I Found You (27 page)

I could lose myself in her, I could. It felt so right when it was just the two of us.

As our kiss heated, I forgot the cold, I forgot everything but Rach, my brain focused only on where and how we might…

I heard a car’s tires on the gravel track.

Dammit!

I broke the kiss and looked through the trees to see a police car pull up by the truck.

Fuck.

“Don’t say anything,” I whispered to Rach’s ear as I saw the cop climb out of his car. “It’s Lindy’s Dad.”

Rachel’s eyes widened and her mouth opened, then she whispered, “You never said––” Well it hadn’t seemed important.

“Jason Macinlay!” Mr. Martin yelled into the air, looking nowhere in particular. I could see him, he couldn’t see us. “You do realize you’re trespassing?”

I stepped out from the trees, holding Rach’s hand, but kept her behind me. “Mr. Martin.”

He looked at me, hard in the eyes, assessing and judgmental. I walked toward him. According to his expression I was damned.

“You shouldn’t be out here, you know that.”

“Yeah, Mr. Martin. We’ll go now.”

“Someone reported a truck coming up here, and… and Lindy called to tell me you’d been in town…”

I stopped in front of him. I didn’t know which way this was going to go. I knew Lindy’s dad was capable of acting on vendettas, when the mood took him, and he was right; we shouldn’t be up here, but as far as crimes went…

“…You do that, Jason, you go and get as far away from this town as it’s possible to get. You aren’t welcome here anymore. Do you understand that?”

So I was going to get
pushed
out of the town then.

“I’m going.” I said. But I wasn’t agreeing to leave the town, just the lake.

Chapter Sixteen

I got ready for his parent’s party with gritted teeth, alone in my room, because it would be a crime if Jason saw me undressed.

I showered. Then dressed in skinny jeans with a burgundy shirt and pulled my heels back on. I’d be glad of them tonight. My stilettos might come in handy in a fight. I was just joking. But then again maybe my head wasn’t joking, maybe I would flip tonight.

I felt bad and like I was slipping out of control of my thoughts. I needed reins. Jason held my reins––he of common sense and calm. Maybe that was what had gone wrong today. Maybe because he’d lost his calm, it had flipped mine.

Well, whatever, I was still pissed. The only thing I wished to do was be in a bed with him, sleeping or not sleeping, either would be good. I just wanted him close. He made sense of everything when he was there. When he wasn’t…

I walked downstairs alone, hoping he was out of his room already. None of the guests had arrived yet.

The living room was empty, but I heard movement in the kitchen. Crockery, pots and pans.

I went in. It was just his mom in there.

She turned her head. “Rachel.”

It wasn’t a welcome, just a statement.

“Mrs. Macinlay. Can I help?” I tried to keep my voice as sweet and light as I could. I didn’t feel sweet or light. I felt bitter and angry.

Her eyes looked from my head to my feet and back up. She clearly didn’t like what she saw.

“I think you have helped enough. It isn’t even Jason’s child you’re carrying is it?”

So she knew already, I wasn’t used to small town whisper wildfire.

“It isn’t, but Jason’s always known that. I didn’t lie to him, Mrs. Macinlay, and I haven’t tricked him into being with me. I know that’s what you think.”

She turned to get something out of the oven and I moved to take over emptying the dishwasher, even though she’d denied my offer of help.

Once she’d taken a tray of some sort of canapés from the oven she set it aside and turned to face me.

I carried on.

“What do you see in Jason, Rachel? What do you want from him?”

I stopped then and looked at her, a glass in my hand. “I love him, Mrs. Macinlay, because he’s the most wonderful guy I’ve ever met, and I feel right with him––”

“And I feel right with her, because she’s the most wonderful girl I ever met.” Jason walked in, and then came over and kissed my forehead, before taking the glass from my hand and moving to put it in a cupboard.

He turned to face his mom then, and I saw anger glinting in his eyes. I was going to come between them. This wasn’t going to get better.

“I suppose Lindy told you about the baby?” Jason said.

“Yes,” his mom answered hovering at the far side of the kitchen, as though she was scared of me, or might catch something from me.

I bet she’d put everything back in the dishwasher when I finished, to wash my contamination off her stuff.

