Hybrid Zone Recognition (33 page)

I didn’t know what all he had done to her, but I knew none of it was good. “You won’t ever have to worry about Pike again,” I told her.

She fixed her school teacher’s glare on me. “Is that so?”

“Yeah. He attacked me, and I fought back. Adam finished him off.”

She nodded. “That’s good.” Her eyes closed for so long that I thought she might have drifted off to sleep. I shifted to get up when she opened them again. “Have you seen Juarez?” Her voice was filled with uncertainty.

“Not yet. I just got here.” The pain displayed on her face right now wrapped a weight around my heart. “Do you two share a bond?”

She nodded and tears coursed down her face. I reached out and captured her hand. She squeezed it once in thanks.

“I couldn’t shield him from everything.” She was crying and wincing in pain simultaneously. “In the end, I shielded him from nothing.” Her breath was coming in ragged gasps.

The weight on my heart grew and seemed to envelop my whole being. That must have been the worst thing in the world for both of them to go through. There was nothing I could say or do to make it any better. I just held her hand as she fought to regain control.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about the rescue plan. I thought they would be listening,” I said.

She painfully cleared her throat and swiped at the remaining tears. “We always knew there would be one. It was just a matter of time,” she said shakily.

“Is there anything I can do for you?”

The grip she had on my hand became hard as steel. “You can use your super hybrid self to help us stop them and those like them.”

“That, I can do,” I nodded.

She was clearly exhausted by our exchange, and I helped her lay back down. “Get some rest, okay?”

“Sure,” she mumbled, already on her way to sleep.

I watched her sleep for a few moments, thinking about the price she’d paid. I desperately hoped it was in service to the Organization and not for me. But I couldn’t stop the words, my fault, from ringing in my ears.

I felt like I was walking through water as I made my way over to Juarez’s room. I found him awake and in better shape than Olivia.

His eyes lit up at my entrance. “MacyKat,” he said warmly, setting his laptop aside.

I shut the door and leaned against it.

“What’s wrong?” he asked softly.

I shook my head, but was unable to speak.

He looked at me puzzled for a moment then understanding dawned. “You saw Olivia.”

I nodded and then blew out a breath. “Sorry. I didn’t expect to have this reaction when I came in here.”

He patted the bed beside him, indicating for me to sit. “It’s okay. How is she?”

“Weak.” My voice cracked under the strain, and I swallowed trying to rid myself of the painful lump that had formed in my throat.

He nodded and looked away. Then he crossed his arms, tucking his hands in like he was hugging himself. “She’s shut me out,” he said. “Won’t speak to me or acknowledge me.” Tears filled his eyes and the knot reformed in my throat.

“She’s hurting,” I said, approaching the bed. “Not just physically, but emotionally, too.” I sat down with my back to him. “I don’t know everything Pike did to her.”

“I do,” he cut in furiously.

Even though I didn’t have a bond with him, I could sense the anger rolling off of him in waves. I turned to face him, and he skewered me with his glowing eyes. Clearly, he was a man on the edge, desperately in need of an outlet for his anger and an even greater need to help his mate. Not wanting to antagonize him further, I remained motionless until the glow faded from his eyes.

“I heard you killed him,” he said gruffly. Though the glow had faded, his voice still carried the authority of a predator.

I nodded once in confirmation.

“How,” he growled at me. It was not a question.

“He came into my tent and attacked me. I fought back. Partially ripped his throat out, and then Adam nearly ripped his head from his shoulders.”

“Good girl,” he said vehemently.

I couldn’t hold it in any longer. My feelings of guilt for their suffering were smothering me. My words came out in one long rush. “I’m sorry, Juarez. I never meant for any of this to happen. Not with the Agency or the Organization and not with you and Olivia. None of it.” I held my breath and waited for his condemnation to justify my own.

But his expression softened. “Oh MacyKat, nobody holds you responsible for this.”

How could he say that? “I do,” I whispered.

“Then you’re wrong. Not a very good analysis by your super brain, if you ask me.”

I closed my eyes against his intense gaze. Why would he think that? The whole reason they were captured was because everyone was trying to keep me safe. And it had cost him dearly.

