Hurting To Feel (Carpool Dolls) (30 page)

She
needed the constant validation that someone cared.

The
next whipping, the worst one that would scare all her thoughts away came as
expected. She lost all sensory feelings and smiled up into Nathan's face.

He
dropped to his knees in front of her, and spread her legs wide. When he put his
mouth on her nipple and bit, she refused to flinch.

For
the pain already faded and only pleasure flooded her body. Her reaction
signaled she was ready.

Nathan
pushed her down on the floor and unzipped his trousers. Always dressed, he
never stripped himself of all his clothes while taking his release with her.
Later, when the cuddled in bed, he'd take his clothes off for a while. When she
asked him why he never slept nude, he'd admitted that on the streets having
clothes on saved his life.

She
didn't question him further. She simply held him longer.

He
plunged inside of her without any prep. Her pussy, wet, swollen with arousal,
needed only his cock. She wrapped her arms and legs around him. Her nails dug
into his back and she let the adrenaline rush free her from stopping Nathan.
More alive than in pain, she held on while he assaulted her body.

The
skin on her back screamed as Nathan nudged her inches across the wooden floor
with each thrust. The pressure against her clit too much, she had no control
over her own release. She came hard. Pleasure jolted through her, and she screamed
in ecstasy.

She
forced her eyes to stay open and on Nathan. Most times, he fucked for her sake.
But, this was for him. She could always tell the difference.

He
had trouble holding back. The swings of his arms came a little faster, a little
harder, a little more erratic. She loved when she was able to let him lose
himself and take from her without any guilt.

Finally,
he grunted and shuddered in her arms. Her body sobbed, but she shed no tears.
This moment. This feeling. This power he handed to her meant the world to her.

Because
she knew deep in her heart that she was the only one in his life who allowed
him to follow his gut instinct. She trusted him enough not to hurt her.

Not
hurt in the physical sense, but the emotional way. Oh, she'd pay today and
tomorrow for letting him take his frustrations and anger out on her with the
stiffness, the bruises, the abrasions she received. Each mark a battle wound, a
show of love, she wore proudly.

In
her opinion, he always seemed to keep himself too aware of her emotional needs
to hurt her beyond repair. He might not believe himself capable of walking away
before he did any damage, but she had all the faith in the world that he'd
never break her.

His
body remained embedded in hers. For a long time, he said nothing. He merely
gave her the closeness that she needed.

"Why
are you smiling?" he finally said.

She
inhaled deeply, relaxing her hold on him. Her legs slid along the back of his
thighs, rubbing against his slacks. "Because it's hard to believe that I'm
here, under you, holding you inside my body, and you've given me more than I
ever expected."

"You
deserve more than what I'm able to give you," he whispered.

"You're
wrong." She pressed her finger to his lips. "Give me this, honey.
Don't ugly what we just experienced with doubts."

He
leaned down and pressed his lips to her forehead.

"I
can't outrun the darkness." He laid his cheek against her head. "I
need your light."

His
phone vibrated in his pocket. She flinched as he swiftly removed himself from
her body and stood. She languished on the floor, turning and propping her head
up on her hand.

Nathan
removed his cell. "Yeah?"

His
mouth tightened, and he glanced down at her before turning around. She sat up,
grabbed her shirt off the floor, and held it to her breasts.

"Okay."
He ran his hand through his hair and his backed heaved in resignation.
"We'll be there."

After
he disconnected the call, Nathan remained with his back toward her. She walked over
and wrapped her arms around him from behind. "Trouble?"

He
shook his head. "Professor Frank. He wants us to come right now."

"Now?"

He
turned around and lifted her chin. "Yes. You will go and listen. That's
all I'm asking of you. Once Professor has said what he wants to tell you,
you're free to never see him again."

She
pulled away. "I've changed my mind."

Nathan's
eyes softened and he remained watching her. She tugged her shirt closed and
crossed her arms. Yesterday's meeting with her father went well. She was still
alive, and although he unwaveringly refused the possibilities that she was his
child, she was okay with that.

"Get
cleaned up and dressed." Nathan stripped out of his clothes and headed
toward the bathroom. "We should leave in a half hour."

She
sank down on the edge of the bed. "Shit."

Nathan
stopped. "He's not a cruel man. He's the most honest, caring, and real
person I know, besides you."

"But,
he…abused my mother," she whispered.

"Did
I abuse you a few minutes ago?" He leaned into the doorframe.

She
shook her head. What they had together was different from what she viewed in
the pictures of her mom taking the whippings from a dominant man. Her heart
knew that there was more to the experience and desperate need she craved that
Nathan filled for her. But it was still her mother who appeared the victim.

There
was nothing normal or sane about even thinking of her mother as a sexual
person. She shuddered. Everything about the situation set wrong with her, and
she wanted to refuse to go with Nathan to talk to the man who probably knew
more about her mother than she did.

Forty-five
minutes later, Nathan parked behind the campus of U of P. Unlike meeting with
Curt Stewart, she had no fear of coming face to face with Professor Frank. Nathan
was with her, and she had his permission to walk out the door and never see
Nathan's friend again.

She
really needed no one else in her life, or any more information. For fuck's
sake, she had no curiosity about her mother's secret life any longer.

Nathan
walked around the car and opened her door. "Ready?"

She
put her hand in his and let him pull her out of the seat. "Yeah. Let's get
this over with."

