Hush (15 page)

PART TWO

Chapter Eleven

Following my heart turned out to be easier said than done. Stupid, sticky, emotions kept getting in my way. I was falling hard for Siva. He was changing and who he was becoming was the person I thought he was always meant to be. And he was amazing. He still had his moments where his mood would darken but it was happening less and less. But then I would think about Dev and feel like my feelings for Siva were wrong, so wrong. Especially because I was starting to think that Siva’s words on the beach were right and I hadn’t been
in
love with Dev. My feelings for Siva were so different, so much stronger. I felt sick when he was away and I had never felt like that with Dev. It was heartbreaking because I did love him
, both of them
. Sometimes I wondered what would have happened if Dev hadn’t died. Would I just have gone on my merry way? Settled down with him and had kids and never known what I was missing? I was pretty sure the answer was yes.

Now I
couldn’t imagine my life with
out this moody, crazy, arrogant
man. We complemented each other so well.

“What are you thinking about?” he asked leaning down to kiss my cheek before he grabbed his mug and poured
some coffee. I sipped at my own coffee
and blushed.

“You actually,” I said.

Siva only wore a pair of loose sleep pants. He had become more comfortable with showing his scars around me but the minute we’d go to leave the house it was long pants and long sleeves again. It was progress though and that’s what mattered.

“All good things I hope,” and he waggled his eyebrows at me.

“You know it,” I said blushing.

He kissed my lips before sitting down beside me. “Oh Sloane, I never thought I could be tamed. What have you done to me?”

“I’m not sure the beast is tamed,” I joked. “You still have your moments,” I said.

He laughed and nuzzled my neck. The dark scruff on his cheeks rasped against my skin. “You know you love my dark side.”

“It’s a part of you and I
lov
-” I snapped my mouth closed. I couldn’t say it. Not yet.

He cleared his throat and pulled away sensing my unease. He was so attuned to me now. He took a sip of his coffee and said, “When is it you’re going to visit your mom?”

“I fly out next Wednesday,” I said. It was the end of September almost October now.

“I’m going to miss you,” he said.

It was the first time he had said anything like that.

I finished my coffee
and was washing it when he said, “I might be in late tonight. I have a meeting.”

“Oh,” I said. “That’s fine,” I shrugged my shoulders. “Lyndi has wanted to go out for drinks after work.
I guess I can finally say yes.
”

His jaw tightened.

I smiled. “Don’t worry, I won’t go
there
,” I rolled my eyes. I knew he was worried that I might go acros
s the street to the bar where Mac
nearly raped me and would have if Siva hadn’t shown up.

“Just be careful,” he said.

“You could meet us,” I said. “After your meeting.”

He shook his head. “I don’t think I’ll have time. If I do… maybe,” he shrugged.

I sagged defeated. I looked at my watch.

“I better get ready for work,” I said.

“Shit,” he noticed the time. “I overslept. You should have woken me,” he said, his British accent becoming more pronounced.

“But you were so cute,” I said, “I hated to disturb you.”

“Sloane,” his eyes flashed, “I have a very important business deal today. I can’t be late. It’s unprofessional,” he snapped.

“Sorry,” I flinched like he hit me.

His eyes softened. “No, I’m sorry,” he cupped the back of my head and kissed me. “I have to hurry,” he said. He disappeared upstairs and I sagged against the counter. He would be the end of me.

I slowly trudged upstairs and to the master bedroom where all my stuff had been moved. I heard the sound of the shower coming from the bathroom but I didn’t feel like joining him. I
grabbed a navy dress with white polka dots and a red belt. I then slipped on a pair of navy flats.
I dabbed on some make-
up and ran a brush through my hair. I did my hair in a side fish tail braid.

Siva emerged from the steamy bathroom with a white towel wrapped around his waist. Water droplets ran down his tanned chest. His chest and abs and everything about him
was
perfect.
Even his scars.
He had another smaller towel in his hand and used it to dry his hair.

“Like what you see?” he grinned.

I rolled my eyes. “Of course,” I said. “You’re perfect and you’re mine.”

He disappeared into the walk in closet and came out a couple minutes later in a polished gray suit with a purple button down shirt underneath.

“Ready?” he asked.

I smiled at him. “I do believe I’m sitting here waiting on you,” I said.

He laughed. It was such a wonderful sound. He passed by me and his scent o
f sandalwood invaded my senses making me lose all coherent thought.
Too bad he had a meeting. I wanted to push him down on the bed and claim him as mine. He made me all sorts of crazy. Crazy in love was number one, even if I hadn’t told him.

Siva grabbed my hand and played with my fingers, a small smile lifting his lips, while he drove me to work. I still wasn’t quite used to seeing him like this, so carefree, and…
young
. Sometimes it was easy to forget that Siva was only twenty-eight years old. He always acted so much older
. At his age, Siva had been through more than most people go through in a lifetime. I didn’t know how he was still alive.

Siva pulled up outside Avid News and stopped. Siva was still trying to convince me to have an interview with someone he knew but I was against it. I didn’t want to work at Avid News for the rest of my life but I wanted to get a better job on my own without his help.

Siva squeezed my hand. He pulled me in for a kiss before letting me go. The taste of his mint toothpaste lingered on my lips.

“I’ll see you tonight?” I asked. It was my way of asking how late this meeting may run.

“You should,” he smiled.

“Bye,” I said and hopped out closing the door behind me. The black SUV immediately pulled away. I took a breath and headed into the building.

