I Beat the Odds (23 page)

I’ve been very blessed to have some great mentors and friends in my life. I know that they all made a difference—some big and some small—but every positive thing had an impact and helped get me to a place where I was able to achieve my potential. People like Ms. Spivey and Velma were mentors to me, even though I didn’t realize it at the time. They had my best interests at heart and were trying to help me find a better path than the one I was on. Tony and Coach Johnson, Steve and Craig, were all that kind of mentor for me, too. Maybe it sounds strange to have mentors who were kids, but I admired the dedication and character Steve and Craig had, and I know that having them around helped keep me out of some of the more serious trouble I could have found.

The role of a mentor is so important, but it’s not an easy one for either party involved. It can be tough for an adult to wade through all of the trust issues, bad behavior, and attitude problems that a kid has picked up because they were never taught any different. For a kid, it can be hard to accept that someone might actually have your best interests at heart—that you can trust them to be true to their word and to really care about you. It can be a challenge not to be closed off or to keep your head down, or worse, to put on an act of being cocky and full of yourself.

No matter what is going on around you that you can’t control, your attitude is the one thing that you
can
control. Think about how much better you are than your circumstances. Just by being able to recognize that fact, you’re already light-years ahead of people who let other people’s mistakes control them.

Another challenge to consider in looking for role models is one I personally struggled with—the thought that no one could possibly care about a kid like me enough to really want to get involved. It was hard for me to believe that anyone had that much love, to believe there’s that much love out there anywhere in the world. Of course there are people out there who have love like that, but coming where I come from, you’re not going to meet many of those people.

If I hadn’t ended up at Briarcrest or been taken in by the Tuohys, I would have had to take a different route, of course. Maybe I’d have gone the junior college route to a football career. Maybe I wouldn’t have had a football career at all. I might have tried to do it and failed. In fact, if I wasn’t in the NFL, I wouldn’t have one job—I’d have two. As I like to joke with Sean, I might be working at a Taco Bell instead—and I don’t mean like how he works at Taco Bell by owning a bunch of them. I mean, I’d be inside as the guy taking your order. But you know what? That would have been all right, too. Because it is a respectable job that doesn’t depend on a welfare check, and doesn’t involve breaking the law or hurting people.

That’s the most important lesson I want people to take from this book: You don’t have to get adopted by a rich family to make it. You don’t have to get adopted by anyone at all. You just have to have it set in your brain that you are going to make a better life for yourself and you have to be committed to making that happen.

You can’t sit around and wait for a loving family to show up and help you out because, unfortunately, that might never come. You have to be committed to chasing your dream yourself, and if someone steps up and helps you along the way, that’s awesome. But if not, it’s still up to you what you do with your life. You can blame circumstances or whatever you want to, but it’s your life. You’ve got to be the one who is determined to make it succeed. No one else can do that for you.

If you’re good at writing, you have to commit to keep growing. Read good books, magazines, or newspapers so that you can learn what to do to keep improving. If you’re good at art, keep practicing it so that you can get new skills and learn new techniques that will open you up to new opportunities. If you are a talented musician, spend your spare time practicing or join a music club after school at the YMCA or Boys and Girls Club.

Your talents are a gift. Are you just going to drop them, hoping that someone will give you your dream job and a fat salary just for being you? Or are you going to take responsibility for what you’ve got and really push yourself to do something great with those gifts? You have to believe in yourself enough to know that you’ve got talent and that you are worth the investment of time and effort. God valued you enough to give you those abilities. Value yourself enough to grow those talents to become great.

 

 

SUCCESS IS DETERMINED by a lot more than what is in your bank account, but you do need to learn how to make good decisions about your money once you start earning it. There are a lot of very famous people who have earned a ton of money but don’t understand basic things like self-control and discipline. As I mentioned in chapter 17, it amazes me how some pro athletes can sign multimillion-dollar contracts and be broke in six months, but it happens all the time.

Many churches and civic groups offer courses on learning how to make a budget and manage income. I would encourage anyone, but especially young people, to sign up for one. Believe me, I still think, “Wow! This is crazy!” every time I check my bank statement. It’s really hard to get used to seeing a lot of zeros when you’re used to just seeing one. It’s exciting and fun to think you can provide for yourself with your own paycheck, but, unfortunately, a lot of other people think it’s exciting and fun for you to provide for
them
out of your paycheck, too.

I have people hitting me up for money all the time. Sometimes they are people I don’t know—a lot of inventors who want someone to invest in their product; a lot of wannabe rappers who want someone to pay for them to put out a record. Those are usually pretty easy to say no to. Sometimes the requests come from people I do know—people from back home in the old neighborhood who think I owe them; members of my father’s family who I’ve never spoken two words to before. Those can be a bit harder to turn down.

I tell you those things because you’ve got to be prepared that with even the smallest amount of success, there are going to be people who feel like you should be paying their way. You don’t have to be famous to get hit up for money—there are a lot of people out there who think they are entitled to anything you’ve earned just because you used to be neighbors or are family. And even if you have signed a big contract, once you pay taxes on a million dollars, there isn’t nearly as much left over as most people think there is.

