet

s the right girl, or if this is the right time,
and I feel bad because this is a terrible moment to unload all this
on to you, but
—“


Joe, are you kidding me?
I

m happy for you. I

m proud of you.
These last few months have been hard for you, too, and
I

m
—”


I know, but
—“


No buts. This is good, Joey.
Seriously, I

m happy for you.
She

s a great girl. I think the two of you will be great
for each other.


Yeah?

I
laugh, raising my own glass now.

Yes. One hundred
percent.


I thought
you

d be pissed at me.


Why would I?


I don

t
know

I was overthinking everything, I guess.


You

re an idiot, Joe.
Anyway, tell me more.


Like what?


How did you get her back? Are
you a couple now? Are you together?


Let

s not get ahead of
ourselves, shall we?

he says, puffing his cheeks.

I

m just trying to
take it a day at a time and not fuck it up. And I want to tell you
now that she knows some of the stuff that

s gone on
recently, but I haven

t told her
everything. I

m sorry, and I know
I promised I wouldn

t
—“


It

s okay.


She wouldn

t give me
the time of day, so I had to be honest with her and let her in. I
had to unload some of it because it was driving me insane, but I do
feel bad
—“


Joey, it

s fine. I
understand.


You sure?


I do. I
promise.

His
shoulders relax and he empties his lungs with a long breath.

Okay,
good. I know I shouldn

t worry about
telling you all this, but I

m an
—“


Idiot?


Yeah.

He laughs and finishes his
drink.

I

ve no idea what I

m doing, brother.
She keeps asking me questions, and telling me stories about her
childhood, and what she wants to do with her life, and get
this

we haven

t even had sex
yet.

He shakes his head.

I
haven

t gone this long without it since I was
sixteen.

Laughing, I finish my own drink.

Sounds like an
adulthood relationship to me. Congratulations.


Enough of the
r
word,
thank you.

He takes his old tatty pipe out of his pocket and sticks it
between his lips.

I don

t know what to think
about it all. It feels nice, kind of, but there

s so much
silence. We

ll be talking and
then the conversation ends, and all she does is look at me and
smile. What am I supposed to do with that?


Smile back,

I say.

Enjoy being with
her.


I do enjoy being with her,
but

I don

t
know
…”


It sounds like you like her,
Joe.


You think?


Yeah.

I
picture his fidgeting form as they watch a movie together, fully
clothed, and with nothing but conversation awaiting him.

You

ll get
used to it. Soon, you

ll love those silent
moments. You

ll appreciate them
above everything else.


Really?

I nod.

Are you
seeing her tonight?


Yeah, she
finishes
…”
He looks at his watch.

Any minute now.
We

re going to see some god-awful romantic comedy, which,
after reading the reviews, sounds utterly
terrible.

He shakes his head.

She
doesn

t even like movies like that. I think
it

s
a test

or her way of torturing me.

Planting my hand on his shoulder for once, I smile.

You

ll do
fine. And please don

t worry about me.
I

m happy for you - for the both of you.
You

re the best guy I know, Joe, and
Harriet

s a great girl. I always hoped
you

d figure it out together, and after these last few
months

well, the perfect time to, if you ask
me.


Cheers. I want you to know this
changes nothing. I

m here for you, no
matter what. You hear me?


I know. We

ll be
fine, don

t worry.

I line our empty glasses next to
each other.

Right now, it seems someone else awaits
you,

I continue, motioning behind him as Harriet
approaches.


Hi, Aus,

she says, standing next to
Joey

s shoulder.


Hey, Harriet. I hear you
finally gave this one a chance.

Smiling, she bites her lip and places both hands around the
back of his neck.

He

s on probation.


I

m on probation? Are
you kidding me? I

m not some inmate on
trial, you know.


How

s he
doing?

I
ask.

She shrugs, scrunching up her nose
as she does.


Oh, come on,
I

m
doing okay.


Yeah. He

s doing okay.

She plants a kiss on
his neck.

It feels like I

m teaching a toddler
how to sit still at times, but he

s doing okay.

Rolling his eyes, he places both his palms over her
hands.

Brother, I hate to do this to you, but I have to go watch
some terrible film.


It

s fine. Go. Have
fun.


I won

t,

he replies. Harriet
pinches his ear. He flinches and smiles.

Fine, I

ll try and have
fun. I

m getting pretty good at faking
it,

he continues, moving closer to me.


This is why
you

re on probation. Anyway, I

ll wait for you
outside, okay?


Sure. Sure. I

ll be out in a
minute. I just have to give him something first.


No rush,

she says, stepping
away from the table.

Have a good night, Aus. I

ll see
you on New Year

s Eve.


You too,
Harriet,

I say, watching as she walks away.

Joey places his tweed jacket on his knee and searches its
pockets.

There was something else, and I hate to do this to you,
but
…”
He places it on the table, another envelope, smaller than
the others, but with her usual handwriting on its
front.


I was going to throw it away
last night, but

it isn

t my place to. If
you want me to get rid of it, I will. I haven

t read it
or anything, so whatever you want me to do
—“


It

s okay, Joe. I

ll read
it,

I say, taking a deep breath.


You sure?

I
stare at it, unsure if I am. Unsure if I ever will be.

Yeah. In a
few days, it

s a new year, a new
start. Whatever

s in this letter
doesn

t change that. Besides, I think the two of us
could do with a little closure.

He
nods, biting his lip and closing his eyes.

You going to reply to
it?


I don

t
know.

He
nods again and stands up.

I
haven

t read it. I

ve thought about it,
and I don

t want to. Is that okay?


Of course it
is.


I

m here for you,
brother. Whatever you need, I

m here, but I
can

t read any more of them.

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