I Know What Love Is (6 page)

After I finished, he urinated as well, scratching his abs lazily as I kept my eyes to the floor. After flushing, he walked me back to the bed. I fought him as he tried to loop the belt around my neck again, but, after he tweaked my nipple hard enough to burn, I lay still, chastised. When I was bound again, he crawled onto the bed beside me, settled his head on my chest, and went back to sleep.

The sun streamed through the faded floral fabric of the curtains, and I got a look around the bedroom. It was simply furnished, containing a dresser, a bed, two bedside tables, and one of those full length, hinged dressing mirrors that I'd always wanted as a kid, ever since I saw
The Little Mermaid
. My favorite scene was when the sea witch Ursula was disguised to ensnare the stupid prince. She changed form in front of the dressing mirror, revealing her true evil self. She was so deliciously devilish and smart. I never told anybody, but I wanted to be just like her when I grew up.

Silly, huh?

My eyes kept moving around the room and I wondered whose house we were in. It didn't seem like the evil man asleep on my chest really lived here. His clothes were tossed around, but other than that, it reminded more of my grandma's house than a place where a man lived. The furniture in the bedroom was all very old. Midcentury, I'd guess. And kind of... girly. All the pieces were painted white,with gold accents. Like a woman had picked out the matching set at Sears for her wedding registry in 1960 and kept them for the next fifty years.

I strained my neck, looking around for any clues as to where the house was located. A piece of junk mail with an address, or a paycheck stub, or a magazine
—anything. But I came up empty. I sighed jaggedly, resting my head back against the pillow. I stared up at the ceiling, telling myself I would be able to look around later when he unbound me. Maybe I would be able to find a cellphone and hide it until I could use it.

I hadn't totally given up hope.

If things had been normal, I would have woken up in my apartment around noon, dined on cereal in front of the TV, then headed out to the farmer's market. I let myself get lost in the fantasy for a minute, thinking about riding my bike down to the park in the bright sunshine. I could almost feel the breeze on my face.

Then I thought about what would happen to my cute little apartment. My mother would probably trash all the brand new furniture I'd just paid off because the style wasn't to her taste. My clothes would be boxed up and given away. I wondered who would water my plants, now that I was gone? My mother had a black thumb, and they'd be dead in no time. The thought of their leaves, withering and brown, made me unbearably sad for some reason. Eventually I drifted off to sleep again, preferring the comforting nothingness of sleep to the nightmare of my reality.

This is when things irrevocably changed. I let the line blur. It was totally my fault.

He roused me from sleep with his head between my legs. I didn't have to open my eyes to know what he was doing. I felt his rough wet tongue sliding into me, his big hands on my thighs. I didn't move as he worked me over, licking me like he wanted to get me off. I jerked against him as he sucked my clit, tossing my head to the side. I kept my eyes closed, not wanting him to know I was awake. If he thought I was asleep, maybe he would get bored and leave me alone.

It felt good. Despite the fact that he was a monster and my body had no business responding to him, it felt
good.
After a night of pain at the worst of times and discomfort at the best of times, it felt damn near heavenly. He dragged his wet lips up the skin of my inner thighs and I stiffened, expecting him to bite me. But he didn't. He sucked on my soft flesh, then returned to my pussy, dipping his tongue into me. He was breathing hard, his big hands spreading my thighs wide, his fingers digging into my skin as he devoured me.

As long as I kept my eyes closed, I could pretend it wasn't affecting me.

He flicked his tongue against my clit, and I grit my teeth to keep from moaning aloud. My perception zeroed in on his thumb, massaging the flesh right beneath my ass. Every time he moved the calloused digit, a shiver passed over my exposed skin. He probably didn't realize he was even doing it, but he was undoing me. There was no way he could know. The flesh on the back of my thighs had always been extremely sensitive. His jagged breaths tickled the skin and goosebumps broke out all over my body. It seemed unbelievable that an erogenous zone still existed on my body, after my ordeal. I wished I could shut off all sexual feelings, and not respond to him at all. He didn't deserve my pleasure, but my body wasn't cooperating.

