I Found You (17 page)
I’d worked a late shift so we couldn’t run together. I knew he must have run earlier, on his own.
It was when I worked the earlier shifts that we ran together afterwards. They were the best nights.
He kissed my cheek, and then I kissed his lips before letting him go.
“I was thinking today, at the weekend, on Sunday, why don’t we run right down to Prospect Park, early, and then get breakfast?” he said, smiling.
“Is this your idea of a date, Jason?” I laughed, thinking of how different it was to my plans the Friday before last.
He squeezed my hand as we walked along the street. “It is, yeah, but I also thought, in the evening, seeing as you’re working Friday and Saturday evening, we could go to your karaoke bar, after we’ve come back from our run and spent an afternoon in bed.”
“On a Sunday evening… When you, the lightweight, have work the next day…”
He laughed. “On a Sunday, and I won’t drink shots, and definitely not shots in a glass of Red Bull, but I shall sing with you, I enjoyed it.”
“It won’t be so busy on a Sunday. The crowd will hear you singing…” I teased.
“I won’t be looking at the crowd, just at you. I’m planning songs.”
Grinning at him, I held his hand tighter. “You’re wonderful and heaven sent, Jason Macinlay.”
He let go of my hand, and then wrapped his arm about my shoulders, as we walked on. “The feeling’s mutual, Rachel Shears.”
I wrapped my arm about his waist, and leaned into him.
I knew that wasn’t true, but I longed to know what he did think of me. The way he acted, it was like my feelings for him were equaled, but it was too early for declarations of love, and what else did a person say to describe a level of emotion.?
Besides we’d only been together just over a fortnight, he would think me really odd if I started using the word
love
. And besides that, he was still managing his break-up with Lindy. I knew his mom regularly spoke to him when I was at work, and I knew he was asking how Lindy was. I also knew Lindy had texted him, messaged on Facebook and even rung him a few times.
It was far too early for me to have any expectations. I had to stop overthinking it all, and just let it be, which was what he was doing––my nice guy. But I couldn’t; there was a ball of longing rolling inside me, building like a giant snowball, getting bigger and bigger, and it wanted to know what he thought.
~
I’d had such a great day on Sunday with Rach; it had made my Monday feel good too. I was still riding on the high of it now, on Tuesday night, as I climbed the stairs to my apartment.
I’d gone on and on about Rachel to Justin at work. He’d been roasting me all day over the fact I had two women chasing after me––his interpretation, not mine. He knew Lindy was still contacting me. He kept hearing my cell buzzing on the desk when she sent a text or rang. I’d stopped answering. There was nothing new I could say. My answering was only misleading her.
He’d also heard me answering the cell to Rach a couple of times, whispering into it to try and stop him overhearing.
The girls who sat at the desks around us had also got drawn into my drama because of Justin’s mocking. I think the jury was out on whether or not I was a bastard for leaving my long-term girlfriend, having met another girl a couple of weeks ago on a bridge. I think they were waiting to see if I was going to be more loyal to Rachel.
Fortunately my story hadn’t spread too widely. I didn’t even want to know the opinion of the asshole who owned the magazine. He’d called me into his office on Monday, to order coffee for a room full of people, like he was making some point about my position at the magazine, after I stepped out of line and made a suggestion the other week.
I’d felt three fucking inches tall, standing in front of him while he’d bossed me about. I didn’t get him. I didn’t doubt he’d have some cutting comment to make though if he discovered the details of my personal life.
I shoved thoughts of work aside and remembered Sunday again.
Rach had enjoyed the day as well, I knew.
She was working on a late shift tonight. I was going to meet her at eleven.
We’d started running at nine on Sunday, and gone all the way to the park then lapped it once before stopping at a café and eating. Then we’d walked around the lake, holding hands and talking, teasing one another.
I’d enjoyed the karaoke bar again too. We’d sung four songs, to a much smaller crowd, and laughed our way through two of them.
But the whole day had felt like it was fated. She had become my sanctuary from my issues back home and at work. She was quickly becoming
everything
; the reason I wanted to get up in the morning, and get home at night.