“Hey.” He clucked me under the chin, causing me to open my eyes. “You did not do this.”

That was what they all kept saying, but it didn’t lesson the guilt I felt.

“Where’s Adam?” he asked.

I shifted on the bed, struggling against the pressure in my chest that came with the mention of his name. “I don’t know.” I tried to keep the disappointment out of my voice, but it didn’t go unnoticed by Juarez.

“You two have a fight?”

I played with a loose thread on the comforter until he took my hand in his, forcing me to focus on the question.

I blew out a breath and rolled my eyes to the ceiling. “I think I challenged him,” I said softly.

Juarez inhaled sharply. “Whoa.” He absently patted my hand as if to say, everything’s going to be okay. “So, how’d that go?”

I barked out a laugh. “About as well as you might expect.”

“I think it went better than that. You’re not dead. Not even roughed up a little. Anybody else very well would be.”

“No, I’m not dead,” I agreed.

He waited for me to continue, but I chose not to elaborate any further. What would be the point? He hadn’t harmed me physically, but he had damaged something between us. I couldn’t quite decipher it myself. I wasn’t going to hash it out with Juarez.

We continued to sit in silence with him stroking my hand before he asked knowingly, “Did he start pulling away from you?”

Maybe Juarez did have a good feel for the situation. “Pretty much,” I said, unwilling to meet his eyes.

“It’s nothing against you, MK. That’s just Adam’s way. Before any large scale operation, he withdraws from us. And, he has one heck of a mess to clean up here.”

I knew he had a big job in front of him. I did. But,
they
didn’t share a bond with him. “He shut me out.” Saying it out loud did not bring any relief whatsoever. It only made it seem more real. And I knew he was shutting me out for more than just work related reasons.

“Oh,” Juarez answered, his mouth lingering in the “o” position.

It was utterly inexplicable to me that I should have these feelings of rejection, but they were here nonetheless. In fact, I thought with every minute that passed they were growing stronger. It made me wonder what the heck I was doing here at all.

“Well, he’s new at this,” Juarez defended Adam. “Both the bonding and the girl. But he’s smart. He’ll figure it out.” He let go of my hand and crossed his arms in front of his chest again. “You know, I’ve known Adam for fifty years, and you’re the first woman I’ve ever known him to go gaga over. Trust me,” he said at my look of disbelief, “when it comes to you, he has been one crazy cat. You don’t know the half,” he said with a wave of his hand and a roll of his eyes.

This was pathetic. Now he was trying to comfort me, when it should be the other way around.

“It’s actually kind of nice, seeing Adam all rattled for a change,” Juarez chuckled. “Now he’ll be forced to see things from my point of view.”

I couldn’t help but chuckle despite the building hurt I carried. “You’re impossible you know that. And I can clearly see why Olivia loves you.”

At the mention of Olivia, the sadness returned to his face.

I stood up and tucked the blanket around him. “You’ll figure it out, too. Just give her some time to process her feelings before she shares them with you.”

“You women do that a lot, process?”

I shrugged. I guess we did. If processing equaled thinking, I was an elite model on the verge of overheating.

I got up to leave but added one more observation. “She’s afraid of hurting you any more than she feels she already has by not being able to shield you from her pain.”

I saw the flash of understanding in his eyes. “Thanks, MacyKat,” he said with tears welling up in his eyes again.

His tears were like a spark to my well fueled reservoir of pain. I turned and left quickly before he could see the tears in my eyes.

Outside their suite, I rapidly searched for the closest private place I could find. It happened to be a small stone balcony at the other end of the hallway. But instead of being open to the outside, it was enclosed with stained glass. It looked sort of like a small chapel.

I stepped in and moved to the side until I would be hidden from the view of anyone that happened to walk down the hallway. Putting my back against the wall, I clasped my hands over my mouth as the first sobs hit. But there was no holding them back this time.

All the emotions I’d been stuffing into those compartments this last week erupted as the hastily built structure crumbled. I slowly slid down the wall as the sobs overtook me. My shields were the next thing to fall. Then everything came down on top of me.

