I Know What Love Is (10 page)

As I shuddered and quaked, she went limp, dropping her chin to her chest. Finally, wanting to see her eyes, I slowly disentangled myself from her. I moaned as she released me, missing her tight warmth immediately. Her breathing was heavy and deep, matching my own. She didn't look at me, but I could hear what she was thinking. The sex was better than good- it was life changing. Life altering. As my come dripped down her thighs, she knew that she wasn't going anywhere. She knew that she was mine. She had no choice. There was no alternative.

I stepped around to face her, but she wouldn't look at me. She shivered as I lifted my hand to smooth her sweaty hair out of her face. She was still scared, but not of me. Scared of our connection. Scared of how close we were. I ran my hands up her ribs, feeling her lungs expand under my touch. I could feel her heart pounding as well, like it was in my own chest. I dipped my head to kiss her, forcing my mouth over hers. She tried to pull away, but I wouldn't let her.  No, she didn't get to refuse me anymore. I sucked her bottom lip, like I knew she liked, and she shuddered again, goosebumps breaking out on her soft skin.

Lifting my hands, I untied her binds quickly. She sagged into me, her legs buckling and her arms draping around my shoulders. I lowered her slowly to the cold concrete ground, holding her to me. I wrapped my body around hers, needing her closer. As close as possible. I gathered her against me on the floor, pulling her thighs around me and she didn't fight me. Her head rolled back and her eyes were glazed and dark, staring at me blankly. I stroked her cheek, wanting her to know that I knew.

I knew exactly what she was feeling, because I felt it too.

“I love you,” I whispered, right into her ear.

Chapter Eight

P
ain.

Pain was my reality. Pain from head to foot. My body ached all over.

“I have to punish you,” Elliot said that morning as he strung me up by my wrists again. “Otherwise how will you learn?” I winced as he pulled the rope tight, but he didn't loosen it. “You're smart, you'll learn.”  Looking in my eyes, he dropped to his knees and licked my clit before he left for work, giving me a shivering orgasm to remember him by. Then, with an evil smile, he got in his truck and backed out of the garage, closing the door behind him. He left me all alone.

A human
piñata
.

The heat of the day seeped into the dark garage and sweat dripped down the curve of my spine. I shifted my toes, trying to relieve the pressure on my wrists, but my ankles ached just as much. The toes in my right foot were numb. He promised he would be back at lunchtime, but I had no track of time. I didn't know how many hours had passed or how many more I would have to suffer.

I wondered if he was thinking of me hanging helplessly while he toiled away at work. Vulnerable, like a lamb to the slaughter. The thought of me waiting for him probably had him hard all day, itching to come home and fuck me like I deserved. My eyes rolled in my head, unconsciousness beckoning. It was hard to breathe. The air thickened with each passing moment. With my arms raised, it was difficult to force air into my lungs. I remembered a random fact from my Catholic school days. When Jesus was nailed to the cross, it wasn't the blood loss that killed him.

He suffocated.

A laugh escaped my lips and echoed in the empty space around me. He'd let me live, but I was dying anyway. Maybe I would be dead when he got home and he would drop to his knees in shock that his favorite toy was gone. My smile faded when I realized that I didn't want to die, even to spite him.

Despite everything, I still wanted to live. People had surely noticed something was wrong. Someone would be looking for me soon. My co-workers, my friends, my parents. My mother called me a dozen times a day, so she surely knew something was amiss.

Dropping my head back, I stared up at the knots that bound my wrists. He had to have been in the boy scouts, I decided. Either that or the navy. His knots were complicated and difficult to figure out. My fingers barely brushed the rough rope, so even attempting to untie them was a pipe dream.

I couldn't scream, even if I wanted to. He duct taped my mouth, as a precaution. The bastard was a fast learner. He was going to keep me under lock and key. It would be a long time before I would be able to gain his trust again, if I ever did. I wondered what he had planned for me. He was probably thinking up new ways to keep me imprisoned that very second.

He seemed like the industrious type.

I closed my eyes as a wave of dizziness, nausea, and pain swept over me. My stomach was empty, so I couldn't throw up, thankfully. I didn't want to drown in my own vomit, that was for sure. My knees buckled and I gritted my teeth as the rope pulled hard on my joints. The rope creaked loud against the beam as it pulled taut with my weight. I felt like I was being drawn and quartered, pulled apart like that guy from Braveheart. The pain was white hot, and my vision blacked out. The rope creaked again and I felt myself falling. At first, I assumed I was falling into a faint... but then my knees hit the concrete floor, hard.

I screamed, the sound muffled by the tape, and for a long time, all I could do was lay on the damp concrete, blinking in disbelief. Blood rushed into my numb digits, the pins and needles waking me up out of my pain-haze. I sat up, my brain spinning as I realized what had happened.

The old rope had weakened and snapped under my weight.

I was free.

Hysteria welled up in me, light and giddy. I pulled my hands onto my lap and stared down at the knots. I knew I could figure them out, just like I had the leash. But I needed time.

Time was one thing I didn't have a lot of.

I shot my eyes to the crease of light under the door. I couldn't tell the position of the sun from the small amount of light. I knew he was coming back, I just didn't know when. With a struggle, I stood. Moaning as my hips and knees and shoulders protested, I walked slowly to the wood stairs that lead to the kitchen door. I tried the knob and it was locked.

Evil bastard.

Glancing around the garage, I noticed the toolbox in the corner. There had to be something in there that would cut through the rope. I ripped the duct tape off my mouth and took a deep breath. Hope was back, alive and kicking.

I had another chance and, this time, I wasn't going to blow it.