Mom kept questioning Rach’s motivation and loyalty, and asked me outright if this was just about sex. I knew that idea had come via Lindy.
Lindy kept telling me, once she’d got home and calmed down, that if I left New York and came home, she’d forgive me and forget this had ever happened. I wasn’t going back, nor getting back with her, so that’s why I’d just stopped answering my cell to her.
Neither Mom nor Lindy would believe me when I said
no
. Both of them kept pressuring me.
I shut them out of my mind, and sought refuge in thoughts of Rach again.
She was opening up to me more now. She spoke of things from her childhood. She still never broached any more recent subjects though. But I was getting to know her better, including all her little quirks, like how she bit the tip of her tongue when she was writing.
As I put my key in the lock of the door to my apartment I remembered Rach taking my order in the restaurant while secretly biting her tongue. It made me decide to eat at the restaurant after my run.
My cell buzzed as I walked through the door. I took it out of my pocket.
“Hi, Mom.”
“Jason. I’m just calling to tell you Lindy is seeing a lot of Billy.”
God, what was this maneuver? “Is she? Well, it may be a good thing, Mom. She needs someone to talk to and they always got on okay.”
I’d always known Lindy was controlling, I’d learned in the last week just how manipulative she could be. She totally had Mom on her side. Like this was an out and out war, and Mom was standing on the opposite hill. The problem was, it wasn’t me they saw themselves fighting against, it was Rach.
“Are you saying you don’t care, Jason?”
“Mom, Lindy and I are finished, if she hooks up with Billy, then good for her.”
“Billy is your best friend.”
“Yeah, and so they’ve spent a lot of time around each other, and he likes her…”
And good luck to him.
“Is that girl still with you?”
I’d shut the door behind me as I was speaking and I’d taken off my hat and scarf, and hung them up, now I was juggling the cell between getting my arms out of my jacket. “Yeah, Mom, she is, we’re getting on well. I really like her. Thanks for asking.”
“There’s no need to be sarcastic. Your Dad and I are finding it very awkward working with Lindy.”
“Well, I’m sorry you feel that way, but…” My coat slid off. I hung it on the peg. “…I finished with Lindy as soon as things started with Rach, and I can’t help it that I’ve fallen for Rach or that I just don’t think Lindy is right for me…”
I turned around and saw something left on the counter.
“Jason, you and Lindy have been together for years. I agree with her, this other girl has brainwashed you, or something, seduced you I suppose––”
“Mom, we’ve had this conversation, give me a break…”
“Give you a break, Jason… Your discarded fiancée has been crying on my shoulder for a fortnight––”
“Well now she can cry on Billy’s shoulder.” Perhaps it was a heartless thing to say, but I was sure Lindy was playing out this drama. “Mom, I really don’t think she loved me for who I was. Can’t you just be glad I feel happier with Rachel. Rachel is good for me, Mom. We even run together, Lindy never even tried to run with me, you know she didn’t, she used to hate me going out to do it. Rach and I, we laugh together, she cares about me…”
I walked over to the counter.
Rach had left after me. Her shift had started at one. She must have left whatever it was out.
It was a long plastic strip.
“And how can you know that? You’ve only known her weeks, and you don’t even know where she comes from.”
“Philadelphia.”
“You know what I mean.”
“Mom.” I was tired of them attacking, Rachel. “Just give me the benefit of the doubt…”
When I reached the counter I absentmindedly picked up the plastic thing, not really looking at it.
“Jason.” My name was a reprimand, and then Mom started crying.
“I’m sorry, Mom, but I know you’d like Rachel, you would. Maybe I should bring her home to meet you. Maybe then you’d understand.”
I heard her sniff and control her crying.
“I’m sorry you’re stuck in the middle of me and Lindy. You shouldn’t have to be. But I can’t keep pretending Lindy was right for me, she wasn’t. I care about her, I do, we spent years together, but Rachel is more important now, and Lindy can’t expect me to let you and her keep running Rachel down. I’m sorry, Mom.” I looked down at the plastic thing in my hand and felt my heartbeat pause.
Oh my God.