I cried for Kenny and the Colony and the guilt I associated with my failures there. I cried for Olivia and Juarez and the pain they were enduring. I cried for the Macy that was lost. And lastly, I cried for Adam.

I slowly became aware of Adam’s presence. He had wrapped himself around me both inside and out. We were gently swaying to the rhythm he had adopted as he held me.

With my head buried in his chest, I took a shaky breath and rolled my head to the side. “Sorry,” I whispered.

He stopped rocking me and pulled me tighter within the circle of his arms. “I’m sorry,” he whispered gently. “I didn’t realize…” he stopped and cleared his throat. “It was not my intention to hurt you. Nor was it my intention to make you doubt me.”

He buried his face in my hair, as if to hide from the pain and regret of his actions. But I could feel them resonating through our restored bond.

“I know,” I whispered again. I knew he wasn’t intentionally hurting me. Just like I knew my feelings of rejection were stupid. How could you be rejected when you were not even officially with someone?

He stopped stroking my hair and turned my face to look at him. “Nothing you feel for me is stupid or ridiculous.” He pressed kisses to both my tear swollen eyes, and then he swiped his thumb under my nose and wiped it off on his jeans.

That was sweet and gross and so unlike the Adam of earlier today.

He lowered his head and gently kissed my lips. Resting his forehead against mine, he said, “This is new to me. I am not used to being challenged, or argued with, or questioned.” He paused while the truth of his statement hung in the air. Taking a deep breath, he continued. “You stir things in me I didn’t know existed. I am not who I was when you are near, and I’m…”

I could feel his struggle to define what he felt. There were so many emotions swirling around in him, that I couldn’t quantify it either.

“Lost,” he growled. “I’m lost when you are gone. You have completely remade me,” he finished with a snarl.

It was the most Adam had ever admitted about the way he felt about me. It wasn’t a declaration of love, and clearly, he didn’t sound happy about it. Sounded more like, you’re a pain in the butt I don’t know what to do with, but it was honest. I could have taken offense to his categorization of me, but like Juarez, I kind of enjoyed this discombobulated Adam.

“I’m not trying to cause trouble for you,” I said seriously.

He snorted at my choice of words.

“I didn’t even mean to challenge you. I was just being me. Or, the new me. Sometimes I’m not sure if I’m more leopard or human. The strength of what I feel, the…” I ran through the emotions involving Adam. Want, need, they were undeniably present, but it was more than that. I didn’t know how to label what this was between Adam and me.

Adam kissed me again as I searched for the right words, then he pulled back to look into my eyes. “We’ll figure it out together. But regardless of what you feel or how ridiculous you think it is, you have to let me know.”

I couldn’t stop the retort that sprang from my lips. “What, not a mind reader?”

We stayed frozen in place, each silently regarding the other until the laughter overtook us in one giant rush. I much preferred laughing to crying.

“As do I,” he sighed heavily. Pulling me close to him, he proceeded to kiss me thoroughly this time.

You better stop before this leads to something Granny would not approve of.

My comment had the desired effect of putting on the brakes. Adam pulled back in a fit of laughter once again.

“You’re not playing fair, Macy. How am I supposed to woo you with thoughts of Granny in my head?”

Woo me? “First of all, I’m not playing at anything. Secondly, food is an excellent source of wooage.”

“Must be, if you’ve ditched me for Granny,” he said a little too sarcastically.

Silently, hopefully without Adam knowing, I measured his emotions. He really was slightly envious of Granny. Unbelievable, but true.

“Granny,” I said, stressing her name for emphasis, “cannot provide me with everything that I need. She merely provides certain trimmings that I find delightful. Since you are my avenue to Granny, I’d say that makes you more important to me than Granny.”

“Still, that was a low blow, invoking Granny on me,” he said as he pushed off the floor.

“But effective,” I countered. I accepted his hand up and he pulled me to my feet. “Especially considering my virtue is still intact.”

“It’s just my luck to find a woman who has moral standards,” he said, pulling me close once more.

Wrapping my arms around his waist and looking directly into those big green eyes of his, I flagrantly batted my eyelashes at him. “You must have the most amazing luck,” I teased.

“I do,” he said quietly and then ducked in for another kiss.