I Saw Your Profile (14 page)

Chapter
Fourteen

The
aroma of c
allaloo
wafted
from the kitchen and greeted
Nicole at the door when she arrived home from work. It was her favorite
Barbadian dish. Chauncey made it often when he first moved in. He was away so
much; it had been a while since he cooked for her. The scent from the coconut
milk made her mouth water.

She
walked to the kitchen. Chauncey was standing at the stove wearing a “Kiss the
Cook” apron and Jamal was setting the table. Nicole stood in the doorway
watching. It was Friday and they usually ordered pizza.

“Don’t
just stand there, daahling. Can’t you read?”

“Huh?”
Nicole muttered.

He
pointed to the apron. “Come over here and give me a kiss.”

She
smiled. “Oh!”

She gave
him a closed mouth kissed on the lips.

“Is that
the best you can do?”

“In front
of Jay? Yes it is.”

“All
right. You can do better tonight.”

Jay
laughed. “Go on, Ma. Slob him down if you want to. I don’t mind.”

She
pretended to be angry. “Boy, what do you know about slobbin somebody down?”

 
Jay put his head down. “Nuttin.”

“That’s
what I thought. Do
you
have a kiss
for your mother?”

“Aw. Do
I have to? I’m gettin too old for that.”

“Jamal,
you are nine, not nineteen.”

He
sighed. “Okay.”

Jamal
sheepishly planted a wet one on her cheek.

“Thank
you, baby. How was school?”

“It was
okay. My science project is due next Friday and you promised to help me with
it.”

“Sure,
sweetie.”

She
turned her attention back to Chauncey. “So, my other baby. What have I done to
deserve this? And on a Friday night, too?”

“Nothing
specific. Do I need a reason to cook for my lady?”

“No.
It’s just that you don’t do it as often as you used to.”

“I know.
I’ve been away a lot lately and I realized that we don’t spend nearly the
amount of quality time together as we used to and I wanted to make up for that.
How am I doing?”

“So far,
so good.”

“There’s
more.”

“Do
tell?”

“Candace
is coming over to pick up Jay after dinner and he is spending the night at her
place. You and I are going dancing.”

“Dancing?
We haven’t gone out in months. I’m not sure I even remember how. Where are we
going?”

“I
thought we’d go to Dream
in D.C. unless you have a better idea.”

“Nope.
Dream
it is.”

“Good.
Why don’t you go pick out something to wear while I finish dinner? You know how
long that usually takes you. This way you can get a head start.”

“That’s
a good idea, wise guy. Call me when dinner’s ready.”

“I
shall.”

The
stairs became clouds under Nicole’s feet as she floated to her bedroom. She
searched the closet for her black, tea-length designer dress that hugged her
figure just right.

She held
the dress against her body and looked in the mirror. It was the perfect outfit
for a perfect night. She started remembering all the things she loved about
Chauncey. His gentleness and sensitivity. How he would pamper her. The way he
made her laugh. How he treated her son.

She laid
the dress on the bed and started humming as she searched her jewelry box for
accessories. Gold hoop earrings and the gold bangle bracelet Chauncey gave her
for her birthday.

 
She was tired when she first walked
through the door. Now she felt like she could run a marathon. It was a rush she
hadn’t felt in a long time.

“A penny
for your thoughts.” Chauncey walked into the room and wrapped his arms around
her waist.

“I was
thinking about how good I feel right now.”

“That
makes two of us.”

He
rubbed his face against hers and looked in the mirror. “My, what a handsome
couple. Wouldn’t you agree?”

“One of
us is, anyway.”

“Why do
you always do that, Nicole?”

“Do
what?”

“Put
yourself down like that? You are a beautiful and sexy woman.”

“Sexy?
Chauncey, please.”

“You are
sexy to me and that’s all that should matter.”

Chauncey
turned Nicole around to face him.

He
kissed her forehead, then her nose. Her neck. Her lips.

“I’m
sorry I haven’t been very attentive lately. I’ve been wrapped up in work and in
myself. But daahling, I don’t ever want you to doubt the way I feel about you.”

“And how
is that Chauncey? How do you feel about me?”

“I love
you. You know that.”

“I love
you, too.”

“Have
you picked out something to wear?”

“Yes.
It’s over there on the bed.”

“Lovely.
Good choice. By the way, dinner is ready. Why don’t you wash up and I will meet
you at the table?”

“Be
right down.”

The
three of them held hands as Chauncey said grace.