Lyndi squealed in my ear when I told her I could do drinks tonight. Well, she’d do drinks and I’d sip a glass of water. No more drinking after
that night
, the one where I woke up next to a naked Siva
.

Lyndi had replaced Mac, her cubicle right next to mine, and we had become fast friends. It was nice to finally have a friend here, again. Dev and I had been friends before we became more and well… Siva had never really been my friend.

“So, he finally let you off your leash,” she grinned twirling in her chair. Her pretty blonde hair was pulled back in a sleek ponytail. She wore a flowy printed skirt, a nice white shirt, and a beige jacket.

“I’m not on a leash,” I laughed. “He’s just protective after… well you know,” I waved my hand.

Lyndi rolled her eyes. “And when am I going to get to meet this elusive
he
and
him
?” she asked, spinning in her chair again.

I laughed. “
Siva
,
is a busy man. He said if he gets out of his meeting early he’ll meet us for drinks.”

“Yes!” she said raising her arms in the air. “Finally! I get to meet the invisible man!”

“He’s not invisible,” I said sitting on the edge of her desk.

“Oh please,” she said. “I’ve never seen him. Except maybe in a
magazine advertising crazy people, or maybe it was rich people? I get the two mixed up.”

“You haven’t met him,” I said. “He’s not crazy. He’s… got his issues but doesn’t everyone? His dad wasn’t the best and his mom isn’t in
good
shape,” I said.

Lyndi rolled her eyes. “Whatever you say,” she said with a smile. Lyndi loved to nag me about Siva since she had never met him. “At leas
t we get drinks and if Mr. Can-Do-No-W
rong shows up I’ll need them,” she said twirling her chair back around to face her computer.

I went back around to my own desk and started my article. The world of celebrity gossip was becoming even more mundane for me which was saying something. I was seriously considering taking Siva up on his offer to set up an interview. I knew Lyndi would hate it if I left but I really needed a change of pace. I went to school to be a journalist and this was far from journalism.

I thwacked mindlessly at the keyboard. It was so easy to turn out these articles. They presented no challenge and man was I in desperate need of one.

* * *

Lyndi sighed and pushed away from her desk. Her blonde hair was coming out of her ponytail in little wisps making me think of a bird.

“Don
e,” she said, “done, done, done!
” she chanted and printed her article off for April. Lyndi was a perfectionist when it came to her work. Lyndi truly enjoyed working at Avid News. I wished I possessed her spunk. She was only two years younger than me, making her twenty-one, but man did it make a difference in the thinking process. She was having the time of her life and I was
steadily becoming little Suzy H
omemaker.

She gave April her article and then gathered up her belongings.

“Ready?” I asked.

“Yes,” she chirped.
She grabbed my arm excitedly as we walked outside. “Finally we get to do something!” she said. “I feel like I’ve been begging you to come hang out with me for like… ever!” she laughed. “I need some girl time!”

I laughed. “I do too.”

“Good, then that means you won’t be completely bored out of your mind.”

I shook my head as she hailed a taxi.

“The 100 Club,” she told the taxi driver.

“Club?” I asked her with a gulp.

She laughed at my expression. “Don’t worry Sloane. It’s not a
club
. That’s just its name. It’s a music spot.”

“Oh… good,” I said.

“You’ll have fun,” she said.

“Lyndi,” I said suddenly.

“Yeah?” she asked.

I took a breath. “I love him.”

“Who?”

“Siva. I’m in love with him,” I said.

“Well duh,” she said. “I didn’t need you to tell me that.”

“I haven’t told him,” I said.

“What? Why not?” she asked, perplexed.

“I’m scared that if I tell him I’ll push him away. I don’t want to lose him Lyndi.”

“So you’re waiting for him to say it first?” she asked.

“Yeah, I guess I am.”

“But Sloane,” she said with a sad glance, “what if he never does?”

“I don’t know,” I said. “I just don’t know.”

The taxi let us off in front of the small building. It had an old red arch with white letters spelling out the name. Lyndi took my hand and dragged me inside. The music was loud but good. She led me to the bar and plopped down.

“Party time! Loosen up!” she cried swinging my arms.

I smiled. “Okay.”

The bartender came up, he was a good looking guy, and Lyndi immediately turned on the charm. I shook my head at her while I watched her work her magic.

He returned a moment later with two martinis.

“No, no, no, no, no!” I said shaking my head.

“It’s free Sloane,” Lyndi said and shoved the drink into my hand. “Just drink it.”

“But-”

“One?” she pouted. “Please, just one teensy weensy little drink.”

I raised my eyebrow at her. “One,” I said.

“Drink up,” she clinked our glasses.

Unfortunately, one drink turned into two, and two into three.

My phone beeped with a text and I looked down and saw Siva’s name.

Where are you
?
He asked.

I quickly typed in the address. I was a little worried about him finding me in this state, especially after I vowed to never drink again, but I was too buzzed to care too much.

“Is that
hiiiiiim
?” asked Lyndi, drawing out the word.

“Yes,” I said. “He’s coming here.”

“
Ooooh
,” she said. I noticed her eyes had a glassy, hazy, quality to them.

The band on stage finished and
we both clapped along with the crowd. Lyndi whistled
,
I never could learn to whistle.

I finished my third drink and then asked for
water
. My head was already pounding and the music didn’t help. I was going to kill Lyndi tomorrow for talking me into this.