It’s wonderful to help out people in need, or to donate to charities or causes that you believe in. I think that is a great thing and I would encourage everyone to do that. But you also have to have limits; you have to know when enough is enough. There is not enough money in the world to give everyone what they want. What you need to be aware of is how you handle the tough job of saying no when people ask you and you can’t meet the need or don’t think it’s where you want your money to go. Don’t let anyone guilt you into thinking your success obligates you to them; that’s one of the quickest ways to get sucked back into poverty.

Remember the story of the Little Red Hen? She grew the grain and harvested it and baked it into the bread and no one wanted to do any of that work along with her . . . but they all wanted a piece of the bread when she took it out of the oven. If you do the work to get yourself a job, to put yourself through school, to work hard for good grades, to go without in order to save money and make smart spending choices—whatever it is that you need to do to achieve your dream—don’t let anyone else claim your success as their own. There may be people who cheer you on along the way, and you should be sure to acknowledge and thank them, but don’t let anyone try to guilt you out of what you’ve earned.

 

 

IT’S ALSO IMPORTANT to really study how to behave properly in different situations. Like I said in chapter 13, you need to be aware of different ways of acting that are appropriate for different situations. It doesn’t mean that you’re putting on airs or not being true to yourself if you act differently in one type of situation than another; it means that you have the discernment to know what is acceptable for each occasion. The same is true with how you dress. Your clothes don’t have to be expensive, they just have to be neat in appearance and fitting for where you are.

Think about it: If you want a job in an office, you can’t walk into the interview in jeans and an untucked T-shirt, or a really short skirt and low-cut blouse, laughing loudly on your cell phone and using curse words—right? That isn’t presenting yourself in the right kind of way for that situation.

If you want to be a part of the professional world, you have to know how to act, dress, talk, and carry yourself. Look around at the people in the field you want to pursue, and make notes about how they come off. How does a businessperson act? How does a lawyer dress? How does a teacher speak? Study their behavior and even ask questions. By figuring out what it takes to present yourself in a certain kind of way, you can take huge steps in going after the kind of life you want. That doesn’t mean you have to stop being who you are; it just means that you understand the difference between casual situations and professional ones. Those are some of the personal choices that will help set you apart from the way of living you want to escape.

Because, in the end, it all comes down to your choices. There is an old expression that life is 10 percent what happens to you and 90 percent what you make of it. It’s true that we can’t help the circumstances we’re born into and some of us start out in a much tougher place than other people. But just because we started there doesn’t mean we have to end there.

And there is just one more thing I want to encourage young people to think about. Don’t ever allow yourself to feel trapped by your choices. Take a look at yourself. You are a unique person created for a specific purpose. Your gifts matter. Your story matters. Your dreams matter. You matter. The decisions you make this year, this month, this week, this day, this hour—they all matter, too. Each good choice you make is an investment in your future. You can get a better life. If you are willing to roll up your sleeves and work for it, then you certainly deserve it.

We are all in this together. I’m pledging my support to be the best role model I can be through the appearances and speeches I make for the various foster care support groups I work with, as well as with my lifestyle and the choices I make. I hope each child reading this book will pledge to value their life enough to commit to making it no matter what; and that every adult will pledge to find a way—any way—to give back.

If we all believe we can achieve something great, then I know that together, we can beat the odds, one life at a time.

I
f you are a concerned adult who would like to get involved but aren’t sure where to start, there are a lot of places you can contact. The organizations I talk about here are not a complete list of all those out there. This chapter is really just a starting point to let people know the types of groups and opportunities available.

The most obvious place to start is to contact the guidance counselor at any local school. A counselor will be able to let you know if there are children in the school who have specific needs, like shoes or clothes. Or the school may have a mentoring program. Every school system has different rules and needs, but the guidance office is a great place to get started.

Just judging from some of the organizations that people have written me from, there are a lot of great groups out there that are making a difference in kids’ lives.

There is probably a
YMCA
or
YWCA
in a community near you, and they are always offering classes and sports activities for kids who want positive ways to fill their time and develop their skills. These centers are often looking for volunteers to help coach, teach, or tutor, and can be a really good place to start making connections with individual kids.

Another good option for getting involved is the
Boys and Girls Club
. With more than four thousand clubs around the country, plus military bases, Puerto Rico, and the U.S. Virgin Islands, this is one of the biggest youth organizations in the world; and since there are clubs in every state, there is almost certainly one in a community near you. These are great places for children to find all kinds of help that they need, from academic support to after-school activities. And there is always a need for volunteers to help support the different programs offered.

Big Brothers Big Sisters
is also a great mentoring program that offers one-on-one interaction for kids who are looking for positive role models and adults who want to have a direct impact on someone’s life. There are programs in all fifty states and twelve countries internationally, so there are a lot of places and ways to make a difference.

Study Buddy
is a national program that provides homework help online for kids who need some extra tutoring in math and science. It is part of the National Science & Technology Education Partnership, and its goal is to make “economics and geography no longer a bar to success in math. The linking of high school student tutors, one-on-one and online, with struggling middle and high school math students creates a community of role models for the struggling students in an unintimidating and exciting environment.”

I strongly recommend you pick up the phone and call your local branch of any one of these organizations.