“By the
way, I talked with Junior today,” Chauncey said, speaking of his son.

“You
did? How is he?”

“He’s
fine. He misses me of course, as I do him.”

Jay got
excited and stopped eating his soup. “Can’t he come here to see you? He could
stay in my room.”

“I wish
he could, son. But his mother won’t let him.”

“Why not?”
Jay whined.

“I don’t
know. She’s just funny like that.”

Nicole
jumped in.

“Well,
at some point we have to figure something out so either he can come here or you
can go there.”

Dream
,
a four-story club in a struggling section of Northeast D.C., was jumping. It
had been touted as the hottest club on the East Coast, though many New Yorkers
disagreed.

There
were four huge dance floors, bars everywhere, a poolroom and an outdoor deck.
Each level was packed with patrons reflecting the multicultural makeup of D.C.
Ethiopians, Asians, Hispanics, Europeans and African Americans gyrated to
R&B, old-school, trance, hip-hop and Latin beats.

Chauncey
and Nicole had just finished grinding to Avant’s “Making Good Love” when he
took her by the hand and led her back to the
VIP section
that Candace had hooked up for them with a friend who worked at the club.

“I
wanted to dance again,” Nicole protested.

“I have
something better in mind,” he said.

As
Nicole took her seat on the velvet couch, Chauncey got on his knees.

“Baby,
what are you doing?”

“Asking
you to marry me. Will you be my wife, Nicole?”

Her head
was spinning, as much from the three glasses of wine she’d drank as the
proposal. Her instincts were saying ‘no,’ but her heart was saying ‘yes.’

 
The loud music added to her confusion.

 
“Baby, sit next to me, please.”

 
Chauncey’s smile disappeared. It wasn’t
the response he’d expected. “I can hear just as well down here. It’s only one
word. Yes or No?”

“Please,
honey?”

He
joined her on the couch, pouting.

Nicole
leaned into him and spoke directly in his ear.

“I love
you, but where is this proposal coming from? Are you doing this so you can get
citizenship?”

“I’m
hurt you would even ask me that. It comes from my haart. We’ve been together
for two years and it’s time we move this relationship forward. I don’t deny I
would be happy to be legal in this country, but if that were the only reason, I
would have asked you long before now.”

Nicole
ignored the feeling in her gut and convinced herself that his logic made sense.
She thought about Jamal Sr. and his new girlfriend and her brown eyes turned
green. She was a mother. She wanted to be a wife, too.

 
She smiled. “Yes, I’ll marry you.”

 
“So, when would you like to become Mrs.
Chauncey Cockfield?”

“Would
you mind if I stayed Nicole Harris? I love you, honey, but I’m not sure I want
Cockfield as my last name.”

Chauncey
flashed a grin. “Well, I could pretend to be offended, but considering the
ribbing I have taken all my life, I can’t say that I blame you.”

“Wow,
that was easy. I thought for sure that Caribbean machismo would make you insist
that I take your name.”

“No,
daahling. However, if we have any children, they will have my name. That is
non-negotiable.”

“Do you
want more children? We’ve never really discussed that.”

 
“Actually, I’m not sure. But we can talk
about that and our wedding date later. Right now, let’s just enjoy our night.”

Nicole
grinned. “I like that. Our night.”

Chapter Fifteen

Nicole
was in the mood.

Her hands searched the space on
the other side of the bed, but Chauncey wasn’t there.

At two
in the morning, she wondered where he could be. She rose and checked the
bathroom.

Empty.

She
heard Jay stirring. She tiptoed across the hall to his room, holding her blue
silk nightshirt at the hem to cover her naked bottom. Her son was asleep on his
side. As she pulled a blue, basketball print comforter over his shoulders, she
heard the sound of computer keys.

She
headed downstairs to her office. Chauncey was sitting at the computer typing
away.

“What are you doing in here so late?” Nicole
yawned.

 
She
startled him. Chauncey cleared the image on the screen and jumped up, his body
blocking the computer.

“I’m sorry dear haart. Did I wake you?”

“No. I woke up wanting you and you weren’t there so
I came looking for you,” she said, sauntering toward him with seduction in her
eyes.

He put his arms around her waist and pulled her to
his chest.

“You want me? Those words are music to my ears.
Let’s go upstairs and see if I can satisfy that request.”

Nicole peered over his shoulders.

“First, tell me what you’re doing up this late? You
downloading porn over there?”

 
Chauncey gently pulled her away.
“Daahling, why on earth would I need to do that when I have you?”