"Addy…"
He stopped her. "Watch your attitude. Don't anger him. All I want you to
do is listen to him with an open mind."

"I'd
rather get a root canal." She rolled her eyes and leaned into him. "You
know, I'm perfectly fine with you having a relationship with him, and leaving
me at home. I don't know what he can tell me that I don't already know. I don't
need
to know how he treated my mother."

"You're
trying my patience," he muttered, leading her up to the one-story flat.

She
snorted. "Good."

He
pulled her along the walkway. At the enclave, she pulled up short. She knew she
was being a bitch.

"Why
do you care what I think about the guy?" She tilted her head. "I get
why you look up to him, but what has he done for you that makes you bow to him.
He ordered you to bring me, and then he called to tell us to hurry over and you
jumped. What does he hold over you that makes you lose the scary Nathan face I
love?"

"I
could beat you for asking," he said, his voice low and threatening.

"But
you won't." She lifted her chin.

The
muscle in his jaw tensed. "Try me."

"Whatever."
She motioned toward the door. "Take me to the all mighty Professor
Frank."

Chapter
Thirty-Four

Inside
Professor Frank's house, Addison stood in front of the windows in the room. She
glanced behind her, taking in the room in an attempt to put off introductions.
She could feel Professor Frank's eyes on her.

Despite
it being late afternoon, the drapes were fully closed and two table lamps lit
the sparsely decorated living room. Nathan put his hand on her lower back. She
jumped and stepped closer, reaching for his hand. Even though she was trying to
play it cool, she latched on to him tightly, not letting him leave her side.

"Addison."
Nathan kissed the top of her head. "This is Professor Frank Carmetti—he
looked at the Professor—this is Addison Flint."

"Please,
call me Professor…everyone does." Professor motioned to the couch. "Please
sit."

She
swallowed and waited for Nathan to cross the room with her, but he nudged her
forward. She hesitated and gazed up into his face, pleading with him silently
to go with her.

"It'll
be okay," he whispered. "Soon as he's done, I'll take you home."

Gathering
the last bit of strength she had left, she walked over and perched on the edge
of the couch, farthest away from the professor, and willed herself not to hug
the arm of the cushion. She stared back at Nathan, but he sucked at reading her
mind. If he had any idea how she was plotting how she'd make him pay for
forcing her to come here and face her mother's old lover, he'd be scared. Very
scared.

"Thank
you for coming." Professor crossed his legs and stretched his arm along
the back of the couch. "I know this has been difficult for you."

"Do
you?" she asked.

The
corner of his mouth lifted. "Let's say, I can imagine it was a surprise to
learn that your mother was a woman just like you with wants and needs."

She
laughed. "Are you serious? I’m nothing like my mother."

Professor
remained silent, studying her. She looked away, embarrassed for her outburst.
No one would understand, and it wasn't any of his business what kind of family
dynamics she lived through.

"I
know you probably mean well, but maybe I should go." She picked at the
seam on the couch.

"Please
stay." Professor leaned forward. "I asked Nathan to bring you here,
because I would like to tell you about your mother."

"She's
dead," she said.

Professor's
chin met his chest. "Yes, I'm aware of her passing away. I'm sorry."

Something
about his quiet admittance flowed right through her. She swallowed the emotions
her mother's death always brought up for her. Whether it was guilt or
disappointment, she couldn't tell. She only knew, she hated talking about her
mother.

She
cleared her throat. "There's no reason to be—"

"Quiet."
Professor's soft order came fast.

Nathan
stepped toward her. Professor raised his hand and Nathan instantly stopped. The
silence in the room freaked her out. Her reaction scared her more.

In
his one word command, she'd taken notice. Nathan warned her Professor Frank was
a dominating man. The pictures she found of her mother proved he could be as
cruel and wonderful as Nathan. But, she hated how her mind shut down and her
body paid attention when he spoke.

It
was as if he'd reprimanded her for talking in class or being a smartass in a
serious situation. There was nothing sexual about her reaction. Instead, she
felt scolded, and it wasn't a good feeling. She'd had a lifetime of
disappointing others.

Then
Nathan's hand was on her shoulder. She reached up and latched on to him.
Painful as the visit was for her, she only wanted to go home. Home with Nathan,
and forget about everything.

"Thirty
years ago, I was thirty-one years old, fresh to teaching at the university and
eager to enlighten the world…at least the students in my classes."
Professor's gaze stayed on her. "Your mother was a student of mine."

Oh,
my God.
She closed her eyes briefly and when she reopened
her eyes, she stared at the coffee table to avoid showing her reaction.

"As
you know, I'm a Dom. I realized—he waved his hand, and the flippant action
belied the significance—at a young age that I was wired differently than my own
mother and father, my friends. An odd duck, if you will. I stayed away from
having relationships for fear that what I wanted to do was wrong. Then I went
to college and decided to spread my wings like many others do, and will continue
to do as the next generation reaches adulthood."

She
too took leaving home and attending college as a right to live life the way she
wanted, but it never involved doing anything crazy. A few drunken moments, a
couple one-night stands, and way too many bad dates.

"When
your mother came around, I was firmly planted in learning about myself. I knew
what I wanted and needed. At the time, others like me who were experiencing an
alternative lifestyle either kept our activities private or formed groups.
Maybe it was because I'm a teacher, I found myself hanging out with like-minded
individuals and one thing led to another, and we started gathering in one of
the rentals on campus. Your mother came with one of her girlfriends to the
house. That's how I met her."