I Love You to Death (25 page)

And then he kisses me all over again and my whole body starts to sing.

∞

The first thing I feel when I wake up is fear.

It’s all come back to me now and I’m suddenly very afraid. As I start to feel the panic rising, surging through me, there are gentle fingers on my back, moving over my skin. I feel the soft warmth of Luke’s body under my cheek. Hear his steady heart beat under my ear.
He is okay, I am okay
. I lift my head from Luke’s chest and see he’s awake and holding a book, reading while I sleep on him.

He looks down at me. "Hey," he whispers softly, his hand gently running up my back and smoothing the hair back from my face.

I push my fears away. Force them somewhere else. Bury them with every other painful emotion I know is in there. I don’t want to feel them right now. There are other things I want.

I take the book from his hand, dropping it on the floor as I slide my body up his. I see his beautiful smile as I press my lips to his, and I feel his hands move under the covers as I push myself against him. I silently wish that he not let me go, and it’s like he hears me, because when he kisses me back, he pulls me tighter against him and doesn’t.

Whatever I was expecting when I started all of this last night, or when I woke up just now, this level of comfort and intimacy, is not it. Yet surprisingly, it’s exactly what I do feel. Everything about being here, about Luke and lying in his arms, kissing him, and all of the things that have happened between us, it all feels so completely amazing and perfect. It all just feels
so very right
. And I don’t want any of it to stop.

I place soft kisses along Luke’s jawline and feel his smile, rather than see it. "Hey," I finally whisper back to him.

He turns his head on the pillow so he’s facing me, softly kisses my lips before whispering, "Hey beautiful."

Shivers run down my spine as I lift my eyes to meet his beautiful blue ones. "What are your plans for the day?" I ask, my hand brushing lightly over his soft hair, hoping he doesn’t have any.

He smiles at me then and whispers, "Hopefully spending it all with you."

My heart flips at his answer. It’s exactly what I wanted him to say. It brings a smile to my face now, and the words are out of my mouth before I can stop them. "I don’t want to go home."

He smiles again, kissing my neck as he whispers, "Just stay."

I breathe out a "Yes," before I’m consumed by his kisses again.

I can’t believe I’ve gone without this for so long. I can’t believe I ever thought I could go without this. I feel so hungry for him, as though I’ve been starving for months and months, and now I’m finally being allowed to eat. I have no idea what time it is. Don’t know if Jared is here or what he will say when he sees us. I’m pretty sure deep down, I don’t actually care, because for the first time in a really long time, I feel truly, unbelievably happy right now.

"I think I might need a shower," I eventually say to Luke.

He smiles at me as he says, "Yeah me too."

And I just can’t help myself as I say, "Do you wanna join me?"

He wraps his arms tighter around me and pulls me on top of him. Pressing hungry kisses all over my face, he almost growls his response. "Hell yes."

Despite what we’ve just spent all night and all morning doing, the shower doesn’t stop us from doing it all over again. The warm soapy water on his skin is almost too much, and I just can’t stop touching him, can’t stop my body’s response to him. It feels completely foreign and new, this reaction I’m having to Luke, but I don’t care, because I only want more of it. And of course, the shower is definitely offering me a perfect view of what’s now all mine to enjoy for the rest of the day. He is, without a doubt, gorgeous. I can really see that now. He has a long, lean body that’s toned from countless nights of throwing himself around stage with a guitar. His tattoos are a sharp contrast in black on his pale skin and I can’t stop running my fingers over them. His dark blue eyes watch me the whole time and his lips and fingers are constantly touching me. It’s incredibly intimate and an unbelievable turn-on being with him like this.

When we finally get out and are towelling dry, Luke asks, "Coffee?"

I smile at him again, as I answer, "Yes," and laugh when he wraps an arm around my naked body and pulls me in for another kiss.

It feels like he can’t get enough of me either and I like it, I really like it.

I towel dry my hair, watching Luke in the mirror as he pulls on a pair of sweats and heads shirtless out to the kitchen. Focusing on my own reflection, I’m stunned when I barely recognise the face looking back at me.

I look so different today.