He kissed her and caressed her breasts.

Nicole eased him away.

“Puhleeze. I’ve heard all about those married men
addicted to Internet sleaze and sex chat rooms.”

 
“I’m
not downloading porn, sweetie. I couldn’t sleep so I came down here to do some
work. In fact, I was searching for fares for a trip I have to take next
weekend.”

Nicole’s hands leaped to her hips and attitude
grabbed her tongue. “A trip where and for what?”

“To Atlanta. I have a pamper paarty.”

“Another one? You were just in Philadelphia last
month and California a few months before that. How is it that massage
therapists from Maryland get gigs hundreds, no thousands of miles away? And
please don’t give me that bull about you guys being so good. I know they have
massage therapists in California
and
Atlanta.”

Chauncey backed into the desk chair, folding his
arms across his chest in a huff.

 
“How
many times do I have to tell you that this business is word of mouth? Don’t you
have friends and family who live in other states?”

“Your point?”

“Well so do our clients. When they’re impressed
with our services, they tell other people. And those people don’t always live
in the same city or the same state.”

Nicole wasn’t swayed. “Okay. I get that. But how on
earth can you make money if you have to spend so much on traveling expenses?
Airfare to California isn’t cheap. Neither are hotels and you have to eat while
you’re there.”

“We don’t book parties unless we have at least
twenty-five people and we share a motel room. It’s not like we stay at the
Hilton.”

Once again, the issue of money struck a nerve with
Nicole, and that nerve was becoming raw.

“Then tell me something. If these pamper parties
are so profitable, how come I don’t see the fruits of all this labor? You said
when you got on your feet; you’d split the mortgage with me. I’m still waiting.
Between the parties and your regular personal training and massage sessions, it
shouldn’t be a problem, but it always seems to be.”

Chauncey became indignant and raised his voice.

“Sweethaart, I pay bills here and I have my own
bills. I’m sending my ex-wife five hundred dollars a month for Junior and
sending money back to Barbados. My ex wants more. You want more. My mum wants
more. I’m doing the best I can. ”

Nicole had met the family and she liked them. His
mother and brother came to the states the first year they were together for
Thanksgiving. His older sister, who lived in New York, drove down too.

They were nice enough, but she wondered why his
able-bodied mother couldn’t take care of herself. She refused to back down.

“We’re about to get married. Child support, I
understand. But your mother and your brother need to get better jobs or a new
sugar daddy. You need to take care of me, the person who takes care of you.”

“The fuckall you do!”

By now, Nicole was yelling.

“Don’t start with that British fuck all mess, Chauncey.
Every time we have this conversation, you get loud and feign all this righteous
indignation. The bottom line is
I
pay the mortgage.
I
pay the insurance on your
truck and
I
buy the food. The cell phone you use is in
my
name. Your email account is in
my
name. You pay a few bills around here, but it
doesn’t even come close to what I do.”

“I do the best I can. Perhaps you should start
keeping tally and give me a bill and I can start chipping away at it as I am
able.”

Nicole turned around and shut the door; afraid
their argument might wake Jay. She lowered her voice, but the sound of her
heart pounding echoed inside her chest.

“That’s the point, Chauncey. You should be able to
now
. I
didn’t mind helping you out when you first moved in because you needed time to
build your business, but I didn’t sign on to do it forever.”

She took a deep breath and kept going. “With all
these trips you’ve been taking and overnight parties you’ve been doing,
business seems to be booming. And now we’re getting married. Marriage is a
partnership, and I want a full partner. Not a silent one.”

Chauncey turned down the volume on his bogus anger,
walked up to Nicole and ran his fingers through her braids.

“Where is all of this coming from, sweetie? What
have I missed? You say you came down here because you wanted me and now we are
talking about money.”
               

She
pulled away. “You brought it up when you started talking about yet another last
minute business trip. I just don’t understand the need for all this traveling
or your constant lack of money, Chauncey. We need to settle this before we get
married.”

 
“Fine, dear. We will settle it before you
walk down the aisle, but not tonight. It’s late. Let’s just go to bed and talk
about this another time.”

“Fine.
I’m tired.”

“I don’t
suppose you are still in the mood?”

“What do
you think?”

Chauncey
was gone when Nicole awoke the next morning. She was glad. She wasn’t ready yet
to finish what she’d started the night before.

Chauncey
had a way of manipulating Nicole when they argued. He was logical, objective,
and cool. Never emotional. She would scream to the top of her lungs while he
stared at her like she was crazy.