“And?” Jason prompted her, while we carried on putting stuff away.

“And, are you happy with this?”

“I’m happy, Mom, if I wasn’t happy, I wouldn’t be here with Rachel announcing that we’re expecting a baby, would I? You clearly aren't.”

“How can I be happy for you? This is all so sudden, Jason, you can’t feel what you think you do, and––”

We never heard the end as Jason’s dad came through the back door. I didn’t know if I wanted to hear anyway. I just remembered my conversation with Jason at the lake. We
knew
it was real. It
was
real, even though it had happened fast.

“Jason, would you come and help me fetch the drinks from the garage?”

Jason threw me a look as if to say
do you mind?

With a smile I told him to go. I could handle his mom without having to resort to using my stilettos. She never said a word though after Jason left.

Nor did I, I just carried on putting things away, and kept my mouth buttoned tight, so I didn’t blurt out something else which would only make her hate me more.

But God, I’d had enough of this place.

~

“Jason. You know, relationships need to be based on more than sex.”

Fucking hell, we were going to have
this
conversation now.

“Well it seems to me, Dad…” I picked up a crate of wine he’d got from one of the local vineyards. “That having nothing in common and a crap sex life with someone you were going to spend your life with, is an even worse idea. Anyway I don’t just love Rachel because she’s good in bed.” I raised one eyebrow at him, when he turned around holding a crate of wine too. I knew he hadn’t wanted me to either acknowledge or refute his statement. I’d given him more information than he wished to know, but he’d opened the subject. And me falling for Rachel had happened fast, yes, but it was real. It was definitely real.

As we started walking back toward the house, I said, “Dad, Rach is a breath of fresh air in the city. She’s fun, she’s bright, she’s full of life, and she has some great, stupid, ideas. We have days when we just chill out and play on my Xbox together, and she runs with me too. When did you ever see Lindy do that? You never saw it, Dad, ‘cause she never did it.”

We deposited the crates of wine on the porch, and then returned to the garage for another load.

Dad looked at me. There was a question in his eyes.

I felt like I was finally winning some ground here. “You’ve seen what Rach is like. She’s supportive and encouraging and we talk stuff through. I never did any of that with Lindy. Everything I did until I went to New York was what Lindy wanted. She never cared what I wanted.”

Dad bent to pick up another crate of wine. I picked up the beer.

“It’s not just about sex Dad. That’s Lindy’s impression and she’s convinced Mom, and Mom’s convinced you. But it isn’t true.”

As we walked back to the house he said in a low voice.

“We will give her a chance to prove herself, Jason, and I will hold off on making any decisions about the business until we know you’re settled.”

I looked at him, feeling more grateful than I could say. “Thanks, Dad.”

I wanted to hug him, but my hands were full.

~

I’d told myself, when I was helping his mom get ready, that I had to learn to stop depending so heavily on Jason. I needed to let him have some space, and cope on my own. My black mood would smother him if I wasn’t careful. But as soon as the guests started arriving I forgot my resolve, and I hung on to his arm, as he said, “Hi,” to various people who barely acknowledged me, and showed no interest at all when he introduced me. Even the kids looked oddly at me, like I was the new monster their parents were scaring them with.
If you don’t go to bed, the Rachel will come and get you…

The only one who smiled at me was Katie, who actually gave me a proper closed lips smile this time, and she even lifted her hand a little and opened her mouth in a gesture that looked like she was saying, “Hi.” But her sister pulled her past me.

Lindy came in late, with Billy. She walked straight past us and over to grip Jason’s mom’s hands, then kissed her cheek. She was marking territory, like Jason had done at the store. They were fighting over his parents.

I wanted to wring her neck. I was in an evil, wicked mood tonight. It had a hold of me. I was still in darkness. I wanted to climb to the light at the end of the tunnel, but that was way too far away.

Come on brain, shift.

Jason was drinking a beer. I caught a hold of the neck of his bottle and took a swig from it.

“Steady, the baby, Rach.”

“One won’t harm.”

I took the bottle from his hand and didn’t give it back. He turned to get another.