I can see there’s a smile tugging at my mouth and I wonder if it’s been there since I woke up this morning or maybe if it’s been there all night. It’s been so long since I’ve seen myself smiling. So long since I’ve had anything to smile about, and it’s a shock to see it. Leaning in closer, I run my fingertips over my lips, which are red and slightly swollen. This makes me smile even more, as I remember the thousands of kisses Luke has pressed to them since last night. Up close like this, I see something else too, something that scares me a little. Light in my eyes. I wonder when that happened, because for as long as I can remember, nothing but dull brown eyes have looked back at me. Dull eyes, that just looked permanently sad. But now they are alive and flecked with gold, as they shine back at me from the mirror. Seeing this new me sends a shiver through my body, a shiver at what it could all possibly mean.

Turning, I walk back out and into Luke’s room. I pick up my clothes, but right now, I don’t want to put them back on. Walking over to some drawers, I wonder if Luke would mind if I wore something of his. I pull out a pair of his boxer briefs and a black t-shirt. Pulling on his clothes, I peek out the door and see Luke standing in the kitchen, hands on the counter as he gazes out the window, his back to me. I can’t see any sign of Jared and I also can’t resist the bare skin that feels like it’s pulling me towards him. I walk silently out into the kitchen and slide my arms around his waist as I rest my cheek against his back, between his shoulder blades. I hear his soft groan and I can’t help kissing his smooth, warm skin.

"I borrowed something to wear, I hope you don’t mind?" I murmur into his back.

Luke turns in my arms and when I look up, I find him smiling as he slides his hands around my waist and under the t-shirt I’m wearing. Sparks of fire flash through me at the look he gives me, at his fingers dancing over my skin.

"Definitely not, this is a very good look on you," he says in a low voice.

"It is?" I ask, quickly glancing down at myself.

Luke smiles again before he leans down to whisper, "Are you kidding me? You, in my clothes, after a fantastic night and morning like the one we just had? Yeah, it doesn’t get any better than that Ash."

I feel my stomach drop to the floor, my teeth uncontrollably grazing his collar bone in response to his words. God I feel so turned on again, how does he keep doing this to me? I pull back to look at him. "It was pretty fantastic, wasn’t it?" I say quietly.

He gently presses his forehead to mine as he whispers, "Amazingly fantastic," before he kisses me in a way that says
and it’s not over yet.

My rumbling stomach is what eventually pulls us apart, echoing into the kitchen and reminding me, not only did I not eat last night, but I’m starving for more than just Luke right now. He laughs at the noise, pulling back and asking, "Breakfast?"

I glance at the clock on the microwave; ten, before turning back to Luke. "Mmm yeah, some toast would be great, thank you."

He kisses me again, before turning us back towards the counter. With an arm still draped around me, he grabs the loaf of bread from the counter and throws some into the toaster. He then pulls out the coffee which has just finished brewing and pours two cups, pausing only to ask me, "Black?"

I smile at him as I feel a blush creep onto my cheeks. "Yes, black for me thanks."

We both spoon sugars into our coffee and Luke butters us a pile of toast. It all feels incredibly natural and normal and I love the easy movements, the constant feel of his arm around me. Eventually we head back to his room, loaded with food and caffeine.

"Can I put some music on?" I ask, as he puts everything beside his bed and sits down.

"Of course, anything you like Ash."

I find something on the phone he’s docked in a speaker, before turning and stopping in my tracks at the sight of Luke sprawled on his unmade bed in nothing but a pair of sweats. He is so beautiful. And I’m not at all embarrassed when he catches me checking him out. Instead I just walk over to the bed, crawl between his legs and lean back against his bare chest as he sits against the bed head. Luke wraps an arm around me again, lacing our fingers together, presses a soft kiss to my neck and hands me a cup of coffee.

We sit in silence for a while, until eventually Luke asks, "Were you ok when you first woke up this morning?"

I guess he did notice, but I answer, "Yeah, just took me a second to work out where I was." Smiling, I look up at him, my head resting on his shoulder. "I can’t believe you let me sleep on you, how long had you been awake for?"

I watch as he places a kiss, lightly on my nose. "About an hour I guess, but honestly, I could’ve lain there all day Ash," he whispers.