*****

I was a fucking idiot. I know that now. I never should have left her alone. If I had stayed home that day, everything would have been different. Everything would have worked out the way I wanted.

I should have known.

I never fucking get what I want.

I was driving home for lunch and I drove past the hardware store. An interesting thought appeared in my brain and I made a U-turn and went back. I bought yards and yards of shiny new rope. The length of rope I had her tied with wouldn't hold for much longer and I knew that. It was old, from my grandpa's ranch hand days, but it was all I had.

Besides, I loved how the rough twine looked wrapped around her soft skin.

I couldn't stop from smiling as I walked through the aisles, ideas pinging around in my head. Maybe the garage could be our little playground. I thought of the gifts I could give her, all of the things I could build. Her punishment could last as long as I wanted it to.

Again, I was so focused on my own sense of power, my own feeling of complete domination, that I didn't think to worry about her. She'd already run once, but I caught her and punished her. She wouldn't try that ever again, I was convinced. I was her king, she was my queen. She would be at my side, where she belonged, as long as
I
wanted her there.

Fucking idiot
.

As I turned the corner onto my street, I saw right away that she was gone.

The garage door was gaping open like a laughing mouth, taunting me. The black anger swelled in me again. Swerving, I drove around the cul-de-sac and back out to the street. She couldn't have gotten far, I told myself. I would find her, just like the night before. I would hunt her down and drag her back. When I laid eyes on her, I didn't know what I was going to do.

The only thing I knew
—it wasn't going to be pretty.

*****

The city bus let me off at the corner by The Blue Mermaid. The driver eyed me, pity and suspicion in his gaze. He knew something bad had happened to me, but he wanted to believe me that nothing was wrong. If he believed me, that meant he could look the other way. It meant that I pulled the sleeves of Elliot's shirt down over the bruises on my wrists. I popped the collar and arranged my hair on my shoulders to hide the marks on my neck. In Elliot's garage, I found an old pair of jeans. They were too big on me, but they were clean. They would get me home without too many stares.

I knew I looked terrible, but I didn't want to arouse suspicion.

I just wanted to get home.

The bus roared off, and I wrapped my arms around my midsection. I was nauseous at the prospect of returning to The Mermaid, but I didn't have a choice. I crossed the empty parking lot, knowing that they were just opening up. I hoped that Chelsea was behind the bar, because she knew me and she would believe my lie. Even if she didn't, I would be gone before she could ask too many questions.

I opened the door and squinted immediately at the changing light. The sun was bright outside, but the bar was dark as a cave. Thankfully, I would look even less shitty in the dark light. Smoothing my hair, I jammed my hands in the pockets of the jeans, trying to look as nonchalant as possible.

Chelsea was behind the bar, luckily for me.

“I'll be right with you, hon.” She shot me a look, then did a double-take, recognition lighting behind her eyes. “Jo?”

“
Hey,” I said, my voice hoarse. I cleared my throat, ignoring the pain that flared down my windpipe.

“
Jesus! What happened to you?” the pixie-like blond stepped around the bar and rushed over to me.

“
I had a bike accident on Saturday,” I said, the rehearsed story flowing out my lips with ease. “A truck ran me right off the road.”

“
You want a drink? You look like you could use it,” she said, her eyes wide.

“
I think I left my purse behind the bar on Friday,” I said, taking a shaky breath as I darted a glance to the dark hallway in the back. I could see Elliot's hulking form, waiting for me in the shadows. I knew he wasn't there, but it was all I could do not to scream.

“
Oh! Yeah I saw a bag back there. If I had known it was yours, I would have brought it to your place.” Chelsea looked at me, concern a scowl on her face. I didn't know if she believed me or not. The only thing I cared about was getting the hell out of there.

“
I wasn't home. I was at a friend's house,” I said with difficulty, my body shaking without my permission. “But thanks.”

“
No worries,” she said, leaning over the bar and digging around. Finally, after what seemed like hours, she lifted my bag with a triumphant smile. “This is it, right?”

“
Yup, that's it,” I said, reaching out for the canary yellow designer purse. It had been an expensive present from my mother for my birthday. I clasped the leather bag to my chest, like an anchor. At that moment, it was the only thing keeping me standing.

“
So this friend is of the male persuasion, I take it?” Chelsea asked, a glint of mischief in her eye. I forced myself to smile and nod. “Next time I see you, I want details.” She pointed a neon-painted nail at me and I nodded again, knowing I'd probably never see her again.

“
Alright, thanks Chels,” I said robotically, turning to leave and trying not to look down the hallway again.

“
See ya, Jo,” Chelsea called out, and I could feel her eyes on me as I made my hasty exit. I hoped she wouldn't call the police, but even if she did, I knew I would be long gone before they showed up.

At that moment, I didn't give a shit about justice. I didn't give a shit about nailing Elliot's dick to the wall. I just wanted to run, far away where he couldn't find me. He was probably out looking for me right now. If he found me this time, I knew he would kill me. Well, first he would play with me
—make me bleed and make me scream.

No way in hell was I going to let that happen.

I was going to get the hell out of Austin and never look back.

*****

I drove blindly, every minute that I couldn't find her ticking by loudly in my brain. The longer it took, the less likely I was to find her. I knew it, and yet, I was in denial. Panic had replaced my rage. Confronted with returning home to an empty house, I had never felt so much fear.

If you'd asked me before if I would ever be so mixed up over a girl, I would have laughed in your face. Little did I know the shit I was about to go through.

I found myself in the parking lot of The Blue Mermaid, drawn back to the place where we'd first met. I could almost smell her when I walked in the door, and I closed my eyes and breathed deep. When I opened them, I half expected her to be there, standing at the bar with her short skirt and her cute little boots on. But she wasn't there.