Maybe another woman would have been stronger than I was.

He was still licking me, soft, then hard, then soft again with his rough tongue. I could feel myself dripping down to the sheet below me. I didn't know how much more I could take. I fisted the sheet beneath my ass, the binding around my wrists driving me crazy. I wanted to pull free and shove his face away from me. I wanted to run from the room. His mouth felt good, but the pleasure was a new kind of torture.

When he dragged his mouth away from my pussy and scored his teeth across the back of my thigh, my back arched and I hissed out a jagged moan, a sound between pleasure and frustration. I clawed at the sheet beneath my bound hands, needing something to ground me to reality. I almost came, and my pussy clenched, craving more attention. I immediately regretted losing control.

A wave of pure, blood-red hatred hit me. I hated this evil motherfucker. Not only had he taken everything he wanted from my body, suddenly, he was fucking with my mind too. I dug my heels into the mattress, resolving to steel myself against him. His eyes were on my face now, and they looked wilder than I'd ever seen them. I was used to them being flat and unemotional. Now, his  green eyes practically danced. He looked... excited.

Shit.

I turned my head, forcing my eyes to the opposite wall. I felt him crawling up my body, dragging his wet hot tongue over the ridge of my hip. I jumped as he sunk his teeth into the soft skin of my lower belly, but he didn't grip hard enough to break the skin. I blinked in relief, my eyes still on the ugly fabric of the curtains. I studied them, memorized the curve of the yellow flower petals on the pattern, wanting to busy my mind. Anything to stop my body from reacting to the feel of his tongue, which traced slow circles across my exposed, unprotected skin.

My hands were clenched so tight my fingernails were digging into my palms. My breathing was shallow, and a cold sweat broke out across my chest. He dropped a hand to my thigh, and I sensed his calculated gaze on me. He ran his hand all over my thigh, watching my reaction. I kept my face blank, praying that he wouldn't find the spot. But I wouldn't be so lucky. He pinched the sensitive area below my ass and I gasped.

He chuckled and I cringed at his victory.

He lifted my leg and my knee brushed my chest. Then his hand returned to the spot, pinching and teasing as his mouth continued to roam up my front. My brain was on the verge of shutting down. My eyes drifted closed, desire slowly drowning me, but when I realized what was happening, I snapped them open. I wished he would slap me or punch me. He closed his mouth over my breast and I felt the air freeze in my lungs. I waited for the pain. I prayed for it.

Pain would destroy the lust. If he shed my blood, my body would remember what a monster he was. Pain was black and white. What he was doing to me existed in a gray area, and I hated the way he was making me feel. However, his mouth continued its seduction. His hand was drifting away from my thigh to my pussy. I was helpless to stop him as he began strumming my clit as his tongue flicked against my nipple. A rough moan forced its way out from between my lips. Again, I was on the edge of an orgasm that could destroy me. Just as I felt like I couldn't take any more, he reached behind me and unbuckled the belt that held my hands.

My mind came back to life. As soon as my arms were free, I began to struggle. I pressed the heels of my palms against his shoulders and shoved him hard. His mouth released my breast, the skin puckered and swollen from his attention. Like a rabbit, I tried to dart away. I pushed off the mattress with my heel and slid upward toward the headboard. He grabbed me though, pulling me back beneath him. His body was as immovable as always, and he caged me in with his hands on either side of my face. His face hovered above me, his lips inches from mine.

“I'm gonna make you come,” he said simply. I shook my head no, hoping to earn a smack for my rebelliousness. He raised an eyebrow, but no smack came. He ran his thumbs over my lips and my eyes dropped to his mouth, waiting. Waiting for whatever horrible thing he was going to do. I could feel his erection like a hot iron against my stomach. “Daisy,” he said, so low that I wondered if his voice was in my mind, somehow.

I closed my eyes as he dipped his thumb and his tongue into my mouth. The kiss was messy, his thumb hooked in the side of my mouth, holding it open. A drop of saliva escaped, rolling down my chin, as he sucked on my tongue. I squirming beneath him, my hips bucking ever so slightly under his weight. His big cock was heavy against my thigh. A traitorous feeling was welling up in me, like I was empty and needed filling. My hands dug into the skin stretched over his ribs, on either side. I could feel his heartbeat, pounding.