"An hour," I ask, shocked it was that long. "Shit, I hope I didn’t snore or anything."

Luke laughs softly. "No, no snoring," he says. "You were very cute though."

"Why, what did I do?"

He smiles at me, tucking my hair behind my ear. "Oh you know, all these sexy little sighs, your arm tightening around me. It was all very adorable," he continues, laughing at my now obvious embarrassment. "Like I said, I could’ve lain there all day with you like that."

I cover my face with my hand to hide my blushing. I’m embarrassed, but it’s more than that. It’s my response to sleeping with him. It’s the complete lack of nightmares and the total contentment as I lay there in his arms, sleeping on his chest. It’s all the things we did last night and again this morning. It’s the things I saw in the mirror earlier and his words to me right now. It’s all of that, and so much more.

Luke gently pulls my arm down so I have to look at him, taking the coffee from my other hand at the same time. "Please don’t be embarrassed Asha," he whispers, sliding his hand into my hair and pulling me closer. "You are incredibly beautiful and very, very sexy." His words are a low rumble in my ear and the kisses that follow, trailing along my cheek to my lips, take my embarrassment away. They take my breath away, so all that’s left is me melting in his arms, me in heaven and me never wanting him to stop.

Sometime later, both of us are breathing harder and I can no longer remember what I was embarrassed about. Turning, Luke presses his lips to my neck, kissing and gently nibbling my skin. I feel his arms tighten around me as he whispers, "Mmm, definitely beautiful and sexy."

My eyes squeeze shut as I try desperately to stop the smile that now wants to break out all over my face. As Luke lifts his head and looks down at me, I open them and give in, unable to stop it. He smiles back before leaning down to softly kiss my lips.

"Do you believe me now?" he whispers.

My smile gets bigger as he keeps up his kisses, covering me in them as he rolls us over so I now lie on top of him. I lift my head and his hands gently smooth the hair back from my face, cradling my cheeks as he stares up at me. His blue eyes are intense as they watch me and I can’t tear my gaze away from him.

Swallowing, I say quietly, "Well, I think it’s
you
who makes me this way Luke."

I watch the sexy smile that curls at his lips and at the same time, feel my heart do a slow, lazy flip inside my chest. As he lifts his mouth to mine, I can feel every hard ridge of his stomach and chest as they rise up to meet me and my heart starts flipping a little bit faster in response.

"Good," is all he says, before softly kissing me again.

Neither of us has to go to work, so we don’t leave his bed for the rest of the day.

By the time Jared comes home, Luke and I are curled up together on the couch watching TV. I’m lying half on him and still wearing his clothes, while Luke’s arms are wrapped around me, one of his hands hidden under my t-shirt, resting against my bare skin. I look up when the front door opens, but Luke doesn’t move, just gently tightens his arms around me as he calls out. "Hey man, how are you?"

"Hey," Jared says as he walks into the living room, glancing at me, "Hey Ash."

"Hi," I answer back, smiling warily at him. I’m not sure what I’m expecting from Jared either, but as I lie here watching Luke and Jared discuss last night, Jared telling Luke his guitars are at Ben’s, at how drunk the two of them had gotten, I’m surprised at how normal it all feels. I don’t know if I expected Jared to say something or make some comment about us suddenly leaving last night or about me still being here, but I did not expect him to say nothing at all. To act as if me lying here on the couch, in their house, wearing Luke’s clothes and wrapped all around Luke, is just completely normal.

"Anyway, I’m going to bed, massive hang over still, Ben is a fucking demon when he brings the whisky out. See you both in the morning."

I can only say, "Yeah," as Jared wanders off. When his bedroom door shuts, I turn to Luke and ask, "He doesn’t care if I stay here, he won’t mind?"

Luke just smiles at me. "No of course not."

I lean my arms on his chest, raising myself up so I can look him in the eye. "You’re sure?" I ask.

Luke leans over and grabs his phone, hitting some buttons before he shows it to me. As I glance at the screen, I see a text from Jared.

Stayin at Ben’s – have fun!

C u 2morow nite

And then a response from Luke, sent sometime this morning.

Thanks J

Ash is gonna stay some more, that ok?