A pregnancy test.
A fucking positive, pregnancy test.
“I’ve got to go, Mom.”
I just ended the call.
Fuck.
Fuck!
No.
Seriously?
I breathed, realizing I probably hadn’t breathed for a minute or two.
Really?
It had to be Rachel’s. No one else could have been in the apartment.
My heart pounded.
God.
We’d used condoms, every time.
It was just so odd the way it was left on the side, though, like it had been left for me to find.
But what a way to announce such a thing, and,
what the hell did it mean?
My head was spinning. Had she seriously left it out deliberately?
It was too early to go to the restaurant. I couldn’t talk to her before she finished her shift anyway.
My hand ran over my head. Shit. I didn’t understand.
No.
Rachel? What the hell does this mean?
I’d go running. I couldn’t do anything now anyway. I’d go running.
I walked into the restaurant, my heart racing. Only tonight it wasn’t purely from the adrenaline stirred by running.
After I’d got back from my run and showered, I’d decided to come straight down here. My hair was still wet.
Rachel was taking an order. I knew she was biting the tip of her tongue as she wrote it down, nodding to the women around the table.
The sight of her brought a flood of emotion. She was so familiar to all my senses, and my heart cried out to her.
Oh, Rach, why?
She was wearing her black pencil skirt, and she was side on to me. It hugged the curve of her bottom and her thighs and her stomach, that was completely flat, and her white shirt fitted her slender frame perfectly, caressing the curve of her breasts.
I was full on, properly, in love with her. I was. Perhaps it had been love at first sight. I don’t remember ever feeling this deeply for Lindy.
God, Rach. Why leave it on the side?
She glanced across at me and gave me a weak smile, while her cheeks turned pink.
Then she focused back on the table she was serving.
Another of the waitresses came over to me. “Do you want me to get you a table while she’s serving?”
They all knew I was her boyfriend now.
“Yeah.” God my heart was still going like a bass beat. I probably should’ve waited until she’d finished her shift, but the questions in my head were driving me mad.
Was she really pregnant? Fucking hell. It had only been three weeks or so. Could you even find out that quickly?
The other waitress led me to a table near the kitchen entrance. It was where I normally sat, because then Rach and I had more opportunity to smile and nod at each other when she passed.
I felt like she was the blood in my veins, like without her I wouldn’t be able to breathe, or my heart wouldn’t beat. I’d be paralyzed or dead if I didn’t have her.
I sat for a little while, watching as she took food out to a family and then took menus to another table. I thought she was coming over to me then, but she didn’t, she went to another table to take their order.
I felt like my heart might beat right out of my chest when she did come toward me. She looked hesitant and her smile appeared uncertain. Maybe she’d been hoping someone else would serve me, but the others had hung back waiting for her.
She grabbed a menu off the counter as she moved, and then held it out to me when she reached the table. “Hi.”
I’d wanted to surprise her tonight and make her smile when I’d first thought of coming, but she’d beaten me on the surprise factor, multiplied by a hundred.
“Hey.” I didn’t know what to say to her. I could hardly say,
are you really pregnant
, in the middle of the restaurant. But I couldn’t hold the question in.
“I didn’t know you were coming in, what can I get you?”
“Did you leave it on the counter for me?”
We’d spoken at the same time, but she still heard me and turned crimson.
“Dammit,” she whispered. “Did I leave it on the counter? I meant to throw it in the bin.”
I nodded.
“Oh shit. I’m really sorry.”
My heart was still racing. “Rach?” My eyebrows lifted.
“Oh God, Jason, I’m sorry, you think it’s yours. It isn’t yours. I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking. I… I was in shock. I…” Tears flooded into her eyes, and I instantly regretted mentioning it while she was working. But at the same time, I felt grief and confusion, and God, I don’t even know what. My life had turned topsy-turvy within a fortnight, and now it had spun entirely off its axis.
She took a breath. “Just tell me what you want to eat, we can’t talk now. I’ll try and get off early.” She sniffed then bit her lip, and wiped her eyes with her cuff. “I’m sorry. I know it’s gonna ruin things.”