I glanced over to the full-length mirror, and I saw our reflection. I saw his big erection against my thigh. I saw the muscles under his skin moving as he positioned himself above me. We looked like any lovers would, except that were weren't. He followed my eyes to the mirror and let out a low breath.

“
Watch me,” he growled. He dropped his other hand between us, adjusting himself to enter me. I'd almost forgotten the damage he'd done to me the night before. Almost. As he pushed into me, my eyes flew open, a whimper escaping from my throat. I watched the head of his cock disappear inside of me and I couldn't stop myself.

“
Oh God,” I whispered, like there was a such a thing as a god up in heaven watching out for me. My whole body went rigid.

“
Shh,” he murmured as his thumb, wet from my mouth, traced my lower lip.

He was being so gentle. Bizarrely gentle. He pushed deeper, and my body gave no resistance. No pain came. It was disconcerting to say the least. I watched my body swallow his big cock, every inch. I sucked in air as I suppressed a moan at the sight. He took my chin in his fingers, forcing my eyes back on him.

“We look good together, baby,” he said. “Don't we?” He dipped his head to kiss me again and I didn't move away. I let him.

I let him have sex with me.

I didn't fight anymore. In fact, I moved with him. I rocked my hips, letting his cock slide deeper inside. He kept up a slow, languid rhythm that didn't bring me any pain. It was a lazy fuck, perfect for a sunny Saturday afternoon. The kind of fuck I might have hoped for if I'd actually found someone to take home the night before, instead of being raped and abducted.

Too bad it was completely and undeniably perverted.

The friction between us began to build, and it felt so wrong, but so good. I dropped my hands to his ass, feeling the hard muscles there flexing as he rolled his hips. He tugged at my lower lip with his mouth, stretching my flesh. Something about the small movement, tinged with the reality of his power over me, sent a surge of lust through me. He grunted as I jerked my hips against his, his eyes on mine.

“
Let me feel you, baby,” he whispered, then kissed me again with his cruel mouth and his evil tongue. He had me, completely and totally. I was his captive, his sex doll, his slave. But as he slowly fucked me on that Saturday afternoon, his tongue caressing mine, it felt like he was making love to me. I'm not an idiot—I know what love is and that ain't it.

It just
felt
like it.

He quickened his pace. Our moans intermingled in my ears. My skin stretched tight over my bones. My toes curled. I tried to resist, I really did. I fought until I couldn't fight anymore. The tension was ready to destroy me. And it did.

I came with a ragged cry, my body squeezing around his cock like a fist.

*****

Joan doesn't believe me, but that's the moment I fell in love with her. Years later, I can still remember her face so crystal clear in my mind. She was looking right at me, her bedroom eyes heavy, my tan leather belt still looped around her neck. She was stiff beneath me at first, but then her luscious body softened. She held me. She kissed me as we fucked each other. She let me give her an orgasm, her pussy clenching around my cock like a vice.

I didn't expect how much she would affect me.

I like sex, the rougher the better. That's no secret. I've always craved the dirty shit, the depraved shit, the shit polite society frowns upon. But I'm still a human being, deep down.  I can get attached to other people. I had friends and a little bit of family, people who cared about me. Well, I used to have people, anyway. She's all I have now.

I may be a man who likes sex, but I
love
fucking her. I love licking her pussy. I love biting and sucking her tits. I love the way she looks at me with her big brown eyes. I love the way she smells. The way she tastes. The way she breathes.

I love all of the mysteries of her body and her mind.

That Saturday afternoon, the first time we made love, she shuddered beneath me as she came, her thighs tight around my hips. My cock was begging for release, but I didn't want to rush it. Her lips were swollen and pink, and I kissed her again, the messy way our tongues tangled together driving me wild. I liked how we were messy together. The sex wasn't clean. It wasn't perfect. It was raw and real.