That
day, she wanted to be more like him.

It was
Saturday. Jay was in his room watching cartoons. Nicole poured a glass of orange
juice and went to her desk. She wanted to review her monthly budget. When she
sat down with Chauncey, she would show him their living expenses to the penny.

If they
were going to get married, he would have to agree to split everything down the
middle.

Her
screensaver was scrolling across the monitor in three-D. Chauncey had forgotten
to turn off the computer before they went to bed.

She
shook the mouse to wake up the screen. The web site Chauncey had been searching
was minimized. She restored it to full size.

You have 12 new messages.

It was Chauncey’s LoveMeBlack.com email screen.

Nicole’s eyes widened and she nearly spilled her
juice. She thought he had given up his LoveMeBlack account when he moved in
with her.

She opened the first message. A bell rang in her
head, beginning a pounding in her chest.

Thanks for responding to my profile and thanks for the
compliment. I’m a social worker for the state of Virginia. I’m single. I have a
12-year-old daughter. I love to cook and watch movies. I have an extensive
collection of old movies and I love to listen to music. Tell me more about
yourself,

Lisa

Round one. He was still communicating with women
online. Upper cut to the gut.

 
Her
middle finger reluctantly doubled-clicked the second message.

Chauncey,

Thanks for the picture. You are very handsome. And yes I’d
love for us to meet. We’d have to find someplace in the middle since I’m in New
York and you’re in Maryland. But I’m game if you are. You seem like such an
intelligent brother; different from most guys I’ve met online. Looking forward
to hearing from you.

Paula

Round two. He was making dates. Right hook to the
temple.

She slumped in the chair, the fists inside her body
pounding harder. She wanted to stop. Throw the mouse across the room. Turn back
time.

Somethin’ about him ain’t right.

He’s too comfortable with other women.

There was no turning back.

She clicked open the next email.

Hi baby,

I miss you so much. But, I’ve been thinking and I have to
be honest with you, I don’t think this long distance relationship is going to
work. Too many lonely nights. I’m on the West Coast, you’re on the East Coast,
that’s just too much distance. I keep thinking about your last visit. Our
lovemaking was so passionate. I get hot just thinking about it. But I need more
than memories. I need the real thing and I need it more
than once every few months. Call me so we can talk about
it.

 
Love, Brenda

Round three brought a combination. Left jab.
Straight right. Left hook. Emotionally, she was out for the count.

“You bastard!” Nicole screamed, tears gushing down
her face.

Jay ran downstairs.

“Mommy, what’s the matter?” he asked, a look of
fear taking over his small face.

“I’m sorry baby. I didn’t mean to scare you.
Everything’s fine. Go back upstairs, okay.”

“Why were you yelling like that?”

“I just got some bad news that’s all. I was upset,
but it’s all right.”

Jay went back to his room and Nicole opened the
rest of the emails.

The jabs came so fast she felt like Mike Tyson in
the ring with Evander Holyfield. Not the 1997 bout when Mike went cannibalistic
and bit Holyfield’s ear. The 1996 fight when Holyfield
staggered
Tyson into the ropes and pounded him until the referee stopped his beat down in
the eleventh round.

Nicole needed her corner. She dialed Candace’s number.
Her soror would give her an I-Told-You-So lecture, but she would also be the
sister she needed.

After Candace arrived, Nicole calmed down and they
went through Chauncey’s personal email account. It wasn’t hard to figure out
his password – Jaguar– the tattoo on his arm.

“Girl, do you believe this? It’s ridiculous,”
Nicole said. “He’s got at least a hundred emails in here.”

“Ain’t this how
you
met his triflin ass?”
Candace asked.

“You know it is.”

“Well, he’s got it so good with you, he probably figured
he could have it this good everywhere.”

“What are you trying to say, Candy?”

“I’m not
trying
to say anything, Nikki.
C’mon. You made it easy for the guy. You moved him in, swallowed all that
poetic bullshit he laid on you, let him get away with a minimum cash layout,
and for months now, he’s been taking all these trips out of town with no money
to show for it. That nigga would’ve had to show me the damn money a long time
ago.”

Candace’s words pricked Nicole like a thorn. She
shook her head, acknowledging the role she played in her betrayal.
 

She exhaled. “I can’t argue with you. You’re right.
The signs were all around and I just refused to see them. You know what’s
funny? Last night we got into it over money and I came in here this morning to
print our expenses. I wanted to show him how much I pay around here.”