I knew I was being reckless but I felt so unbelievably vulnerable, so out of control, and when he turned away, I could picture a hundred daggers skewering my back. But then I caught Katie’s eye, and once again she smiled. She looked like she was apologizing for the entire room of people.

Sadly, when I looked away from Katie, I caught his mother watching me, too, but her eyes only showed mistrust. I lifted the beer and took another sip. Of course now she knew the baby wasn’t his, she had no cause to care if I drank. My child and I were nothing to do with her. It was only our impact on Jason she cared about. Jason was lucky, he had someone who cared. But I cared for him, too…

I felt his hand at my waist.
And he cared for me.

I turned, and kissed him, full on the mouth. He didn’t avoid it. He kissed me back, in a room full of people who hated us being together.

I hated all of them.

Someone turned on the music.

We broke apart. He smiled and then clinked his bottle against the one I still held. It was like we were the only two people in the room for a moment.

I put the beer down. I didn’t want it anymore.

I didn’t know the song, but some people started dancing to it, in a line.

I looked up and met Jason’s gaze. Ah, now I understood why Lindy said he couldn’t dance, because Lindy line danced, like this. No wonder then; it took different skills, memory and timing, not just rhythm.

My bad, wicked, streak swept up.

“Come on, let’s dance.”

I caught a hold of his hand and pulled him away from the edge and into the room, to one side of where a growing number of people were line-dancing.

He knew what I was doing, I saw it in his eyes, but he didn’t disagree or resist. He wanted to show her he was not incapable too. “Is there some dance class here, which teaches them how to do that?” I whispered.

He smiled. “Yes.”

“Really?”

“Yep, a ton of people go, there’s not enough to do around here. Mom got Lindy into it. Then Lindy insisted I went too.”

“Well at least I know why you were such a lightweight on our first night out, if that was what you did ‘round here for thrills.”

“I didn’t get any thrills from it, believe me, I could never do it. I always just felt like a fool.”

I kept a grip on his hand and smiled up at him as I pulled him close, and then we began dancing. Properly dancing.

I then ran my fingers up to his tight muscular waist.

He had such a great body. I forgot the darkness inside me, and just felt a hunger for the pleasure his body could bring.

“Rach.” His hand lifted and ran through my hair as our gazes held.

He was the only one in the room again.

Why had I been worried? I had no need to know him better. I knew enough. I knew we were good together. I knew he loved me.

His head lowered, and he kissed me. My tongue slipped into his mouth. I felt the pressure of his hand at the back of my head.

The room was only lowly lit by a couple of lamps, if there had been more light I don’t think we’d have been so forward. But the shadows and the crowded room gave me a sense of anonymity, and I presumed it was the same for him.

But still when he broke the kiss, I saw his mom glaring when I looked over Jason’s shoulder.

“Let’s go outside.” I whispered. I just needed to be with him, just the two of us––like it had been in New York.

He smiled at me, his eyes only on me, and nodded.

“I love you,” I said, before we even started moving, dismissing his mom, and this whole town of people who hated me.

“I love you, too. Come on.” He caught up my hand and pulled it, leading me toward the patio door.

He slid it back and then we stepped out into the cold night air.

It was freezing. I wasn’t even wearing a coat.

I shivered and laughed. “God, I wish I had a cigarette.”

“You don’t smoke.”

“I used to. I really fancy one.”

“Smoke one and you’ll start again, I’ve seen that happen a dozen times.”

I laughed. I still wanted one, because of the stress and feeling down I suppose, my brain associated the feeling with the days I used to chain smoke when I hit a melancholy mood. That wasn’t the thing to do when I was pregnant though.

He let go of my hand, then rubbed my arms, over my blouse, before giving me a tight hug.

God, I loved the smell of his aftershave, his warmth, his body, and I wanted more … 

I looked up. “Can we go somewhere private?”

“Private?” He lifted his eyebrows and smiled.

He was trying to make me feel better by being in a bright mood.

I thought of all the other guys I’d been with, who’d argued and physically fought with me, when I’d hit the low times. I was so lucky to have found Jason. I didn’t want to lose him. I didn’t want Lindy to have him. I didn’t care anymore if that was mean and selfish. He was mine now.